I thought about posting this in a political or dating subreddit, but I’m paranoid about him somehow finding it.
I want a woman’s perspective, no matter what your politics are. Just need a sanity check on the following interaction:
Me: I have an awkward question on this topic before we proceed: Who’d you vote for?
Him: I actually didn’t lol I felt like bothof them were kinda trash. Im not really a political person tbh
Me: Mmm gotcha
Him: Hbu?
Me: Kamala
Me: Honestly man, respectfully, I have to bow out. I don’t think you’re a bad person or anything, I just can’t do it. It will just be on my mind
Him: Seriously? I definitely don’t support Trump I voted for Biden in 2020
Me: Yeah, i feel pretty strongly. I didnt love kamala either. But there were other things i felt were important to safeguard
Him: Yeah..well you’re talking to someone with a lesbian sister and trans cousins, so trust me I get it. Just didn’t really love her either so I didn’t go in
Me: Like i said, i don’t think you’re a bad person. I just made a promise to myself. Maybe in time, the wound will heal. But the way things are going, it wont be for a while
Him: Wow well that’s extremely close minded of you. Instead of writing me off because I didn’t vote why don’t we figure out what issues we agree or disagree on? You might be surprised instead of just preemptively judging me
Me: It’s not about what your politics are. I just feel like in this past election, there was far too much at stake to sit out. And it’s not something i can easily ignore when dating. I have plenty of conversations with my family and friends who think differently. But we really don’t know each other. I apologize for any stress this has caused you
Him: Well that’s a very immature way to think about people and your friends and family. Honestly, I don’t think it would work out with us, I’m looking for a more mature woman who understands all people have different opinions and ideas instead of putting people in a monolith. Good luck
Me: Alright, wish you all the best
I know it may seem like a hard line to draw, but when dating, I feel like I’m allowed to have these boundaries. He really seemed pissed off, its not fun to feel like I’ve radicalized him in the other direction. But I know I have no control over that. I did my best to be respectful.
Moving forward, I put something in my profile about this standard. I just hope I don’t get trolls from it. And I’ll never take it to texting before checking about this again. Will probably have to go to an app where you can filter for politics.
All in all, I think I should have done better to avoid this situation all together, but I also think he was pretty rude. I think how he reacted told me all I needed to know, but AITA I guess?
The bigger question is: do you think its possible to make them understand? Since the election, when I’ve stood on this with the men in my life, I get talked down to and I end up feeling sorry.
Comments
If they don’t understand the current risks enough to vote defensively, how can they participate in a relationship that involves risks like pregnancy?
But not protecting you is exactly what he did with those reactions. Totally confirming your concerns. Don’t look back.
Not the asshole at all. You were clear and polite about your personal values. He was defensive and critical when he didn’t agree. You dodged a bullet!
Edited to answer your other question: I don’t know for sure, but I do know that people who are determined to not understand someone else’s point of view are not likely to change their mind based on anything said by the person holding the different point of view.
Tbh the fact that he has queer family members makes it even worse.. you couldn’t take 30 minutes to go vote to defend your cousins life?
That guy is an asshole. He has a lesbian sister and trans cousins and still didn’t vote to protect them? I can assure you that if that sister or cousins are decent they’ll be giving him the side eye.
I agree with you, atp politics needs to be talked about upfront. I’ve read so many stories where “it just never came up” but with everything happening right now, there’s just no way it can’t come up.
He voted for Trump.
Apathy towards politics in such a dangerous climate, it’s unpalatable. His is worse because his complacency has put family members at risk. He lacks conviction, kindness and compassion. I wouldn’t date him either.
I think you’re absolutely in the right for having this as a standard. I’d also suggest not putting it in your profile. There are men who will absolutely lie and tell you what they think you want to hear in order to get access to you. Don’t given them the answers up front.
You let him down so easy smh
You were way more apologetic than he deserved. You have your right to filter people for any criteria you want, don’t feel guilty about it.
You did juuuust fine, and I think you came out of it stronger. You drew a line and respectfully stuck to it. The nerve of the man … calling you immature when he cannot have his lesbian sister’s back. Even if his vote wouldn’t have counted in his state, it is important to show up.
>Him: I actually didn’t lol I felt like bothof them were kinda trash. Im not really a political person tbh
This would have been the end of the conversation for me. I would have just responded with “I don’t think we’re compatible. Bye.”
Dude’s doesn’t trust women in charge but won’t say that.
>best I know it may seem like a hard line to draw
It literally isn’t though? This is a completely acceptable standard and expectation to have for a potential partner in a democratic country.
I also think you made the right call. This guy tried to use his family members being directly affected and persecuted as an excuse for… not voting to protect them from persecution??? That is bullshit.
You don’t owe someone you’re messaging in or off dating sites anything. You are talking to them to see if they align with what you’re looking for and if they don’t then you’re saving yourself and them time in the search for a preferred partner.
His inability to accept a no is not, and will never be, your fault.
Wider than politics, he showed that when there’s a tough decision to make that’s uncomfortable he’ll opt out rather than weighing options and making a choice. That’s a bad partner. What if you need him to make a hard choice and he just doesn’t. That’ll either not get done or fall into your shoulders every time (with him likely bitching regardless of the outcome).
>Will probably have to go to an app where you can filter for politics
This is a start but men will absolutely lie about this so it’s not a guarantee. It’s best to ask about specific topics that are important to you to see how they react. Do they say they vote dem but are pro forces-birth?
>The bigger question is: do you think its possible to make them understand? Since the election, when I’ve stood on this with the men in my life, I get talked down to and I end up feeling sorry.
Men don’t care, because it doesn’t affect them. It affects the women in their lives but they don’t care enough about those women to count as that affecting them. It is possible to teach men to be better, but you are fighting through a patriarchal and superiority complex induced cognitive dissonance that is incredibly difficult to break through.
When he said ‘instead of writing me off, figure out what we agree and disagree on’ — sure except you’ve already done that.. You believe (rightly I think) that it was crucial to vote in the election, and he didn’t. Good that you figured this out before actually dating him!
Not wrong, I think you were too kind even. Inaction is complicity.
Stop apologizing. You have your beliefs and they don’t align. Women need to stop apologizing
Uhm…
He called a qualified female candidate “trash”, admits he understands the problem and voted for Biden, but couldn’t be bothered this time? Even though he professes to care about people who are pretty affected. Then he claims to think a “mature” woman wouldn’t care.
I have no idea why you apologized to him. It’s a dating app. This is basic shared values stuff. This guy clearly doesn’t share yours, why would you hook up with him?
He voted for Biden in 2020? Hmm, I wonder why he considered Harris to be so much dramatically worse than Biden that he completely stopped voting.
Anyway, you are totally allowed to draw this distinction for yourself. It doesn’t make you an asshole, but even if hypothetically it did make you an asshole, you’d still be entitled to make that decision for yourself. Your love is not a public resource, you are not the Dept. of Housing and Urban Development, and if someone thinks you’re distributing your love “unfairly,” well that’s not your problem.
There’s a certain sort of lad that treats politics as a form of parlour game because he can. In that context, the iamverysmart bothsiderism instinct can kick in. He will not feel the consequences of it. You’re perfectly within your rights not to want to start a relationship with someone who didn’t feel moved to protect the rights of those close to him.
Also, voted for Biden but not Harris? Wut? What was the huge policy difference here that he couldn’t stomach?
>Like i said, i don’t think you’re a bad person.
Pff. I do. If he actually has LGBTQ relatives that just makes him a REALLY bad person. I’d have called his shit out. What a worthless toad. The fact that he’s a negging twit who can’t gracefully accept the word ‘no’ is just icing on the cake.
Don’t ever feel sorry for their ignorance and apathy, or the fact that they will attack you when you don’t let them get away with it. They get angry because they don’t want to experience any consequences for their actions or inactions. Well, tough titties, boyo. We’re all going to be living those consequences for a long time.
Is it possible to make them understand? No. Stop wasting your breath. A person who voted for Biden and not for Kamala almost certainly did it because they are either too fucking stupid to understand basic facts or they are sexist. Or both. In either case, they will not listen to what you, a woman, have to say on the subject. They may eventually change their minds or even miraculously realize that they royally fucked up, but YOU will have nothing to do with it.
In the future, just ghost a tool like that and don’t feel any guilt about it. He couldn’t bother to spend half an hour to vote to protect his own family members. Why does he deserve even a minute of your attention or courtesy?
(Btw, I had a pretty good experience with Hinge which does have a political option. My advice, date only those with Liberal or Democrat in their profiles. Libertarian = Conservative who wants to smoke weed, also an idiot. Moderate = Conservative who wants to get laid and realizes he needs to lie about being less of a piece of shit to do it.)
Lmao he’s doing the classic “you can’t reject me because I reject you!” He’s entitled to his beliefs but you’re entitled to your standards. If it’s not a match, it’s not a match. Is it possible for someone like him to understand? Sure, but in the context of dating, if they don’t align with your values in the first place, why does it matter if they understand you or not? Even if they did, would that change anything for you romantically? If not, who cares what they think. Life is too short to feel sorry about someone who doesn’t meet your standards and also doesn’t understand you. Good luck
When folks are cutting off friends and family over who they voted for and homie couldn’t understand why you would stop talking to a romantic interest over the same thing, very interesting. What a tool.
He has LGBTQ family members and couldn’t bother to vote to protect them. You made the right choice.
He calls you close-minded for making (and keeping!) a promise you made to yourself.
He calls you immature for recognising that there was a lot at stake with the past election, and already having family and friends that don’t align with your morals etc so not wanting to date another person like that.
He seemingly conflates understanding that people have different opinions with (fully) accepting that and volunteering to spend time with more them, even if and when this clashes with your own moral code.
Imo, he put you down with all those responses, saying that you weren’t as ‘open-minded’ and ‘mature’ as he wants you to be, while, in my opinion, you displayed maturity by recognising the two of you weren’t compatible, and accepting that not everyone shares your opinion.
How long had the two of you been chatting? I think you were very kind and understanding, and even repeated that you don’t think he is a bad person, that this is a personal value/promise for you.
I’m not in or from the US, but to me, voting is a way to match your actions to your words. He can say all he wants that he knows about things, but when the time came to stand strong, and stand up for his lesbian sister and trans cousins, he decided (DECIDED) to sit it out. I can have some understanding for people who didn’t vote because they got into a car-crash and were so frazzled afterwards, or they got really bad (or maybe really good) news and things like that. But he CHOSE to not vote, and stayed home on purpose. He chose not to stand with his sister and cousins. Not voting was an action too, and not one that matches with his
implicationswhatever-the-word-for-suggestion-something-is (not even out-right saying he stands with them) that he stands with his sisters and cousins.If you don’t know already, check the ‘Burn the Haystack Dating Method’, might help you in the future. One of the key concepts is ‘stop educating men’. I think you explained yourself well and please save your energy for people interested in changing, not those who seem like they don’t see an issue.
ETA: don’t think I used the right word there
I have a whole screenshot library full of the various reactions of men turned down due to their Trump vote or voluntary decision not to vote (I of course make exceptions for those who were unable to vote). A few were polite, but many were hostile or, like this guy, thought my standard was negotiable.
2 points –
Firstly, I suggest that you don’t add anything about this to your profile. All that will do is highlight your stance and a whole bunch of future matches of which some will tale it as a challenge, while others will just pretend they voted the other way.
If you want to call a line that you won’t cross a hard line that’s fine but it’s not something to be sorry about.
Change a term and take it to an extreme and see if what happens. Eg “I don’t date murderers or rapists. It may seem like a hard line, but when dating, I feel I’m allowed to have these boundaries
If you saw or heard someone say that, are you going to assume they’re a closed minded biggot?
Every subsequent comment he made only proved your initial gut feeling was correct. NTA by any means.
Honestly, voting is the absolute bare minimum someone can do. Not voting would be a deal breaker for me to say nothing of the absolutely ludicrous “yeah Kamala is totally as bad as the Nazi who’s been accused of multiple counts of rape, I just couldn’t pick” bullshit. Men who take this kind of “centrist” stance are universally either idiots or tend to lean towards Trump but don’t want to deal with the blowback of saying so.
If he voted for Biden then there is no policy reason why he wouldn’t have voted for Harris. That means that he didn’t do it for some other reason, none of which would make him compatible with me.
My cynical ass is guessing he voted for Trump but knows it wouldn’t play, and by this point knows that he can’t keep that mask on long enough to get what he wants.
So…you can’t really “make” anyone understand anything. You can get really good at understanding yourself and your reasons, though, and articulating them well.
There was an episode of the Roseanne reboot that had Roseanne grappling with her grandchild telling her that they didn’t want to wear the clothes of their assigned gender (I don’t remember the specifics.) Roseanne, a loud Trump voter, said that she didn’t understand it but she’d support her grandchild.
Roxane Gay wrote a piece after seeing that episode and a few others, saying that Roseanne’s love for her grandchild won’t protect them from the consequences of their vote. In this guy’s case, his loved ones won’t be protected from his lack of voting.
You handled that maturely. He’s the one who got all butthurt and tried to turn the tables back on you saying HE doesn’t think it would work out because you’re just SO IMMATURRRR.
So, I won’t comment on the overall situation as a man since you want other women’s input, not men’s, but a quick note on what you said after; I would be hesitant to put that in your profile.
Yes, it weed out some so you don’t have to have awkward conversations like this and expose yourself to less Irrational Rejection Anger, but it also makes it trivial for conservative men to lie to you about politics because they now know EXACTLY what to say. Conservatives have realized they are getting less and less luck in dating by being honest and the advice going around is just to lie. They don’t respect women anyway and figure that they can easily convince women they date that they aren’t conservative for long enough to get them “hooked” or will just avoid the issue. At the end of the day, they don’t care what their partner thinks and feels about politics because they don’t see them as a person and politics is irrelevant to “real life” for them because they don’t see the negative effects on people they consider out-groups as having any tangible meaning. Why would you care if immigrants or minorities have their rights violated when you aren’t one? Plus obviously being anti-trans means they protect women, right?
It sucks, but the truth is that you probably want them initially feeling comfortable enough in expressing their repugnant views that you can catch them before they realize they “need” to lie to you. It does result in you needing to deal with more crap like this, but it’s the best way to protect yourself from conservative men, especially since appearing apathetic to politics is often the main way they try and lie about what they believe since it’s easier to pull off than trying to verbally support views you disagree with. The majority of people are sadly apathetic to politics or hate “both sides” so it’s easy to blend in and they can do something like what this guy did and try to argue that no no, deep down they aren’t conservative, they have a mother who is a woman! That means they can’t hate women!
He doesn’t care about women losing our rights and then he gets mad when a woman doesn’t want him.
Why do you have to make them understand? Or maybe, why do you feel it’s your responsibility to make them understand.
You communicated calmly and simply. There’s no reason for someone to flip out on that. He can be sad it’s not moving forward but like if he can’t respect your decisions… that’s a him issue.
Like it’s dating… you can reject someone for whatever the fuck you want.
Notice how he just wanted an opportunity to flip it and make it seem like he was rejecting you and not the other way around.
“Honestly, I don’t think it would work out with us”
yeah dude, that’s what she’s been saying this whole time
I agree with all the other comments about couldn’t get off his ass or open his laptop for an absentee ballot, might be faking, etc.
But what had me laughing out loud was the absolute classic attempt to claim he’s the one cutting it off.
You tell him you’re not interested, then he spends three more messages trying to keep you on the hook. 🤣
Then suddenly HE doesn’t want to move forward. And sprinkles a little personal insult on top.
CLASSIC.
You made the right decision. He’s just angry that he was being exposed as ‘not one of the good ones’ because when he had the chance to help safeguard the women and queer people in his life, he decided that writing a name on a piece of paper was too much work.
To be an ally It’s not enough to be not a bigot. Exempting yourself from the fight because it doesn’t effect you is one of the biggest hallmarks of privilege there is.
To be an ally you must be anti-bigotry, you must defend the rights of those you ally with when they are under fire.
He probably saw himself as not part of the problem and reacted badly when your comments made him look at himself through another lens.
Also, I’m sure a woman has said this too, but this means he didn’t vote for his congresspeople, his governor, or any his state or district representatives. Even if it was just his feelings about the presidential nominees, there are so many other governmental positions that he skipped out on.
“I AM A GOOD PERSON I DEMAND YOU TAKE MY PENIS”
I honestly don;t remember where that quote is from.
“I just couldn’t bring myself to vote for a woman, even for the sake of my friends and family” is what I hear. He voted for Biden, after all.
Evil flourishes when good people do nothing.
Not choosing a side is still choosing a side.
You feel you can’t date someone who doesn’t care enough about what Trump is doing – and the people he’s hurting – to stand up and say NO!, in even as simple a way as to cast a vote.
That’s exactly how we should all feel. If I can’t trust you to be an ally, I can’t trust you.
NTA
You were way too nice and apologetic. Fuck these men who don’t care enough about women’s lives being at stake if they get pregnant, but still actively trying to fuck them.
Anyone who thinks Harris and Trump are even remotely similar is a fucking moron. I get being disappointed in politicians, wanting more than 2 parties, disillusionment at the whole process…but he said he’s not political which is code for he doesn’t give a shit about anything that doesn’t affect him personally, even his own family.
I hope in the future you’ll be more ruthless and assertive and less apologetic to these assholes. Don’t talk about your “wound healing” because they DON’T CARE. He was happy to immediately call you immature and insult you for wanting someone who aligns with your values. Treat them the same way, trust me.
I love how having a stance inherently makes you the “immature” one with these types. Like yes, somehow not voting at all makes you more mature and open-minded 🙄
You know what’s open-minded? Accepting that you may not agree with a particular candidate on everything, but recognizing that they’re still the better option for you and your family than a child rapist and a band of techno-facist psychopaths who hate trans people and are hellbent on demolishing any and all democracy in our republic.
“Why don’t we find things we agree and disagree on instead”
She just told you she strongly disagrees with not voting dumbass.
LOL he I have a black friended you.
That’s worse, mf. That’s so much worse.
You can’t even blame it on ignorance at that point.
Personally, I look for people who vote against tyranny when tyranny is clearly visible, even if they might not like the alternative. It’s still better than voting for Orange Mussolini.
I think self centered selfishness is an excellent reason for not dating someone
I’ve been reading that men on dating sites are claiming not to have voted in 2024 then it comes out they did vote, for the republican guy so take that as you will
Are you reading the same conversation that I am?
The beginning was okay, you drew the line, said you didn’t think he was a bad person, but he was on the wrong side of the line.
Then he started insulting you. Once he fully realized that you were breaking it off, he started belittling you. You’re closed minded. You’re preemptively judging him. You’re very immature.
You were very clear that this particular election had too much at stake to just sit out. He clearly knew that because he listed people he cares about that had a lot at stake.
He didn’t take ownership of his choice and the consequences of making that choice. His only thoughts about why it was okay for him to sit out was that they were both trash candidates. To him Harris and Trump were equal.
You drew a line that you couldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t do the bare minimum to stop Trump. He belittles you. You apologized for having this stance. He insults you.
I fail to see where you did anything that was actually wrong.
PS if men can only be deradicalized with romantic relationships, then men have serious problems
>Him: Yeah..well you’re talking to someone with a lesbian sister and trans cousins, so trust me I get it. Just didn’t really love her either so I didn’t go in
If you can’t vote for progress, you vote to reduce harm. He’s incredibly privileged to make voting dependent on whether he’s completely convinced by a candidate (I don’t see a huge difference between 2020 Biden and Kamala Harris, either, if we’re only looking at their policies).
I feel sorry for his lesbian sister and trans cousins, who’s humanity and civil rights didn’t matter enough to him.
Something I wanted to point out:
He mentions his gay sister and trans cousin…….like he doesn’t have any other women in his family and the only issues at stake in the election were lgbtq+ related. It lets you know just how not at all women’s medical rights appears on his radar. Half the population doesn’t appear on his radar unless it might involve a chance of getting laid.
Apathy ain’t sexy.
Any man who says he “isn’t political” means he is selfish, lazy, privileged, and has zero empathy for his fellow citizens. Or he’s stupid. Being apolitical while people are losing their rights is a huge red flag. Always drop these kind of men like the hot garbage they are, because they will also be lazy and selfish in relationships.
Good men care about the welfare and rights of minorities. Only spend your precious time with men who have empathy and emotional intelligence. The way he treats strangers is a big reflection on how he will treat you.
Sounds like he’s really a conservative and wants to play it off as “both sides are bad”. Sure, my dude. One side wants you to have universal healthcare paid for by taxes on superyacht owners, and one side is literal fascists. Equally bad. 🙄
You were very respectful and diplomatic in your responses. It’s funny he called you immature because the only immature person I saw in this conversation was him. Good riddance.
“Always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.”. Elie Wiesel
> Will probably have to go to an app where you can filter for politics
Don’t. Republicans already lie on their dating profiles because nobody wants to date them, and some spend years even hiding their true values before bait and switching their partners. I guarantee going on an app where you can filter for politics that it will be filled with such people who already have this in mind.
Your chances are better on general apps where people aren’t already setting up to lie to you.
I hate when somebody uses the excuse of black friend or a gay cousin or a trans sibling as some kind of excuse. Like it makes them not racist or homophobic or transphobic. I never have to qualify my statements with, “Well, I’ve got a [inset marginalized group] person in my life so I can’t be a piece of shit” because I don’t need to. If anything, when someone points out how my actions or words negatively affect someone, I change my ways. I don’t double down.
You made the right choice.
When you choose not to choose, you have still made a choice. In this case, he chose to not defend his relatives’ human rights because it doesn’t affect him directly. Choosing to not defend human rights is a choice to stand against human rights.
Politics are no longer an agree to disagree thing. It’s a human rights issue. If he threw away his vote, he is lazy and stupid. I don’t date lazy or stupid. In my 20s, I gave way too many chances and wasted time with losers. In my 30s I had to date strategically. I was weeding people out left and right. I’m now 40, married with a toddler. My husband is an agnostic liberal like me. We agree on our values and beliefs. We differ in music and movie choices. Otherwise, we get along great and have a solid, loving relationship. Feminist, smart men exist. Just have to find them. Also most ppl don’t take rejection well. So I understand why lots of people choose to ghost.
Maybe he can shove that fence post he’s sitting on up his ass?
You are entirely correct in my opinion. You were way nicer and more explanatory than I would have been. For future reference I don’t think you owe them that. If I was looking at someone new to date – not voting in the last election would be a dealbreaker as well.
Also I loled at his responses:
>Him: Well that’s a very immature way to think about people and your friends and family. Honestly, I don’t think it would work out with us, I’m looking for a more mature woman who understands all people have different opinions and ideas instead of putting people in a monolith.
>Him: Wow well that’s extremely close minded of you. Instead of writing me off because I didn’t vote why don’t we figure out what issues we agree or disagree on? You might be surprised instead of just preemptively judging me
I mean – yes – you were judging him for not voting. There’s nothing wrong with that. He didn’t even give a reason just:
>I felt like bothof them were kinda trash.
I mean – what a false equivalency. I wouldn’t even be surprised to find out he’s into some manosphere stuff.
If he really ‘got it’ the way he says he does, he would understand this rejection. But, if he really got it, he also would have voted for Kamala, at a minimum for harm reduction, and probably wouldn’t have gotten rejected.
Lady, you’re allowed to not date anyone for any reason. This clown show of a dude was clearly trying to light you up by switching to blame to you. You told him not voting was an issue, and he told you you’re close-minded and unrealistic about “differing opinions.” The only differing opinion here is that you believe it was too important to not vote, and he felt it was important to not vote despite having people in his circle needing protection. This guy can fuck all the way off trying to put the focus back on you rather than reflect on his shitbag choices.
You will never convince these people. NEVER. Doesn’t matter if their farm subsidy disappeared, their spouse was deported, their child died of measles, their wife died from sepsis, their candidate is a child rapist, their special needs child will no longer have education funding, their social security is stolen, the VA is dismantled, the national forests will be logged, grocery prices continue to rise, national security is leaked, NOTHING. These people only care about the other guy getting fucked, even to their own detriment, and hypocrisy be damned. Don’t even try to convince them. Just say, “Thanks for your time,” and dip.
Yeah for the last election, not voting is a soft vote for trump. Still think Harris was better (I still see it weird and possibly sexist that both woman candidates were mainly called by their first names while Trump was not called Donald but…….)
Not everyone cares about politics. Everyone has different priorities in life, and for some people – life is too short to focus on such polarizing parties shenanigans. I think it’s fair for him to be upset at being rejected simply because his priorities are different – just as fair as it is for you to set boundaries that this is something you care a lot about.
Neither of you are assholes for either way of thinking. 🤷🏼♀️
That convo went on far too long. You are too nice, I would’ve bailed after he told me I was close-minded. Whatever you need to tell me to sleep at night bud…
You did the right thing. Your values aren’t for others to set. I also feel that abstaining from voting was a very poor choice, tRump is actively destroying our country and wasn’t quiet about it. Evil wins when people don’t speak up.
Next, he immediately attacked you. This is absolutely a pattern of behavior that isn’t gonna change. He also didn’t bother to protect his own family with his vote.
Actions speak louder than words
It is a hard line but it is also a very valid line to draw. He is not mature enough to see the importance of the last election. He did not hear EVERYBODY warning him that a second Trump presidency would bring. I’m curious if he could even articulate exactly what he’s relieved about now, like, what did not voting get him?
He then called YOU immature and close minded. What exactly was it about Harris’ policies that he did not like? He did not mention that.
I hope very few women are interested in dating men who expect them to be ‘openminded’ about getting their biology weaponized against them. You were right to dump him.
“I don’t care about politics”
“Well I do, therefore we are not gonna be compatible intellectually.”
This would be a valid exchange regardless of the situation.
He responded to your question by telling you he didn’t vote. May or may not be true.
Of course people have differences but a difference that is particularly important to you is a good reason to avoid a relationship.
This is what I have noticed a lot lately. It’s not that the men I meet are all conservative but rather than they don’t care because they don’t have to care.
They don’t seem to understand why I care so much but it’s because, being a woman, I have skin in the game. And I don’t even have that much to lose, I’m a white, cis, highly educated heterosexual woman who has a pretty good income and a healthy savings account. The only privilege I don’t have is male privilege.
But I can’t sit back and just go “oh well, I’m not gay or a person of colour or a trans person so I don’t have to vote” and I can’t respect anyone who does.
Using his queer family members to prove he’s not an asshole to get a date.
You definitely made the right call here.
There’s also a non-zero number of conservative men who, feeling surly about losing their ability to knock boots with women other than those favoring MTG because of their politics, will LIE about who they voted for. So … bullet dodged, in all kinds of ways.
I find it immature that he didn’t love either candidate and decided that was a valid reason not to vote, despite one candidate clearly aligning with a party that seeks to harm minorities, generate profit for those in a similar tax bracket (the rich), promote hatred and division, xenophobia, and as of late, harm even those who voted for him (farmers, poor and hardly educated in red areas).
You get to choose who you date. I’ll say it a million times, politics reflect personal values… this guy decided to remain “neutral” and therefore supported the side of the oppressor.
I feel like you dodged a bullet. He’s really balking at a very simple boundary & hearing no. He doesn’t even know you, I feel like a decent person would just be like “I understand.” And take the win about not being ghosted at least.
I also think, though, that more leftist people HATE being painted with the Trump brush. That’s probably how he felt.
But, I don’t care how he felt. I care what is. I think it’s silly when people say “you’re being closed minded” at this point. Like, yeah, I have morals and standards & I actually care about my material safety.
I’m not big on voting, although I always have, and I hated Kamala, but I voted for her anyway…. because yeah, I knew this mess would happen if Trump got elected. It’s easy for Mr. “I’m not political” to fence sit when he’s not directly under threat. Yet.
“I’m not political” is a massive ick for me, too. I used to deal with that- it’s never once been worth the open mind. “I’m not political” means exactly what you think it does.
First of all, asking about politics is not awkward so you don’t have to label it as such.
Secondly, I wouldn’t have entertained him for that long.
Men who don’t care about women’s rights don’t deserve your time.
In this short conversation, he’s already called you “close minded” “immature way to think” while you were letting him down gently by stating your own experience. Big red flag.
He gave you the equivalent of “I can’t be racist, I have a black friend.”
JFC
You’re allowed to have whatever boundaries you want and not date anyone for anyone reason. If you didn’t want to date someone just cause they have freckles, that’s totally up to you. Personally I feel the same way as you. Even if he doesn’t support Trump and voted for Biden, then why not vote for Kamala. Honestly I think those people must be sexist. I understand not loving her but come on, she was a better runner than Biden was and if he voted for Biden how is she worse than him? I feel like the answer is they don’t want a woman president and they won’t admit it. She’s smarter than Biden, she’s a better speaker than him, she had some good plans to combat some tough problems and all the things people didn’t like about Biden’s presidency isn’t all on her. She wasn’t the president but just the VP. Anyways, I’m preaching to the choir. I also see it as a red flag when people complain about someone breaking up with them without any grace. If someone said something like that to me I’d just say, “oh that’s too bad. Nice meeting you and good luck.” People who try to guilt you aren’t the type of people you want to end up with anyway.
You did find out what you disagree on.
You disagree that it’s okay to say “eh, don’t like either of them” and sit on your butt when people’s lives or human rights are at stake.
And frankly his reaction was “immature”. So calling you that when you were nothing but respectful is ridiculous.
I cut off friends for the same exact reason. How can they truly be a friend of mine when they couldn’t bother to vote against someone who villainizes my existence simply for existing? Weak people, mostly men, who don’t know how to stand up in the smallest fucking way for those in their lives deserve their loneliness.
Don’t put it in your profile, or they will lie.
No vote against is half a vote in favor. Zero sympathy for any person who sat out because they “weren’t feeling it” or whatever. I think a lot of white guys fell jnto the misogynoir encouraged by the right, and that’s inexcusable.
If someone has a specific reason, they can say so.
It’s funny how he calls you “immature” because you didn’t accept the way he didn’t care how the election affected you or his family members.
If it doesn’t happen to him, he doesn’t care
He either didn’t want a brown president or a woman president. THAT is why he didn’t vote for Kamala. If he cared even a tiny bit about his sister or cousin he’d have done his voting for them! I’m glad you ended things before they even really got started!
Yeah this guy does not have a lesbian sister and trans cousins. He also voted for trump but doesn’t want to lose access to women so pretends he just didn’t vote.
Calling you immature and closed-minded is complete fucking projection. Your intelligence and self-awareness shone a light on how ignorant he was and he didn’t like it. Even if you didn’t reject him he still would have said all this because privileged people don’t want to understand. They don’t want to be burdened.
Proud of you.
I heard “Im related to queer people so i get it. I just didnt care about them enough to stand for their rights”
The fact that he immediately resorted to insulting you was the second red flag. Nothing immature at all about what you did. He just wanted to be the one to do the rejection. What a piece of shit.
Well, that’s a big red flag and since this is early stages, it’s enough for me. And if he says immature, I’d be saying you’re fine with putting the rights of your sister and cousin in danger, not to mention all your other female relatives and friends. That’s a big thing.
Don’t put the standard in the profile. You’re just telling them what lie to serve you.
I accept that you all might think I’m an asshole for this, but – I don’t point out the red flags or tell them what to work on. And I certainly won’t use any “self-help language.” I don’t give them any of the tools they need to better deceive us into thinking they are decent, empathetic human beings. My priority is protecting women, but also fixing them is not my fucking job. I say “wow that’s crazy” in the most detached tone possible, and then cut them out of my life with a “thanks, I just don’t think we’re compatible” and no other explanation.
Inside every man are two wolves. One will complain about being given a straightforward reason for why you don’t want to see them anymore. One will complain about getting ghosted instead of being given a reason why you don’t want to see them anymore.
Spoiler: they’re both there all the time.
This makes me think he just couldn’t stomach voting for a woman.
That convo went on for way to long. Don’t let men argue with you when you reject them. Wish them well, block and unmatch.