Before we get into this I would like to reiterate they are both of consensual age (18+) so there is no issue in that regard. Also, I know I cannot control who my sister, or my friend sees for that matter, however, I would be lying if I said this hasn’t irked me. This is because I have not been told about this situation from my friend. I found out from another close friend, after the friend seeing my sister was boasting about it. And then afterwards, they explicitly told my other friend to not tell me under any circumstances.
Obviously, my other friend being the good friend he is told me straight away, and now I don’t really know what to do. It’s quite an awkward situation as for me personally, I would never seek a relationship with a friend’s sister purely out of respect for my friend.
I guess what I’m asking is any advice on where to go from here. I would have appreciated if the friend in question pulled me aside and had a one to one conversation regarding the matter, however this has not occurred and instead he’s been boasting about it behind my back.
TIA
Comments
It can be really tough to find out something like this through the grapevine, especially when it involves someone close to you. It sounds like your friend could have handled the situation a lot better by being upfront with you. Since you’re feeling a bit irked about it, maybe it’s worth having an open and honest conversation with your friend. You could express how you feel and let them know that you would have appreciated being told directly. Sometimes, people don’t realize how their actions affect others until it’s pointed out to them.
It’s almost like they’re conducting an adult relationship without considering you a part of it.
While it might be polite (‘bro code’) to give a heads up, they’re also both consenting adults, as you say, and this is ultimately not something they need to consult with you on as it doesn’t affect you, other than you having your feelings hurt, so perhaps your irk is misplaced.
Tough position. I’ve been the friend in this situation and we didn’t want to add the pressure of her brother, my good buddy, knowing until we knew if this was a thing. They were super close and we were close so we felt there was a lot of pressure.
A few of our friends knew and he did find out. But we didn’t end up dating and he said he understood we just wanted to make it about us getting to know each other without the jokes and awkwardness. Only told a couple mutuals who made some jokes but I didn’t want them to be at his expense.
Everyone is pretty cool about it, though still a little awkward a bit after finding out. But I just kept bombarding him with friendship so he knew we were cool and we both got past it all.
If it did work it would’ve been awesome though! Huge green flag from her is her whole family is incredible. Just didnt work out.
I wouldn’t take it too personally. He probably wants to solidify what is going on before telling you. Unless they’re just… ya know… in which case you probably don’t want to hear about.
I totally get the reason to be aggrieved. If your boy said “i have been talking to your sister and a connection has been building. I just wanted to ask you if you were comfortable for us to explore it.” Odds on you are saying yes. But showing off behind your back just makes it look like an alpha male move which makes you look stupid to other mates of yours and its more “I’m dicking down his sister” rather than “his sister is beautiful and an amazing person I am getting to know.”
I see why they didn’t tell you haha
They don’t need your permission. They probably didn’t tell you because it would “irk” you. Is this friend a good person or someone that just uses women and moves on to the next one? If he’s a real friend that you like, then dating your sister is a good thing. You know he’ll treat her right and he’s already your friend. Would you prefer someone you don’t like that treats her badly that isn’t your friend?
Good enough dude to be your friend, good enough dude to date your sister. Better than the devil you don’t know.
Not your friend. Break it off. Tell your sister this is super gross.
then go date his mom.
Bros got a crush on his sister 😭
Start dating his sister or mother, and see how he feels. Maybe then he will learn to respect.
All joking aside, I feel he should have seemed your blessing prior as a friend only if his intentions were long term as in long term dating.
Myself I would never date a friends sister, there are plenty enough women out there.
I hear you. My best friend has a very attractive sister, everyone in the neighborhood would hit on her. She’s known for being very attractive in the city so much that even famous rappers were hitting her up in the DM. At one point I knew she kinda had a crush on me but I never did anything out of respect for my
Friend. The fact that your friend wasn’t man enough to tell you makes him seem shady. We would cut off friends for doing things like that. If you feel like your friend is the type to treat women right and his intentions were pure I would say let it rock, otherwise dudes a snake
I’ve been that sister long ago, and when ur constantly around your brothers friends growing up and being a teenager, it’s hard as a girl not to develop feelings for one of your brothers friends- although the situation didn’t work out between the bf and I, it was a great memory and I’m sorry my brother was upset about his friend wanting to be with his sister. I always “”thought like “shouldn’t u be happy it’s him, instead of some loser out there?” I don’t know. But we r all good and past it! But we just always had a spark when we were around each other. Funny thing is the situation turned around and my brother was dating one of my friends years later, and I didn’t like it as I felt he was taking my “friend”time away from her and I! LOL
They didn’t tell you for a reason, and honestly, it’s none of your business. The best advice is to live your life and stop expecting people around you to ask for permission to do things.
My friends sister (gorgeous) tried to come onto me and keeping in mind we grew up together it was hard to say no, however regardless of whatever i felt for her i loved(platonic)her brother too much to do xy or z . So there you go, not much you can do but you know what cloth your friends cut from. Then again maybe they will love eachother and be happy so only time will tell
This is the way you act when your 14
All I can say is that years and years ago, my friend set me up on a blind date with his sister. I say “blind date, as I had only met her once, for 5 seconds, when I was 20 and she was 14, and I was picking him up at his mom’s house (he was living there at the time). He set the blind date up when I was almost 27 and she had just turned 21 the day prior.
It was a unique situation, and I definitely proceeded slowly, as I did not want my friend to think I was going out with his baby sister just to get into her pants. So slow, she almost thought I wasn’t interested in her physically.
I guess it all worked out, as we will celebrate our 37th anniversary this winter.
But he certainly was aware, as he set up the blind date. Even so, once we started “getting physical”, it started to freak him out a bit. So I can imagine having a friend date my sister without my awareness would be a little off-putting.
If it seems to bother you, then confront your sister about it, just one time, just to let the elephant out of the room. What happens afterwards is none of your business anymore.
Could be worse, could be 3 of your mates taking turns on her…
There’s not much you can do or say, he’s clearly not much of a friend and lacks a backbone if he’s not spoken to you.
Is it a friendship worth saving?
Just treat him with indifference.
If they had fallen in love it potentially could be a different story. But the bragging about how he’s nailing your sister behind your back? That’s some schoolboy shit.
He knows he’s crossed a line and that’s why he was too scared to tell you to your face.
First: Tell your friend you know he is seeing your sister. Don’t give up the name of the mutual acquaintance who told you. Tell your friend you already told your sister about how he’s running his mouth about her. Tell your friend he’s disrespecting your sister and to cut it out.
Second: Tell your sister you know she and your friend got together. Tell her you know this because your friend is shooting off his mouth about being with her, and one of the guys he told came and let you know that your friend is bragging all over the place about getting with her. Tell her you told him to stop disrespecting her with his bragging.
Then just leave it alone.
They are of age and can do what they want. And you can tell them how you feel about it.
Cut your friend off.
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So long as your friend has good intentions with your sister, It shouldn’t be an issue but the other side of the coin is he should seek your blessing since hes entering another family dinamics
Bone his sister and don’t tell him about it.
Na that is a bit deep, if it were me I would have asked my friend if he didn’t mind me talking to her right from the beginning before even talking to her at all
He is banging your sister. I would be pissed 😃
The friend that went out of thier way to tell the brother seems jealous he wasn’t picked by the sister
Does he have a sister?
Let your sister live her life. She may resent you if you try to say no.
You don’t own her bro. Mind your own business. End of story.
This has NOTHING to do with you. You ain’t the main character.
I’m an expert here. I once saw my friend and sister holding hands. I was NOT excited about it.
Now they’ve been married 8 years. He’s been really good to her and has been a great addition to my family.
I’d say keep an open mind! Most important thing here is how he makes your sister feel.
Cheers
Immediately let it be known that you know. Otherwise its going to be “cute” that you don’t know.
I think your feelings are valid and you even pointed out that you’re aware that they’re adults and you have no control over it yet some of these comments are still invalidating your feelings being dicks about it lmao
If ur friend had good intentions then he wouldn’t be boasting and asking others to not keep u informed. Sorry to say but looks like he used ur friendship to get close to ur sister. Now since both r adults, one can only watch the whole thing play out. Good luck man.
Pull your friend to the side and press him about it. He should’ve came up to you first before doing that. Stop being pussy. If he tries getting slick or crazy, you might just have to put belt to ass on him. That’s how we typically do it in the hood.
I mean as long as there isn’t a weird age gap and he didn’t groom her, what’s the problem? You said they’re both consenting adults, so they consented. They don’t need your consent and you’re just cementing the fact that your friend not immediately telling you was the right move.
OP, people can’t help who they are attracted to. I think you need to remind yourself of that. He probably didn’t seek out this relationship and knows that you wouldn’t have a positive reaction to it. He feels wrong about it himself or guilty in some way and doesn’t know how to tell you.
That being said— I think being irked about the omission of their relationship is reasonable. It seems like honesty would have cleared up a bit of the awkwardness of this situation.
If you want to clear it up, I would probably just be like, “Hey [friend], I know what’s going on with you and my sister and honestly, no hard feelings about that. However, you’re my friend. You could have just told me so I didn’t have to find out from someone else. Next time just have a chat with me. That honesty is important to me in a friendship.”