I’m 35F, he’s 25M. We’re coworkers who’ve known each other for a bit over a year. He’s gorgeous, smart and kind. I’m an overweight, not hideous but not hot older woman who’s honestly let myself go in recent years. He has a crazy social life of partying and hooking up with girls all the time (which, hell yeah, good for him) while I’m pretty reclusive and take a long time to trust other people.
We’ve gotten closer over time and he’s become a genuine friend, had some deep conversations and confided in each other about our fears, things from our past that we’re ashamed of, etc. We hug often and have gotten more touchy with each other recently, just tapping each other on the arm while we’re talking, that kind of thing. He compliments me a lot about how I’m hard working, a good person, he likes talking to me, etc.
Thing is, I’ve realised after last night that I have a huge fucking crush on him. And it’s completely unrealistic that he would ever be into me.
Last night I was planning to meet up with a couple of old friends but he had a hellish week so I invited him along. It was a good time and we were all drinking so he opened up to the group about some of his personal struggles. I could see he was uncomfortable when they pressed him for details so I was a bit protective and re-directed the conversation a couple times. I also checked in with him quietly when the others were talking to ask if he was OK. He obviously appreciated it and kept doing stuff like squeezing my arm or touching my shoulder. At one stage when he got up to get another drink, he stroked his hand over my head as he walked past me, and I kinda melted.
I think my crush is mainly stemming from poor self-esteem and the good feelings that come from receiving positive attention from a young attractive guy. I think I need a reality check but I would be mortified to admit this to anyone I know. I feel totally pathetic.
Reddit, how can I squash this dumb infatuation before I get myself hurt or lose a friend over it?
TL;DR: Young good-looking male coworker is physically and emotionally affectionate with me, realised last night that I’ve caught feelings and feel like an old creep. Need advice on how to move past it.
Comments
It’s ok to have feelings. Please be clear abt both ur feelings. To avoid hurting yourself or other one or both
I mean if you are able to have in depth conversations about deep topics, why not about this? I am fairly sure if he says he enjoys the friendship the feelings inside you die down a notch at least.
But oh here me out, despite the claimed constant shagging, he might feel empty inside and talking with you fills that hole in his soul. And to some that might just be more important ihan an impeccable body ratios and botox.
30 yr old here engaged to a25 yr old who used to be my former coworker and friend. Never thought I would date younger but here we are. Maybe it will all work out. Let things come naturally. Don’t stress!
Maybe, be a bit more touchy with him and see how he reacts.
What do you mean by “stroked his hand over my head as he walked past”? Because it sounds very platonic, like a head pat? But maybe he was just being awkward.
Tbh the way you describe your protectiveness over him is giving mothering vibes, especially since he’s younger than you. Like if he’s uncomfortable in a social situation, he can voice that? You doing it for him is just… odd given the age gap and the satisfaction you get from “protecting” him.
Even if it wasn’t platonic, it doesn’t sound like his dating style is “settling down with coworker” so would you just want to hook up? That seems complicated and unwise for your professional image.. but who knows.
There’s a lot of ways to talk yourself out of this if you want to. I hope you find the connections you’re seeking in appropriate/non-distressing ways
You really fell for him but high chance to get hurt though!!
Try to convey your feelings through your own methods good luck