My boyfriend doesn’t have any friends outside of work that he spends time with.
The work friends are all female. It’s been like this for 12 years that weve been together. He has one old group that we see once every 3 years or so but that’s it. He doesnt make the effort to sustain a relationship, like he gets annoyed with them after a few months or so and ditches them. His father also abandoned him years ago. He talks about joining x club every now and then but just doesn’t, and won’t really divulge why.
I’m just wondering are there other men out there that are just fine without this company. Is there any way I could help or should I stay out of this?
TL;DR partner doesnt have friends outside of work, particularly male friends, is it okay? Could I help?
Comments
I have no friends and would rather be at home than socialize. I spend most my time with my wife’s family and hang out with them. Plus I see my parents.
I have a childhood friend I see yearly like clockwork on their bday. I’m perfectly fine with this and honestly, socializing drains me and I would rather be home most of the time lol
Accountable for what?
Why does he need to be held accountable? The title and the post don’t really align.
To answer your question in your text post, iono it depends on the person I guess? I do think healthy male friendships can be beneficial for a lot of guys, but that’s not to say they work the same for all men. Maybe, for one reason or another, your boyfriend just doesn’t like other men or like the relationship he has with them. Not saying that’s the case for sure, but if it is the case and he still seems overall content and fulfilled, what’s the problem with it?
This post is kinda all over the place. First it’s about being “held accountable”. Now about not having friends outside of work? And then all of them being women? And out of nowhere his dad abandoning him gets brought up, which I guess can have something to do with it. But I just feel like I’m watching someone pull random scenarios from a hat.
If you need a broad answer, a lot of men are pretty contempt with seeing their friends every once in a while. Not daily, not even monthly. If 3 years is enough for him, then 3 years is enough.
To try and answer the “held accountable” part, that doesn’t need to be exclusive to friends. Sometimes not even male friends can do that for him.
I think this might be interesting to you. I’m 40-something F, I am happily single and I’ve put in a lot of effort to be my better self with therapy. I have standards and boundaries. I’ve been in the talking phase with a 60-something M, who I knew for years as an acquaintance.
This man is the most promising one I’ve connected with. He is a learner, he has a good therapist.
We talk openly about men’s issues just like I talk openly about women’s issues. My view is men and women are almost like people from totally different countries—why would I ignore that instead of facing it head-on?
He talks openly about how he started healing by building real trusting connections with other men. His bros. They talk about their emotions and understanding of the world and goals, like men do. But they’re accepting of vulnerability and figuring it out as they go. This is in stark contrast to the type of attitude you are describing.
Now this man and I aren’t a love match for a few good reasons. But he is helping me raise my standards. If he can do it—he’s a very typical man—I’m not going to entertain other potential matches who don’t value true supportive friendships that involve vulnerability.