I’ve recently started dating an amazing guy who treats me wonderfully. He’s kind, attentive, and genuinely makes me happy. But there’s this lingering insecurity that’s hard to shake. Every time he shares stories about his family going to dinners, celebrating together, and enjoying each other’s company it unintentionally triggers a deep sadness in me.
I lost both of my parents as a teenager. My mom passed away from HIV, and my dad took his own life. After that, I had to move in with my mom’s side of the family, where I lived in a run down house filled with mold, roaches, and broken doors and worse. My dads side of the family was wealthy but don’t want much to do with me and my moms side didn’t accept my sexuality so we’re now no contact.
In contrast, my boyfriend comes from a well-off, loving family. He’s always talking about their get togethers, their shared joy, and their closeness. And while I genuinely love seeing him happy, a part of me aches every time I hear about it. It feels like a painful reminder of everything I never had.
I don’t want to bring this up to him because I’m scared he’ll feel like he has to walk on eggshells around me. I never want him to feel guilty for having a good family, and I don’t want to take away his joy by making him self conscious about sharing his experiences. But I also don’t know how to stop this sadness from consuming me.
How do I navigate these feelings without pushing him away or overwhelming myself? Today he mentioned going to his brothers graduation party and for his own graduation party his family threw a lake front party with everyone wearing the colors of his college.
When I graduated high school I got my diploma in the mail and didn’t even get to walk the stage because it was too expensive and my parents wouldn’t have even gotten to see it if I did. I’m happy for him but I almost cried.
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Become part of his family.
The absolute best way to heal from a shitty upbringing is to find a new family that fulfills everything you missed out on. And it looks like you’ve found it.
Learn to happy for other people.
No one benefits from comparing the differences in your upbringing. It’s sad but leave it in the past and concentrate on now.
Same thing with me. I grew up in a family who only hugged on holidays. I met my boyfriend who tells his parents and siblings “I love you” every time he sees them. I was like, I want that for me… I want that kind of love and such a healthy family in my life. What kind of grown-ass man tells another one “I love you” without feeling like his balls are gonna fall and fall off a cliff??
“Sometimes I feel a bit jealous of the relationship you have with your family. I think it’s wonderful and you deserve it, I sometimes wish I had that.”