I’m 28 and was diagnosed with endometriosis at 22 or 23 and had the adhesions removed, I knew it would effect my fertility but also knew my body probably can’t handle a baby and I accepted it then. But this last year I keep seeing videos of grandpas meeting their first grandkid or hanging out with them saying to the grandpa it probably feels like when OP was a kid. And it’s having me emotional, growing up my mom kept me away from my dad bc she was on drugs and didn’t want to lose me. I can’t help but think that I didn’t get to spend time with my dad like that at a young age, I probably won’t be able to have kids and see how my dad would act around the kid.
I realized it would almost be like a gift to my dad, giving him the experience he missed out on and me too.
Idk why it’s been on my mind so much lately and I don’t know if anyone else can relate in any way but it’s heartbreaking
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I’m sorry you are struggling with these big emotions right now.
Many people with endo are able to conceive and become birth moms, but, of course, not all. And, there are so many other paths to motherhood. Clearly some day you will be a wonderful Mom.
Know that you are not alone.
I have endo and am infertile. I had unprotected sex with my husband for years and never had so much as a scare. We weren’t ever trying to have a baby but weren’t preventing it either. Now I have a mirena iud and likely always will as going without one leads to surgery shortly.
I’ve always been largely child free, always said I’d never have a child of my own. I still go through mixed feelings sometimes. When I see my friends with their kids in certain moments and acknowledging I will never get to experience that. I do grieve it when the feelings come up.
But I also remind myself they have to grieve having excess spending money and free time. They have to grieve parts of their identities and dreams they lost/gave up to have kids.
Everything in life is a give and take, comes with upsides and downsides.
I have had similar feelings about not being able to see my parents with a grandchild and make those memories. I spoke to my mom about it and she reassured me she didn’t have me just so I could have a kid. She told me she had me so I could be happy and live my best life, if that means she gets grand babies, she gets grand babies, if it means she doesn’t and I’m travelling the world instead then to go for it.
The biggest challenge for me is grieving the fact that the choice was largely taken away from me. I believe I would have been childfree regardless but I can’t say that for certain. The idea that I never got a say on if I could have started a family with my husband without having to do IVF (and that’s not even a guarantee) is what sucks and I struggle with the most.
There are points in my life when these thoughts and feelings hit harder and more often than other times. I just let myself feel whatever emotion it is that’s coming up, then move on. I acknowledge that it fucking sucks and it’s unfair, then I think about what’s is in my control that will bring me happiness.
I don’t have endometriosis but I have dealt with pregnancy loss, uterine scarring, infertility and IVF. Nothing is for certain but I know that people with endometriosis can go on to have children. As everyone says, it is not guaranteed and a lot comes down to your situation but I would encourage you not to count yourself out without at least talking to a fertility specialist. It has taken me two and a half years to now be pregnant. I’m still early and I’ve had lots of losses already. Infertility is an incredibly hard journey emotionally and physically at times but there is hope if you want to try and to look for it. All this to say, if you also decide that a child free life is better for you, that’s also a perfectly fine decision. I just hate to see people believe they can’t have children without knowing that’s absolutely the case. Maybe you aren’t ready to pursue fertility treatments right now and that’s ok but even if you talk to a reproductive endocrinologist to understand your situation that may be helpful. Maybe you do a round of egg freezing to give yourself options. Whatever you do, I wish you the best. This isn’t easy but you have influence over your future if not total control.