Throwaway account.
Been dating my gf for a 3 years I’ve noticed over the last year or so that my gf won’t believe me if I say a fact or something I heard on the news. She will become skeptical about what I’m saying. If I say oh, I saw that it will take this long to get tona destination and she sees me looking, she will pull her phone out to double check. If we are having a conversation about a topic and she doesn’t understand, she will find it too hard to believe anything I say because she can’t understand or comprehend to the point that I must be wrong because she doesn’t understand. If we make plans for the following day and I say, it will be sunny and warm … She will double check. I simply don’t understand why she keeps double checking or not believing me. She’s a few years older than me so I wonder if it’s this thing where oh she’s older so I must be wrong and she must know more…
At the end of the day, I feel like it’s a constant battle a times because I feel like I have to prove myself because apparently, she can’t take my word.
So, Reddit gods… How do I go about this?
EDIT: A reoccurring thing she likes to say when I end up being right is, I didn’t know.
Comments
I do this with my siblings all the time and it’s just because I like being an ass. Could she be the same way?
Make sure you don’t slip up and be wrong.
Can you give us another example of the types of topics you’ve been discussing? I think that might help to clarify cause this seems to be a new thing she’s doing.
Sometimes you have to earn trust. If you are always right and not BS what you say she will learn to take your word. If half the times, or even 10% of the time, what you say isn’t correct, expect this behavior to continue…
How was her childhood? I would guess this may not be an issue with you personally, but perhaps is more of an issue related to trauma in the past. Some people develop a habit of not trusting anyone, even significant others, because of constantly being let down or disappointed in the past by people they were supposed to be able to trust. It can play out, even in littlest things.
If she like this with everyone, then you just live with it because you love her.
If she blindly listen to her friends or someone else without checking, then you’re fucked.
She probably doesn’t think you’re reliable and looks down on you.
Talk to her about it? Don’t bring it up when she does it and be upset in the moment, but tell her how you feel about it when you’re both in a neutral place.
I dealt with the same thing with my bf. Firstly, if I were you id talk to her and express these feelings. In my bf’s instance, for the entirety of his childhood, family figures and authority figures told him things that were straight up incorrect. He would go along with it, and it would often lead to bad circumstances. As a result, by the time he was an adult he had basically been conditioned to double check everything
If you speak to her you’ll be able to figure out why she is that way. I can honestly say that this is rarely an issue for us now that he knows the reason he was that way. Even now when he’s unsure of something, he’s much more likely to look up it up on his own than ask me if I’m sure all the time. But he generally trusts that I’m not misleading him.
Is she a Democrat and you are a Republican?
If she asks you something just tell her to look it up because she’s going to do that anyway.
I get it OP. I would also be annoyed AF! ESPECIALLY since in a few of the examples you gave, SHE asked YOU for the information. If she doesn’t believe you, why won’t she just look it up herself??? It’s like she enjoys wasting your time.
Idk if this is break up worthy for you but I would totally understand if it is. Going through this for the rest of your life sounds exhausting. If it isn’t break up worthy, then simply tell her to look stuff up when she has a question.
Wow this sounds extremely irritating. I couldn’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me or thinks I’m stupid and can’t possibly be right on anything.
My ex did this and it drove me crazy. But she was manipulative and emotionally abusive, and her refusal to believe me may have been a way to crush my spirits.
My wife almost always believes me unless it’s something really wild, and I really notice and appreciate the difference.
Men want peace. That’s not peace, dude.
Don’t feel bad about things.
You described it as though you both are an old married couple 😛
Do an experiment. After you end up being right and she says ‘I didn’t know,’ change the mood into something light, say something cringey like ‘I do it all for love’, and followup with a treat request like cooked dinner, chocolate, coffee, etc. If this works then your relationship can move to the next level.
Good luck
Trust issues and anxiety. Being constantly lied to or given responses that were just meant to appease her that had no real truth or meaning so she learned not to trust what other people tell her and feels she can only rely on herself. Feeling you are not reliable. Anxiety and worry for whatever reason. Being lost, cold, wet 🤷🏼♀️.
I always say, Date longer, you can’t hide crazy forever. -> maybe crazy is peeking its ugly head.
I suspect, based on your comments, that you’re more intelligent than she is, and she thinks you’re a know-it-all. I’ve had this with people where I’d just be talking about whatever and they’d get real resentful and start questioning everything I say, and if I told them to look it up, they’d say “I don’t feel the need to look it up” and things like that. Like, they just wanted me to be wrong. If you think this might be what’s going on, I’d reconsider your situation. You want to be with an intellectual equal ideally, and if not, then someone who respects your intelligence is fine too.
I had a relationship like this. She was used to being the smartest person in the room previously, then we got together and she wasn’t, more often not, that person.
First year together she’d check things if I told her something she didn’t know. She eventually gave up on that but I could tell that it always bothered her. Glad it didn’t work out
This is either a control issue or she thinks you’re stupid. Hopefully it’s the former, but it’s really the lesser of two evils.
Your options are to convince her to work on her trust issues, perhaps via therapy, or for you to decide that this is just an aspect of her personality and she’s a package deal. I had to do this with my husband; he does the opposite thing where he assumes he understands everything about a topic that he knows absolutely nothing about. I call him out occasionally but just leave it be most of the time, because he’s not going to change and it’s not worth my mental energy.
Your third option is to decide to tell her that she is making you feel disrespected, and give her an ultimatum of either learning to trust you or you will end the relationship. But you also have to be willing to do it, to decide that this isn’t worth your emotional and mental energy anymore and walk away.
If you can’t do any of those three options, it will continue to bother you until you don’t even want to talk to her and begin to resent her, which you are obviously trying to avoid.
Powerpoint presentations every single time with factual evidence. Mine stopped pretty much after the 10th one in a row.
Have you talked to her about it?
Neer heard “you were right, I was wrong”? I feel you pal…
IDK why she does it, but I suffer from the same affliction on any “facts“ people say. I will very often fact check them discreetly, or if comfortable with them, less discreetly. I trace it back to my INTJ personality type.
Your girlfriend would drive me nuts.
Have you discussed her habit of disbelieving you the double checking your information? Have you told her how it makes you feel?
Other things you could try:
When she asks you for information, tell her that since she never believes you, she should look it up herself.
When she expresses her disbelief, ask her to walk you through how she came to distrust your source of information.
When her disbelieving your information on how long it will take to get to a place, tell her that you’re leaving and you’ll meet her there.
tbh don’t get mad at curiosity. All the time is a bit much, but its better than if she took everything you said at face value
If you’re not married or attached just move on dude. You’ll forget about this person quickly.
It may not be that she doesn’t belive you, per se, but that to make it easier for her brain to process the info she needs to read it/hear it for herself.
I do this and that’s why. If I don’t hear/see something for myself my brain comes up with all the ways in which I could be basing decisions/actions/assumptions on incorrect or incomplete information and that feels like a lot of pressure that I can easily avoid by just looking for myself.
I know it’s frustrating. I don’t want to do it all the time but it helps the brain shut up.
If it makes you feel better, every woman does this. If you break up with her and date another woman, they will also do this
Dude this is super normal and super annoying I been dealing with it for 11 years