My Bf (20) and I (F, 19) have been together for 5 months. I just found out that about two weeks ago he messaged a girl he used to sleep with. The convo was lengthy and he kept trying to make it sexual. I left him and now he keeps begging me to take him back. Our relationship was going really well and he never treated me badly. But he lied to my face about the messages and I just can’t get passed that. He’s told me he wants to do anything he can to rebuild the trust, and that he loves me. However I’m a believer that if you truly love someone you wouldn’t even think about talking to someone else. Any advice?
Should I take my ex back?
r/Advice
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fuck no don’t take him back pls
Don’t give him any chance.
If he did it, he may do it again
He showed you what he is about, when times get tough. He will repeat those same characteristics… he will NOT change
No, girl, you deserve better.
Put yourself first. If you truly believe someone who really loves you wouldn’t do that (which I believe as well) you have your answer. I don’t think you should take him back. He didn’t respect you or the relationship by reaching out to that girl. Him not treating you badly is bare minimum. Follow your heart but know you deserve better.
If he’s trying to get with his ex at five months, imagine what he’ll be doing later on in your relationship. Your relationship is still new and he should be on his best behavior. Later on down the road, he’s going to get bored and then he’ll be even more tempted to cheat. I wouldn’t take him back.
Just don’t. He crossed a boundary in my opinion and if you take him back in his mind that’d be okay to do it again in the future.
If you take him back you’re basically giving him permission to cheat on you.
When someone shows you who they are the first time believe it, learn from it, and move on.
You are too young to get caught up on a man who had every intention of cheating if the ex would’ve went for it. Move on and live your best life!
My advice: re-read your post.
“he never treated me badly”, proceeds to describe how he was cheating -> He did treat you badly
There is a reason why you left him. Nothing has changed since then.
No. NO, NO, NO, NO, NOOOOOOO BABY RUNNNNN!!
I made the mistake of giving my cheating partner another chance when I was around your age, too. What followed was years of neglect, abuse, gaslighting, and depression i had to work very hard to get over. He told me he loved me, would propose to me, got me pregnant, and cheated while I raised our son alone. That boy will be 7 this year. In total, it took me 5 years to wise up and move on + heal. The Good times?? Only lasted through the first year. You’re young and, he is most DEFINITELY not going to be a very big part of your life when you get to my age; and I’m only 25 now!! Drop this immature asshole and don’t worry so much about relationships; you really should just enjoy the time you have being your age while you have it. There’s so much I wish I would’ve done differently looking back, but you’re still there. Don’t make the same mistakes I did; do good for yourself. You deserve it 🙂↕️✨
You’re too young for that shot. Move on, live life.
No offense, and I mean this with love and respect but…the fact you’re contemplating is BEYONG stupid.
Move on. Get you a man who gives a shit about you. Hell be single and just enjoy your own company for a while. You’ll learn a lot about yourself.
nope
Never ever go back.
You are young. Don’t pursue something that is already broken. He made his choice, now you need to make a good choice for yourself.
No.
Didn’t even read the post just the title and the answer is no
If you were giving advice to a friend you love who is telling you about this- what would you tell her?
Take yourself out of the situation and really see it for what it is. Then follow through ❣️
The problem will be you will always be wondering in your head if he will do it again. Maybe a good break is in order allowing the both of you to grow a little.
No
I had around the same age as you guys whenever I committed the same mistake as your ex partner did, only on a longer note. At the time, I had believed in second chances, but later I realized that it was to me that they had given me second chances to and because of that, they got hurt in the long turn. Not only them, but also me as well. I got hurt trying to make it up to them, fix what I had broken, but once you break it, it is extremely difficult to mend it back. Because as long as you’re with that person you did wrong to, they’ll always be reminded of that one error you made to them. It never goes back the same after that. You and that person can try and make it work, but that pain never goes away. Learned that lesson the hard way.
I’d suggest you do yourself and him the favor and not accept his suggestion. This will save so much of y’all’s time and pain together. He may say the things he says and it may be true, but most of these comments that say that “if he truly loved you, he wouldn’t have done it in the first place” are right. He would be serious from the start and wouldn’t have to second guessed himself to even try another woman or not other than you.
His actions also shows that he truly doesn’t know what he wants yet in a partner and that’s okay. It wasn’t okay that he didn’t tell you the truth at first. Perhaps for the same excuse I used when I first lied, trying to protect the feelings of that person so that I wouldn’t hurt them. But I hurt them more by lying and then finding out the truth later.
Always follow what you believe in and follow your gut. I learned that often times, a girl’s gut feeling is 100% right.
There are no “moments of weakness” or “stupid mistakes” like this when you truly love someone. Everyone else just stops existing
Only ask reddit if you want to leave your spouse.
There has never been another comment
As an older brother I’d never let my sisters get back with a guy that did that. Don’t go back with him you deserve more than what he can ever give you.
“ I just can’t get passed that”
Are your words worth anything?
Just because nothing was really wrong before, doesn’t mean it was right either. This guy is comfortable with you so he keeps you around but in the meantime, he is actively looking for something better. You deserve better than that! Kick his ass to the curb and never look back.
No don’t take him back
Cheating is a massive personal health risk. Not worth catching an STD from someone who has bad impulse control.
Once you see all the red flags, dump him!!
It’s up to you.
He’s gonna do it again if you take him back, so the choice is yours, the longer the relationship is, the more it’s gonna hurt you later on
You are too young to look backwards. Move forward with your future. At the age of 19, you have A LOT of life ahead of you. In fact, you are just starting life. As someone who swore he wouldn’t get married or have kids, I married at 50 and kids at 54. I’m not advocating you wait that long, only that there is so much more in life, to life, than to dwell in the past and a momentary relationship.
What about giving second chance ?!
You deserve better, he broke trust
No.
Find someone who shares your idea of love and devotion.
You’re young. Plenty of fish in the sea. Don’t go back to him.
Just do what you feel like, you will learn either way. In my experience people don’t look to anyone else unless there is something missing in the relationship, either choose to find out what it is that he feels is missing and work it out, or just simply don’t give him another chance and move on.
Here’s a different point of view. No excuse for cheating but to be reasonable, If only dating 5 months, he maybe just made a mistake. Guys are driven by sex many times, especially when young. (I assume he’s under 28) it may have taken the break up to realize what he had. I would talk to him. After sitting down with him you make firm rules about connecting with another women. I only say this so to newness of your relationship and youthful urges. He needs to control his urges and maybe this lesson can teach him.
Nope. He won’t stop, he’ll just get better at lying and hiding it. Been there done that. And I was blamed for not trusting him…
No he’s a creep
Block him
No.
He treated you nice to make up for the fact that he was trying to cheat. So you wouldn’t suspect that he would do such a thing.
But he has, and you caught him. Sure he didn actually cheat on you but he SURE AS FUCK TRIED TO.
instead of thinking it as giving him a chance to build trust again, think of it as him asking for a chance to perfect his ability to hide his cheating.
He knows you’ll look at messages now, so now he knows to delete any messages to make sure you’re “none the wiser”. He’ll make sure conversations with the other person are tame on his end or even do that dumbass thing where he saves the girls number as a dude or a restaurant.
I gave a cheater a chance. He didn’t cheat on me but he sure did fuck me up nonetheless with his BEHAVIORS that made him cheat in the past. Cheaters aren’t JUST cheaters. They can also be Narcissists, emotional unavailable, trauma theyve never processed.
Or (and this is the REAL funny one) they can’t handle having someone who is “too good to be true” so they draw They’re own conclusion of faults about you (which is actually them projecting their own faults onto you) and say “well im just gonna hurt them before they get a chance to hurt me!” Then end up looking like your ex when they realize THEY fucked up a good thing after the fact.
There’s always reason that encourages them to cheat. They’re ultimately just excuses.
>However I’m a believer that if you truly love someone you wouldn’t even think about talking to someone else.
Maintain this belief always. Never give someone the benefit of the doubt about this. You know the answer to your own question.
Learned the hard way after taking my ex back, she cheated on me again. Once a cheater, always a cheater. They’ll likely just try to make it harder to get caught the next time.
Cheaters don’t change. If you go back, that’s on you.
Next
He is begging you because she isn’t interested. You are second best option in his eyes. If she was up for it he would have been cheating. Get far far away from him and value yourself!
No
Girl, he literally cheated on you. If you take him back after that, he’ll do it again. Please no
I’m old way old but I do remember when I was young and I made relationship mistakes I was thinking about myself living in the moment just like everyone at that age does. So I would say give him another chance monogamy is tough at 20.
Absolutely not. If you get back with him, that will train him that he can continue to do it and you will forgive him. You’re only 19, don’t settle for shitty men.
No backsliding. He’s a liar. He’ll say anything to get you back. But, you know you can’t believe him. Trust is everything.
hell no
Is it worth it to you now, and in the future to continue the relationship?
Never take an ex back until twenty years have passed. Every time I took one back, it got worse, not better.
This behavior will reappear down the road. It’s a certainty.
When someone shows You they are, believe them. Taking him back is giving Your permission for his behavior. Walk away, and keep walking.
Don’t waste your young years on shitty people, by the time you’re actually a mature adult you’ll have trauma and trust issues. Just accept that ex’s are ex’s for a reason, and stay single til you meet someone respectful.
Don’t take him back. Found out the hard way, don’t ever go back with your ex.