A child should be wanted for who they are and who they’ll become, not as a supporting character in the first child’s life story.
In my opinion, it’s deeply unfair to bring a second child into the world primarily because the first one “needs a sibling.” That centers the decision around the first child’s needs. Imagine growing up knowing you exist mostly so someone else wouldn’t be alone.
I do think wanting a big family is totally valid. That often comes from a desire to raise multiple kids, each valued for who they are as individuals. “So they have each other” can absolutely be part of it, of course, but I feel uncomfortable when it’s the main argument.
Kids aren’t tools to fix loneliness (and only children are not necessarily lonely). I think each child deserves to be born out of love and to be seen as their own person (even if that’s quite idealistic)
Why is it unpopular ?
I have a daughter, and when asked when asked about a second, if I say “we’ll see if we feel the same desire for this potential 2nd as we had for our 1st”, I get really shocked reactions, almost every time. I’m viewed as selfish, not really for being unsure about wanting a second, but mostly because of questioning the main reason people around me give for doing so.
Comments
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I’ve always found it weird how normalized it is to treat the second kid like a built in friend for the first. Every child deserves to be wanted for themselves not as a solution to someone else’s emotional needs. It’s not selfish to think deeply about this, it’s responsible.
The second child isn’t created as a mere puppet for the first child. Child birth is quite the commitment just to give someone some company.
The boundaries between “primary reason” and “the only reason” and “additional reason” are blurry and fairly hard to define.
I’d wager that almost nobody decides to have more kids for the sole purpose of the existing child not being lonely. It’s almost always a combination of things. And if that even is a primary reason, it doesn’t mean they aren’t going to neglect the child and not love it. I feel like we’re looking for issues where there aren’t any.
I never understand why people here a reason and think it’s the only reason. That’s the mistake you’re making, they had a kid and said “we didn’t want little Billy to be lonely” and then you filled in the blanks yourself. They didn’t say they didn’t want a second anyway, they didn’t say they never wanted to have 2 anyway or even more than that, you just assumed.
I would think most people understand that when they hear this they also understand that they parents still want a kid too. It’s just a given. A kid is a FUCK ton of work and if they didn’t want 2 kids, they wouldn’t.