what i mean is this, people think because they been going on dates for months, it automatically means they are in a relationship. Or it is assumed they are only talking to each other. Then are surprised when the other person is still talking to people. If you never had the conversation of exclusivity then it weird to assume. You dont know what the person you are dealing with thought process are. They could easily assume because you did ask for it you are not interested. Everything starts with being direct
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Months is long enough that it would be kinda weird to be talking to others. I don’t know about others but if you’re seeing someone for several months, especially more than like 3, then that means that you’re probably taking the relationship seriously and want to move further.
A few weeks and only a couple dates though? Yeah they’re probably talking to other people at the same time.
And everyone also has different dating styles. Some talk to several people and others only one. It just depends on what you’re comfortable with. If you’re not comfortable with them seeing other people then that’s fine.
oddly, I agree with this and I do feel like its unpopular
the issue isnt really expecting exclusivity–its the assumption of something without communication. people do this CONSTANTLY with dating. We had SEVERAL weeks in my close relationships psych class with the prof just reiterated over and over–lack of communication is what causes so much conflict in relationships. And this is a great example of it
people are so scared to have a real adult conversation about expectations, wants and status. its actually a very immature way of moving through adult relationships and its WAY too common. People are incredibly avoidant and would rather protect the fantasy in their head than risk having the bubble popped by just asking “so what are we”. A lot of people just never moved past how high school dating works.
but I do think its on both people. if someones seeing a person for MONTHS but are still dating other people, its likely theyre relying on all the other people not asking them for clarity. Theyre not gonna offer it, because they benefit from leading people on. It really is best to start relationships, even casual ones, with clear expressions of exactly what youre looking for. if it changes–you have another convo.
Or you know, people could just be transparent about the fact that they are still seeing other people.
People dont know how to speak up for what they want. It’s crazy to me
This should stay unpopular.
I hope I never get married and 30 years later have a midlife crisis because my wife has been sleeping with and dating other people because we never had the exclusiveness talk.
Jokes aside.
I would support this idea in the case that it’s somebody becoming possessive and expecting exclusivity after a couple dates or something. Maybe even going as far as sleeping together. Sure. But I can’t get behind the idea of having this technicality being defining of relationships. Why is this label defining what is and isn’t okay when other people’s feelings are involved? Is your love defined by a contract? The line can be drawn anywhere as long as you use this idea of “exclusiveness” as a defining line.
I don’t get the idea of having unreasonably, hobbilessness, unfathomable and incompatible amounts of energy and time to be dating as many people as you can because you feel like you’re on a Netflix dating show. I don’t see how people date people like this. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t go on dates because I put on a dating cap. I date someone because I naturally connect and like them. Of course I haven’t dated in a while but I feel like if I was open to it in the future, that’s how I would prefer it to happen.
Realistically, I feel like unless you’re living in a high-speed world/city, or are polyamorous by default, I’ve only ever seen this exclusiveness technicality used as a pathetic, bullshit excuse to avoid any sort of accountability.
I think you have more hangups than my closet which is full of hangers.
Months is crazy. At some point someone should bring the conversation up. In a perfect world someone would be direct, but it’s messed up to also string someone along for months without also saying YOU aren’t looking for anything exclusive so it’s cleared up. Just because someone didn’t say anything, doesn’t mean it’s okay to do whatever you want. Have the decency to share YOUR intentions if the other person may not be comfortable/know how to bring it up.
>months
You’re joking right?
Normalize periodically talking about your relationships with your partners (committed or not). Also, don’t flip out on them if they’re not on the same page as you, it’s better to be open with each other than to encourage them to lie. Sometimes relationships plateau, and you can either move on or wait out its end.
This is unpopular. If you wanted to be non-exclusive, awesome. That’s your prerogative. Your wants don’t give you the right to jerk someone else around though. Be up front about the fact you like playing around. Nothing wrong with that
I think we should just stop expecting anything from relationships at this point, including the relationship itself. Who is going to exclusively be interested in one person when you have the entire world available to you all the time in your pocket.
I also don’t understand how relationships thrive in a world where every little thing is a red flag, to the point that I’m 100% convinced the world population is going to decline AT LEAST by 30% in the next decade or so.