Everyone is really mad with me about this one but I thought I would ask here to get a second opinion
so, some time ago my brother decided to temporarily leave his family due to stress. This has left my SIL to take care by herself of their business, their farm, and their two kids (an 1.5 year old boy and a 2 month old girl).
I have been trying to help her out however I can. Mostly, I have been helping with childcare for my nephew. We live relatively close so I always try to stop by after work to pick him up and will either go to a park with him or bring him to my apartment. It’s not much, but my SIL seems to be grateful for the help.
My SIL and her parents don’t have a great relationship, and she has not allowed them to see either of their grandchildren yet. I think that’s why they have been weekly knocking on my door and leaving me texts to ask to see my nephew.
This is where I might be the asshole: I haven’t let them. We have been doing this for a little over a month now and they keep asking to see him and I just tell them that they can see him when they get permission from their daughter. At first they were really nice and came with toys and other stuff for him but they have clearly grown impatient because they are now saying they will accuse me of kidnapping the kid and get me arrested if I don’t let them see him. They are no longer allowed to go into my building, so that has made them more mad I guess.
I once asked my SIL about it and she flat out said she would never let them see her son. I didn’t want to keep pestering her about it because she’s so exhausted lately so I have just updated her on the situation every once in a while and that’s it. She has thanked me for not letting them see him.
My family is absolutely furious at me. They have started to get messages from SIL’s parents and think I am bringing drama. My mom say they are only desperate grandparents that were forced to do this because my SIL will not allow a relationship, and that there would be no harm in letting them meet their grandkid once or twice since my SIL wouldn’t have to know. I’m confused, I just didn’t want to go against the word of the mother, but maybe I should have just avoided it and let them see him? They don’t seem like bad people. AITA?
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Everyone is really mad with me about this one but I thought I would ask here to get a second opinion
so, some time ago my brother decided to temporarily leave his family due to stress. This has left my SIL to take care by herself of their business, their farm, and their two kids (an 1.5 year old boy and a 2 month old girl).
I have been trying to help her out however I can. Mostly, I have been helping with childcare for my nephew. We live relatively close so I always try to stop by after work to pick him up and will either go to a park with him or bring him to my apartment. It’s not much, but my SIL seems to be grateful for the help.
My SIL and her parents don’t have a great relationship, and she has not allowed them to see either of their grandchildren yet. I think that’s why they have been weekly knocking on my door and leaving me texts to ask to see my nephew.
This is where I might be the asshole: I haven’t let them. We have been doing this for a little over a month now and they keep asking to see him and I just tell them that they can see him when they get permission from their daughter. At first they were really nice and came with toys and other stuff for him but they have clearly grown impatient because they are now saying they will accuse me of kidnapping the kid and get me arrested if I don’t let them see him. They are no longer allowed to go into my building, so that has made them more mad I guess.
I once asked my SIL about it and she flat out said she would never let them see her son. I didn’t want to keep pestering her about it because she’s so exhausted lately so I have just updated her on the situation every once in a while and that’s it. She has thanked me for not letting them see him.
My family is absolutely furious at me. They have started to get messages from SIL’s parents and think I am bringing drama. My mom say they are only desperate grandparents that were forced to do this because my SIL will not allow a relationship, and that there would be no harm in letting them meet their grandkid once or twice since my SIL wouldn’t have to know. I’m confused, I just didn’t want to go against the word of the mother, but maybe I should have just avoided it and let them see him? They don’t seem like bad people. AITA?
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> 1) im not letting them see my nephew
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You are a good BIL. SIL is your nephew’s mother and you are respecting her wishes. There is a good reason why she does not want them to meet her children.
NTA
But how did they know the nephew is occasionally with you?
Nta, your parents are almost on the no-contact list as well
Absolutely NTA. You have been strictly told by her that your nephew has to have no contact with his grandparents at all. Ignore your mother and anyone else in your family who gives you shit for this. This isn’t their business.
Whatever the reason for no contact, whether anyone else thinks it’s justified or not, you would be the arsehole if you went behind your sister in law’s back and allowed her parents access to her child.
Do not go against the parents wishes if you want to continue to be in this child’s life. Be proactive and go to the police and advise them of their threats. Get a restraining order and be done. If your parents keep acting the way they are your sil is gonna stop them from seeing her child too so they better mind her boundaries. There is clearly a reason she does not want them in her child’s life and everyone needs to respect that.
Honor your nephews mothers wishes. If she is estranged from her family I’m sure there is good reason.
Courts don’t take kindly to manipulative claims of crimes.
NTA
I’m sure your SIL has very good reasons for not letting HER parents see HER kids. You need to follow what SHE wants. I’d tell your parents to block hers and honestly things done behind people’s backs always come back to bite you in the butt.
NTA, there’s a reason your SIL has made this decision and it’s no one’s place to question it. She knows her patents better than all of you and the fact that they’re getting angry and causing more trouble over it is a red flag.
Imagine how awful you would feel if they somehow harmed the child. Your relationship with your SIL and nephew would be completely broken.
NTA. It’s not your right to let them. You would be TA if you did. You’re in a difficult position but stay strong.
NTA. If you want to continue to have access to your nephew, you will abide by SILs wishes. Allowing the grandparents to see him will land you directly in No contactville. Continue what you are doing.
NTA, they ARE bad people for trying to circumvent your SIL’s wishes. There is NO reason they need to have access with your nibling without her knowledge or consent.
TELL HER what they’re doing and saying, as she may need a restraining order. Good people would respect SIL’s boundary, until and UNLESS she relaxes it. If they can’t have a good relationship with mom, they can’t have one at all with bubs.
If you allow them to meet LO behind SIL’s back, she WILL cut you off as well, and you WILL deserve it.
NTAH. The mother’s word is final. It’s not your place to go against the mother and you should warn the mom not to let anyone else babysit as they might just take it upon themselves to let the grandparents see the kids. Tell her the pressure they are putting you under and tell her you do t trust them
NTA
Do not let them meet him. If you do, your SIL will most likely not let you meet him anymore. That means she’ll be a single mother without any help.
Absolutely NTA. You sound like a great person – keep on respecting your SIL’s wishes, whatever your (or her) parents say. It sounds like you don’t know why she doesn’t want them to see their grandchildren, but you don’t need to – she will have good reasons.
You might want to get her to write a note with a photocopy of her ID demonstrating that you are looking after the kids at her request, just in case they follow through on their threat to call the police on you. Also worth considering that no matter how nice they seem, that very threat proves they’re not nice people! They know full well you’re authorised to look after the kids and they’re trying to coerce you to do what they want – that’s an AH move.
absolut 1000 NTA
you are a great uncle who respect the wishes if their mother 👍👍
NTA mother of the child doesn’t want someone in contact with her child that’s the end of it. They can threaten all they want SIL doesn’t want them to see nephew then they don’t see him. Thats a major boundary. They can’t charge OP with kidnapping either because the child’s parent knows you have him. Actually if OP lets the grandparents see the child without permission all sorts of issues will arise.
When they call or text tell them they have to get permission from SIL. She will then let OP know if the child is allowed to see them.
Right now SIL is keeping them away for a reason. If you let them have contact then you’re helping them establish a relationship with that child and they can sue for grandparents rights. Even though SIL hasn’t allowed the contact by OP letting them see the child she’s giving them the grounds that will force SIL to give them visitation rights.
SIL is NC for a reason and just from how they are pushing they will sue for grandparents rights or custody. It’ll all come down to OP allowing it to happen. No matter how much you help out your going to make SIL life much harder by giving them access to that child. Don’t do it she’s NC for a reason.
NTA. What the parent wants is paramount here. None of you know what led to her cutting off her parents. For example, would your family still want to override the NC if they knew Grandpa had molested your SIL and Grandma looked the other way? Did this happen? Who knows. My point is, you don’t know! They need to butt out. All of you should simply refuse to have the discussion with the grandparents. “I can’t help you. This is up to your daughter. Don’t contact me again about this.” If they persist, hang up or block them. Keep your SIL constantly informed so she has all the pieces of the puzzle and can make informed decisions.
NTA if she doesn’t want them to see the kids, it is final, no matter the reason.
And besides, if they were so innocent as I’m sure they pretend to be now, they wouldn’t be in this position to start with.
Next time they bother you, tell them you will be the one calling the police. And mean it.
NTA at all you would be the AH if you went against his mother’s wishes and did let them see him.
NTA. Your SIL has a reason to not want her parents around her children. That’s it, full-stop. I would tell SIL that your family doesn’t see a problem with going behind her back and facilitating an introduction so she can add them to the list of people who clearly can’t be trusted with the children.
NTA. DO NOT LET THEM SEE HIM! I don’t know your SIL’s history with them any better than you do, but chances are that they were/are abusive. They may not seem bad to you, but that’s common in how abusers portray themselves to the public. The fact that they are regularly harassing and threatening you shows that they are not, in fact, good people. Please continue to keep your nephew safe and respect his mother’s wishes as you have been. If they keep bothering you, report them for harassment.
Unless a danger will result, you need to follow the parent’s instructions. NTA.
> They don’t seem like bad people.
Lots of bad people don’t.
NTA
You’re only following the child’s parent’s wishes. Once the mom gives the ok, you can start letting them see the kiddos when they are in your care.
Oh hell no. The custodial parent does not want these people to see her child and from your description of their tactics at using a time of stress and difficulty in her life to get around her decision, she’s right to do so. The poor woman has been let down by her husband and clearly by her parents and you seem to be the only one who respects her decision and is supporting her when everyone else is out for themselves. Let them try to accuse you of kidnapping. The police will laugh in their faces when they confirm that the child was willingly entrusted to you (get that in writing by the way). And as for your family trying to pressure you into disrespecting her instructions for caring for her child, remind them that this situation exists only because the son they raised ran out in his wife and babies because life got too hard. Boo hoo. Do not back down. Your sister in law is the only person with enough knowledge to decide whether her parents see her child or not and in her situation you need to be the hero who stands by her where the rest of your family has failed. I give you a lot of credit for stepping up to help, even when it gets hard. That takes character and selflessness. Be proud of yourself and NTA. The flying monkeys can have any opinion they like. The only agreement that matters is between you and SIL
NTA. She knew these people as a child, and I’m sure she has very good reasons for not letting them see her children
Obviously something bad happened with your SIL and her parents and you need to respect her boundaries. If you break that trust you will never see those children again. Please stay in her life and continue saying no to people you don’t even know or care about.
NTA. Don’t allow anyone to see your nephew that their mother doesn’t approve of. If you allow the maternal grandparents to see the kid against her wishes, you will destroy your relationship with SIL and probably be on the ‘not allowed to see the kids list’ as well. She’s the mother, and she knows her parents. She’ll have her reasons for not allowing them access. Her decision is final on this matter.
Your family are only getting mad at you now because they’re being contacted and they don’t want to deal with it. They’re not thinking of what’s best for you, SIL or those kids, just that they don’t want to deal with it. Your SIL isn’t going to trust someone to watch her kids if they allow someone she’s said isn’t allowed to see them around. If you cave, it’s not just you that won’t be allowed to babysit those kids, it’s every member of your family that advocated for breaking the no contact order the mother decreed. That will leave your SIL even worse off.
I would recommend talking to SIL again. She may be willing to explain her reasons, she may not. But you should let her know that, not only are her parents continuing the harassment, but your family are pushing for you to allow them to see the kid against her wishes, too. You can come up with a plan together to keep her parents away, stand firm on her boundaries, but also support each other through all this.
Where’s your brother in all this? You say he left due to stress, but he needs to step up for his wife and kids and back up her decisions with your family. Even if he doesn’t come back home, he needs to at least be telling your family to back off. This is his family and his responsibility every way you look at it, though. Parents don’t get to just abandon their responsibilities like that, he needs to get his act together and either come home and work on his stress levels with his wife, as a team, like they’re supposed to be, or go for divorce and 50/50 custody, or at least some custody time with him paying child support. He certainly needs to deal with his family trying to bulldoze over the mother of his child’s wishes concerning her children.
For you, keep supporting SIL. Keep standing firm on not allowing the grandparents to see your nephew. Tell your family that they’re free to block the grandparents if they won’t stop harassing them. Document everything so you can report them for harassment if you have to. But don’t give those grandparents access unless you want to destroy your relationship with SIL and potentially never see those kids again.
nta – start watching nephew at your SIL’s house. she does not allow her parents on her property, problem solved. her house, her child , her rules.
Do not let them see your nephew. Mom said no. And since Mom is the only one there her side is the ONLY one that matters. People go no contact for very good reasons. You would be a massive asshole if you let them any where near the kid.
NTA who’s to say that it won’t be an attempted kidnapping by them. Right now I would go no contact with my parents and get ahold of my brother. Its his kid and he needs to be kept in the loop
SIL’s kids, SIL’s rules. NTA.
No one else’s opinion matters here.
NTA. What’s your family have to do with it? They just want you to get SIL’s parents off their backs! These people should be doing what they can to help SIL, not go behind her back. Your family would do better to turn their attentions on their son who abandoned his young family when the going got tough. We don’t know the whole story behind SIL’s estrangement with her parents. I’m sure she has her reasons.
“They don’t seem like bad people”. Nice people don’t threaten to make false police reports about kidnapping to get their way. I’d be calling the non-emergency police line and reporting their threats just to keep ahead of their game.
You are just doing what the boy’s mother asks and the grandparents do not get to decide anything nor do the rest of your family (except your brother who seems to not be involved), you’d be TA if you went against her wishes. So, NTA.
NTA.
Things were so bad that SIL stopped having contact with them. That’s a high bar in most situations, no one wants to stop contact with family.
She is charge of who sees her kids.
I’d also stop talking about this with your parents. Just don’t engage with them. Don’t leave your nephew with them without mums express permission as they sound like they’d be sneaky.
Grandparents don’t have rights, they have privileges and they can be revoked with bad behaviour. Remind your parents of that.
Also, it sounds like you are doing a great job and doing what you can for SIL. It’s a shame that instead of helping, your parents are causing more stress
Your SIL has her reasons, and you need to respect those. Also, stop sharing her business. Your brother is the one that left his family, so your family doesn’t get to say shit about anything.
NTA, but you should ALWAYS respect the parent’s wishes (as long as doing so is safe and healthy for the child). If you don’t, you’ll just alienate yourself from her, and from the kids, and it sounds like all three of them need you right now.
There is obviously a reason your sil doesn’t want your parents around the children, and whatever that reason may be, it’s up to them to work it out. I will say though, the fact that they’re threatening you and acting like this… I don’t blame her.
Tell them no, and don’t discuss anything to do with the children with them. If they show up, call the police. If they threaten to call the police, let them. They aren’t your nephew’s parents or legal guardians, so their word means nothing – it will make them look nuts and strengthen your sil’s argument though.
Nta. Your sil has a set a clear boundary and you are respecting it. Keep doing that. Every threat they make against you is pure bluffing. There’s absolutely no action they can take against you. If they do try to call the cops, get your sil on the phone immediately so she can tell them you have explicit permission from the child’s parent to have him in your care. Hell, get it writing if you think they’re serious. And stop sharing information with your parents. They’re the leak. Whatever happened between sil and her parents is her business. If she feels like talking about it, she will. Until then, you’re doing just fine.
NTA – nobody has a right to dictate anyone’s child. If his mother doesn’t want the grandparents around then what she says goes its her baby and honestly you don’t want to get kicked out of his life for their bs
NTA If the mum says no, it’s no. They can call the cops on you, but nothing will come of it but wasting time and money. Ask them directly why they don’t have contact with her and her children? Heck, ask your parents to ask them. And stop telling your parents stuff or they might get cut off, too!
How did the grandparents get your phone number and your families?
NTA. Grandparents pretty blatantly showing their colors if they’re threatening a false kidnapping charge. I’m shocked you would say they don’t seem like bad people. Only awful people would intentionally press false charges. Don’t believe those are just threats. Trust SIL. Even if she’s wrong, she has a right to decide who gets to be around her child. If you give her reason to believe you’ll let grandparents around anyway, not only will you be responsible if what she’s worried about comes to pass, it’s the last time she will trust you with her kids.
As for your parents, it’s probably hard for them to see the other grandparents being shut out. Makes them paranoid that the same thing could happen to them. To some people, sticking with family is mandatory, no matter how they betray or hurt you and immutable truths like that comfort them. But a lot of kids would be better off if the priority of which people are in their life was determined by the amount of love, compassion, and integrity they possessed over blood relation.
NTA. My parents are abusive narcissists who you haven’t seen or spoken to for over 12 years. They will not be going anywhere near my child because I believe they pose a significant risk to them. If someone tried to overule me with that, or tell me they thought better they would be cut out too. Your sister-in-law knows her parents best, please don’t listen to anyone else.
NTA. Respect SIL’s boundaries. This is her child and she makes the rules. She knows her family and has chosen to keep her child separate from them for a reason, do not undermine and second guess her on this one.
Your parents are out of line. You do not know if there is harm or not in allowing them to meet the child. Here’s the worse case situation, they meet the child, now they sue for grandparent’s rights and custody because they have established a “relationship” with the child.
You said these don’t seem like bad people. These “nice” people threatened you with the police and kidnapping charges. These “nice” people threatened to destroy your life to get what they want – that’s what kidnapping charges do. These are not “nice” people.
Support you SIL and respect her boundaries and decisions.
nta his mom said no and you should NOT go behind her back. She gave you permission to have the nephew and they wouldn’t get far claiming kidnapping. But maybe you and sil could put something on file with the police to preempt any such effort?
Definitely NTA. You’re adhering to his mother’s wishes, and they’re trying to bully you into getting what they want instead. I’m assuming there’s a reason they’re not allowed to see your SIL’s kids, and they’re trying to circumvent that roadblock through you. It’s not your family’s decision, either. That’s for their mother to decide if she’s ever ready. You’re just following through on what their mom thinks is best for them.
NTA. Get a cease and desist order. Your parents are also TAH—I get that they likely feel uncomfortable and have empathy for the other set of grandparents, but this is not your call in the slightest. You’re a babysitter, not a legal guardian. Your job is to care for your nephew and respect his mothers boundaries. Period.
NTA. These people are trying to manipulate and threaten you into giving in. Wonder why SIL won’t let them near the children. 🙄. Tell them and ANYONE else who has something to say about the situation that you are respecting boundaries and they should try it. Your poor SIL has enough chaos to deal w/and those people sound horrible. Contact the police, let them know the threats. If those grandparents are dumb enough to pull that stunt they deserve the shitstorm that will follow.
NTA
Respect the mother’s wishes and let local law enforcement know about the grandparents’ threats. And next time they show up, call the police on them if they refuse to leave.
As a parent, NTA for sure! That would be rubbing salt in the wound for SIL at an already difficult time.
Their relationship goes through SiL, not you. You are helping, but they aren’t your kids to decide that.
NTA
BTW, there are many hidden abuse reasons people keep their kids away from grandparents. Thank you for following her wishes.
Whatever you do, do not let them see the kids. Even if you don’t know what it is, your SIL must have a very strong reason for not letting her parents see HER kids. Even if the reason seems stupid for other people. She’s the mother, so it’s her choice, not yours, not your parents and not the other grandparents. Call the police if they harass you, and if they call the police on you, tell them that the mum doesn’t want them to see the kids and they will confirm with the mum. NTA
Edit- if you go against SIL wishes, you will be out of her and kids life. It’s not worth the risk.
NTA. They can accuse you of kidnapping and then have them arrested for a false report.
NTA. You’re following the directive of SIL that her parents have no contact with her children. If you were to ignore this and allow the grandparents visitation, you’re going behind her back, betraying her trust, and adding to her stress levels.
Stop telling your parents what and where you are when you have your nephew. Stop giving updates of when he’s in your care. The mother only needs to know, not the grandparents. Their worry is that it was easy for your SIL to cut contact with her own parents, so it would be easy to do the same with them. And she could if the parents are all friends and not respecting her boundaries on how to interact with HER family.
NTA – The Mother who is the parent caring for the kid says they don’t get to see the kid, so they don’t get to see the kid. This is one of those cases where its not particularly complex. If the SIL’s parents want to see the kid they need to reach out to their daughter and convince her.
Anyone who is willing to accuse you of kidnapping a kid you are taking care of for their parent, isn’t a good person. The way they are trying to force contact really is a huge red flag. It suggests to me, they have a side they don’t show to most people, and you are just seeing a little of it.
Lots of people feel real threatened when other people go NC with their parents. There is likely a very good reason for your SIL to be doing this and it is a red flag when other people “protest too much” about it when it is none of their business. Do your parents have some bad parenting history they are afraid of being held accountable for? It’s not a good look to care more about the grandparents access than to care about the wellbeing of the child who is being withheld from them.
NTA. Your parents are about to lose access to these kids as well. Tell your SIL exactly what has been happening and that it is likely your parents leaking information.
She has every right to know. If your brother can’t he there to protect his family from his parents, it sounds like you need to step in and make sure she is getting the full story.
NTA but your brother and your parents are absolutely the AH here.
It is quite apparent why your SIL does not want contact with her parents. Good grandparents maintain a healthy, boundary driven relationships with the parents and that is when everything flows like it should. The Grandparents are roping in your own parents (also grandparents) to circumvent these boundaries. Do not cave to this pressure.
And your brother. He needs to step up for his kids. Get his butt in therapy and figure it out, quickly. I get stress – I was a single mom of three kids. No excuses here.
It doesn’t matter if they “seem” like nice people. Nice people can be quite different behind closed doors.
Just respect the mother of the children. She needs help, not another issue.
NTA.
You’re helping your SIL. You don’t know or need to know why your SIL and her parents are estranged. Treat it like a fact with no room for interpretation. If people – including your family complains that you are not letting them see the child, correct them. Remind them that you have no authority in who sees or does not see the kid – that is your SIL’s right and hers alone.
And if your parents push, remind them gently that your SIL has too much on her plate and this is not their fight. They should be grateful SIL hasn’t cut them out too, she doesn’t need the badgering.
As far as “they don’t seem like bad people” – I hate to see the people in your life. Good people wouldn’t be endlessly needle you and accuse you of kidnapping. Those aren’t good people!
No way should you allow them access to the children without their mother’s explicit permission. No way!
NTA
Your parents are the worst here.
They have no business weighing in on the relationship between your SIL and HER parents.
Your brother (their son) abandoned his family. Maybe your parents should be poking their noes in HIS life to help him straighten up and be a proper father, and leave SIL to manage the single-parenting the best way she knows how.
NTA sister-in-law’s parents are bad people. Why you think she’s not letting them see their grandson? There is a reason for it. If she doesn’t want to tell you, then it’s none of your business. It is also none of your families business. Do not let the grandparents see their grandson unless your sister-in-law says it’s okay. You will not be charged with kidnapping for babysitting. In fact, if they even tried it they probably be charged with filing a false report. You have your sister-in-law’s permission to babysit your nephew. You’re doing the right thing by following your sister-in-law’s instructions about her parents. You are not bringing any drama; the grandparents are.
Their a reason she don’t want them round her kids an if you let them be prepared to not be allowed to see them either
NTA do not let them see your nephew. There are reasons why your sister-in-law has decided not to allow her parents to see her son and until she gives them permission to see him, keep them as far away as you can.
There’s a very good reason they aren’t allowed in their grandkids lives. No one who needs as much help as your SIL would keep them away unless the reason for the NC was absolutely horrific.
Respect the mother. Do not allow them access to the kids.
Your own family sounds like absolute winners too. How did you avoid becoming like them?
NTA.. You are doing the right thing and respecting her wishes. The grandparents are being incredibly disrespectful showing up to your house and demanding to see him and also threatening to have kidnapping the child is totally out of line you have done what your sister-in-law wants.
NTA. You are respecting their mother and legal guardian’s wishes. End of story.
DO NOT LET THOSE PEPLE NEAR THE KID!!!!!! Can’t say that loud enough. His mother gets to make that call. Not you and not her in-laws. Doesn’t matter her reason. Her parents know she has banned them and now they are trying end run around. That itself is pretty creepy and telling
Point out to your family members who disagree that mom has control. Mom makes the decisions. Should they decide to ignore mom’s wishes and play the game. She will cut their contact with the kids as well. It isn’t their decision
NTA. This isn’t your decision to make. End of story.
YWBTA if you allow the grandparents to see your nephew. Your SIL has made it absolutely clear that she does not want them seeing her son. That’s all the matters. I would also look at your parents and tell them to butt out or they may also find themselves cut from the list of people allowed to see the children. Your sil may wash her hands of all of them. Thank you for respecting her boundaries and honoring her wishes.
There are ALWAYS reasons why an adult child chooses to go low or no contact with their parents and limit or eliminate contact with their own children. Whatever their reasons are, that is their business only. But there are ALWAYS reasons.
NTA
You are honoring the MOTHER’S wishes for HER kids.
The grandparents can kick rocks.
NTA so far, but if you keep thinking “They don’t seem like bad people” you could be at some point. Remember, most vile, abusive assholes “don’t seem like bad people.” Many of them even seem perfectly charming and nice. I expect there’s an incredibly good reason why your SIL doesn’t let them see her kids, and Y-W-B-T-A if you went against that.
OP DONT YOU DARE. You are not the guardian of that child, and while I trust that you have your nephew’s wellbeing at the top of your list and want only what is best for him, if mom says no then the answer is no. Full stop. Their escalation shows that they aren’t above bringing other people in and now victimizing you, like they may have victimized their daughter. She has reasons for her actions, and whether or not you know them, whether or not they are good reasons, the right thing to do is to listen to his mom. I’m sorry you’re in this position, it sounds like you are doing your best. Don’t give in, or you’ll be just as bad as them in her eyes.
SIL never told you the reason, maybe her dad is a child predator, this could be the reason for this extreme step. Don’t do it, it’s her kid her decision. Avoid telling your parents.
NTA
Always follow the parents wishes. They’re her kids, she sets the rules. Just because you’re currently caring for them, does not give you the right to make any other decision for them. The rest of your family are dicks for trying to skirt around that decision.
So far, youre doing great. Don’t bend to the outside pressure. You’re helping a likely tired parent take care of her kids in the best way possible by simply following her wishes and letting her relax a little while you have the kids.
NTA
Your SIL has her reasons for being No Contact and keeping her child away from them.
Do NOT break her trust by giving in.
Just because you think they don’t seem bad, doesn’t mean they aren’t.
They could be verbally abusive.
They might have been financially abusive.
It doesn’t matter, it is HER choice and decision.
Everyone should be respecting it.
I would heavily suggest letting her know what is going on though.
Especially IF they are stating they will try to get you charged with kidnapping.
You do not want the cops to suddenly show up at a park and her get called to the scene with them there.
That will be traumatic for everyone, especially the nephew and a post partum momma.
In fact, I would consider getting a copy of everything (texts, emails, social media posts, letter from landlord etc.,) and telling SIL that calling police to at least have a paper trail would be a strong start.
As for your parents, they need to back off. It is NOT their business as to why there is no contact, and I would suggest that when nephew is with you, you do not go see them or allow them over.
In fact stop telling them anything about SIL, nephew and niece.
They are more than likely giving updates, and causing more issues by stirring the drama pot.
I am worried that your parents would allow nephew to see his other grandparents without SILs permission.
Hopefully your brother gets the help he needs and comes back, or at least sends money so she can get some assistance in the form of people to work the farm.
Something isn’t right OP.
Stand your ground with your nephew and do not let those people meet him without permission.
NTA. Continue to do what the custodial parent instructs. No need to feel guilty or torn because it’s not your place to make that decision.
NTA. It’s not your call. If SIL doesn’t let them see her kids, it’s not up to you to allow it.
NTA. Only allow them to see him if you want to lose visitation also.
Restraining order.you and your sil need to get a TRO before they escalate and bring lawyers into it. They don’t stand a chance, there’s a reason those people are not allowed to see nephew.
Your family sucks, it’s none of their business. They are sticking their noses in without knowing the whole story.
Do not, under any circumstance, talk to them. But you need to have a conversation with your sil to understand the whole story.
NTA
It’s 100% your SIL’s decision if her parents see them, not yours, and you know this. You’re being helpful by backing her up in many ways, and this is one of them. Your family doesn’t get a say. They don’t want to deal with them? Block them on everything. I had an ex MIL that sounds much like SIL’s mother (had as in being she died 6 years ago). When I did not allow her to see my kids when their father left she went to my parents’ and cried (literally) about how she didn’t know why I didn’t let her see them. My mother, who generally has a ton of patience, had to leave the room. My father, who’s certified in conflict negations, negotiated her out of their house without giving her a straight answer. It got to the point I had to involve the police when she showed up at their day camp trying to get around me seeing them. Keep backing up your SIL. The one nice thing I can say about my ex sister in law is that she flat out told her mother that if she didn’t leave me and the kids alone, she’d cut off access to her son as well. (Which she ended up doing for other reasons several years later.)
Your SIL needs support. You’re giving it. She’s probably relieved that you’re backing her up as it’s one less thing that she has to stress about right now.
Nta. Follow sils rules or lose access as well.
You have a great thing going for all of you and if others want that, they can offer her assistance as well.
nta your family has no clue why they have been kept away from his son. could be extreme abuse for all they know.
NTA
This is your SIL’S child, and what she says goes no matter who thinks it doesn’t. You may want to keep a signed statement from your sister saying you have permission to keep your nephew in your home, and that his paternal grandparents are not permitted to have any contact with him. Just in case they do report you for “kidnapping.”
Tell your parents that if they continue badgering you to do what your SIL forbids, they too will not be permitted to see your nephew as well.
Your parents are not trustworthy; stop telling them anything concerning your interactions with your SIL and the kids.