My boyfriend (30 M) and I (27 F) live together. Today we had plans to go out to a rally nice dinner, I was very excited. After work, he mentioned meeting at the gym, which I responded to as I’m debating on the gym. But I also need to do my hair (for the date). I did inform him that I would be weight lifting. He responded to okay I’ll just take my time here then. I assumed we would be meeting up.
So I get to the gym, I don’t see him. I’m there for nearly 45 minutes before I finally reach out asking where is he? I thought he’d still be here but I see on the ring camera he pops up home. He then texts me to let him in, he lost his keys. Okay… so I responded what happened to your keys? He didn’t answer the question, instead he went around the question and mentioned he thought I wasn’t going to the gym. I told him I never said that wasn’t going. So he said he’d wait for me to get home, I was almost done with the gym anyways.
So then I ask him again what happened to his keys? He ignores my questions and tells me to “lock in.” I asked him like where did he go? Again, didnt answer and told me to lock in su the gym. By now start getting a bit annoyed because now it seems like he’s evading my question.
I get home and I asked him what happened? Where was his keys? He responded he lost them and he doesn’t know where they are, hence why they lost. He only has his headphones from his keys but the keys itself is gone. I’m confused on why he only has his headphones but didn’t hear his keys fall? So I proceed to ask him where his car is to which he responds, “I don’t know.” He told me he had to Uber and it was expensive but the gym is only 3 minutes away from our home.
At this point I get annoyed because it just feels off and weird. He left with his keys, lost it and doesnt know where his car is but he comes back with none of his things he left with?
So I get annoyed because I feel like every question im asking, he’s dodging. I get silent. He did ask me what’s wrong I said nothing as i’m trying to process my own emotion and I don’t want to get mad or say something in the heat of the moment. (I know now, I shouldn’t have said i was okay but it was the first thing that came to mind).
So we finally are at the restaurant and I ask him again what happened to his car? He finally tells me he gave it to his cousin to use. So why didn’t you just say that the first time? Then he gets irritated that im irritated with him (which I understand). I ask him did my questions bother you to which he responded, “I’m not trying to argue with you right now. What do you want?” So I get silent again and we have a quiet dinner. I try talking later, he hardly responds.
In the car I ask if he’s mad to which he says he isn’t mad he’s irritated that he spent a lot of money and planned a nice dinner date for me to be mad over a car.
I’m not mad over the car, I’m annoyed that it took me to ask so many times for him to just tell me his cousin took the car. I thought something happened and the story just seemed off to me which is weird. He stated obviously he was just kidding because he wouldn’t be so calm if something happened, but he didnt seem as if he was joking and my boyfriend doesnt really overreact in stressful situations. At no point in time did he say oh I was kidding about it, my cousin has it. I asked multiple times to which he didn’t reply or gave evasive answers to.
So then I told him I was trying to talk with him not argue and if we would’ve talked then he’d realize its not about the car. Then he proceeded to say that he doesnt want to talk right now and now we are in silence.
All I wanted was to know what happened? He comes home with missing keys, none of his things he left the house with, saying he has no idea what happened to his car, and not being at the gym when he was there. Yeah I’m a bit confused and the whole thing feels off. I felt like he was just jumping around with excuses. At any point he could’ve said just kidding, but he didn’t. He didn’t say anything until I had to ask again at the dinner.
It’s a bit frustrating because I feel like we live together now so asking like oh where have you been? My boyfriend sometimes feels like he’s being police being asked questions like that. We’ve had a talk before where I told him that I don’t want to police him but I simply like asking to be aware. I wouldn’t tell him no no and he’s gone places before and left and I don’t ask where he’s going.
I just really don’t like evasive things either. I don’t think that since we are in a relationship together, we should be able to just be open and communicate no problem. I have nothing to hide here. He states that ge was joking but it didn’t feel like a joke
Im wondering did I overreact? Now we aren’t talking and I feel bad because i was really looking forward for this date but I really don’t like how any of this went down.
Comments
Fucking A, have you never lost something?
You’re exhausting.
Girl he is suspicious AF. Why couldn’t he just say he borrowed the car to his cousin? Why couldn’t he at least say that he will tell you later when you get home? Why being so weird about the keys?
It’s suspicious. I would get mad too if my partner lost his keys, came back without car and refused to say what happened.
He is trying to put guilt on you for the whole situation while he is still hiding what actually happened. If it’s no big deal, why haven’t he just said the truth the first time you asked?
Honestly, while you did ruin the date, I think it’s very understandable why you did so.
To be honest, the whole “cousin took the car” thing sounds like another excuse. Like something he came up with that finally made you shut up/sounded believable enough, so he’s running with that now.
What actually happened is… a total mystery to me. No keys, no car, no things he left with? And he was at work before this happened? Makes absolutely no sense to me. Let’s say his car got stolen and his stuff was inside – why not say that? If he had sold it to get money for something, he would still have his other things. Drugs might make him unable to drive, but not take his keys and other things. I really have no idea…
Good god! Bro was frustrated he lost something and didn’t want to talk about it. I got exhausted just reading this. YTA.
NTA. I don’t buy his story. Something is off he wouldn’t evade the question several times like that.
So what’s really going on?
Why would he tell you he lost his keys and car instead of just saying he loaned the car (and the keys that go with it) to his cousin? Is there some weird history of drama there?
Because the way he handled it now makes the cousin story sound less plausible than it would have if he’d just said that up front.
I’m a trusting person and I’d be annoyed if I got interrogated all the time. But asking him where his keys are when he’s locked out of the house isn’t interrogation or showing lack of trust. It’s a valid question.
While I absolutely think you were annoying for continuing to press on this repeatedly in such a short time period, he ultimately did this to himself by not just telling the truth. Basically neither of you handled this well, but no issue would have arisen if he hadn’t acted the way he did first.
He was lying to you and you could tell. Pushing in that situation is entirely reasonable. He’s probably still lying. He has no basis for being annoyed. If he doesn’t want to be treated like a liar, he should try telling the truth.
So many people taking this guy’s side and it blows my mind. The way he acted was weird. Changing stories is usually a sign of lying, as is giving information piecemeal. So what, he said he was going to the gym but was actually dropping off his car with his cousin?
A normal person would have responded to your original question something like: “Yeah I was going to work out but then my cousin needed the car and I lost my keys, but I just don’t feel like talking about it right now. Let’s just focus on enjoying dinner.”
Instead he only gave information when specifically asked and only after avoiding the question multiple times, as if he was buying time to think of the lie. I think he scrambled to come up with something when he realized you went to the gym and found that he wasn’t there.
I bet there is something else here like you don’t like his cousin or don’t like him lending stuff or have given him a hard time before.
He sounds like he’s over your bullshit and I would be too
girl please do not listen to these comments about you being dramatic—they’re from men who think this type of behavior is normal. I genuinely would have acted worse if my boyfriend came home and (nonchalantly) told me he lost his whole ass car, because how?
I also would’ve canceled dinner tbh because are you having some type of mental break that you misplaced your CAR? do we need to go to the police if it was stolen?
very suspicious. this is also a 30 year old man who should know how to communicate with his girlfriend—especially since you live together. how do you build trust + a life together on secrets and lies?
red flag that he doesn’t like “being policed.” that’s just simple communication and refusing that is sneaky in my opinion 🤷♀️
If you live there too, then “where are your keys that unlock the door to OUR home” is a more than valid question. He was the toxic one, avoiding answering perfectly normal, reasonable questions.
Maybe he’s cheating and left his car with his side piece. Or maybe he’s caught up in gambling or sonething and lost his car. I don’t know what the answer is, but he’s definitely hiding something.
This is weird.
He’s hiding something.
The fact people are saying that your boyfriend needs to dump you, for questioning where his literal CAR is. That’s insane to me. If my boyfriend came home and said “idk where my car is, idk where my keys are” I’d be very concerned and ask if he needs help. If he didnt need help and just said “idk where it is, it doesn’t matter” it would be a whole different problem. You don’t just lose your whole car and just not care. They are expensive and they are important. Also, your house keys.
Your questions are valid. It was not a “joke”. He seems like he was making excuses until he figured out what to tell you. Maybe he got it impounded or repo’d and is too embarrassed or stressed out to tell you. He probably didn’t wanna ruin the day and just got annoyed because he literally couldn’t answer the questions you were asking.
The people that are saying you’re insufferable or exhausting, are definitely single and have had horrible relationships. I understand your confused and your boyfriend doesn’t like being questioned for some reason, but I think it should be a whole sit down thing, where you should express your feelings and concerns about what happened. Ask if he needs help. If his cousin did take it, maybe reach out to the cousin or family, than tell your BF that you didn’t appreciate the joke because it was “stressful”.
Check his uber trips if you’re not trusting what he said was true. Yes a whole relationship is about trust, but if there’s something that breaks that, even a bit. There’s every reason and right to communicate it.
I wish you the best of luck OP <3
I mean, he literally lied to you