Going NC finally?

We hadn’t spoken to MIL until yesterday since our trip away 2 months ago. DH decided to go and try sort things out with his mum and get her to apologise for her behaviour on the trip which if you didn’t see my post included

Her slagging us off to my own mum

Being rude on Mother’s Day

And screaming/shouting and slamming doors while our baby slept in the next room which kept scaring her and waking her up

Surprisingly, she did say sorry for the shouting, but was still insistent it was DH’s fault for being mean to her and ‘forcing her to act that way’. I wasn’t there for the conversation but DH gave me the run down of what was said.

She said we both have mental problems and need serious help, that I have brainwashed DH and that I’m evil. She said everyone she knows agrees that we are cruel to her because of our boundaries surrounding LO.

She said to fix things we need to start giving her weekly unsupervised access to our daughter. DH said this wasn’t happening and if she ever wanted this she needed to gain our trust back and be patient with us. To gain our trust back he said she needs to start respecting what we say goes as parents, do things involving LO the way we want them done, stop bitching about us to people and posting immature stuff on Facebook (something she’s been doing lots the past couple months) and to demonstrate that she will be less hot headed and react so angrily to every situation. After he said this DH could tell she wasn’t listening to him so he asked her to tell him what he just said and she couldn’t. She just went on to say she doesn’t need to change any thing about herself and she’s entitled to time alone with our child. She also went on to criticise our choices in raising her and tell him how we are doing everything wrong because we aren’t doing things the ‘traditional’ way. She said we keep our daughter in a ‘bubble’ and we have severe trust issues when it comes to people looking after her. No MIL we don’t have trust issues about people looking after her we just don’t trust YOU because you’ve given us plenty of reasons to show you are not a safe person to leave our baby with.

DH said she also kept bringing up our nanny cams and how they are wrong. He said there’s no reason she should be so against the cameras unless she’s planning on doing things she knows she shouldn’t be doing with LO. She said it’s because she needs ‘privacy’ with LO and doesn’t want us ‘listening in’ to their conversations. What conversations do you plan on having with our child that we can’t hear? Massive red flag 🚩 we both agreed she probably wanted to try and slag us off to our own child the same way she did with my mum.

They also spoke about issues he had in his childhood which she wouldn’t take any responsibility for which included not talking to him about his BIO dad until he was 18 because she found it ‘hard’ to talk about. This caused DH to be very confused, isolated and depressed in his younger years, but that doesn’t matter to her bc she didn’t want to have a difficult conversation. She also said the whole reason they don’t get along now is because he smoked some weed when he was 16 and it scrambled his brain. No MIL you don’t get along because he finally learnt how to stand up to you and not pander to your emotions. I’m pretty sure she says I brainwashed him bc I’ve always encouraged him to set healthy boundaries and not let her treat him like shit.

During the conversation she kept telling him he knows where the door is, and she doesn’t want a relationship with him anymore. He stayed and tried to make things work but in the end one of the times she said this he just left.

Im starting to think he might start going NC with her which is something I thought would be good ages ago but never wanted to push him to make a decision. I feel like he knows it’s the only way forward now but I also feel like he’s clinging on to the desire to have a ‘normal happy family’ as he puts it. Is there a way I can help him come to terms with the situation? I know it’s really hard for him and I don’t want to make it harder by making him feel like I’m against him too by telling him what to do. But seeing this drag out and her care so little about how he feels breaks my heart. I feel like it’s inevitable that NC will happen eventually but I feel like if I leave it to him this will drag out all at the detriment to his own mental health as he tries desperately to fix things that can’t be fixed and see eye to eye with a woman who has no eyes. Has anyone been through similar or has any advice ?