Should I (28F) leave him (31M) for good? I feel like I’m in a holding pattern even after giving our relationship a second chance.

Hi everyone,

I need some advice or perspective, because I’ve been sitting with this feeling for a while now — that I’m waiting for a life with someone who’s just not meeting me halfway, even after everything we’ve been through.

Earlier this year in February, I broke up with my boyfriend of a 2.5 years. The main issue was that he didn’t want to take the next steps in our relationship. I have a house deposit saved, and for the past couple of years, I’ve been holding off on buying a property because we talked about doing that together. He owns a home, and we had discussed selling it and purchasing a new one jointly — a place we could build a life in. But it just never progressed, and I got tired of waiting. So I left and moved out.

A week later, I had regrets — I really do love him — and we talked it out. We agreed to give the relationship another shot and start couples therapy to work through our issues. I moved back in about a month later, and we’ve had around six sessions of therapy since then. He says he finds them helpful. Personally, I find them frustrating. It feels like I’m doing therapy just to get him to talk about things that should already matter in a long-term relationship — like buying a house, planning for the future, or even celebrating milestones together. I feel like I’m trying to fix a relationship where the root problem is one-sided reluctance to move forward.

One of the things I was clear about when we reconciled was wanting to be engaged by June this year. I even found a ring I absolutely loved with my mum — it’s $3000, which is significantly less than the $8000 we had previously discussed as a budget. I told him it would mean a lot to me if he bought it. His response? “We’re not in a good place right now.” That hit hard — it felt like a convenient excuse to stall again, rather than actually move forward with intent.

The property situation has gone nowhere, too. He has every second Friday off work (today included), and we’ve talked about getting real estate agents in, fixing a few things up, and starting the sale process. It’s been months and he’s done nothing — no calls, no quotes, no prep. I know for a fact he’ll do nothing today either. It makes me feel like I’m the only one working toward the life we supposedly both want.

And this is where it just gets more disappointing. Last year I completed two Master’s degrees while working full-time. It was a huge achievement for me — mentally, emotionally, everything. He didn’t plan anything to celebrate. Eventually, after I told him I felt hurt, he gave me a bunch of flowers. That was it. Last week, my parchments arrived in the mail — another perfect chance for him to do something, even something small, to acknowledge it. But again: nothing.

I’ve told him that having a home together is deeply important to me. Not just in a material sense, but in the sense of building a shared life. It’s part of how I feel safe and secure in a relationship. But right now, I feel like I’m stuck. Like I’m waiting for a man who doesn’t actually want the same future as me — or is too passive to act on it.

I gave us a second chance. I’ve communicated clearly. I’ve done therapy. I’ve compromised. And still, I feel like nothing is changing.

Should it really be this hard? Am I right to think this isn’t what a committed relationship should feel like?

Any advice would be so appreciated.

TL;DR:
Broke up with my boyfriend (31M) in Feb because he wouldn’t progress the relationship (buy a house together, engagement). Got back together a week later, did couples therapy, moved back in, but not much has changed. I found the ring I want and asked him to buy it — he stalled. He hasn’t made any moves to sell his property so we can buy one together. He didn’t celebrate me graduating with two Master’s degrees. I feel stuck and unvalued, like I’m doing all the emotional work. Should I walk away for good?