My husband and I haven’t heard a word from his mom and suddenly after announcing our 2nd and last baby being born she’s wanting to reconnect and constantly messaging us on Facebook or through various family members through my husbands side.
Mind you this we also have a 4yo son she has shown NO INTEREST in whatsoever. After he was born she refused to meet him or even come to visit which my husband was going to open our home and pay for her flights to and from and even told her (through his dad as she ignores my husbands calls) not to worry about it as he would take care of it.(he has also tried to get her to visit multiple times in general through his dad) She has also been extremely vicious towards me “taking” her son away (we moved 2 states over because I received a job offer that we decided was best financially and mentally.) Some hurtful things were also said regarding my looks, career choices, whether I “fit” with my husband because I “wasn’t his type”. She said horrible things to my husband as well such as “ungrateful”, “go ahead and abandon me just like”, “the worst son that ever walked this earth”, “why don’t you leave me next” etc.
My fil however is a different story he’s been extremely kind to us and has visited and gotten to know his older grandson and is even visiting a week for Father’s Day to celebrate with my husband and meet his new grandson. Whenever my husband asks him about his mom he just says “she’ll either learn acceptance or regret all her choices.”
With our 2nd and last baby we decided to name him after my husbands older brother who passed away a few years ago. I left the choice up to my husband since I named our first born and he decided to name him after his brother and I agreed as long as he was 100% sure of it and he even brought up the idea with his dad who said he would love it and be honored if we did, he did try to contact his mom about it as well but again she ignored him and basically told fil to not even mention my husbands name around her as she “doesn’t care about the son who abandoned her.”
I feel like she is now only wanting to reconnect because of the name. She’s ignored and said things to my husband, things even more horrible than listed, her only living son and now is suddenly wanting to reconnect? I feel like she is gonna project onto my kids but at the same time I don’t want to overreact.
My husbands skeptical and tbh so am I but like I said I don’t want to read too far into things and if she did have a change of heart I would love for her to get to know her grandsons and her son.
It’s just conflicting and I’m not sure what to do. Do we let her in our lives and forgive or do we also ignore her? I know my husband had a hard time growing up with her as she always compared the two brothers and favored one over the other but he was so excited to be a dad for the first time and thought maybe this would bring them closer as it would be a first grandchild for her (when our oldest was born). When it didn’t he gave up on her and solely just communicated with his dad and other family members. We have talked about it and he said he would love for her to have a change of heart but he doesn’t genuinely believe in her changing but is willing to give it a shot. He made it clear that he doesn’t want a relationship with her anymore but if she is genuinely wanting to know her grandsons he won’t stop her unless the kids don’t want her around or if she says something to or about them.
Fil would like for us to give her a chance but says he understands given the circumstances of the past and arguments we’ve all had with each other.
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I would really not. Think about it this way – it sounds like she’s already favoring your new little one over the other who she couldn’t bother to meet because of his name. Do you want to knowingly put your kids through a relationship with a woman who gave your husband issues so she can do the same thing to them? Her behavior has the potentially to be HORRIBLY damaging to your children. There’s no reason to accept her back. No accountability for previous behaviors, no changes there’s just no reason