My gf has a friend. Let’s call him Mike.
Something I found out from her friend and confirmed with my gf is that she cheated on an ex with Mike. They still regularly hang out btw.
Honestly, i had no problem before all of this, but after she confirmed it, I pretty much made up my mind. I told her we were done.
She tried to convince me that was a long time ago (I believe 4 or 5 years ago
) and that it was mistake and she grew. I told her that as long as she stayed friends with Mike, she’s not trustworthy, and it makes it worse that she never told me about it.
She did offer that she wouldn’t see Mike again, but I told her the damage was done.
Right now I’m in my bed, contemplating if I did the right thing.
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NTA
In my opinion, once a cheater, always a cheater and if what she was doing wasn’t wrong in her opinion, she wouldn’t have tried to hide it.
Also, feelings aside, if a decision is logical then it’s the best course of action
NTA
If she avoids him and you’re comfortable then stay and see how it goes, but if you feel that you can’t trust her at all then it’s time to move on.
You did the right thing. Let her find someone who won’t throw her away over their own insecurities.
Not that it matters as far as judgment, but had you two talked about keeping past intimate partners around?
It’s the fact she hid it from you, from the beginning. Relationship built on lies, don’t progress.
NTA
Bad enough she cheated in a previous relationship, making her more likely to do it again… but lying by omission about it??? And she STILL hangs out with the creep she cheated with??
Good riddance…
Well you know she’s def f*ckin him now that’s her backup
Nta you are absolutely right. Sooner or later, he would become an issue.
NTA, your call my man. Good on you honestly, you did what you thought was best and in my honest opinion you avoided an eventual heartbreak. I hope you heal fast!
YTA you told her that as long as she remains friends she’s untrustworthy, she then proceeds to offer to cut him out of her life and you dump her anyway.
I’m so glad you’re perfect and never make mistakes and will never need a second chance, she’s better off without you.
Better to just move on. Highly doubt she would have cut him off, she would just go behind your back because they have a “connection no one understands.” Good riddance. NTA.
What’s there to contemplate?
You accidentally got into a relationship with a narcissist who would have ruined your life.
You left the narcissist.
Now you will have a better life.
NTA. Find another girlfriend. Don’t bother to look back
Nta
NTA. You did the right thing. She keeps him in her orbit, and as long as she does, it would’ve only been a matter of time before you were the next guy she cheated on with him. Better to cut your losses now.
NTA. She hasn’t learned anything. She still keeps the guy around that she cheated with before you came along. Nobody would be comfortable with that situation. It would have been one thing if she was honest with you from the start. She concealed that previous sexual relationship for a reason. She wants to keep him in her life. You already know this. Just go off her actions.
If she grew and changed or felt an ounce of guilt, she wouldn’t still be friends with him
NTA you absolutely made the right choice. She’s gross af
NTA but give her a parting advice that she should cut him off anyways for her own well-being. Unless she is keeping him around as a backup.
Nta updateme
It’s ok, girls can have close guy friends without it being sexual….. Yeah right.
NTAH, that is the best possible thing you could have done. Not only is she a cheater, but she is still hanging out with past sexual partners, that is a big no no.
Updateme
you did the right thing. I’m sorry it didn’t work out
You should fuck Mike. Show dominance.
NTA – huge red flag. If she changed so much she would not keep him around.
Gotta love these “platonic” relationships that are so popular these days…
>Right now I’m in my bed, contemplating if I did the right thing.
You did not.
You broke up with her over an infidelity from another relationship. I sincerely hope you’re the one and only perfect human being on this Earth. Otherwise, you’ve made some mistakes too that you appreciate people have not eternally held against you. Your now ex-girlfriend even offered to fix the only actual issue and not see the guy, despite having done you no harm whatsoever according to your post, and yet you still judge her.
So, YTA. Learn from this and go get stunt therapy to address your deep insecurities.
Na. Why would you even keep him around, ever? He’s a constant reminder of what you did bare minimum, and temptation waiting for another taste otherwise. Already cheated on someone once, absolutely zero chance the person they did it with should be in any friend circle of hers unless she was unbothered by the cheating. Run and never look back.
AH? No, but It sounds like you just don’t want to be with her. Sounds like you made your mind up, and honestly you don’t need an excuse to end a relationship whenever you want to.
To me, it would be a point of contention, but if I like her then I don’t think I would leave for the reasons you are leaving.
If you didn’t ask her if there was history, then she didn’t lie.
If her friends told on her, and she came clean she was honest.
She offered to make amends, and you decided it wasn’t enough.
The only point of contention I would have is for her to present an ex like a friend. In my book if there was sexual intimacy then that person is NOT a friend, it’s an ex, and that changes the rules and the interaction =greatly=.
So I see why you’re upset… I just don’t think it’s as cut and dry as the rest of the comments suggest.
But that’s just me.
NTA. Move on.
NTA. She is definitely still sleeping with him. She belongs to the streets.
NTA
Proximity to betrayal is a hard line in the sand.
She kept her side piece around for when she needs it. You did the right thing, otherwise he would always be lurking in the background ready to pounce….
I mean you’re NTA either way because we get to choose whom we are with and also why or why not. That being said people do change, I don’t think once a cheater always a cheater is true. Adding to that yes not telling you sucks. But having slept with someone once years ago doesn’t mean anything bad. After all they could’ve dated afterwards but they both didn’t want that. Me personally I slept once with my best friend who is also a girl. There was no cheating but simply a drunk night out that ended in bed. I told my now girlfriend and they are friends too now. And I never wanted anything more or repeat that one night.
No, you did right. Not only did you save yourself from the pain that she would’ve undoubtedly caused you down the line, had you stayed with her, she now has a choice: drop Mike or keep losing partners.
You did the next guy a solid by doing what you did.
100% boss move!
Send her a message, “How can I trust that you won’t go see Mike or any other guy behind my back? You have damaged my trust in you and I don’t think that will ever come back. You really ruined what I thought was a good thing. Be honest and upfront in your next relationship. From what I hear, you’re probably reading this from Mike’s bed right now. Goodbye.”
Then block her
Cheaters don’t change.
NTA
Finally someone with a backbone.
NTA
You did what’s right for you and that’s all that matters.
NTA its a fair call, if she cheated with mike once, its far more likely to happen again. and lets be real Mike, will jump at the chance to a the shoulder she cries on if you guys ever have a fight.
NTA. You made the right move.
She never changed. If she did, she wouldn’t hide what she did she did from you.
Updateme!
Tell her it’s because of her decisions in the situation that makes you want to break up. Her decision to keep it a secret while still hanging out with him. Say she did nothing wrong but her decision to say nothing gives you pause at her decision making and you don’t want that kind of partner. Simple. Or just say I don’t see any way I can trust you because of your decisions.
Dude… for peace of mind. Just move on… Everytime you see him or her, that idea will creep in and its a hrad fucking thing to get rid off. Cause she might have moved on, I bet you anything, he hasn’t.
NTA cheater gonna cheat. It’s like a dog that bites. That option is forever open to them now. No closing Pandora’s box. You would never not be suspicious of a lot of things she would do. Best to move on.
Ugh that’s really gross in her behalf to continue a close friendship with a dude she’s cheated with in the past. Seems like she’s continuing to have shitty boundaries.
She never gave you a chance to consider if you were okay with their friendship or not, she’s lied by omission and she’s a cheater.
You did the right thing.