I’m cis female, and conventionally ugly. I’ve tried all I can to better my looks in the traditional ways. Shaping brows, getting rid of any facial hair, taking care of my skin, had braces, am thin, etc. However, I got dealt a really bad hand in terms of bone structure. Big crooked nose, very square jaw, uneven lips, genetic dark circles, droopy eyelids, etc. I can’t name a single feature of mine that fits conventional beauty standards.
Out of curiosity, I tried out dating apps. I heard pretty much every woman will get matches on those. Despite including a lot about my talents and hobbies, I still got none. I just want to have a chance with guys. I just want to be treated like a person. It feels like I’m invisible, and just watching everyone else live while I get to be a spectator.
Should I spend my savings to get a nose job (and some other surgeries later)? I’m total, the procedures I want would total $30-40k in the long run, and would make me more ‘average’ looking and less freak. Has anyone had plastic surgery for the societal benefits?
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I think it’s important to remember all of these supposed “ideal features” are just social constructed in certain areas. Beauty standards are different all across the globe, so perhaps it is just a product of your environment that is making you feel not good enough. I also think the increase of social media usage has made people unable to differentiate what is real and what is edited, most “beautiful” people you see online look much different without make up and filters. I personally think you shouldn’t spend the money on plastic surgery. I know it can be difficult when the world makes you feel like an outsider for not fitting the mould they want you to but you need to think about yourself. You’re a product of human nature and that is beautiful. The same universe that created all other pretty things in life. Spend your money on experiences like traveling the world. I think a change of perspective is what you need rather than surgery.
I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. I’ve known many beautiful wemon with large crooked noses and square jaw lines. Maybe you’re not the conventionally pretty type, but I’m sure you’re attractive to someone out there. Most men would be attracted to a genuine smile and fit figure more often than not. Save the money and grow into your looks. Maybe see what you can do about the things that can be helped, in a more natural way. It’s hard to offer any advice without seeing you, but don’t despair, and I wouldn’t do something as drastic as surgery without a lot of thought. Good luck, and I’m sure you won’t need it.
i haven’t had plastic surgery, so i can’t weigh in on that aspect. what i can tell you though, is that before you get any work done, you need to find a way to be confident and happy with who you are right now. confidence comes from within. when you base your happiness and confidence on external factors, you’ll find that the goal post is constantly changing. there will always be one more thing to fix or get done to feel prettier, but you won’t. i mean maybe for a little bit, but the insecurities will always creep back in. you have to address the root of the problem first. you have to love who you are and how you look right now. it’s easier said than done, i know. especially when everything you see online and in movies is size 0 models with perfect botox and all of that. but you will find someone who thinks that you are beautiful exactly the way you are. and if you can be the first person to realize that, other people will quickly follow in suit.
now all of this is not to say that you absolutely shouldn’t get work done or that it won’t have anything good come of it, that’s not what i believe at all. i just want to make sure you know that the “before” and the “after” are equally as beautiful 🫶 and i want you to do it because that’s what you want and not because you think that’s how you’re supposed to look or that it’s the only way you’ll ever be found attractive, because it’s not.
Are you doing this because you want a partner and feel like this is the only way to get one?
If you want it for YOU, then do it. If this would make you like yourself more, that is. Please don’t do it for some rando you may or may not meet.
I would talk to a reputable cosmetic surgeon and see what they suggest. Start small. See if you like the results.
Support is very important for any type of surgery, so make sure you have a good support system in place, family, friends, maybe even a group. Counselling also may help with your self esteem.
Again, if you want to do it. Do it for YOU.
Also, if appearance is the root of your insecurities, would you consider trying just a hair and makeup type of makeover? Sometimes less invasive (and less drastic, less expensive) measures might help you to feel better about yourself.
The trouble is, men who are picking based on beauty are likely to jump ship based on beauty too. I’ve seen several AITA posts where someone is dumped when the fact of the surgery is “discovered.” If you can find someone who is attracted to you for your character as is revealed in shared study/hobbies/activities, you are more likely to form a lasting relationship. Unless what you actually are looking for is easier hookups, surgery won’t help much.
A nose job might be one thing, but most other plastic surgery makes the person look like a freak show. (Unless the surgery is correcting birth defects or is reconstructive.)
If that what makes your heart happy then so be it.
If plastic surgeries will gain you more confidence and valued as a person then go for it. Do what makes your heart happy🥰🥰