I was broken up with about 2 months ago after a 1.5 year relationship. At the time I didn’t want the breakup. He is a fellow grad student (risky I know) who I will need to see sometimes for school stuff. He is also unfortunately going to be doing research at my workplace, which I did not anticipate.
I feel okay about the breakup when I’m not confronted with reminders of him. In my logical mind, I know it was for the best and that we weren’t a good fit. However, when I see his face on Zoom, or hear him mentioned by colleagues and mutual friends, or see a photo of him, I’m still attracted to him and get really sad and discouraged. The looming threat of him showing up at work is also keeping him in the forefront of my mind, when all I want to do is focus on other things and be at peace.
If I had a clean break I feel like I’d be alright – but I’m not sure how to deal with this. Any advice?
Comments
You’ve seen his butt crack hair.
Any time you feel nervous. Just remember. You’ve seen it. It’s like a feral little treasure troll with a perm hiding out there.
You’re welcome
What worked for me, ironically, was exposure. I made it a clean break by encountering my ex, not interacting with them, and then going about my day. That way, I was getting used to them outside of the context of dating.
You can also accept that you’re going to feel Some Kind of Way – let those feelings happen, instead of being anxious about them, and hopefully they’ll take up less space in your head.
He can be handsome and not desirable.
Give yourself the ick, honey. Remind yourself of every reason you broke up. Write a list. Put it somewhere you can read it.
Embrace your sad. Express it. Feel it. Let yourself cry. Lay on the floor of your shower and let it all out. Grieve what you thought you had, what you thought was coming, and the version of you that was lost along the way. It’s okay to not be okay right now. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself the same way you would treat your best friend.
You can do this. Every time you choose yourself and your self care, it will get easier. 🫂🩷