I 33f married to my wife 34f have become super upset with my partner over her relationship with people on Xbox/discord. We’ve been together for almost 9 years, married for 5. I feel they’re getting more attention not only at night while she plays, but throughout her day on discord. She claims it’s her making friends because she feels she can’t do so in real life, but I don’t think that’s the case. Her phone is now always face down, she’s always smiling at her phone, and I’ve got a gut feeling it’s more than just friends. I feel she’s seeking attention in more than just a friendly way. I caught her claiming my daughter and I were financial burdens on her on discord to a stranger and since then I just haven’t trusted it. Every night it’s Xbox. Throughout the day she’s posting pictures of herself (which she used to be super self conscious about) on discord and talking to people. She mentioned today she wanted to have photos taken of just her in somewhat of a boudoir (not nude) manner. I feel like someone is behind this confidence, and it’s not me. I’ve tried for years but now all of a sudden it’s a thing. Am I being insecure, or do I have a reason to be worried?
Overthinking or valid?
r/Advice
Comments
Before jumping to conclusions, sit down and openly discuss your concerns..
Valid
I’m sorry you’re going through this. The lack of communication on her end is really frustrating. I think it’s worthwhile to try talking to her again. It’s a cliche sounding therapy thing, but it works: try using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Like instead of “you’re hiding things from me”/ “you’re making me feel” etc, maybe “I feel worried and self conscious about our relationship when ”. Wording is huge. Maybe suggest couples therapy if you’re open to it to have a neutral third party to help communicate. I’m sorry and hope things get better for you
Valid worries, changes in character/routine are already indicators of something changing in her so it’s definitely not nothing!
trust your gut, if something feels off, there is always something to it
Oh boy you have a serious problem here. Definitely need therapy she’s got a horrendous addiction problem. Besides that it seems like she’s looking to cheat. Put your foot down about the hours she’s spending on the phone gaming. Tell her therapy or else. Good luck.
I would talk to her about how much time she is spending on Xbox and discord. Tell her you want some time with her alone. If she doesn’t respond to that then explain how it’s not working out for you