Hi – that is a burner account, for obvious reasons.
I try to keep it short.
Backstory –
I (24f) had a pretty crappy childhood, even tho I was never hungry, I was the unwanted child wearing second-hand clothes, and everything I owned was hand-me-downs.
My last memory of my father was when I was around 6 or 7, my parents were screaming at each other and that was the last time I saw my father.
My mother already had a new partner, and not long after giving birth to the long-awaited son – he got everything: name-brand clothes, new phones and even if my parents wanted to say no, he cried and still got what he wanted.
Today, I live in a rental apartment in Tallinn (Estonia) and my mother sometimes calls me, I sometimes visit if I want to see my friends still in my home town.
Quite recently my brother (17) told me that our mother and his father bought a house, they are going to sell the apartment and even tho most of the money from selling the place will go to renovating the house, they will buy him a car (BMW!!!) for 18th birthday!
I pretended that I was happy for him, not his fault he was spoiled. (It hurt me, I never got even a new bicycle)
A few weeks later my mother called me and told me she was sad to inform me that my father had passed away quite some time ago – she wanted to contact him about selling the apartment and found out that he is no longer with us, his sister will send the death certificate from Finland – his home country he went back. (No wonder I never found anything about him)
My mother found a buyer for the apartment and when she sent the death certificate to the notary they informed her that there was a will made by him leaving everything he owned in Estonia to me! (They did not inform me before, as they had no information about death.)
Suddenly I owned 50% of my parent’s apartment, as they got it together way before I was born.
Mother explained to me, that I should gift my share to her, as he paid no child support and she raised me alone! (Which is not even true, my step-father was there my whole life)
I told her, that I might use my share as a downpayment for my own home in Tallinn.
Suddenly both my brother and mother are mad at me.
When I pointed out that my brother bragged about a car my mother explained to me how I am an adult now living my own life, and I should not expect my parent’s support at the age of 24! When she was my age she was completely independent.
Taking 50% would mean they can’t even finish all the renovations they started in the house.
My brother keeps sending me messages that I am selfish and don’t care that it was his home too.
They are really mad at me.
I am not asking for advice, I will take my 50%, I am asking if that makes me an A.
AITA?
Comments
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Hi – that is a burner account, for obvious reasons.
I try to keep it short.
Backstory –
I (24f) had a pretty crappy childhood, even tho I was never hungry, I was the unwanted child wearing second-hand clothes, and everything I owned was hand-me-downs.
My last memory of my father was when I was around 6 or 7, my parents were screaming at each other and that was the last time I saw my father.
My mother already had a new partner, and not long after giving birth to the long-awaited son – he got everything: name-brand clothes, new phones and even if my parents wanted to say no, he cried and still got what he wanted.
Today, I live in a rental apartment in Tallinn (Estonia) and my mother sometimes calls me, I sometimes visit if I want to see my friends still in my home town.
Quite recently my brother (17) told me that our mother and his father bought a house, they are going to sell the apartment and even tho most of the money from selling the place will go to renovating the house, they will buy him a car (BMW!!!) for 18th birthday!
I pretended that I was happy for him, not his fault he was spoiled. (It hurt me, I never got even a new bicycle)
A few weeks later my mother called me and told me she was sad to inform me that my father had passed away quite some time ago – she wanted to contact him about selling the apartment and found out that he is no longer with us, his sister will send the death certificate from Finland – his home country he went back. (No wonder I never found anything about him)
My mother found a buyer for the apartment and when she sent the death certificate to the notary they informed her that there was a will made by him leaving everything he owned in Estonia to me! (They did not inform me before, as they had no information about death.)
Suddenly I owned 50% of my parent’s apartment, as they got it together way before I was born.
Mother explained to me, that I should gift my share to her, as he paid no child support and she raised me alone! (Which is not even true, my step-father was there my whole life)
I told her, that I might use my share as a downpayment for my own home in Tallinn.
Suddenly both my brother and mother are mad at me.
When I pointed out that my brother bragged about a car my mother explained to me how I am an adult now living my own life, and I should not expect my parent’s support at the age of 24! When she was my age she was completely independent.
Taking 50% would mean they can’t even finish all the renovations they started in the house.
My brother keeps sending me messages that I am selfish and don’t care that it was his home too.
They are really mad at me.
I am not asking for advice, I will take my 50%, I am asking if that makes me an A.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 – I decided to accept my share of apartment my mother did not know belongs to me, nobody knew.
2 – It might make me an asshole as it would mean they will not have enough money to renovate the house they bought and my brother will receive nothing from selling the place while I will get 50%.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
And I like your baller approach to this – I don’t care what you all think, I’m taking the money, and even if y’all label me as the asshole I’ll be crying all the way to the bank 🤣
Girl! Take the money!!
Your “family” doesn’t care about you and honestly don’t even worry about it.
You deserve better and better has finally come along.
NTA
NTA
take the money and block them!
Sometimes I read threads on here and I think “just wait karma will turn those tables tables” , just like it did here! Absolutely NTA, take every cent and adopt the attitude of you reap what you sow for your mother
Nta and good for you!! You had a shitty childhood, use this gift from your father to have a better adulthood and put the rest in the past.
NTA. Keep the money and cut them off. Your mom gave more attention and importance to a man then her own daughter, your stepfather doesn’t gives a fk about you and that little brother of you was raised like a brat. Keep the money and live your life
That money is yours your mother doesn’t need a “repayment” for taking care of you. Honestly she sounds like a dirty women for treating her children this way so OP you are NTA
NTA
There’s literally no way that you give her the money.
She showed you who she was when she remarried and treated you badly in comparison to your brother.
She is going to do the same thing now.
People hardly change and if they do they almost never change for the right reasons.
Don’t let her bully you.
Don’t let her intimidate you.
If she keeps harassing you for the money, hire a lawyer and get a restraining order.
Best of luck.
This is your money, not hers. You aren’t taking it from her, she is trying to steal it from you. What was she going to do if you’re father was still alive, she’d have to pay that 50% to him. And that line about your dad never paying child support…child support is for the kid, not the parent. Poor planning on her part is not your problem. And your brother not getting a beemer, boo-effing-hoo. Do not give them one red cent. NTA.
NTA.
You were neglected while your brother was spoiled, and now they expect you to sacrifice your fair share for their benefit.
Your father intentionally left that to you, probably knowing you’d never get anything otherwise. You’re not taking anything from them, you’re just keeping what was rightfully given to you.
Stay firm, and don’t let guilt manipulate you into giving it away.
Nta, take what is rightfully yours.
NTA – Take it and set yourself up!
Not at all. Your mother has raised a brat & seems to forget there is very little they did for you in comparison. The share of the property is what your father left for you, it doesn’t belong to your mother…and is especially not for your brother’s benefit. Time for him to grow up. Time for her to handover the share & time for you to do what you want with it. NTA
NTA. Take the money, and your brother can sell the BMW if he’s that concerned.
NTA. Tell your mother that she is an adult and she should not expect her child’s support. Use her work right back at her.
NTA! That is your money.
NTA but I’m confused as to why your mother thought she was going to get the whole amount if your father was alive. She was trying to contact him to sell the apartment, so obviously she knew half was his anyway. I think you’re being lied to, they can’t have factored that money into the new renovations.
NTA. Your mom and stepdad made it clear your whole life that you weren’t a priority, so why should their house renovations be your problem now? They had no intention of giving you anything until they legally had to, and now they’re mad because you won’t just hand it over. Take your 50%, get your own place, and don’t feel guilty about it. Your brother will be just fine with his BMW.
NTA. I get that you are feeling bad about it. But, legally half of it is yours. And had your mother treated you better I am sure you would be ok with giving her the money. But she didn’t. She put the bare minimum in your childhood, while the golden child got everything and more.
Take the money and invest it into your future.
NTA, I would block the brother if all he has to say is brag and say hurtful things to you. You did the right thing, your father probably let you all his things in Estonia as a small way to make things up to you, you’re respecting his wishes.
It’s your inheritance from your father take it and enjoy it.
NTA. They had no problem spoiling the golden child, but now that there’s actual money involved, suddenly “family” matters? Sounds like that 50% is long-overdue backpay. Enjoy house hunting.
NTA
It’s your money, from your inheritance, your stepfather and your mom can buy your brother the new BMW with their money.
NTA. Your mother and stepfather have plenty of money if they bought their son a BMW for his 18th birthday, though you got nothing. If you sign over your inheritance to her, your half brother will get that money too. He will get your mother’s share, you get your father’s share, so that’s an equal split. They’re just trying to manipulate you. I’m glad that you’re standing firm.
NTA you’re number one! I love this for you.
NTA – you getting half has no impact on your mother’s plans. She planned to sell before finding out your father had passed. If your father was still alive he would have got half
NTA. You had shitty parents, but atleast you are getting something out of it. I don’t know how Estonian inheritance law works, but since your dad was Finnish, then you would be entitled to inherit everything that he left behind even without a will. They should’ve found you when he died and told you. Someone messed up there big time. But if there was a will that will clear things up. Except for the fact that you were never told – big big screw up.
The money is yours. What if your dad was still alive, would he give all the money from the apartment to your mom? I can’t wrap my head around your mom thinking that she was entitled to all the moneys from the sale when she only owned 50%!
Take the money, buy an apartment of your own, and if your mom and brother keep being AHs, cut them off.
NTA. If your father was still alive, she’d only have 50%. She didn’t know that he wasn’t, and didn’t expect any more than 50% originally.
NTA, not at all, but out of curiosity, is there a chance your brother is only half your brother and your father knew that?
I find it interesting that he cut him off completely from his will (at least in Estonia per your post)
The fact that weren’t treated well rally has nothing to do with this. Your father wanted you to have that money, so it’s yours. Your mom just wants YOUR money to improve her life. That’s not the way the world works. You’d be giving away money for no reason. She can kick rocks. NTA
As a matter of fact, you should ask her for her portion of the money. Tell her you want a car on top of your down payment for a new place! It’s no different from what she’s asking of you.
NTA. You repay your parents for raising you by sorting out their affairs when they get old, not by giving up assets.
NTA, Hopefully he was hiding more stuff in Estonia. Get a lawyer in Finland and see if you have rights to anything there too.
NTA – it also sounds like she knew where your father was, or at least how to contact him all along….
NTA
If your father was alive, wouldn’t he get 50% of the sale of the apartment anyways?
Nta.
I doubt your mum and brother will speak to you after this. But I’m not sure you’d want them too