So, I’ve (26M) been seeing this girl (32F) and I like her. I haven’t been in literally any type of relationship probably since I was 21, I truly had no desire. I guess you could say I’m a little out of practice.
When it comes to sex, we’ve been pretty communicative about what we want from each other and it’s been pretty good. Something I’ve noticed is that she goes back and forth as to what she’s into, which is fine. For example, one day she might like my hand around her neck and then the next she wants my hand as far away from her neck as possible. Lately, she’s been telling me she wants me to take charge, be more dominant, throw her around, etc. Tonight I decided to do just that. We were going at it, everything was good. I flipped her over and put myself in her mouth and she really didn’t like that. She’s pissed. I can’t even say I don’t understand. It felt right in the moment, I thought she’d be into it. She left and doesn’t wanna talk to me.
I’m not gonna be able to sleep tonight, I feel really bad about the situation. I wish I could’ve done it different, but I didn’t and I can’t. I accept that, now I just wish I could sleep.
TLDR; stuck my willy in a girls mouth thinking she’d be into it. She wasn’t and now she’s pissed and I can’t stop thinking about it.
Comments
Communication is the foundation of anything sexual, especially when it leans into kinks and BDSM. If you’re gonna continue doing stuff together she’s gonna need to be direct on what she wants and is okay with if she wants you to take control more often, it’s that simple.
Control issues prob. She wants to be in control but then she doesn’t and then she does but she doesn’t tho.
Mouth play is a thin line, some women really enjoy it, some don’t. Was she ever okay with it before?
It’s just that women are unreasonable and irrational.
Imagine telling your girlfriend that you want her to be rough and then getting upset when she is rough. It would never happen.
Edit: haha women downvoting me but cannot argue against it
Doesn’t sound like it’s your fault. Boundaries were not set properly and assumptions were made.
If I told my partner I wanted her to be in charge after we had been exploring more kink then I wouldn’t be surprised if she did something like that. It would be a stop or a guiding hand to adjust the activities and a conversation afterwards.
YFU. Keep communicating. Both of you need to use safe words and/or hand signals for stopping if something gets beyond the line. Good luck.
you need to break up with this person who seems to be blaming you and doesnt really know what she wants. she is going off her whims and fantasies but also wants you to read her mind. this is gonna get annoying and frustrating and not worth dealing with. You are already walking on eggshells
I don’t know. If I told my hypothetical partner to take more charge in the bedroom and sat on my face without communicating it I would not be complaining.
But maybe vaginas on the lips are a little more welcoming than a shaft in the orifice.
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Lesson learned: ‘be more dominant’ does not mean ‘guess what she wants mid-thrust.’ Consent isn’t a vibe check, my dude….it’s a conversation.
In this particular session, was it communicated or was it assumed based on past discussion/behaviour?
Regardless, it is odd that she would leave and not speak to you. If that happened with my partner the most would be a “No that’s not what i want right now”, it stops and that would be the end of it.
Sounds like she sucks too much energy out of the relationship.
Not for me.
Bro if I cant get a spontaneous blowjob from my grown ass 32 year old girlfriend while were getting hot and heavy, I don’t think that’s a relationship I want to be in. Not a FU
You did it after already being inside her? I wouldn’t really like that either. To me oral is foreplay, once it goes in another hole it’s not going in my mouth lol. It’s not for everyone, a few days ago the guy I’m seeing was using his fingers and then he asked me to suck them lol. I did it for him but I’m not really into having my own stuff in my mouth 😂 that said I don’t blame you either because she said she wanted it so that’s on her for bad communication imo
Both you and she should take a BDSM test and compare kinks and tolerances.
It’s also important to establish boundaries and set a system up front for communication. Commonly, people use someone like the stop-light system, GREEN, YELLOW, RED to indicate when a session is going off the rails. Just ask every so often where you are, and have her say when things are going awry.
She shouldn’t have left, she should have talked it out. If the session ends, then it ends, no hard feelings – that happens sometimes; but there needs to be communication after a BDSM session between Sub and Dom, it’s called “aftercare” and it’s important. It lets the sub know that they are safe, and it lets the dom know that they’re doing a good job, or what went wrong. Both need to learn from it.
Here’s a link to a BDSM test. There are lots of them out there, maybe take a few.
https://bdsmtest.org/
Step 1 start being dominant by demanding and not acting. “Why don’t you make me” doesn’t mean “shove it in without warning” it can mean you just tell her “tonight you suck me off” in a commanding tone and gage her reaction.
I don’t just sit on my sub’s face with no warning, I tell him if he wants attention from me I need to sit on his face first and then he let me. Can you just imagine randomly someone sits on your face and suffocates you while you aren’t in the mood for that or prepared for it?
It sounded like you tried to replicate “the moment” you see in porn but bdsm is very far from that unless you really know the person or have a fully premade scenario.
Overall though, I think it’s just both of you didn’t do enough research on how to start a bdsm scene and how to navigate through it, unless you both decide to learn I’d just say you aren’t sexually compatible.