Hello, I’m 18 (F), and I have a ‘kuya’ (older brother figure) who’s much older than me. This kuya has helped me a lot during the darkest points of my life. He knows everything I’ve been through. He also knows that I was raped, how it affected me, and how it changed me.
Kuya had a girlfriend before. I’ve known for a while that they broke up, but I never really asked why. Then during one of our recent conversations, he admitted that he raped her.
He explained how it happened, but I don’t know how to believe him. He knew she didn’t give consent, but he still went through with it.
I don’t know what to do. This kuya has been my guide, the one who’s always been there for me. I feel so betrayed. It’s disgusting and sickening. I never imagined he could do something like that, especially when he knows exactly what I went through.
Right now, I can’t talk to him. I’m deeply disgusted by him, but at the same time, I can’t help but worry about him. And i don’t know what to do. I’m so lost and confused.
Comments
Stay away
One thing that I can say that is redeemable about your brother is that he confessed to the rape. It doesn’t in ANY way make it OK that he did it, but it means that he did not lie about it.
That being said, it is 100% up to you if you want to associate with your brother anymore. It mostly depends on if you feel safe around your brother or not.
You said it correctly, he is a rapist. He confessed to such. It is up to you as to whether or not you want to have a close relationship with him right now. Only you know if you are safe around him or not.
It’s devastating to learn that someone who supported you through your trauma could cause the same harm to someone else.
Your safety and healing come first. It’s okay if you need distance, if you feel conflicted, or if you’re not ready to decide what to do next.
Is there someone else you trust who can help you process this? Maybe look into a therapist or even an online support group.
There’s no right or wrong way to handle this situation. Whatever you choose, your feelings are real, and you are not alone.
It feels like he’s been supporting you through everything not just because he cares, but because he’s carrying guilt. As if his way of making up for what he did, for putting someone else through the same thing you experienced. It’s like he’s trying to ease his own conscience by being a “good person” in your life, but in reality, it might be more about him than about you.
That is my take I could be wrong though. But as everyone else is saying – stay away from him.
Who he rape ?
If you keep silent and support his actions, it means you support his tape too.
The excuses of “ he helped me” can make also another victim, you should put yourself on their position.