Hi For a little back ground information, I(30f) take care of my little brother Aj and little sister Ella (Both 8) I have been for a few years now, since they were 5. My dad(53M) was an addict when they were born, and so was their biological mother. Therefore my grandma took them in and when she couldn’t do it anymore, I stepped in and started to be their care taker. My dad got sober a year ago, but even then he was in no means to take care of them, they still stayed with me and kind of just see him as an acquaintance more than a father. He was completely fine with that arrangement, that was until he started dating Mia (28f — yes i know she’s 2 years younger than me, i find it weird also.)
As soon as My dad and Mia started dating, she wanted to meet the twins. I had no issue with this, so my dad and her took them out to eat and did other things— forgive me this took place a year ago so i can’t remember exactly what they did that day. — Well anyways, since that day, Mia has been more pushy with the twins, even when they don’t like it. Ella told me Mia would yell at them if they didn’t call her mom after like a month of them meeting. This obviously made me upset, since I could tell Aj and Ella didn’t like it so I cut back the visits.
As you guys know mother’s day was on Sunday, so I took Aj and Ella to see our grandma. —Spent the whole day with her, when I got home I got a text from my dad calling me selfish and saying i needed to say sorry, confused I called him and was met with an aggravated father and a yelling woman in the background. Apparently I was selfish because I didn’t take the kids to see their ‘stepmom’ Nor did any of us say happy mother’s day to her. This made me mad and I told Mia to “suck it up, that she wasn’t their mother” this I guess blew something up in my dad because he started yelling over the phone. I hung up. He decided to blow up my phone until I blocked both of them. Though it’s been almost an entire week, people are still saying I could’ve been nicer with my words. so AITA?
(For clarification The twins have told me multiple times they don’t feel comfortable with Mia. I don’t force the two to do anything they don’t want too. Me and my Grandma want what’s best for them.)
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Hi For a little back ground information, I(30f) take care of my little brother Aj and little sister Ella (Both 8) I have been for a few years now, since they were 5. My dad(53M) was an addict when they were born, and so was their biological mother. Therefore my grandma took them in and when she couldn’t do it anymore, I stepped in and started to be their care taker. My dad got sober a year ago, but even then he was in no means to take care of them, they still stayed with me and kind of just see him as an acquaintance more than a father. He was completely fine with that arrangement, that was until he started dating Mia (28f — yes i know she’s 2 years younger than me, i find it weird also.)
As soon as My dad and Mia started dating, she wanted to meet the twins. I had no issue with this, so my dad and her took them out to eat and did other things— forgive me this took place a year ago so i can’t remember exactly what they did that day. — Well anyways, since that day, Mia has been more pushy with the twins, even when they don’t like it. Ella told me Mia would yell at them if they didn’t call her mom after like a month of them meeting. This obviously made me upset, since I could tell Aj and Ella didn’t like it so I cut back the visits.
As you guys know mother’s day was on Sunday, so I took Aj and Ella to see our grandma. —Spent the whole day with her, when I got home I got a text from my dad calling me selfish and saying i needed to say sorry, confused I called him and was met with an aggravated father and a yelling woman in the background. Apparently I was selfish because I didn’t take the kids to see their ‘stepmom’ Nor did any of us say happy mother’s day to her. This made me mad and I told Mia to “suck it up, that she wasn’t their mother” this I guess blew something up in my dad because he started yelling over the phone. I hung up. He decided to blow up my phone until I blocked both of them. Though it’s been almost an entire week, people are still saying I could’ve been nicer with my words. so AITA?
(For clarification The twins have told me multiple times they don’t feel comfortable with Mia. I don’t force the two to do anything they don’t want too. Me and my Grandma want what’s best for them.)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> It might’ve a little harsh to tell her to quote “suck it up” band that’s probably where i’m TA.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your father and his gf are not entitled to any more than you choose to offer, regarding their access to the kids and etc. They might think so, but that’s not your problem. Just keep your eyes on the prize: what’s best for the kids.
NTA. Mia should stop acting entitled. The twins clearly don’t like her and see you as the primary caretaker. The dad is more on his girlfriend’s side than his own kids. Which shows where his priorities lie. They started yelling first so maybe they should be nicer with their words.
NTA
Wow your dad suuuuucks! So does his gf, but I guess that’s no surprise. I hope he’s at least paying child support and that you have formal custody of the kiddos.
NTA and if possible I would cut their time with the twins back to the absolute bare minimum.
Could you have been nicer with your words? Sure. Were they entitled to you being nicer with your words? No. I mean, they were yelling and calling you selfish so they lost their right to a nicer version of it.
Mia sounds like a narcissist and unfortunately your dad is caught up in it. Keeping contact from Mia to a minimum is probably for the best in regards to the twins.
NTA. Good luck with everything.