Ladies of Reddit, how do you handle the whole biological clock pressure as you get older?
Ladies of Reddit, how do you handle the whole biological clock pressure as you get older?
r/AskWomen
Ladies of Reddit, how do you handle the whole biological clock pressure as you get older?
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Life is too short to feel pressured to have kids or not have kids. I’m just living one day at a time.
I don’t care honestly. I’ve never wanted kids but if i changed my mind and it’s too late, so be it. Though I’m convinced that won’t happen
I leaned into it. The was 29 and with the love of my life. 14 years later with 2 kids, no regrets. I was super upfront with him when I started feeling that way though. Told him “the closer we get the more I want. Let’s part ways now if you don’t feel the same so neither of us gets hurt.” He always wanted to be a dad and is really good at it. I made the right choice.
I don’t live for having babies so…..I don’t care?
I don’t think about it at all
I stopped feeling the biological clock pressure when I turned 30. I realized, that I was freaking out for no reason because kids aren’t even my primary goal in life.
I wish I could tell others what I did to feel relief and relaxation about just being myself, but it kind of just happened naturally. I guess in my subconscious age 30 was some kind of mile marker where I might as well give up on being the mom I was expected to be.
However, before that age meant a lot of time talking with my spouse about what we really wanted. What we really prioritized, and what we would be happy with achieving or having through our lives by the end of our lives. And I realized that if I died never having had kids of my own but having had plenty of time and attention to spend on my nieces and nephews that I would feel satisfied and happy about that choice. It took some long discussions and a lot of critical thinking to realize that what I like about being around kids is hanging out with cool people who are growing and learning and full of curiosity. I’m not actually that big into babies or being a full-time nurturer. What I like about my niece’s nephews is that they’re each different and exciting individuals who have become my friends. When they were babies, I loved them and held them and enjoyed their company, but I never really craved to have one of my own for a reason that I could put into words. And I can put into words the reason why I want to hold and carry and play with those kids as they’ve gotten older.
I much rather regret not having kids than regret having them. Children deserve parents that want them, and having them just because I feel like I’m running out of time is not fair. Also, there’s so much to life besides being a parent.
Literally never crosses my mind. Never wanted kids. If I change my mind (which I don’t think will ever happen) and it’s “too late” I can adopt.
Btw I’m not trying to pressure anyone into anything. I’m just asking for myself because I decided never to have children when I was a teen, but after turning 30 this year, I’ve had this sudden urge to procreate. lol
I don’t. I don’t want kids, so it’s not even relevant to me.
I’m 42 and still haven’t felt it tick.
Im 35 and very much single and I want kids.
I’ve been (and sometimes still am) a bit stressed out about it. But I’m learning to let go more. I can’t really do anything, so it’s useless to worry about it.
I don’t have control over when the right man will come into my life (I know that he will someday), so I let go and have trust. It’s difficult and some days are hard, but I do what I can to put myself out there and date.
You can also consider freezing your eggs or be a solo mom, it’s just not for me.
You can’t be pressured if you give zero effs what society thinks. I’m 47, no kids, money in the bank, living my best life, with zero regrets. You are not obligated to breed unless it’s what you desire.
I didn’t think about it seriously until my twenties and ended up leaning strongly towards not having children; I’m in my thirties now and 100% don’t want biological children bc I personally wouldn’t want to have a baby when there’s kids already born who need homes, as well as having zero desire to experience pregnancy and childbirth. So if I do have kids ever, I’d adopt.
I just kept thinking about it for years and the way I see it is if I want children less than 90% I’m not going to bc it’s not fair to me or them. And I want kids less than 40%, and yes it’s possible that’ll change but the chances are slim.
I also never felt pressure from family to have children; so I’m lucky in that way. As I get older I also examine what things are societal expectations and continue to check in with myself from time to time and ask “is there a reason that makes sense for me to feel pressured by this?” And more and more often the answer is “no, I don’t have to give a fuck at all”
My clock came defective so I threw it out.
I’m 45 and I sometimes get sad that my life hasn’t worked out the way I had thought it would. But then I think about how awful it would have been to attempt to raise a kid with any of my ex boyfriends and I feel glad I didn’t bring a child into the world only to have an emotionally unavailable dad.
do you have a support network of people around you to help out with your family and take care of you when you have a kid? raising a kid is difficult and can be isolating. I am old and still dont have a partner, I do yearn for a kid but without a proper network of supporters ( aka family, his family) I dont think i can do it.
Well… I have a back of plan of having kids through IVF on my own. I’ll be a single mom by choice and just have one child. I feel that I could handle that especially with a good pay. And just ONE child. I’m just accepting of if I can’t find a good partner to have a healthy emotionally and financially family with… well then I’ll have to do it by myself. At least I’m still able to have the kid 😕.
Remember that no one pressuring me to have a child is going to help me raise it or finance it, so I continue being childless.
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I’m turning 35. I think around 30-31 was when I had my “am I or am I not having kids?!” freak out. Then I read some of that book called The Baby Decision and the author mentioned at one time that “I don’t know if I want a kid yet and I’ll look at this more in the future” is a decision and that was very helpful for me.
I also looked at things from a wider lens and realized there were certain things that needed to be in place for me to really want to try for a baby. I want more financial stability and I want a larger space so my fiance can have his home office (we work from home) and we can have a room for the kid and our own room. The financial stability is going well. The space thing is not because finding a 2 bedroom + den or 3 bedroom in my area is actually laughable.
For me, these things are non-negotiable because if I’m going to have a kid I’m going to do it in a way that sets myself up for the most success possible. If these things work out for me and I manage to have a kid, great. If not then I guess it’s just not meant to be. I say this as I am actively trying to get those things sorted…I’m not like waiting around to have it fall in my lap.
I find that is my mindset about a lot of big life things though. If it’s meant to happen it will happen. If it doesn’t then it will be okay. Maybe also because I’m in a place where I enjoy my current life without kids but can also see myself really enjoying a life with kids. Both scenarios seem appealing for different reasons and I think I would like my life either way.
I’ve also been through a fuck ton of therapy and know that whatever regrets or disappointments I have can be managed with more therapy and working on my issues. So yeah, I guess I handled the pressure by deciding to just not put the pressure on myself anymore haha
Not an issue because I don’t want kids. I don’t get “baby fever”. Most I get is “what a stinking cute little toddler” but I don’t have an urge to have kids. I guess I’m lucky.
I’m 42 and my biological clock must be broken. I’ve never had the urge to have kids. I’m happy without them.
I never really felt it. I probably could have been convinced because I do really love kids. But I’m really glad my husband never wanted to either. We’re in our 40s and living a very fulfilling life without them. We have lots of nieces and nephews and that’s just fine with me.
I don’t care. I broke my hourglass timer when I got my tubes yeeted a few years ago
My ovaries prematurely shut down when I was 33 so there is no more pressure. Just looking out for a good guy who doesn’t want kids.
I ignored 193847171 red flags and married somebody I’m miserable with. I wanted the “perfect” white picket fence life and I got it. We had a baby who turned out to be an amazing kid and I won’t regret that for a second, but the biological clock piece definitely led to me hastily choosing man with whom I’m miserable.
I had my tubes removed two years ago at age 27 so I don’t have to worry about any clock except my alarm clock.