I’m 19, studying for a 4 year program in a USA university. funded by my dad. Recently, my younger brother back home started telling me that things between my parents are getting bad.
One example is when my mom asked my dad for a large sum of money due to her feeling like she wasn’t provided enough financially (even though she was a stay at home mom), and instead of just giving it to her, my dad threw the money onto the floor in front of her. Physically, harshly. And now they fight more up to like 2/3 times a week. My bro also told me that apparently he eavesdropped that both our parents never had a stable relationship and hid it from when we were born, and that they almost divorced due to some cheating incidents (which i just found out by my brother recently). Right now they are considering on divorcing again. So at this point I am sure I never knew when they fought or the state of their relationship since they are so good at hiding it.
Now both of them (being ones always tell us to never drink) are emotionally drinking and drinking sleep medication, separately, in different rooms. There was one instance in where my dad was crawling on the floor drunk and shouting.
My dad messaged our family group asking us to help him “flag” which girls on his Instagram look like red flags, because my mom asked him to unfollow women. He said he wants our help to monitor and tell him who he should unfollow in the future, and that my mom already started unfollowing some accounts from his IG. It’s weird, like a cry for help masked as compliance. We shared a ChatGPT account and in his prompts I saw typings by him of wanting to disappear or die. But I have this gut feeling like he is exaggerating it.
The thing is he doesn’t know that I know all of this.
My brother secretly tells me all the happenings. I think if I directly brought it up with my dad, it’d destroy his pride or destabilize him more. He’s very fragile right now.
I don’t know what to do. I’m not supposed to be part of this mess, but emotionally I am. I feel like everytime in my hometown I was kinda the counselor for both sides (and frankly its getting tiring that they can’t handle this themselves like adults) and now when I’m abroad things have been going worse. Whats the best and most mature course of action?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
As a son you get both of them to sit together and gotta take a little responsibility and let them know that you know everything going on between you guys and you don’t shag to try or hide from us kids and be ready to listen to both of their sides and understand what they want from each other and in their own lives and take a decision after discussion with your brother
Sometimes all they need is for their voice to be heard and some consideration that’s all try this