Hi everybody, I’ll start this off by saying I dont mind at all that she watches that type of content.
I confronted her a couple weeks ago about her X account in which she is following nothing but porn. I said I had no problem with it and asked her why she was watching it (bc she’s against me watching it) and she said something along the lines of, “Sorry, I’d be mad if you watched it, so I’ll delete my account.”.
Anyways I just discovered again yesterday she re-activated her account, and it’s just bugging me that she’s hiding it. Once again I dont care about the content but I dont like the fact that she’s contradicting herself and being a hypocrite.
How can I move forward with this? She’s a bit pushy to the idea of watching it together, although it would be ideal in my opinion if she isnt gonna give it up. I’ve been out of town (which is definitely why she’s been watching porn) so I’d rather be as open as possible and try not to fight it.
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You can’t move forward.
Candidly, I wouldn’t care about the fact she does it.
The fact you’re not allowed to, but she is would be a dealbreaker for me. I would never tolerate that type of setup.
What content is she watching?
Denying the fact that she watches it etc. + not allowing you to do so yourself is such a red flag. Either confront her about it or leave her. Because if she does it with this, who knows what else she does which you are „not allowed to“
She didnt tell you about it because of her insecurities. She doesn’t allow you to watch it because of her insecurities. There’s certainly something more deep-seated here, but in the mean time, this double standard needs to be addressed. You really can’t move on until it is.
😒 like what? The same reason she doesn’t want you watching is the same reason she shouldn’t be watching?
She has double standard, is lying to your faces and betraying you…. I don’t know how you can recover from that on such a young relationship.
Don’t date people who are to weak to live up to their own standards. Equal effort should be put into the relationship on both sides.
Obviously it’s something that turns her on and she knows you would object to it. On her you may sound convincingly right but I’m sure she knows deep down inside you’re not going to be truthful and enjoy it with her. Trust me if she’s into it she’s most likely going to do it someday and you’ll be out. Maybe she sees you will never understand from her giving you prior hints
The why is simple. She’s insecure about you watching porn, but she has her own selfish needs, which makes her a hypocrite. But she may feel shame about the porn or hypocrisy…
Sometimes ignorance is bliss… you can have an agreement with her that you both do it but keep it private from each other to avoid any negative feelings about it.
My husband and I had our first big argument early in our marriage over porn. It wasn’t that he was watching it, it was that he lied to me and told me he didn’t watch it, and then I found it in our computer’s browser history. It was the lie that killed me. I was devastated that he lied to me and we had a trial separation. Ultimately I read self help books and went to therapy and we talked a lot, and managed to work through it. We both had insecurities around sex and masturbation and both needed therapy. Your girlfriend definitely has insecurities she may not even understand and I highly recommend her getting therapy, whether or not you stay together.
But you should also not agree to a double standard. If you want to consume porn you should put up a boundary with her and tell her you’re going to do it.
I know how embarrassing these things can be to talk about when you’re young but trust me, it’s important to work through any embarrassment and talk about it until you’re both in a comfortable space.
She obviously feels some way about watching porn and is taking it out on you. You can’t fix this because it’s not about you, you just happen to be someone nearby she can dump all her guilt on.
She isn’t holding herself to the same standard she’s holding you. She’s incredibly selfish for this and should just be honest that it makes her jealous when she knows you’re looking at other women, but she doesn’t care if it makes you jealous if she looks at other men/women.
Kinda sounds like she’s objectifying you OP.
“Rules for thee but not for me” is a shitty relationship dynamic.
It’s pretty common to sometimes feel attracted to other people. It’s also pretty common to not love seeing or hearing about it when a partner is attracted to other people. I think both feelings are harmless, but dishonesty and hypocrisy are problems.
In your position I’d probably say something like “Look, I don’t actually care that you watch porn sometimes but don’t lie to me. I can’t trust you if you lie to me.”
>Hi everybody, I’ll start this off by saying I dont mind at >all that she watches that type of content.
>I confronted her a couple weeks ago about her X >account in which she is following nothing but porn. I >said I had no problem with it and asked her why she >was watching it (bc she’s against me watching it) and >she said something along the lines of, “Sorry, I’d be >mad if you watched it, so I’ll delete my account.”.
So first off… you can’t “confront” someone “if you don’t mind at all…”
So it either bothers you.. so you confronted her or it doesn’t both you and you are fine with it…
However her double standard of she can but you cant…. is the most controlling narcissistic thing out there big 🚩
>Anyways I just discovered again yesterday she >re-activated her account, and it’s just bugging me that >she’s hiding it. Once again I dont care about the >content but I dont like the fact that she’s contradicting >herself and being a hypocrite.
You keep telling yourself you don’t care because you think it’s okay for her but not okay for you… she has manipulated you into thinking this…
She would be mad that you watch it but you can’t be mad she watches?? She can watch it but you can’t??
>How can I move forward with this? She’s a bit pushy >to the idea of watching it together, although it would be >ideal in my opinion if she isnt gonna give it up. I’ve >been out of town (which is definitely why she’s been >watching porn) so I’d rather be as open as possible >and try not to fight it.
So you can watch together.. she can watch alone but you can’t…
do you follow her on X?
I’ll bet anything she has guys/ girls in her inbox on X and is trading pix or at the very least sending them for attention and probably flirting… tbh she may even have an onlyfans account
It’s not because you are out of town…
Why are you still with someone you can’t trust?
Does she consider porn cheating? If so, you have a bigger problem than you realize.
This is a really interesting issue. You’re not upset about the porn. You’re upset about the discrepancy, and you should be. Not because of morality, but because in relationships, trust isn’t just about what someone hides. It’s about what they pretend doesn’t matter… until they’re the one doing it.
Here’s the hard truth: when someone tells you, “I’d be mad if you did X,” but then they turn around and secretly do it themselves, they’re not setting a boundary. They’re setting up a power imbalance, one where they get to act out their impulses while you’re expected to self-regulate.
The fact that she deleted the account only to quietly reactivate it? That’s not just avoidance; it’s calculated secrecy. She knows you’ll notice eventually, but she’s banking on your patience and your “chill” demeanor carrying the emotional weight so she doesn’t have to own the contradiction.
And yeah… you being out of town probably is part of why she’s watching. That’s human. But the answer isn’t to ignore it or pretend you’re fine with it. It’s to name it with clarity and lay out your actual position.
Here’s how you move forward: Stop asking whether the porn bothers you. Ask whether the secrecy and double standard align with the kind of relationship you want. Stop negotiating from the frame of “I’m okay with it if we do it together.” That’s fine, but irrelevant if the real issue is trust erosion. Tell her directly: “If you want me to respect your boundaries, I need to know you’re respecting the ones we set together. Not just when I’m watching, but when I’m gone too.”
And if she resists that level of honesty or flips the script back on you? She’s not ready for intimacy. She’s just ready for control. Your job isn’t to fight it. It’s to define it cleanly, walk if needed, and refuse to be anyone’s emotional leash while they rewrite the rules behind your back.
ok honestly i can sort of understand your girlfriend. big tmi but i used to struggle with porn addiction, and even though getting a boyfriend definitely killed my desire to watch it, there were times i’ve fallen.
i understand her not wanting you to watch porn. i also told my boyfriend i didn’t want him to watch porn either, just because i couldn’t fathom why he would want to watch other women when i provide him with a lot of content. he told me he rarely watched it anyway. however, this made me feel guilty whenever i watched it because i felt it was unfair that i told him not to watch it then started watching it myself.
he was sort of like you, didnt care if i watched it. i remember once i was mad at him and he asked what i was doing and i said “watching porn” and when i tell you he absolutely gave no shits. and that just made me feel even worse lol. so i came up with a compromise, delete twitter obviously, pledge to abstain from it (i even got the “i am sober app”) and indulge in the content my boyfriend and i make for each other.
honestly with the way porn wires your brain, it was hard for me to change, but after a while i stuck to it and now porn doesn’t turn me on nearly as much as the videos he sends me does. this is not to say that you have to do the same, but that’s sort of how i grew out of it.
anyway i don’t know why i went on this tangent, but this was sort of me trying to explain it from her perspective. she definitely feels some sort of shame from it, i would encourage you to sit down with her and talk about it. discuss boundaries and maybe ask if porn is something she’s struggled with before.
What does she watch?
The fact that this is actively affecting the relationship does mean she needs to see someone about this. If she prioritizes that over respecting what you’re asking for, you have all the right to stamp your foot about it, or walk away if she’s really pushy.
One has to think she almost wants to get caught? Considering she’s been caught on X once and that was her go-to platform again, didn’t block you the 2nd time, and doesn’t just use a porn site on incognito browser?