I’m a 21 yo male, I’ve had a 3 year+ relationship ship with my gf, 21 yo female. Lately I’ve been so selfish and focused on fixing myself and changing things that don’t need changed. We openly discussed this. I’m aware of the problem I’ve caused and I want to fix it. During this period of selfishness I’ve stopped showing my love to her. I stopped kissing, never say I love you until it’s said to me first, never come up with date ideas, I just wasn’t there. But I love this woman so much, she has saved my life and loves me unconditionally. I can never see that look of sadness again when I said that I haven’t been loving her. She said she won’t leave though, because she has to enough love for the both of us. So fuck me and my endeavors, I need to live for this woman again. I need to uncover my love that I buried underneath everything. I know it’s still there, how do I dig it out? How do I re-wire my brain? She said I used to be perfect until I tried to fix things that weren’t there. I need to get back to the real loving me. Does anyone have any kind of advice?
TL;DR : I got distracted by myself and creating problems. I need to bring out love again.
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Ask her on a date, plan it to be her favourite spot – somewhere magical that she has wanted to go for a while, or somewhere she feels calmed by. The ocean, a gallery she once mentioned. A place that is an effort to go to and makes her feel like you’ve chosen to step into her inner world and share it with her. While you’re there, ask her about herself, and listen truly. Focus on her smile, her eyes, hold her by the waist gently and with no demand, and make her giggle and blush by holding her hand or brushing her hair behind her ear. It sounds like she wants to be seen, and that’s all you really need to do: just be present with her, deliberately, phone switched off and just there.
The fact that you’re aware of how your behavior hurt her is already a strong first step. But now it’s time for actions, not just reflection. Start small: kiss her forehead without a reason, plan one simple date she’d love, say ‘I love you’ first again. Love isn’t always loud sometimes it’s quiet effort every day. She’s still here, loving you hard. Don’t let that go to waste. Rediscover who you were by remembering why you fell for her in the first place
OP I feel your post is too vague to give you solid advice.