women who are activitly try to date and find someone (or even “the one”) how bad (or good) is the dating game?
women who are activitly try to date and find someone (or even “the one”) how bad (or good) is the dating game?
r/AskWomen
women who are activitly try to date and find someone (or even “the one”) how bad (or good) is the dating game?
Comments
It sucks.
Just got dumped an hour ago by a guy who I just recently made it official with last week after we had been “talking”(dating) for 6 months. So.
I had someone lie to me and ghost me after seemingly being a decent person. Yeah just shoot me if I ever think to trust someone again.
It was crap going for a while. I managed to find mostly Asian fetishists, mommy’s basement boys, and one persistent stalker. I finally found The One when I stopped looking.
The last guy to ask me on an actual date told me he wanted to inseminate me on our first date. Then my last Bumble text was with a guy who asked me to take a train for 2.5 hours to come to his apartment to “chill”. 🤦🏻♀️
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It’s embarrassingly bad. So many people just want to hook up. Or if you make a connection, they still might ghost you.
I have recently been completely ghosted out of the blue after 5 dates that we’re going really well and I was starting to actually really like the person…..
It’s awful, dating pool is cursed. To many abusers. Best advice hold off on sex for a long time so they emotionally get invested in you, it insures you get treated better. Leave at any red flags.
Well let me see: men in open relationships who don’t say so, lots of ghosting, changing their mind about wanting a relationship AFTER the first time I let them do sexual stuff I don’t do outside of a relationship, so many liars and posers and not an ounce of decency left.
It is a pond full of shit out there and I stopped looking.
It’s terrible. Took me 5 years to get past 3 months of dating.
I’m so comforted reading these responses because I have blamed myself in some way for every failed connection.
and trust me, i’m trying apps, bookstores, the beach. Shooot I even posted an add on Reddit to see if I could meet someone.
It’s insane. As others have said, it’s a lot of ghosting, jumping to sex (which i sometimes play into), waiting too long to say they’re married but leaving their wife blah blah
I went on a date with a man that half way through told me he was wearing an ankle monitor because he had several DUI’s.
r/4bmovement
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Dude showed up late to second date because he was breaking up with his casual connection
I went on a date in October with a friend of a friend, I’d met him a few times before at parties, etc and liked him, we’d chatted casually over text so we went for coffee. He showed up with STANK BREATH. Had NOT brushed his teeth. I could smell it across the table but rallied and we had some fun conversation. Biggest WTF moment. There was not a second date and he stopped texting me
It’s really bad. Just give up and pursue your interests.
It’s bad. Talking stages that lead nowhere. Or you find someone compatible and then later you find out they have baggage (divorce/kids). I would date someone, but I can’t with that.
I don’t even really get matches on apps. The combination of Christian, liberal, childfree, and fat really makes me undesirable to just about every segment of the population.
I’m just hoping for a miracle at this point.
It’s bad.
If you count on online dating, it’s pretty bad.
Last date rubbed one out through his pants waiting for dinner while staring at my tits. When I confronted him about it he said it was “too soon into the relationship for such drama.” It was our 2nd date.
The bar is in hell.
It’s frigging awful
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Last guy I dated ended up having a live in gf and a baby. Had no idea for awhile.
Lots and lots of ghosting. I got on the apps about a month ago. I had several ask me out for a first date and then ghosted a couple days later. I’ve gone on one date which we both agreed went well and I’m sure I’m ghosted now lol.
The apps are not for the weak lol
Of late, and mind you, I am an older married woman, but I would say only about 2 percent of the men I meet, qualify as decent, self sufficient and not walking red flags. This climate gives me heightened judginess when it comes to men I meet and work with.
Idk but I don’t think it’s bad. I can’t relate to a lot of the stories I hear about men.
I have never had alot of issues with men.. I think there are alot of men who want relationships and not a lot of women they want to have relationships with.
I think it’s bad on line but not bad in person..
Matched with a guy on a dating app. He unmatched without a word when I told him I don’t feel comfortable with first dates at his house but I’m down to meet in public.
And yet we hear of a male loneliness epidemic
I feel like dating isn’t what it used to be when our parents and older generations were doing it too. There’s too many people out there who are emotionally unavailable and avoidant and are afraid to get invested. I get it, the hurt sucks.
I decided to find out again myself if it was something I want to get into again. Spoiler alert: it’s not.
I’m lonely but I’m about to go on a second date that just decided I’d rather not after reviewing how I feel about it.
I’m verging on an anxiety attack because I realised belatedly that the guy was far more touchy than I was at all comfortable with and in the moment I wasn’t able to enforce boundaries.
I’m just going to focus on trying to find friends…yeah….
It fucking sucks. I half jokingly told my married friends “don’t get divorced” because trying to date nowadays is roughhhh to say the least
Uhh, well… There’s a reason I’m still a virgin at 29, no, I am not religious. There’s a reason I expect a man to pay for everything, because if he complains, then it’s a sure fire way to show he’s not serious about you, and even if he wasn’t despite the money, at least you’d get something out of him wasting your precious time.
I also noticed I do get hit on a lot and I can reciprocate, but there’s some that you can just tell have a sexual vibe behind it and when I don’t reciprocate that back, you can tell they loose that interest immediately and go silent.
EDIT: I will say as well, guys who don’t look at the bigger picture.
So for example, I remember on reddit seeing a guy who was struggling to find a girl. All the guys in the comments were saying “Yeah it’s hard these days, don’t give up, yeah girls are x y z these days and the media destroyed their brains” – I asked him about his general livelihood.
This man, this grown man, said he had no job, lives with his parents, makes no money nor does he try, doesn’t go to the gym and flat out admitted to being childish. He wanted a girl to cook, clean, love him, have his babies, etc. He was 30.
Then in another, a girl talked about how she left a guy and wanted him back without much detail, a lot of guys in the comments said things like “That man don’t want you anymore, you ruined your chance, leave that poor man alone” etc. I was the only one who asked her for details. She said the main reason she left the guy was because he would constantly berate her. I thankfully (or so I hope still to this day) convinced her that someone like that is not someone she wants long term, if at all.
There’s a lot of guys like this. It’s a huge turn off.
A guy invited me over to have a movie night (literally just a movie night, nothing else) in his trashed studio apartment with cat litter and shreds everywhere, trash, dishes on the floor, unmade bed, laundry piled in the corner against the closet, with absolutely no seating besides his pill-ridden unchanged bed sheets and grimy ass pillow. We had a date before this and he checked nearly every box. I left after 15 minutes of being there and sitting on the floor, because that’s how long it took me to come up with an escape plan
Hahaha I (25f) went on a brunch first date with this one guy (mid 30s) who believed in all things supernatural and he told me stories about the creatures he encountered in the woods on his hunting trips (they were like glowing orbs that “lured” him further and further into the forest). Then, he proceeded to tell me that he wanted a woman who could raise the children, shoot a rifle, and knew how to prep a live chicken… He was also “anti state” and “anti religious” – I had to look those up.
In our texts beforehand, he seemed fine and was talking about his family and telling dad jokes.
I’m done fam. I agree with others, the bar is in hell.
I lived in London and it was absolutely the pits of hell.
Half the men I met turned out to have girlfriends, wives or fiancé’s and then there were the ghosters and the ones who would string me along.
I recently moved back to my small town and it’s been alot better. I’ve met someone on a night out, it’s only 6 weeks in and it’s pretty casual currently, having just moved I wasnt looking for anything straight off the bat! I am happy with the casualness of it for now as I’m still settling in, but he’s a darling and messages me every day, I don’t feel on edge constantly and when we make plans he always shows up (I think he’s going to cancel on me every single time because of the London dating scene and so far he hasn’t ever) . Plus, I’ve actually outside of him met multiple really lovely single men so I dunno the hope on a small town is much higher! (let’s see in a few months I guess).
It’s kind of garbage, but the apps seem to work well for me. No matter how friendly I am in the wild or how many hobbies I pick up, a man has never approached me so there’s that.
I’m not looking to date for marriage (I’m divorced) so the number of guys who are amenable to have a casual relationship where we see each other at least once a week and do stuff together is pretty high. With that said, I’m in my early 30s, with no kids, really smart, and moderately attractive. I also don’t mind initiating the conversation on apps, and I think that also helps a lot.
I got divorced three years ago, went full hermit mode, tried a date in January for the first time. He was so awesome. He’s going to be a great dad someday, but I’m not the one for him. Can’t be helped. He’s one of the good ones, and I wish him well, I’m just sad I’m not worth the effort.
Every other guy I’ve talked to for the most part are in “open relationships” or on the opposite side of the planet or the country. The open relationship ones THINK they want an open relationship, but just ghost. And even when I do talk to someone within 5 hours of me, they don’t want kids.
I feel duped and numb and hopeless and indifferent all at once. It’s just a real bummer in general.
It’s been a mess. Almost 3 years single and when I was finally ready to settle down, I walked straight into the dating app illusion, where people pretend they want something serious just long enough to get laid. They playing the same tired game of ‘who can act like they care less’ followed by the classic ghosting act. Honestly, dating apps feel more like a performance than a connection…
Flew to a different country (momentarily she’s living abroad) and after 3 weeks of traveling together, good night head kisses, arms around waists with heads on each other’s shoulders, interlocked legs in bed because “she’s cold,” , (all of these initiated by her), plans for future travel together, being told she believes in friends first for relationships, her asking if we should kiss etc I was told she can’t commit as she’s “too chicken shit to date a woman.”
She apologized for leading me on, being unable to commit, and being emotionally unavailable. Said all her relationships fail and she doesn’t know why and she doesn’t want to risk us. But later there were contradictions in her statements.
The next day she agreed to be the gf of a man she met a week prior and expressed possible regret that same afternoon. Bullet dodged in terms of dating but we were also best friends and that loss cuts deep.
So yeah.
That’s the current scene.
Lazy effort, boring, or paranoid men
Inconsistent communication yet randomly demanding attention.
Boring due to not planning fun dates. Dating is way too formal (for some men) and to me its supposed to emulate a new best friend. But ive met some men who’s idea of a date is just food or tv. I end up planning most all dates (for the sake of domething fun) and i dont mind paying for half of them or myself. But theres just very little effort from men. Nothing wrong with cheap or free dates as long as its not some repetitive boring thing.
Paranoid men are the ones always waiting for something to go wrong and it causes them to never put in a good effort. Theyre exhausting to deal with, debbie downers, and tend to be moody noncommittals.
Got ghosted by a guy I’ve known since I was 5, after two weeks of officially dating. (We’re both turning 30 this week).
humbling.
I think you have to get really good at spotting time wasters. Let’s say you have 50 men, and you spend 2-5 mins chatting with them and are quickly able to spot deal breakers, men who aren’t serious, compatible, etc, and a few make it to a first date.
Now imagine spending several days with each man, one at a time, maybe a few don’t get back to you but you leave things open. Maybe some say a few concerning things and so you keep talking for another month hoping things turn around. Maybe you go on several dates, just hoping for a good guy and he’s not even interested in kids or he’s dating several other women. Heaven forbid you get into a relationship and months later you move onto 7/50.
Dating changed when I got really specific on my needs, understanding what they wanted, saw how our lives meshed, and what did we want in the future. I listened to my gut a lot more. I fell in love with this amazing guy, he was such a great communicator. He said something off and I confronted him and he said he was joking. I ended up setting a boundary and he ended the whole thing. As time passed I saw his pattern of being perfect for each new girl but the insecurity and red flags were there.
The other thing I did, investing in friendships, my career, hobbies, friends, health. All of these held small opportunities to meet men who were going to be the type of man I wanted. Many of us are not in the places where the men we are attracted to are. But I think also being happy, doing what you love, and being approachable makes things easier.
Having a balance of being intentional but also doing your own thing, are both ways to meet men.
Online dating is a hard no for me.
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