I am tired of guys doing the bare minimum in dating apps or even otherwise. If a guy initiates a conversation with hey, I respond with a hey and wait for them to lead now. A guy asked me if I was single on Instagram and I responded with yes after which he did not take the conversation ahead.
A couple of years ago, I would have responded enthusiastically to the hey message with a follow-up quite specific from their profile. Or I would have tried to double text the guy who asked if I was single to indicate interest and perhaps even desperation.
Now I want to match their energy. I plan to treat their actions as ‘stimuli’ to which I have ‘responses’. Does anyone else believe in ‘matching the energy’?
Comments
Yep. Sometimes a break for a sentence or two but basically its my new go to.
Idk, this seems kind of pointless to me. It sounds like the only times you would be doing it would be when you already don’t vibe with the guy on the other end, and I’m not sure it would spur anyone to be more talkative. I feel it would be better to just stay true to yourself and if the guy doesn’t care or is not giving you the energy you are looking for then just quit messaging them
I match energy in all relationships. Romantic or otherwise.
I don’t get it either. I matched with a guy two weeks ago and it was green flags left and right, effortless, interesting conversation, super nice vibe, long voice messages, high frequency, interest and dedication from both sides.
We meet. We hook up. Then the guy gets sick (I believe it because I’m rather sure he got it from me and everyone has the flu right now).
The messages become less frequent, but also less engaging. I carry on with my conversation, but I’m getting a bit insecure. Where’s the vibe? Where’s the person from last week? Lots of “dunno…”, “yep…”. When I finally adress it, he tells me he just isn’t interested in my random stories about random third people he doesn’t even know. Also, why can’t I respect he’s just not up for constantly reporting every detail of his current state to me? That one stings. Okay, he’s sick, but does he have to be mean?
I repeat my problem with the situation the night after. He then comes around and tells me that he thinks the first week of constant texting was quite exhausting. I’m just like: this is ridiculous, you initiated and pushed this just as much as I did. Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t enjoy this? Him: you never asked.
ššššššš
[removed]
Iām all for matching their energyābeen doing it for years. Iām tired of asking questions and they never ask anything. So tired of them putting in zero effort
It works for them because we fill in the gaps they leave. They won’t do it for us, so it won’t be an effective reversal. But the upside is that you’ll be sparing yourself effort!
That’s a great philosophy for life in general. Give people the effort they give you unless you want something from them.
In a relationship, this is tantamount.
Nope. I donāt have time or energy to waste. Move on to someone who gives you what you need and block anyone else.
Yes, just be ready to be single. Itās honestly better here. I donāt understand why people want someone in their life they have to always check in with about everything. For me, my time and money is my own to spend as I wish. Itās absolute bliss.
Very correct approach)you shouldnt be more interested in relationship than a man or else you will have to drag that relationship on yourself all the time
This is what I do. They donāt like it. They especially donāt like not getting straight answers to serious questions, despite dodging any I ask. It rarely seems to occur to them that Iām only showing them how irritating their own behavior is. They get lost at the irritating bit and rarely seem to make it to that āahaā moment that any capacity for self reflection might offer.
I struggled a lot with this concept when I initially got into the dating scene in my 30ās-I didnāt like that I felt so passiveā¦waiting for him to make moves and I respond. It felt limiting and didnāt line up with my egalitarian values. But two years into the current dating scene and I think itās one of my survival strategies now. I bring so much depth and presence to my relationships (friendships, family, work, romantic) and I think itās a liability for me in dating. I still struggle with it, it feels so stifled but also I think it keeps me safe.
I match energy in ALL relationships unless I don’t want to participate in them, and then I give less energy. But giving more? Maybe I’ll try once or twice to see if they give back, but if they don’t then I’ll back off. Honestly, it’s a social skill.
Not just match it. Always offer less / go below.
Only, of course, if his energy is acceptable to you.
If it’s not, put zero energy in him.
If anything, do less. Matching is too much work.
If they say, hey, you say, hi, cause it’s less effort to write. š
I think this is a great ideaĀ