When the person you are in love with breaks up with you (when they consciously and deliberately decide not to be in a relationship with you), it hurts more than when the person you are in love with dies (when the relationship ends due to unfortunate circumstances).
In both cases, you loose all contact to that person, only in the first case, it’s a matter of unrequited love (rejection and abandonmet).
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Better to be Chosen than Unchosen.
Being Unchosen bites.
I feel your brother but it’s important for growth, you’ll be a better person afterwards! You can do it!
My dog dying hurt worse than both of those things.
I can’t imagine having to deal with knowing another dude is backshotting your former partner
Widow here, you have no idea what this pain is, trust me.
It definitely kills ☹️
Heavily disagree. If my girlfriend broke up with me it would hurt like hell, but I would probably eventually get over it (maybe in a few years), but if my girlfriend were to die then there is a good possibility that I would want to go with her.
Self-centered people think this way
It is painful on both counts! I physically lost (30 years ago) and I also lost emotionally to a guy (40 years ago) who was treated like a rock star and I decided not to compete anymore and it was extremely painful for me
I think there is a sadder pain with emotional because they are still able to revisit and reopen the wound
My first husband died and I don’t know that I agree… even if you end in the worst of worst of worst terms, there is always a tiny piece of you that knows, whether realistic or not, you could potentially get back together one day. When they die, that’s it. Done. Never again. It is completely finite. Knowing that you will never even see their face again hurts so bad…
Spoken by someone who has never dealt with the death of a loved one before. Very childish opinion.
This just sounds like you don’t love anyone
Yeah, for you. Thinking like this is probably why they broke up with you.
Tbh they both hurt equally for me
I’m a widow. I’ve been through breakups, and breakups do not even come close to the pain of my husband dying.
Someday, you may find yourself in my shoes, and you’ll realize what a profoundly terrible thing you’ve said here. For your sake, I hope that day never comes, because I wouldn’t wish this hell on anyone.
It’s also not usually your fault if the person dies. But it always feels like your fault to get broken up with.
You’ve clearly never lost someone important to you.
As someone who has gone through both? No.
Take a lap
No; maybe ACCOUNTABILITY is hurting you lmao but it ain’t them. What you do for them to break up with you?
If you’d rather your ex be dead than broken up with you, they were right to break up with you. You have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. Being dumped sucks, but I’m glad to know my exes are alive and doing well with their lives. Having someone you love die is so much worse. I only hope you forget you ever posted this by the time it happens to you.
….uh. No.
It’ll be sad and upsetting but I’ll move on eventually. If things were amicable I can still chat and see them.
If they’re dead???? All of that gone. it’s over. Complete they’re gone and you’ll never get them back or talk or hear how they are or even know if they’re around. And that pain hurts much much more.
I see you’ve never had to break up with someone you’re in love with
Yeah… no. I don’t even need much in the way of life experience to say for sure that having someone die is a lot worse than them just leaving. One is forever and unwanted by most of the time both participants, the other comes with reasons and doesn’t necessarily mean forever.
Ngl, as someone who’s lost people very dear to me through both death and rejection. I am wholly offended. Losing someone because they chose not to be with you is an offense to the ego. Losing someone because they died literally warps your sense of reality.
Just trying to find an unpopular opinion aren’t you op?
something tells me you haven’t experienced the latter…
Are you basing this from experience? If so, I can’t entirely disagree as this is how you feel.
However, breaking up is a severed relationship with at least one person loosing that emotion or some back stabbing incident. If they die, the love had an unexpected drop off and you would never be able to see them again.
I feel like due to wagering situations, in general, you’re wrong.
You get over being broken up with when you find someone else. You never get over it if they die. You might move on but they were and “now” always will be your true love and you’ll have to settle for your second love.
This is hands down the most narcisistic out of touch take I have ever read on reddit. That’s impressive, good job. Upvoted.
I disagree. I see the other person as their own person apart from me. Because while it devastatingly hurts, it only hurts me when we can no longer be together.
Them dying it’s so endlessly heartbreaking. They no longer exist, their dreams, their memories, their hopes and wants and their whole life that was ahead of them has ended and heartbreak is left in its place, not just for me but for their family, friends and those that they created bonds with in their lives. They don’t ever get to love and built a family even if it’s not with me. Thinking of a world where they no longer exist even if it’s not with me by their side really really hurts to think about. But that’s just how I feel about it.
Probably untrue tbh
But – to give you credit, a breakup if rough enough does actually stoke the grief process
The main reason for this, is that you feel invalidated on an egoistic level – which is real and valid and just kinda how it works
This is either a shit post or you’re 12 and have never dealt with grief. Coming from someone who’s lost multiple family members (one of them being a parent) and friends (one of them being someone I was in love with but we never got together), I would much rather think those people were out there okay, living their lives and that we just didn’t talk anymore than think of the fact that they’re gone and the ways they left this world.
Unpopular and correct. Either when you have a relationship or don’t with them, you feel used, discarded like trash, played when they refuse or break up. When they die, you get really sad but that person is forever remembered by you in a good light, you can look back and say that person loved me (regardless if they actually did).
It’s not like getting rejected will be your growth always, at some point it’s just doom. Love becomes a poison you can’t enjoy and have to make do with hookups and small affairs with whoever agrees to it with you.
Disagree. They’re equivalent to each other because you go through the same stages of grief with a breakup that you go through with the death of a loved one. Maybe that’s just my experience, though.
Thanks for letting us know you’ve never experienced the death of a partner
Jesus Christ
“Not yours woman sounds better than dead woman”- quote from my favorite writer and I strongly agree with that
Don’t agree at all lol
Recently broke up with someone I love. It really hurts but it’s not the same level as them dying.
If your loved one just died then they wouldn’t have an opportunity to also be happy. This is a really selfish way to think because I want my ex to be happy without me. I mean I love her. I want her to be happy and find that even without me in it.
Plus you get closure when you break up. When someone dies it very much feels like you don’t have that closure.
Have you ever experienced significant loss before?
Wholeheartedly disagree, good unpopular opinion.
I think it depends on the people. In a sense you are mourning the loss of the future life you were expecting together, and that does feel like dying. But its also the sign of a disordered relatio ship, if not an outright abusive one.
This just isn’t true. If someone leaves you, that means they don’t care about you anymore. Sure, you could ask yourself what if I did this and what if I did that, but at the end of the day, they don’t want you anymore and it’s over. If your significant other dies, especially when things are good between you two, you literally got your story cut short by cruel fate. Thats where the endless obsession of what life could’ve been like with them stems from. Unlike being broken up with, where someone actively decides to discard you, someone dying means they wanted to be with you, but it was taken away from you.
10000% untrue.
Dying can be painless, your logic is iron tight.
Thinking about my bf breaking up with me hurts my heart and makes my chest sink. The thought of him passing away alone is enough to make me tear up and cause anxiety. I would never wish his life to just be over if he chose to not be with me
To me, this is like saying a normal midlife crisis is worse than being falsely convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison.
I just know there’s a very insecure girl behind this post
Have you ever had a partner die, OP?
I’m glad I don’t have this mentality.
Spoken like someone who’s never had a loved one die.
My dad misses my mom every single day. It’s been 6 years and our whole family still hurts from losing her. It left a huge void in all of our lives.
If you got broken up with by someone who you love, was it really love? People who love you wouldn’t ever hurt you deliberately.
I have been widowed twice and divorced once. Yours is a really dumb comparison. It’s as bad as people who compare childbirth with getting kicked in the testicles. Each person’s pain and relationships are different. In my case, my losing my third husband to cancer after an 18 year battle has destroyed my mental and physical health.
It really does hurt 🥹
You been through both?
Have you been in love with a person who then died?
If you love someone and would find it less painful to see them dead rather than just not want you, maybe you shouldn’t be talking about love.
I think it’s fair that you feel this way. Different people seem to experience rejection or abandonment feelings at different intensities and in different contexts.
For me, I can respect when someone turns me down or breaks up with me. It’s not fun and takes some adjustment, but, unrequited love is a normal fact of life. It happens. I like wishing the other person well & I usually stay supportive after breakups.
Grief on the other hand is the worst mental pain I have personally felt. I have lost people I loved, and found a guy I had been in love with dead. And it was one of the hardest feelings I’ve ever experienced. It tore me apart and almost 10 years later I’m a completely different person, and I’m still not really okay since.
I watched a relative grieve her husband after his sudden death too. I can only imagine how horrible it feels when you shared a whole life and had kids with someone, and now they’re just gone. Gone on Christmas. Gone on your birthday. Gone on your anniversary. Gone on pizza night.
That shit is horrible.
In both scenarios they are gone, but I think it feels worse that their essence is not out there anymore, anywhere.
This person must be experiencing a lot of pain after a breakup to post this. It is so hard, however once you get over the first months/year, sometimes you can be comforted by wishing the person who broke your heart all of the best… despite that your paths won’t cross again. I can’t imagine how awful it would be if they died.
No
> double-checks the sub I’m in
goddammit, take the upvote and leave
this is not an unpopular opinion, it is callous ignorance
71 comments and we’re all disagreeing so there should be more upvotes! That’s how we get to see actual unpopular opinions here. If you don’t upvote opinions because you don’t like them, we’ll only see popular opinions.
If you truly believe that I don’t think you have loved a person so much as you loved the idea of them.
I know the feeling. It was during the pandemic. We truly loved each other but the entire world shut down. I ended up in Los Angeles and she was stranded in Norway. We tried to keep the romance alive. We would cook together via facetime…watch movies…talk for hours. But long distance can kill romances. I so dearly wanted to hold on to her but she was letting go. She even told me she met someone else. I told her i didn’t care. I would be kn the background. I was still in love but she slowly started to move on. One day she told me she told that decided to chose the other guy over me. She told me to never wait for love the way i did. In many ways she did me a favor. Being in love makes you do irrational things. Hell, i was even googling how to get on a fishing trawler to travel to norway from the US during the lockdown. LOL. I never spoke to her again but one day her IG profile showed up on my recommended friends list and the guy ahead of me chose looks like me. And they have a kid. Anyways im drunk. Heres to the big what ifs in life. It only took a pandemic from stopping me from finding love LOL
Upvoting this cause this is a crazyyyyy take LOL
I think this is a good unpopular opinion. Knowing you’ve been rejected hurts but losing someone and never even having the option of seeing them again hurts way more . I strongly disagree.
What hurts is seeing your spouse hit themselves in the face, bruise themselves by the action, then call the cops on you. Having taken a picture and now you’re on probation or convicted because of lies.
No it is not. In the case of death you lose someone who loved you. In the case of broking up you lose someone who doesn’t give a fck about you
You don’t carry the pain of a break up your whole life. You do carry the pain of someone dying forever though
I used to feel this way. I went through an excruciatingly painful divorce, which included betrayal from multiple people. I remember wishing he’d died. I felt it would have been a lot easier than living through the pain of that loss.
Later, I married someone wonderful, someone who is kind and giving and who I love in a big, unselfish way. When you love someone good—when it’s real love, you don’t wish them dead. You may even value their life over your own. I realize now that my first marriage wasn’t real love. I was reacting to pain and betrayal, not out of love.
I have a lot of health issues now and I have, sincerely, told my husband that I would understand if he wanted to be with someone healthier. I feel bad for holding him back—I want him to live a happy and fulfilled life. But he loves me so much that leaving me wouldn’t make him happy. And I love him enough to let him go, if that’s what he wanted.
It’s a whole different level of love than the selfish, hurtful kind I lived through before. I would never, ever want him to die for any reason, even if he couldn’t be with me anymore. I love him too much.
It’s definitely an unpopular opinion given how stupid it is lol
Not an unpopular opinion, just ignorant and naive.
Unless you’ve had the love of your life die & you’ve been divorced then no. You can’t say what is more painful if you haven’t experienced it.
Um, no. That is a very selfish love. You love them and need them to love you. You are more hurt that they are happy without you than if they cease to exist?
That’s possession, not love.
I think that only works when you view the person you are in a romantic relationship with as an object. If I care for someone, I would rather them seek happiness than die.
damn i wonder why they broke up with you
As a widow, I can tell you that you are wrong.
Well, updoot for actually being unpopular, I guess.
It would destroy me if my husband died. I’m a romantic, so I’d be terrified that my one true love, my soulmate, was forever wrenched away from me. With a break up, I’d have the comfort that they must NOT have been “the one” if they chose to leave me
This feels like the kind of thing Joe Goldberg would say.
News flash. If you’d rather your ex be dead than be with someone else, that’s not real love.
Tell me you’re a narcissist without telling me you’re a narcissist, and I don’t believe in throwing psychological terms around like candy from a Mardi gras float.
r/im14andthisisdeep
I haven’t lost a partner or experienced a break up yet. Knock on wood. Beyond the fact that I instinctively believe losing someone you love permanently is immediately way worse, to put it into more objective terms & focusing yourself and not the partner you loose: in one case you’re losing someone who actively loves you back. In the other you lose someone who chooses not to be with you.
Why do you have to make pain competitive? Both people in their respective hypotheticals should feel like their pain is valid and be given the grace to work their way through it. As a kid I used to believe that a parent abandoning you is more painful than a parent dying but when I matured I realized we all have our pain and have to work through it, it doesn’t need to be a race or a ranking