Mostly a rant, but also suggestions requested.
Friday morning and I (M40) drop off our toddler at kindergarten and then have to wait 15 minutes for the bus back home so I can start work (home office). So I use the time to quickly go to the supermarket for some essentials, and I also spot a $5 knife sharpener and grab it, because I’ve noticed for a while that our knives are getting blunt.
I get home and am unpacking the groceries when my wife (F39) comes in to the kitchen and the very first thing she says to me is ‘Did you go to the supermarket?’ in an accusatory way. She then tells me I should tell her if I go because it’s inefficient for both of us to have to go. Fair enough, though I did only have a few minutes this time. It’s not like I made a special trip. I could have just sat at the bus stop and scrolled Reddit! But point taken.
I then quickly test the knife sharpener and we have a discussion about the sharpness of our kitchen knives, with her saying the knife does not need sharpening because she uses it all the time and it can still cut. I say there’s a difference between being able to cut and actually being sharp, but she seems to want to argue, or just to ignore that. She then says, ‘Have you noticed all the dust and dirt around the house? Maybe someone should vacuum it?’
For context, she pretty much always feels stressed. She has a practically full time job too, and does tend to do more housework and childcare than me, (hence she works part time but in practice she is on the go all day, every day). She has complained that I should ‘do more’ but never makes any suggestions.
TL;DR
It boggles my mind that my wife complains about me not doing chores in the exact moments when I’m literally in the process of doing chores. She doesn’t appreciate me doing anything that she didn’t specifically ask me to do (nor has she ever acknowledged the ones she did ask me to do!).
How do you deal with someone like that? Any tips would be appreciated, because apparently we both feel unappreciated!