So me W22 and my bf M24 have been together for 3 years now. In the beginning all was well with my bfs mom F52 and she seemed to really like me. Now we have moved into a house which his parents own with basically his whole Family. Everybody has their own flat but still a lot of contact is expected for example breakfast together every morning, seeing each other multiple times a day, sometimes dinner together, as well as working on the house together every weekend, since there is still some work to be done. This living Situation in itself drives me crazy.
Bfs mom didnt get along with my bfs uncles wife F38 (they live in the house too and have been together for about 5 years) before we moved here. The wife almost never showed up if we did something together ( I was almost always there for everything and tried to include myself so hard ) and didnt even show for bfs mom’s 50th birthday. While I like a fool made the idea for the decorations and decorated the whole place they rented a day before with some of the other family. I have always felt like I dont know what to talk about with bfs mom though and it seems the same for her. It was always a little awkward when we hung out together alone.
Now that we have moved here their relationship has improved alot, the wife is defenitely more like them character wise, very extroverted, loud and jokes around a lot. Which in itself is nice of course for the wife since she has stuggled with feeling excluded before, as I also have here, since im more of an introverted Person that values their privacy.( We also both struggle with our mental health)
Now comes my Problem. When we hang out together now, bfs mom has all her attention on uncles wife like 80% of the time. If anyone says a joke and I look at bfs mom and laugh, she will look right past me at uncles wife. Even if the wife isnt even looking back at bfs mom sometimes. This makes me feel so incredibly awkward. She will be constantly laughing with her and making funny Jokes if wife says anything. As is theyre really good friends. She is almost never like that with me alone, only sometimes if bf is also at home and sitting next to us. Almost as if being fake nice to make it seem she is like that with me also. Shes way more open then. This has of course led me to distance myself, since I have tried so much for us to be the same the whole time but it feels like a losing battle. She goes to wifes flat and will just talk to her for an hour or two when uncle is at work while it seems she avoids me when my bf isnt home and at work. Only comes when bf is home. Never comes to me to just talk to me. Asks wife to do house work together with her since recently.Laughing, joking together. Only 2 times with me while barely talking.
I have talked with my bf about this Issue multiple times and he says its all in my head but please, I’m literally sitting there as it happens. Im capable of reconizing how she behaves with her and how she behaves with me. Bf has even asked her about this for me but she says she likes me and bf should keep me as his gf since im the perfect girl for him.
This whole Thing wouldnt even bother me that much if we didnt live IN THE SAME HOUSE as them and I have to see them and experience This EVERY DAY. I have thought multiple times about just breaking up, but I love my bf so much and would never think about breaking up if the living Situation was not like that. Also scared Im not going to find someone as loving of me as him again.Bf loves the closeness to his family, its always been like that for him and his mom is also very clingy to him and always worries and always wants to know all his business. She even cried when he went on school trips as a kid for a few days. So moving out with him isnt an option since I think that would only make him and his family resent me. If he would even agree to do it. Dont want to move back in with my mom since our relationship isnt good and she lives alone in a small messy flat, dont have enough money for my own flat and dont have any friends I could move to. I think I wont be happy if I stay here though. What do i do ? 🙁
TL;DR Bfs mom’s relationship with uncles wife has suddenly improved, they get along better which often leads to me being excluded. Bf says its all in my head but im literally right there seeing all of it. We live together and I have to see his whole Family every day which is why it even bothers me that much. Think I wont be happy here forever. Dont know what to do