Help with Disordered eating in the family system

I’m not sure how to approach this. I’m not looking to change anyone, because I don’t believe their behavior is going to change. I just want advice dealing with this as best I can. My female in laws and MIL seem to have started engaging in almost competitive forms of disordered restrictive eating around each other. It’s annoying. It’s constant. And there is always food at family gatherings. You can sit back and watch it happen at family parties, like some sort of sick family sitcom. I don’t like that it’s starts affecting me, because I’m refusing to engage with their games.

My MIL has probably been engaging in some form of restrictive eating for 15 years or more. She’s lost probably more than 100 lbs at her highest weight that her son remembers. Weightloss can be good when people are overweight, I have no issue with this. She doesn’t need to be hospitalized but she’s very thin with an underweight BMI. She also engages in a lot of disordered behaviors. She will make lots of food, but she eats none of it. I have a hard time remembering seeing her eat almost anything. She’s constantly getting up and going from the table rather than sitting and just eating her meal with everyone else. She also likes to push unhealthy food on to people to the point of making people sick from food. It’s incredibly pushy, and she doesn’t accept repeated no’s for an answer. I’ve gotten her to stop trying to do this to me, by chasing her around with food at parties and shoving it in her face to eat, like you might around a small child. She stopped trying to force feed me. And started leaving me alone.

SIL 1 seems to have always been restrictive and barely eats portions the size of her toddlers plates. She continually throws parties, and then under serves food to her guests. Every party there is not enough food. She does not want us to bring extra food to her parties she has gotten pissy with MIL for bringing food in the past. MIL may be disordered but at least she gives people food. Money is not an issue here, SIlL 1 could serve more food but doesn’t. It’s comical, at one point her served dessert was an 9″x9″ pan of dessert for a party of 40 people.I guess people were meant to give themselves one square inch of dessert. Shockingly there was not enough. Similar parties have had maybe one serving of a 3 inch sub per person and one family size bag of chips for 60 people. Or she’ll think 16oz of a deli salad is a totally normal amount of sides to offer 8 people. The one thing she will offer in abundance is a particular type of wine she and SIL2 like. (I pack myself a personal cooler, and sunscreen if I know I’m going to her house. I chill, eat and read on the porch. I’m over it)

SIL2 and her mother seem to have jumped on the Ozempic train. Neither have admitted it but BEC at this point. Both of them have lost a substantial amount of weight. Good for them. However both mother and daughter like to proclaim out loud often they can no longer eat reasonable small portions of food. Again toddler sized portions. And then exclamations of how full they are. The mother has not been managing her diabetes while doing this and has passed out at a family gathering from low blood sugar and lack of food. Shortly after that she was hospitalized for serious complications, again I suspect from not managing her diabetes while doing this.

SIL2 likes to now talk about how small her clothing sizes are now too. She’s “swimming in them.” She expects praise about how small she is and it’s real awkward. She’s also now got her very thin young children worried about eating carbs and trying to severely limit candy at a children’s birthday parties. Previously I would have said her children were fueled by all the sugar she was providing them. Now she’s aggressively removing it from their diets. She’s also tried to shame someone else’s husband for getting a second portion of rice at the end of a party. It was less than 1 cup of rice. Telling him “he couldn’t not have more carbs tonight.”

We were at a restaurant with MIL and mother of SIL and the rest of the family. It was a special celebration dinner. I ordered a special dish, this restaurant is known for. There’s a good chance nearly every table had at least one order of this dish. I said out loud, “hey guys , I know this is a big dish, I’m more than willing to share it with everyone at the table.” Out comes the dish. It’s a large serving as I stated, MIL and mother of SIL both get dramatic and loud gasping, “My god OP, your dish is sooo big. How can you even eat it? That could feed a family” They loudly continue giggling. At this point I’m getting bullied by two grown ass women about portion size in an public restaurant. I’m a petty bitch. So I grabbed my MILs plate and scoop any quarter of it on to her plate and tell her it would be a shame to waste it between her and SIL’s mom. Similar stuff they would have said to other people to try to make them eat food people didn’t want. These women order one appetizer plate of 6 plain chicken wings to share between the two of them. And then each had two wings for their entire meal and then loudly proclaimed how full they were. Just BEC stuff. But really annoying.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m over the BEC stuff or what. But whenever these people get to together it’s like the disordered eating combines like some sort of super virus. And they’re all doing these behaviors bouncing off each other. It’s like they’re getting competively disordered with eachother and magnifying it. MIL likes to eat nothing but try to force feed other people, while grinning like a maniac. SIL 1 and 2 are eating tiny portions and eyeing each other’s plates. SILs mother and SiL 2 are saying “ohhhhh I couldn’t possibly eat all that, I’m so full”…. Even though they have served themselves and no one has commented. It’s just pinging around the room.
And then there’s me, sitting at the table just trying eat a normal portion of food trying not to engage with this shit, while they’re eying my plate. It’s incredibly annoying. Of course the men are around and are never getting any of this passive aggressive shit, and they’re more than welcome to go back for second and thirds.