Most people (especially men since they tend to mature later than women) should wait until their frontal lobes are fully developed (At least in their mid 20s, even that’s too early for some) before getting married or having kids.
It’s wild to me how many people in their early 20s rush into marriage or parenthood when they’re still figuring themselves out. I’ve seen too many marriages fall apart because people got into them without really knowing who they were or what they wanted long-term. It’s even more serious for parenting. Parenting isn’t something you just figure out as you go, it’s a lifelong responsibility that deserves serious thought and preparation.
Personally, I think waiting until your 30s makes a lot more sense because you’re usually more stable, self-aware, and hopefully have a better sense of what kind of partner or parent you’ll be. Just my opinion.
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older doesn’t garuntee anything and it’s tiring having kids. A slight miscalculation and you’re talking about ending up in your 40’s and you increase chances of complications. This is REALLY STRESSFUL. Then you’re too tired to deal appropriately with the kids.
Agreed and a lot of people don’t think that far ahead in their late teens/ early 20s because as you said the brain isn’t fully developed. Lotta nasty and toxic relationships happen in that time and that’s just the way people are and are always gonna be
Agreed. Parenthood was much different for me (easier) after I turned 25.
lol, I love it when kids with zero life experience give us their wisdom lol
Agreed and to add to this, don’t have kids you can’t take care of. What always irked me is parents that just keep having kids when they struggle with just one.
Is this unpopular?
Stop perpetuating the myth about having a baby brain until 25. But also probably don’t marry super young yeah
It’s that and also have money to raise your kids. Having kids doing your teens or early 20s, you probably don’t have money unless you come from money.
No one is EVER ready for parenthood. At least if you’re in your 20’s, you have the benefits of energy and stamina. Trying to have a kid in your late 30’s and early 40’s is extremely stressful and difficult, and I really wish we hadn’t waited so long. Also, I have a feeling we would still be married if we hadn’t waited so long, as the added stress and other issues were a major factor in our divorce.
TL:DR: If you really love your partner and want kids, don’t wait. Have your kids young and figure it out. It’s what humans were built for, and waiting makes a lot of things harder.
There’s no study showing when your frontal lobe stops developing, that’s a myth. It’ll presumably keep developing for your whole life, but no one’s funded a study that goes that long.
I think you should have a lot of life experience under your belt, though. Learn to take care of yourself and navigate your own crises, so you can do the same for your partner.
My husband and I were high school sweethearts, and we’ve been together for 25 years now. Some of us get lucky and find our person early, but I completely agree. We moved in together at 19 but didn’t marry until we were 29. Had our first child at 32. You can be in love and stay together without getting married or having children. Wait and see if you luck out and grow together.
I totally agree. Also your brain is never fully developed.
I had mine at 24 & 26. I knew from watching my mom that I’d be too tired to have kids in my 30s, I made sure to be done before 30. I’m 33 now and there’s no way in hell I could do it again. I have the same disease as my mom, it causes chronic fatigue. Anyway, I’m sure yours isn’t an unpopular opinion
I 110% agree!
You know the whole brain isn’t developed until 25 is utter nonsense right?
Also someone who is so fixated on Personality sudo-science shouldn’t be giving life advice
The majority of people ever born would not exist on this advice.
Here is better wisdom, take on responsibility earlier in life and that teaches character. Having responsibilities and obligations shapes how your brain develops for success.
My grandfather was married by 21, owned a gas station, served in WW2, had two kids and had a stable home probably by his mid 30’s. You are made to develop and progress at the same time. You can’t wait to do things when “everything is stable” and possibly gets you closer to other problems. I know personally two women who had children later in life and it almost killed them due to advanced maternal age. So, you trade one for the other. I suggest women have children a bit earlier because it gives you time to physically, emotionally and even career wise recover before you hit retirement age.
Marriages don’t fail because people “changed”. They fail because our expectations in marriage are utterly stupid and the culture cosigns just about anything, including ass backwards ways to view the world.
Maybe society should offer more support to new parents with programs like universal childcare and affordable housing.
I was told to wait until I was at least 28 by my dad. He was a wise man
Not unpopular at all
Maturity and brain development is more of an individual thing and a whole lot of luck in finding someone who’s actually a good person who matches you.
Met my husband at 21 then married at 23, he was 27. We’ve been together for 15 years now. I think we were very lucky though as not only we had that young lovestruck, our ideas and expectations also aligned, and were both “descent” people – as in not shit. We travelled together, lived in different countries before having kids and settling down over 5 years later.
Some of my friends now are still waiting for the “right one” and as they get older after 30, they find their expectations rise or just not met. They are definitely more self-aware, more stable but that also backfire with the fact that they are also more “set in their ways”, and they don’t wanna change or grow with the person unless they meet ceftain expectations – which also requires even more luck. Marriage takes a lot of communication, compromise and sometimes choosing what to sacrifice. Having that positivity in youthfulness is definitely helpful. It only gets more difficult after having kids, but having a solid history together, knowing each other’s quirks and negatives has kept us through the terrors of parenting 3 young kids. Even now, we’re constantly communicating in how to make things work – but it’s always “together”.
The brain never stops developing, but yea
This hasn’t been an unpopular opinion since the 90s
Who is telling the youth to go out and get married and have kids before 25 these days?
The brain never “finishes” development, it’s always developing and changing and growing. Maybe if you get dementia you’re done learning. But it’s not like boiling an egg or whatever to where your brain is “done”.
That’s a common take, literally recommended by everyone who wasn’t barefoot and pregnant by 19.
I think I am a lot dumber now in my late 40’s than I was in my 20’s
The premise is right but the frontal lobe thing is overstated by a ton of ppl
I agree. Why is everyone acting so dense? Yea being older doesn’t guarantee that you won’t fuck up your kids but it’s still probably better to wait until you’re older and have more knowledge and wisdom through life experience. The same way that if you put your seat belt on in a car it won’t guarantee to keep you safe in an accident but it’s probably still a good idea to put it on… I hope some of ya in the comments disagreeing don’t have kids.
i think marrying young is just fine. there’s something special about being able to start from scratch with someone you love and build a life together. i think in this case it’s less about age and more about emotional maturity.
but probably wait until you’re older to have kids though, so you can experience some freedom and make sure kids are what you really want. they are a lifetime commitment. not just until 18!
As a former child bride and child mother, I couldn’t agree more.
An unpopular opinion that needs to become popular 🙏
the brain never stops developing. the whole ‘your brain is developed at 25’ thing is false
So, the median age of first marriages in the US is 30.5 for men and 28.6 f9r women.
So, congratulations, your post worked!
Psychedelics too!
People really need to stop with the frontal lobe crap. Post-puberty our brains change less than 2% year to year, and we have almost no clue what that means in terms of how it affects behavior because there are a multitude of other factors at play, like testosterone and estrogen levels, environmental factors, etc.
99.99% of all humans that ever lived had children shortly after puberty, and they did just fine. Humans have adapted to social and financial circumstances that no longer make having children early viable.
The marriages fall apart not because they’re young. But because they are ill prepared. They need to examine their goals and be ready to give themselves fully to each other. This is a service offered by the church, that people no longer utilize
So here’s the thing about parenting. It’s completely something that you figure out as you go. You ask for support from family members . You also can read books and get advice or look up how to do things online.
I would say that if you have a good family, do it when you’re supporting Family members are younger. Better yet if your kids can be the first grandkids they’re going to most likely get more grandparent support. If your kids are like 10 down the line in a bunch of grandkids from the family you might not get as much help.
As my father’s father said “let the stupid be stupid”
If you’re gonna wait for your brain to be fully developed, you’re gonna keep on waiting.
As a dude who didn’t realize he could eat candy bars for dinner until he was 23, yeah. Wait to get in to adult shit lol.
I don’t know I’m 42 had my kids at 24 and my twin daughters are about to graduate from high school going to Uni in September and I am planning on travelling to Asia in September and taking three months off work. I’m super excited freedom!!!!
And face a lot of trouble with fertility –
And the thing is. I’m always learning and unlearning things and I’m just one person, I don’t think I’ll ever genuinely be ready for multiples. We’ll see..
Well I’m 48 and I don’t think my brain is fully developed yet
This is pretty popular man
The ‘fun fact’s about your brain not being fully developed until 25 is a gross misrepresentation of a study that ended when its participants were, you guessed it, 25
I am so tired of this brain development bs.
I been with my husband since we were 15 and 16 lol. But I agree.
Going from 90% brain capacity to 92% wont make you go from a dumb bozo to Einstein.
Sexondly, the thesis isnt even true and has been debunked multiple times.
I only ‘decided’ to have kids when I was around 28
LOL. “Parenting isn’t something you figure out as you go along?”
Yes. Yes it is. No parent knows what the fuck they are doing. Reading “advice” books makes it all worse
I don’t disagree with you about being mature and ready, but NO ONE is prepared for parenthood.
I disagree on physical grounds, especially for women, because childbirth causes such changes in the body, it accelerates the aging process. Even a woman in her late 20s/early 30s has less energy and takes longer to recover, whereas a woman in her early 20s (assuming good physical and mental health otherwise) has more stamina. Parenthood is HARD! I wish my son had been born to a younger me (31), and I KNOW my 40-year-old mother should have left well enough alone. My opinion.
Forget this, parenting licenses need to be a thing bruh how do you need a license to drive and not one to literally bring a whole human to this world. And people who have kids without parenting license shouldn’t be allowed to put their kids in daycares, public schools, take their kids to parks, attend other kids birthday parties. You should be punished to the fullest extent if you have kids without your parenting license 🤣
This would be my dream utopia. You must pass a theory test, a psychological test, a financial background check, and a criminal background check, before having your parent permit. If you disagree then just said you wouldn’t pass your parenting license test it’s ok
The only problem is, I’m already 30 and I think its still not developed.
Yep. I was a late bloomer. My temporal lobe really didn’t fully develop until age 30 imo.
you’re right, but my issue is that people can’t have this conversation without bashing women. like, it’s so easy to take this point a step further and shame teen/young parents, especially mothers.
most people would be better parents in their 30s if at all. that’s absolutely right. and i’m not saying you’re taking that leap to shame people, for the record, but some people are.
just seeing a lot of nonsense spewed about how young people don’t take care of their kids well. i’m sure a lot don’t, but i also wonder how many of them would like to take better care of their children but don’t have the resources to do so and are shamed out of communal resources like reaching out to family and friends, or are isolated from doing so. and for those that do take good care of their children, it’s demoralizing to see all the negative things said about them that aren’t necessarily true. the majority of teen moms are also impregnated by an older man, so there’s that as well.
all in all, good point, very accurate besides the brain development stuff, but it can bring out some underlying prejudice in people and i wanted to point that out.
Eh, I coupled up at 19 and 30 years on it still seems to have been the right thing to do.
We didn’t actually get married until 25 (for me, a couple months short of it for her) because we took longer to graduate than planned and it takes a while to get a wedding together with families on both coasts, but in a lot of ways we might as well have been married at 20.
Had kids in our late 30s. Definitely recommend waiting until you’re really established and financially in a good place. For us, that meant our late 30s.
I agree with your opinion, OP.
How is this unpopular?
waiting until you are in your 30s you meet a lot more people with baggage
As someone who got pregnant at 18 and 21, I completely agree. I love my kids and I don’t regret being a mom, but I do regret having them so young. I could have given them so much more if I had gone to college and gotten a good job first.
Yes, parenting is something that requires serious through and preparation.
At the same time, there are times where parenting is figuring things out as you go.
Signed, a parent of a toddler lol.
I’m waiting until after I die to have kids, so someone else will pay for their diapers and college education.
Agreed. I love my mom dearly but by the time she was in her early thirty’s (I think 30-32) she had:
•1 3-5 year old
•1 13 months-2 year old
•Filed for divorce
She has indirectly stated that me and my sister were the best thing to come out her her first marriage and that the only reason she doesn’t regret it is because of where she is today, happy long term relationship, a 6 year old son, a daughter who’s a senior in college (that’s me), and a semi successful small business with her long term partner
I have a smooth brain though
Coldest take in the subreddit
I truly believe that it’s parental responsibility to get your kids ready for adulthood and all that it possibly comes with. Being a spouse, parenting, financially savvy.. all that comes with instruction and practice.
It’s not an age thing, just a preparedness thing. That’s being said – I chose to wait.
People take “getting older” for granted. It’s not promised.
Whats the best way to tell if my brain is fully developed?
The comments seem to be more focused on the kids part and not really addressing the marriage part, interesting……..
So I refused to even talk about kids until I was 30.
33-year-old me is flying by the seat of my pants just like 24-year-old me would have. Kids don’t come with instructions, and most advice will be bullshit for your kid specifically. You absolutely learn as you go.
“Wait until you’re mature enough to get married and have kids” is not an unpopular opinion be so for real
The “fully developed by 25” thing is a common misconception. If I remember correctly whatever study this factoid originally hails from only measured adults up to 25, but brain development doesn’t stop there. The brain is continuously developing all throughout life, there’s not a magic dead end.
My daughter will be 18 before I’m 40 so I’ll have lots of time over my life to spend with her, suits me fine
Yes and no.The older the parents the more risk for genetic defects in their offspring.Even more so if the father is older
You’re right and all, but it’s a myth that brains are ever “fully developed.”
The biology misinformation is the unpopular opinion we made along the way.
Honestly yeah.
I know a guy who’s literally like…22, and he already has a kid.
To his credit, he and the baby’s mom have been dating since they were like 16 and they seem to have a good relationship from what I’ve heard, but still.
Dude’s literally working a minimum wage job at a furniture factory, and last I spoke to him he was fucking miserable because he understandably didn’t enjoy how he didn’t have time to do anything outside of taking care of his son.
I am 32, my brain has fully developed and I realsied I don’t wanna marry and have children.
Grass is green ass take
If your brain stops developing, you’re brain dead. You literally cannot form any memories without brain development. I don’t know if getting married after death is an option for most people
Marriage is just for tax reasons, as for kids its less wait for ur brain since its always developing and more wait till ur financially stable and are sure u are in the right place mentally because there are so many parents in this world that shouldnt have ever been parents, and before all else too make sure you actually want kids because there are no take backs
First of all this isn’t unpopular, I got married at 23 years old and most people told me it was foolish.
Secondly the fact that the frontal lobe is fully developed by 25 is a factoid. The brain as a whole develops over your whole lifetime and it also develops at different paces.
That said I do agree with the fact that people should reach a certain level of maturity before getting married and having children.
I don’t disagree with you. But I think 30 is a bit old for the first child.
If we follow this logic, getting the first at 30, at 48 / 49, he’s an adult, then you get your first grandchild at 60. I’d like to be involved in my child and grandchild’s life as much as possible. At 50, I don’t know if I’d be able to help them like I want to. And I’m even less sure that at 60, I’d be able to help as much as I want with my grandchild.
I believe between 25 – 30 is a good age to get your first child.
Many people get stupider with age
Statistically speaking, the older people are at the time of marrying, the higher the likelihood of divorce.
Take that as you will.
Orthodox indian parents need to understand this and not feed their children with the same brainrot “get married at 22 and have kids”
What about finances? “Who cares, we want grandkids and show off to society”
I hard agree on this.
When I was 21, I was having all the massive baby fever and even with being in a toxic relationship, no housing, no work experience, still in education, I really wanted to get married and have kids. I’m 26 now with a 5 years old stable relationship, sharing financials, having an actual job in a big4, no longer paying rent, and recently I started realizing how STUPID AND IGNORANT I was only a couple of years ago. It’s like something clicked in my brain recently and I started to realize how gravely we underestimate the responsibility of marriage and commitment and birthing kids in our early 20’s.
I would have been a miserable wife if I got married in my early 20’s, probably still with abusive ex. And I would made a horrible mother as well…
Lol. No one knows what kind of parents they’ll be until they’re in the trenches of actually having the kids. Parenting exactly is figuring it out as you go. It’s on the job training for sure.
I wish this frontal lobe myth would just fucking die already.
This is a popular idea
the take is fine but it has very little to do with passive brain development and much more to do with learning
From a 35 year old I’d say this is true, but then again-life is short. Make mistakes. Love. Lose. Love again. Don’t be so worried about min/maxing life. There’s no correct way to live. The universe is vast and unknowable, meaningful and meaningless. You’ll be dead someday.
As long as you don’t do something you can’t undo, you’ll be just fine.
It’s funny because growing up you don’t realize how dumb you are until you fully develop your brain and then you look back and go wow why did I do that?
Certain things that I would not be able to handle like positions of authority or life-threatening situations are much more manageable Now and don’t seem so overwhelming.
Had I gone through with my original plans of getting married at 21 I probably would have been three kids deep with a husband who did not appreciate nor love me at all .
Hi,
Regarding brain development talk 25 like to give nice comment as my mom explained like this – till 25 years old all humans have less or no fear factor. They think that can do everything but after 25 they start to think more about things that can happen. I married and settled at 25 and my wife then was 26. I always encourage young folks to party Hard and enjoy their youth. I saw šo many who find their love and after long time divorce or guys or Girls who was not enjoy their younger years and try catch up later – i mean party Hard, fu..Ing with strangers around. I need say thanks to my brother who before university just said this: Man you are young and going to university- 4 awsome years dont ruin to be attached with one girl. I accepted what he said and he was right. Spend my best years at university,been abroad at summer(interships) learn about new countries,cultures – when i graduate i said huge thenks to my brother- he just laughed.
P.s sorry about grammer 🙂
Can we get off the women develop faster than men? Develop at what? Such a ridiculous thing that gets repeated
Well it’s too late now
Your brain is never fully developed. It keeps developing over your entire life, most likely. The “frontal lobe isn’t developed until xx years of age” is extremely misinterpreted and it got popular but it’s not accurate!!! But people like throwing scientific terms everywhere because it sounds smart.
This is unpopular for me because I have two cousins who respectively got married at 18 and started having kids right away. I think doing it young, when your body is more resilient, and you have tons of energy and idealistic views about kids is the time to do it. I think if you’re going to start a family and you have the means, do it young before you’re worn down by life. Let having kids at a young age do the wearing down for you! By the time you’re 38 your first kid is 20 and you still still have your 40s (when you still have some energy left).
How come an 18 year old can take out lifetime loans tho
How is this unpopular
People already do wait longer than ever. How exactly is this unpopular?
Sorry but it never stops. I am in my 60’s. I look back at how naive I was at 20, and 30, and 40, and 50, and even 60. You always look at your younger self and wonder how they could have been so naive and believed they had it all sorted out. And if you don’t, it is a bad sign you have stopped learning and growing. Which means you are rotting because it’s either mental growth or mental decay, nothing in between.
Parenting is absolutely something you figure out as you go. None of us parents truly know what we’re doing. You can read a million books and research all you like but children are wildcards and nothing will ever truly prepare you.
My advice is to just never get married.
Old people have old kids.
> Parenting isn’t something you just figure out as you go
That’s literally what you do, haha. Can’t learn to be a parent before you are a parent.
But yeah, I think 25-30 is a good place to start having kids. I got my first when I was 23 due to some personal reasons. It was a bit early, and I would probably have waited until 25 or 26 in retrospect, but it wasn’t too bad.
People really overstate the whole development of the frontal lobe thing. It’s not some kind of a switch that suddenly flips. It’s slow and gradual process. There isn’t gonna be much difference in maturity between you at 24 and you at 26.
Waiting before making major decisions in life is an unpopular opinion?
Men mature later than women? 🤣 You’re mxing “maturing” with “stop enjoying fun”. We don’t do that. That’s a woman thing.
This is a stupid take I’m sorry but this isn’t how brain development work….at all 🤦♀️ Your brain is always changing over your life like any muscle (neuroplasticity) and for individuals with BPD their frontal lobe will never develop in the same way, and with adhd it takes until roughly 35 ish.
This is an uneducated and ableist take lots of people will always have differences in brain stricture and development it does not make them less of an adult
Based on your reasoning, 24 years old should be a minor.