He no longer remembers statements that he makes. He lies and says he doesn’t remember or he never even said that. He will go so far as to bring up that he said something entirely different that was NEVER discussed
He was never happy, always critical and complaining, bitching at me all the time. He always wanted to argue, like the second I walked in the door from work. It was such a relief to move out and have peace again.
He was nice enough to tell me 💀 he had started a new job and said he had a Crush on a girl he was in orientation with (2 days in) I started packing my stuff to leave and he was trying to stop me. I said if you’re saying you got a crush and you don’t feel it for me, there’s nothing I can do that change that. He said it’s just a crush and he was pretty sure she had a bf. I said did you mention you have a gf? No. He followed me home and showed up with flowers but we broke up a week later and while he went back and forth, he ultimately decided it just wasn’t there for him anymore.
You usually just feel it. It’s not always something obvious. You’ll be sitting there trying to explain your day and they’re half-listening, giving you “uh huh” like you’re background noise. That’s when it hits.
towards the end of the relationship and while we were supposed to be working through things, she started using my first name A LOT more and even my nickname sometimes that she super rarely used to use to my face, even in public amongst friends. Not just in public, but at home when it was just us two. then basically no honey. no sweets, babe etc. at one point, I mentioned to her I noticed she uses my first name a lot more and less honey etc. she basically wanted to get that conversation over as soon as possible. some people use first names a lot but we didn’t and she definitely didn’t much in good times.
overall though, when the other person simply just doesn’t try for long periods of time and it seems like everything is bare minimum effort in just about all parts of your life together. I get that in short spurts, it’s like a way to show you’re mad or displeased, but over months… . just ain’t right.
honorable mention warning signs: typical witty conversation turns dull quickly and it’s not because of you. like you are no longer funny, anytime, anywhere, any situation. They increasingly want to be short with you intentionally. large increase in situations where they make it seem like you’re interrupting them when it’s just basic day to day stuff you’ve always talk about or needed to interact about.
Avoidance.. When our conversations stayed surface-level & it almost felt forced/awkward spending long periods of one on one time together, such as going on a date.
When she started putting me down often and talking crap about me and my military service. Not giving proper respect to my injuries (TBI, CPTSD, other mental health challenges).
When we started doing things for each other but never kissed or touched each other. This happens with marriage when love has drained but marriage remains.
She went from being excited to see me and asking about my day and cuddling me to sleep after making love to barely acknowledging my presence and playing Destiny 2 until 2 or 3 in the morning with men who flirted with her while I cried myself to sleep.
The horror came in realizing, some months after move out, that there never was any genuine liking OR love: only intentional con & coercion (to cinematic extremes).
You know when the little things stop feeling the same. The way they used to smile when you walked in, how they’d touch you without thinking, the random texts just to say they missed you. When that fades, when you feel like a stranger in the same room, when effort turns into obligation… that’s when you start to know. You don’t always hear it in their words. You feel it in the silence, in the distance, in how you start to feel alone even when they’re right next to you.
This was years ago. But I went on a trip to visit my best friend for about 4 days. He never initiated texting to ask how my trip was going. He said he wasn’t going to pick me up from the airport because it was too much effort, and he didn’t even notice when I got home.
I had stumbled over my suitcase going through a turnstile at the airport and had a big bruise on my hip. He said nothing. Didn’t ask what happened.
The complete apathy. Barely a difference between me being gone and me being there.
His phone was glued to him all of a sudden. He put a password on his phone. Started hiding his phone and closing screens down when I’d come to sit next to him he’d quickly close the phone.
He started to ignore my calls and my texts but managed to be there for others. Stopped acknowledging me in person and on social media. Like he wouldn’t even acknowledge my posts of him or us but would acknowledge other people’s. Started playing a new game and was all of a sudden playing that game 24/7.
I kept asking if we were ok. What’s wrong. Is there someone else. And was told no we are fine, no one else.
Stopped holding my hand, his hand stayed limp so I stopped holding his hand. Thought ok maybe he thinks I’m ugly now or didn’t like what I was wearing. Stopped coming home after work. Went to the gym more and more.
Stopped helping me at home.
And finally realised when I found out about the affairs. So that was pretty clear. 13 years gone in a morning.
That hurt and betrayal is a level I will never understand. He hurt me more than anything and didn’t care one bit.
I don’t think he ever was. He just needed someone to look after him. Stupid me took the bait, his first wife refused to. Third wife is also falling for it. Hook, line and sinker.
After I’d had our baby he became crueler, meaner. It started during pregnancy but really amped up after I’d given birth. It was a planned pregnancy we’d been trying for a really long time, but it changed something in him.
Sometimes it was fights. But most times it was the way no matter what I’d say he’d say the contrary. If I said the sky was blue, he’d say it was yellow. If I said it was raining, he’d say it was dry. It was like he wanted to cut me down, put me in my place. Everything I did was never enough. I never gave him what he deserved. I was a burden to him, the thing that kept him from everything he wanted. He made sure I knew every problem he had was ultimately my fault- his problems at work, his problems sleeping, his health problems, his mental health.
It was like a collection of small moments that added up to a bigger picture of someone who wasn’t in the relationship out of love but rather someone who was in the relationship out of spite. To the point that when I wanted to end it, he didn’t want to- not because he wanted to stay, but just to prove he had the final say. Since I had nowhere to go and all shelters were full, he got his way.
When I caught the next-door neighbors’ hubs face planted between her thighs, and it being my fault. Like bitch I didn’t trip him and make him fall into your twat…
Suddenly the safe space we built was an issue because “I don’t talk” (neither did she), the person made it very clear that I was the last person she wanted to spend time with, our banter died down, and she had the sweetest way of tearing down our relationship anytime we spent time together. Conversations of marriage & a possible future turned more into her critiquing of me & how she could see herself with other people. I just wish I had the self confidence then that I have now instead of fighting to see it through. It sucked.
It was normal for us to meet at his home. When I had a really bad weekend and didn’t even want to get out of bed because I felt so bad, he didn’t come over all weekend because it was too much of a hassle for him to come to my house. Even though he had his own key to my apartment.
Her attention totally went away. She went from saying stuff like “i can’t live without you” to “i need my space.” The attention i got from her totally turned off like a light switch. Turns out she had met and fallen for another guy i found out months later.
Less playfulness, quick to anger and less conversation. I also noticed a change in me, I became more eager to please, anxious, depressed, cared less about my needs and more about the relationship. Little acts of kindness seemed like grand gestures.
When I sent him a screenshot of I came across of something really sweet he said to me. He replied, “that’s wild.”
One night when I went to cuddle up to him and said, “my spot” and he didn’t reply. Every other time he would say “yup”
When he was constantly irritated with me. Then one day he just broke up with me. That “that’s wild” comment was my first sign, and my heart dropped when I read it.
His kisses became different. I can’t explain it but I noticed when we kissed towards the end I felt a physical reaction in my body that something wasn’t right.
When he told me that i needed to go to the gym after i wanted to get taco bell. Knowing that my weight has been a soul-crushing part of my entire life.
That night, he called the police on me after an argument, i got arrested, and he dumped me, stole my money, wouldnt let me take anything from our home we just bought, took my keys so i couldnt go home, and then proceeded to threaten to take our child away whenever i didnt do anything the way he wanted it.
Its been almost 10 years? And im still not ok. I feel like i never got to heal because i have to co-parent with him.
In my late twenties, my mother and I both found out that my father was having an affair. I’m an only child, and it hit me hard. Changed who I thought of my dad as a person. My ex was super supportive. Loving, caring, and on my days off she would start the day by asking how I would like to spend the day.
My parents were trying to work it out. Two years later, they decide to get divorced, and it broke me. My entire concept of family was broken, and I had lost all respect for my dad. My ex had no interest, no compassion, was just kinda like “well, that sucks.”
Her only interest was hanging with her “best friend.” The best friend was supposedly a straight girl, but they got married a few years later. At that point, I was like “sweet, you take her. I am so fucking out.”
Imagine you’re the only one rowing and paddling the boat.
At first you’d be happy to do it but sooner or later the paddle gets heavier and heavier. Then you ask yourself do you want to stay because you love them or you don’t want to stay on the boat and wanted to get on land faster. By jumping and swimming.
She was a small time streamer, and after a while it became apparent that the opinion of her viewers was more important than the two of us doing literally anything together.
That entire relationship has taught me that i will never be a good match for anyone with a following.
We had a fight Sunday afternoon. The next morning I was quieter but wanted to make amends, so I got closer and cuddled him and tried to talk. But it was like cuddling a stranger, he didn’t react at all. I was supposed to leave on Wednesday but that Monday after lunch he said I should leave. I got it, nobody was happy, but a few minutes later I said “see you on day x” and repeated but he really ignored me. Not even a “we should talk later”. I’m not innocent in any of this but seriously, he went from a warm blanket to ice cold in a few hours.
When I found out that he’d been virtually cheating with other men pretty much every single opportunity he had over the last year, including when I was in the same room asleep or in another room helping my disabled mother.
When she sat me down on the patio about 16 years ago and said ” (my name), I don’t love you anymore.”
Didn’t see it coming. I was in shock. It broke me.
Put no effort into my birthday. Zero. No gift, no cupcake, no dinner date, nothing they just showed up for the weekend with a half drank alcohol bottle.
They start to find you annoying ; in the sense of every small thing you do in your every day life they start getting mad or pissed off . They start being mean without reason and they start looking at you differently ;you can always tell by how they look at you
Honestly, when they look at you and there is nothing in their eyes, no sparkle, no care, no concern. Especially when it’s literally nothing you did, they just decide you’re not their “type” anymore.
How did I know she was no longer in love with me? All the signs were there but I didn’t notice: everything I did was wrong, I was “poor” and no longer “saving,” a single rose wasn’t good enough, but most of all, the touch felt different (that’s when I really knew).
She was “in love” for maybe a couple of months (probably not even love, that was probably just the lust / excitment of meeting someone new ), she u-hauled together way too fast because of her circumstances, then, once she was comfortably installed in the new place I found for both of us (and was paying for both of us), she got progressively more and more abusive for the remaining 3 and a half years. First signs were silent treatment when things did not go her way, and explosive reactions when I started trying to express boundaries. By the end it was horribly abusive and I had lost like, 20% of my normal healthy weight.
Looking back I don’t think she was ever in love so she never “fell out of love”, she just progressively started hating me more and more. I have no idea why when I tried to leave, all of a sudden she would do everything to keep me. Tried to leave 3 times throughout the relationship, each time she suddenly “wanted to make it work” but looking back I don’t even understand why. She hated my guts, treated me like garbage, used me as a walking ATM and was talkshitting about me to all her friends. She literally hated me??? Why didn’t she just let me leave lmao??? Still confused (and traumatized 😀✌🏼) to this day but grateful I managed to end things for good even if I did it way too late and wasted a big part of my 20s in this hell
he stopped making efforts, conversations went dull, i can feel his negative energy most of the time.. i try to cheer him up, but he isnt there anymore
he just then says ” im lazy today” . btw, today is everyday
When he told me he was not in love with me anymore.
I should have seen it months before that when he was lying and disrespecting me. I asked to plan a 2 night getaway for us. He told me no because we couldn’t afford it. A month later, he cashed in some vacation time and gave a few hundred to a girl he was talking to for only a few weeks and is “in love” with.
Fucking heartbreaking spending over 2 decades with him.
She either forgot or didn’t care enough to get me a birthday card. I know it sounds stupid but that’s when I knew she was done. Dumped me over text message while I was a work about a month later.
Well, my ex said they didn’t feel like they loved me anymore. Weirdly, they didn’t actually want to break up, they just wanted to ignore me.
My and my ex care about each other a lot, but I’m not totally convinced we were ever “in love.” Everyone in my life said we seemed like friends. It was kinda weird. Anyway, now we are friends.
He stopped caring about my feelings, he stopped listening, video games were more important than me, everything became an argument, he was far more prone to insulting me.
When they start acting as if everything you do and say is wrong and an annoyance.
When answering other people’s messages or giving them time but not you.
When they start saying they don’t know what to get you for a special occasion so get you things completely random and thoughtless or when they forget it all together 🙁
One can just feel it even if there is nothing obvious – it’s a gut feeling. Your body knows before your mind does.
When you’re treated more like a convenience rather than a priority. As someone has said here, when you start being tolerated, and not celebrated or cherished.
When there are no deep or meaningful conversations about future or concerns. No care!
I think I kind of picked up on it the year before our divorce. We talked about having kids, buying a house, all that jazz. We both got stationed overseas together, and something shifted. I was TDY a lot at my new unit but made sure to keep in touch as often as I could, at his insistence. He went on his first TDY and the texts/calls for sporadic. I brought it up a couple times but he said he was busy/couldn’t talk because there was no privacy. He started drinking/partying everyday. Kept asking for money for lunch, even though the country he was in was cheap.
Finally just asked what was going on because it wasn’t normal, he admitted he was checked out. Enjoyed the freedom of being away. But wanted to wait to talk about it til he got back like a month later. We were in a weird limbo. Then I got a call from my MSgt letting me know he saw my ex with a woman, wasn’t sure what was going on and didn’t want to tell me about it initially, but decided to anyway.
I was so embarrassed I just decided enough was enough. We finally talked on the phone, he admitted he hadn’t missed me at all while he was gone and hadn’t loved me for the past 5 years (together 7, married 5).
So yeah. Told him we were done and divorcing.
Looking back, I really don’t know why he stayed. I wasn’t perfect, he wasn’t perfect, but god damn what he did to me at the end has followed me.
I just want to thank you all. May this post serve to all of us still in the limbo.
When we start missing them, longing for what we had and let hope invade every ounce of our being, remember how they treated us, how they let the distance build up, closed up their worlds to us, their words filled with resentment and ick.
Never forget they choose cowardice over honesty.
By no means I’m trying to say that people should stay together no matter what, but they are ways to part that, even though are still painful, will be better and cleaner that what a lot of people choose to do.
Anyway, stay strong, learn, and be the kind of partner you wish you had had.
I refused to acknowledge it, I feared I was overreacting. But….
I guess it was when we were in bed together. She had been feeling down for a while. No matter what I tried I couldnt cheer her up, and I felt like was making matters worse. I always overthink and assume Im doing something wrong, so that weighed on my mind. So while we were in bed, I wanted to just hug her. She turned moved my arm away and turned her back to me saying she “wasnt in the mood”.
She had never done this before. not ever. We always talked things through, and we always told eachother if we were feeling bad or depressed.
The engagement lasted for about 3 more months after this… and then one day she gives me a phonecall (we werent living together) and tells me she’s breaking up with me, followed by “I’m also not in love with you anymore”.
Love of my life. The breakup was 8,5 years ago, she passed away a year after that (so 7,5 years ago), and I dont think I ever recovered, ever will recover, from either.
She went from “I’m overwhelmed, so I want you to be here” to “I’m overwhelmed, so I want some time alone” to eventually start ghosting. Figured out I was no longer welcomed at that point.
Lack of effort and then more into fully having to twist his arm for basic level commitment. We were briefly long distance (at that point 11 years into our relationship) and three days before he was supposed to come visit he still hadn’t committed or bought his flight. The final straw was when I finally achieved a goal that was literally 10 years in the making (and why I was out of state) and he was in a piss poor mood when I tried to call to celebrate with him. I flew home that night and he was an hour late picking me up at the airport with no flowers and barely any acknowledgement of how big of a deal it was to me. He was a good guy (other than emotionally cheating while I was away) but I knew right then it was going to be the end.
They will deliberately do things you hate and dislike until you finally end things with them. This is an easy exit for them. Having zero accountability and respect.
played a song about love and sang the lyrics to him at one point, had no reaction and avoided eye contact. that’s when i knew it was going to end soon. ended about a month after that when he treated me poorly on his birthday and all his friends had to ask him to stop treating me that way.
There were many little things that just were causing pain but the big one was when I begged for couples therapy and in the middle of pouring my heart out and explaining how I was not feeling like I was a priority in his life, his phone rang and he took the call and brushed me off.
I realised I was right and there was no fixing the problems.
He broke up with me in a fight, & told me I had to find a new place to live. I thought we were just in a rough patch we could talk through, so I was a little blindsided. 5 years.
Growing up in a dysfunctional family, all I ever dreamed of was a partner that won’t leave when it’s hard & a home that wont be taken away from me. Heartbreaking
It’s not universal, but I can tell usually based on how they treat my relationship to my dog. For context, she’s the only reason I’ve bothered to hold it together, yadda yadda, so the dog is my literal shadow.
When something first starts out, a partner is amazed that my dog requires no leash, visits bars and convenience stores, and that I am so incredibly soft with her when I’m normally a pretty gruff person.
Eventually, they start nitpicking my dog and I. They begin to get jealous and suggest not being so involved, that sort of thing.
To me, its the start of beginning to hate something you loved at one point. And beyond that, I’m almost forty, the things in my life are the way they are for a reason, and I don’t care to justify or defend it to anyone; I love my dog, my dog loves me, and people who really love us would rather add to it than suggest I change it.
She’s 10 now, and at best I think about five or six more years are left for her and I to be together and I’ll not sacrifice a moment where it can be helped.
started listening to the poison dripped into his ear from his mom, and ghosted our marriage. Like, it got to the point where I gave up trying to contact him and sent him divorce papers–but even then, he didn’t sign the papers until the very last day possible. I have since been told that was another power play for control over me, which our whole relationship was.
After 12 years he still couldn’t remember my favorite pizza toppings. I ordered the same thing everytime. He got me a pair of earrings for my birthday I dont wear earrings. He couldn’t tell you what color my eyes are. I lived with him for almost all of those 12 years. At the end I felt like I was just a roommate
Ex boyfriend.(we were long distance) – Would avoid planning trips or invite other friends along. Refused to come to my graduation, referred to meeting common friends as going on a “date” and shake it off as a joke, constantly bring up his exes and show off his achievements..
Sigh, damn dude I was so blind. 🤦🏻♀️ thankfully recovered, worked on my issues and have a loving supportive husband.
When I discovered he was never who he claimed to be.
All of it, his education, career, favorite music, even his cancer diagnosis and the death of his father was from someone else’s life.
The man I fell in love with didn’t exist. Realizing that shattered something deep within me. It was life altering, like waking up in a world where nothing was ever real.
Comments
she no longer answers my mating call
When she dumped me lol
No care at all
When I found himself advertising for sex with men on Craigslist 10 minutes after I left his house.
When the nagging stopped.
Less effort, less care, and the way they look at you changes. It’s more about what’s missing than what’s said.
He started being mean to me 24/7. Dated for 5 years and then he told me he cheated on me multiple times. Most heartbreaking experience
He no longer remembers statements that he makes. He lies and says he doesn’t remember or he never even said that. He will go so far as to bring up that he said something entirely different that was NEVER discussed
My ex husband proved it when he chose cocaine over me.
We eventually stopped loving each other because he broke his promises to me and I never stopped loving a man I met during our separation.
Trusting my ex husband to change and get clean was an awful mistake that made me resent him.
I wish we had gone through with our divorce the first time so we could have remained on ok terms and had some platonic love at least.
Once a cheater always a cheater. Once an addict proves they won’t change, listen the first time.
He was never happy, always critical and complaining, bitching at me all the time. He always wanted to argue, like the second I walked in the door from work. It was such a relief to move out and have peace again.
He was nice enough to tell me 💀 he had started a new job and said he had a Crush on a girl he was in orientation with (2 days in) I started packing my stuff to leave and he was trying to stop me. I said if you’re saying you got a crush and you don’t feel it for me, there’s nothing I can do that change that. He said it’s just a crush and he was pretty sure she had a bf. I said did you mention you have a gf? No. He followed me home and showed up with flowers but we broke up a week later and while he went back and forth, he ultimately decided it just wasn’t there for him anymore.
I had to ask/beg him for dates and communication; texting, phone, FT
Yelling at me in front of other people. Woulda never happened in normal situations
When I asked her when she stopped loving me and she had an answer with an exact date.
You usually just feel it. It’s not always something obvious. You’ll be sitting there trying to explain your day and they’re half-listening, giving you “uh huh” like you’re background noise. That’s when it hits.
towards the end of the relationship and while we were supposed to be working through things, she started using my first name A LOT more and even my nickname sometimes that she super rarely used to use to my face, even in public amongst friends. Not just in public, but at home when it was just us two. then basically no honey. no sweets, babe etc. at one point, I mentioned to her I noticed she uses my first name a lot more and less honey etc. she basically wanted to get that conversation over as soon as possible. some people use first names a lot but we didn’t and she definitely didn’t much in good times.
overall though, when the other person simply just doesn’t try for long periods of time and it seems like everything is bare minimum effort in just about all parts of your life together. I get that in short spurts, it’s like a way to show you’re mad or displeased, but over months… . just ain’t right.
honorable mention warning signs: typical witty conversation turns dull quickly and it’s not because of you. like you are no longer funny, anytime, anywhere, any situation. They increasingly want to be short with you intentionally. large increase in situations where they make it seem like you’re interrupting them when it’s just basic day to day stuff you’ve always talk about or needed to interact about.
Avoidance.. When our conversations stayed surface-level & it almost felt forced/awkward spending long periods of one on one time together, such as going on a date.
At that point, he’d already been checked out.
When she started putting me down often and talking crap about me and my military service. Not giving proper respect to my injuries (TBI, CPTSD, other mental health challenges).
When we started doing things for each other but never kissed or touched each other. This happens with marriage when love has drained but marriage remains.
She went from being excited to see me and asking about my day and cuddling me to sleep after making love to barely acknowledging my presence and playing Destiny 2 until 2 or 3 in the morning with men who flirted with her while I cried myself to sleep.
The horror came in realizing, some months after move out, that there never was any genuine liking OR love: only intentional con & coercion (to cinematic extremes).
being inconsistent with his words & actions
You know when the little things stop feeling the same. The way they used to smile when you walked in, how they’d touch you without thinking, the random texts just to say they missed you. When that fades, when you feel like a stranger in the same room, when effort turns into obligation… that’s when you start to know. You don’t always hear it in their words. You feel it in the silence, in the distance, in how you start to feel alone even when they’re right next to you.
It was like a light switch. The connection was gone
This was years ago. But I went on a trip to visit my best friend for about 4 days. He never initiated texting to ask how my trip was going. He said he wasn’t going to pick me up from the airport because it was too much effort, and he didn’t even notice when I got home.
I had stumbled over my suitcase going through a turnstile at the airport and had a big bruise on my hip. He said nothing. Didn’t ask what happened.
The complete apathy. Barely a difference between me being gone and me being there.
[deleted]
It got harder to ignore her lies and the actions.
His phone was glued to him all of a sudden. He put a password on his phone. Started hiding his phone and closing screens down when I’d come to sit next to him he’d quickly close the phone.
He started to ignore my calls and my texts but managed to be there for others. Stopped acknowledging me in person and on social media. Like he wouldn’t even acknowledge my posts of him or us but would acknowledge other people’s. Started playing a new game and was all of a sudden playing that game 24/7.
I kept asking if we were ok. What’s wrong. Is there someone else. And was told no we are fine, no one else.
Stopped holding my hand, his hand stayed limp so I stopped holding his hand. Thought ok maybe he thinks I’m ugly now or didn’t like what I was wearing. Stopped coming home after work. Went to the gym more and more.
Stopped helping me at home.
And finally realised when I found out about the affairs. So that was pretty clear. 13 years gone in a morning.
That hurt and betrayal is a level I will never understand. He hurt me more than anything and didn’t care one bit.
The way they look at you is different and not in a good way.
Don’t know im throught it right now but : mean for no reasons, shouting at me, looking to start arguments over nothing.
I feel like Im walking on eggshells
When you stop having proper conversations.
I don’t think he ever was. He just needed someone to look after him. Stupid me took the bait, his first wife refused to. Third wife is also falling for it. Hook, line and sinker.
After I’d had our baby he became crueler, meaner. It started during pregnancy but really amped up after I’d given birth. It was a planned pregnancy we’d been trying for a really long time, but it changed something in him.
Sometimes it was fights. But most times it was the way no matter what I’d say he’d say the contrary. If I said the sky was blue, he’d say it was yellow. If I said it was raining, he’d say it was dry. It was like he wanted to cut me down, put me in my place. Everything I did was never enough. I never gave him what he deserved. I was a burden to him, the thing that kept him from everything he wanted. He made sure I knew every problem he had was ultimately my fault- his problems at work, his problems sleeping, his health problems, his mental health.
It was like a collection of small moments that added up to a bigger picture of someone who wasn’t in the relationship out of love but rather someone who was in the relationship out of spite. To the point that when I wanted to end it, he didn’t want to- not because he wanted to stay, but just to prove he had the final say. Since I had nowhere to go and all shelters were full, he got his way.
Odd narky comments are creeping in and there is no care or consideration for how they land.
No longer liking my messages, taking longer to respond. Fell out of touch (this hurt the most), didn’t even try to touch me anymore.
Apathy
When I caught the next-door neighbors’ hubs face planted between her thighs, and it being my fault. Like bitch I didn’t trip him and make him fall into your twat…
Suddenly the safe space we built was an issue because “I don’t talk” (neither did she), the person made it very clear that I was the last person she wanted to spend time with, our banter died down, and she had the sweetest way of tearing down our relationship anytime we spent time together. Conversations of marriage & a possible future turned more into her critiquing of me & how she could see herself with other people. I just wish I had the self confidence then that I have now instead of fighting to see it through. It sucked.
It was normal for us to meet at his home. When I had a really bad weekend and didn’t even want to get out of bed because I felt so bad, he didn’t come over all weekend because it was too much of a hassle for him to come to my house. Even though he had his own key to my apartment.
Her attention totally went away. She went from saying stuff like “i can’t live without you” to “i need my space.” The attention i got from her totally turned off like a light switch. Turns out she had met and fallen for another guy i found out months later.
Less playfulness, quick to anger and less conversation. I also noticed a change in me, I became more eager to please, anxious, depressed, cared less about my needs and more about the relationship. Little acts of kindness seemed like grand gestures.
There’s less effort and less care.
Suddenly your hobbies, quirks, and core values become hindrances to be corrected.
It went from no sex to no affection to no attention to no kindness to invisibility.
When I sent him a screenshot of I came across of something really sweet he said to me. He replied, “that’s wild.”
One night when I went to cuddle up to him and said, “my spot” and he didn’t reply. Every other time he would say “yup”
When he was constantly irritated with me. Then one day he just broke up with me. That “that’s wild” comment was my first sign, and my heart dropped when I read it.
His kisses became different. I can’t explain it but I noticed when we kissed towards the end I felt a physical reaction in my body that something wasn’t right.
When I worked out all the signs she’d started another relationship but had failed to inform me we were done.
When he told me that i needed to go to the gym after i wanted to get taco bell. Knowing that my weight has been a soul-crushing part of my entire life.
That night, he called the police on me after an argument, i got arrested, and he dumped me, stole my money, wouldnt let me take anything from our home we just bought, took my keys so i couldnt go home, and then proceeded to threaten to take our child away whenever i didnt do anything the way he wanted it.
Its been almost 10 years? And im still not ok. I feel like i never got to heal because i have to co-parent with him.
In my late twenties, my mother and I both found out that my father was having an affair. I’m an only child, and it hit me hard. Changed who I thought of my dad as a person. My ex was super supportive. Loving, caring, and on my days off she would start the day by asking how I would like to spend the day.
My parents were trying to work it out. Two years later, they decide to get divorced, and it broke me. My entire concept of family was broken, and I had lost all respect for my dad. My ex had no interest, no compassion, was just kinda like “well, that sucks.”
Her only interest was hanging with her “best friend.” The best friend was supposedly a straight girl, but they got married a few years later. At that point, I was like “sweet, you take her. I am so fucking out.”
Imagine you’re the only one rowing and paddling the boat.
At first you’d be happy to do it but sooner or later the paddle gets heavier and heavier. Then you ask yourself do you want to stay because you love them or you don’t want to stay on the boat and wanted to get on land faster. By jumping and swimming.
She was a small time streamer, and after a while it became apparent that the opinion of her viewers was more important than the two of us doing literally anything together.
That entire relationship has taught me that i will never be a good match for anyone with a following.
We had a fight Sunday afternoon. The next morning I was quieter but wanted to make amends, so I got closer and cuddled him and tried to talk. But it was like cuddling a stranger, he didn’t react at all. I was supposed to leave on Wednesday but that Monday after lunch he said I should leave. I got it, nobody was happy, but a few minutes later I said “see you on day x” and repeated but he really ignored me. Not even a “we should talk later”. I’m not innocent in any of this but seriously, he went from a warm blanket to ice cold in a few hours.
They make it feel like spending time with you is a chore for them.
When I found out that he’d been virtually cheating with other men pretty much every single opportunity he had over the last year, including when I was in the same room asleep or in another room helping my disabled mother.
When she sat me down on the patio about 16 years ago and said ” (my name), I don’t love you anymore.”
Didn’t see it coming. I was in shock. It broke me.
Put no effort into my birthday. Zero. No gift, no cupcake, no dinner date, nothing they just showed up for the weekend with a half drank alcohol bottle.
Started sleeping with other people
He stopped believing in a future with me and told me that. Simple but effective
They start to find you annoying ; in the sense of every small thing you do in your every day life they start getting mad or pissed off . They start being mean without reason and they start looking at you differently ;you can always tell by how they look at you
He stopped trying
I knew it with my ex when the sparkle was no longer in his eyes.
I remember the time and place I noticed it, it was heartbreaking.
They no longer cry
You know Reddit has hit you hard for the night when you realise that 3/4 of these responses are what your currently feeling
when the respect is no longer there, and that was my cue to leave
Honestly, when they look at you and there is nothing in their eyes, no sparkle, no care, no concern. Especially when it’s literally nothing you did, they just decide you’re not their “type” anymore.
How did I know she was no longer in love with me? All the signs were there but I didn’t notice: everything I did was wrong, I was “poor” and no longer “saving,” a single rose wasn’t good enough, but most of all, the touch felt different (that’s when I really knew).
They just emotionally check out after an energy shift
They deny it
Start saying they have love for you instead of love you
Ghosting
They accidentally use “I” instead of “we” in conversation when pondering future plans
She was having sex more often than I was.
She was “in love” for maybe a couple of months (probably not even love, that was probably just the lust / excitment of meeting someone new ), she u-hauled together way too fast because of her circumstances, then, once she was comfortably installed in the new place I found for both of us (and was paying for both of us), she got progressively more and more abusive for the remaining 3 and a half years. First signs were silent treatment when things did not go her way, and explosive reactions when I started trying to express boundaries. By the end it was horribly abusive and I had lost like, 20% of my normal healthy weight.
Looking back I don’t think she was ever in love so she never “fell out of love”, she just progressively started hating me more and more. I have no idea why when I tried to leave, all of a sudden she would do everything to keep me. Tried to leave 3 times throughout the relationship, each time she suddenly “wanted to make it work” but looking back I don’t even understand why. She hated my guts, treated me like garbage, used me as a walking ATM and was talkshitting about me to all her friends. She literally hated me??? Why didn’t she just let me leave lmao??? Still confused (and traumatized 😀✌🏼) to this day but grateful I managed to end things for good even if I did it way too late and wasted a big part of my 20s in this hell
Lack of interest, lack of caring, making excuses and ignore you than before.
When he started ‘tolerating’ my efforts.
When you start being tolerated, not celebrated.
he stopped making efforts, conversations went dull, i can feel his negative energy most of the time.. i try to cheer him up, but he isnt there anymore
he just then says ” im lazy today” . btw, today is everyday
Didn’t look at me naked. Eyes to the floor. And I’m kinda hot. Cheating depressed mfrs
When he told me he was not in love with me anymore.
I should have seen it months before that when he was lying and disrespecting me. I asked to plan a 2 night getaway for us. He told me no because we couldn’t afford it. A month later, he cashed in some vacation time and gave a few hundred to a girl he was talking to for only a few weeks and is “in love” with.
Fucking heartbreaking spending over 2 decades with him.
She said “I know” when I said I loved her.
She either forgot or didn’t care enough to get me a birthday card. I know it sounds stupid but that’s when I knew she was done. Dumped me over text message while I was a work about a month later.
Well, my ex said they didn’t feel like they loved me anymore. Weirdly, they didn’t actually want to break up, they just wanted to ignore me.
My and my ex care about each other a lot, but I’m not totally convinced we were ever “in love.” Everyone in my life said we seemed like friends. It was kinda weird. Anyway, now we are friends.
Stopped talking to me about anything other than tasks.
The way they looked at me just changed
Your gut. Whatever it’s telling you and the reason you made this post.
Sorry friend, it’s a shit feeling
When I realized a complete stranger would help me when he wouldn’t.
The eyes tell everything.
He stopped caring about my feelings, he stopped listening, video games were more important than me, everything became an argument, he was far more prone to insulting me.
He said he couldn’t wait for me to die
when you decide not to be the first one to initiate conversation, and you haven’t spoken days later
She said in couolew counselling that when I started standing up for myself is when she felt the relationship stopped working for her.
She said, “I never loved you the way you loved me”. Can’t believe it took almost 20 years to get to that truth.
Last night I had a dream that they cheated on me. So I’m questioning it right now.
When they start acting as if everything you do and say is wrong and an annoyance.
When answering other people’s messages or giving them time but not you.
When they start saying they don’t know what to get you for a special occasion so get you things completely random and thoughtless or when they forget it all together 🙁
Reading these scared me. I haven’t even dated anyone yet.
When she began disrespecting me in front of the children.
When I became the enemy in my own home.
No time , can’t have direct eye contact. They’re there but not with you. Silence get heavier as days go by.
I think I kind of picked up on it the year before our divorce. We talked about having kids, buying a house, all that jazz. We both got stationed overseas together, and something shifted. I was TDY a lot at my new unit but made sure to keep in touch as often as I could, at his insistence. He went on his first TDY and the texts/calls for sporadic. I brought it up a couple times but he said he was busy/couldn’t talk because there was no privacy. He started drinking/partying everyday. Kept asking for money for lunch, even though the country he was in was cheap.
Finally just asked what was going on because it wasn’t normal, he admitted he was checked out. Enjoyed the freedom of being away. But wanted to wait to talk about it til he got back like a month later. We were in a weird limbo. Then I got a call from my MSgt letting me know he saw my ex with a woman, wasn’t sure what was going on and didn’t want to tell me about it initially, but decided to anyway.
I was so embarrassed I just decided enough was enough. We finally talked on the phone, he admitted he hadn’t missed me at all while he was gone and hadn’t loved me for the past 5 years (together 7, married 5).
So yeah. Told him we were done and divorcing.
Looking back, I really don’t know why he stayed. I wasn’t perfect, he wasn’t perfect, but god damn what he did to me at the end has followed me.
I just want to thank you all. May this post serve to all of us still in the limbo.
When we start missing them, longing for what we had and let hope invade every ounce of our being, remember how they treated us, how they let the distance build up, closed up their worlds to us, their words filled with resentment and ick.
Never forget they choose cowardice over honesty.
By no means I’m trying to say that people should stay together no matter what, but they are ways to part that, even though are still painful, will be better and cleaner that what a lot of people choose to do.
Anyway, stay strong, learn, and be the kind of partner you wish you had had.
I refused to acknowledge it, I feared I was overreacting. But….
I guess it was when we were in bed together. She had been feeling down for a while. No matter what I tried I couldnt cheer her up, and I felt like was making matters worse. I always overthink and assume Im doing something wrong, so that weighed on my mind. So while we were in bed, I wanted to just hug her. She turned moved my arm away and turned her back to me saying she “wasnt in the mood”.
She had never done this before. not ever. We always talked things through, and we always told eachother if we were feeling bad or depressed.
The engagement lasted for about 3 more months after this… and then one day she gives me a phonecall (we werent living together) and tells me she’s breaking up with me, followed by “I’m also not in love with you anymore”.
Love of my life. The breakup was 8,5 years ago, she passed away a year after that (so 7,5 years ago), and I dont think I ever recovered, ever will recover, from either.
When they stop making out time for you, become emotionally distant, pick fights over every single thing
She went from “I’m overwhelmed, so I want you to be here” to “I’m overwhelmed, so I want some time alone” to eventually start ghosting. Figured out I was no longer welcomed at that point.
Going thru it now
Lack of effort and then more into fully having to twist his arm for basic level commitment. We were briefly long distance (at that point 11 years into our relationship) and three days before he was supposed to come visit he still hadn’t committed or bought his flight. The final straw was when I finally achieved a goal that was literally 10 years in the making (and why I was out of state) and he was in a piss poor mood when I tried to call to celebrate with him. I flew home that night and he was an hour late picking me up at the airport with no flowers and barely any acknowledgement of how big of a deal it was to me. He was a good guy (other than emotionally cheating while I was away) but I knew right then it was going to be the end.
You can feel it when someone’s body is there but their heart’s already packed and gone.
They will deliberately do things you hate and dislike until you finally end things with them. This is an easy exit for them. Having zero accountability and respect.
When your feelings are “drama”
played a song about love and sang the lyrics to him at one point, had no reaction and avoided eye contact. that’s when i knew it was going to end soon. ended about a month after that when he treated me poorly on his birthday and all his friends had to ask him to stop treating me that way.
There were many little things that just were causing pain but the big one was when I begged for couples therapy and in the middle of pouring my heart out and explaining how I was not feeling like I was a priority in his life, his phone rang and he took the call and brushed me off.
I realised I was right and there was no fixing the problems.
He broke up with me in a fight, & told me I had to find a new place to live. I thought we were just in a rough patch we could talk through, so I was a little blindsided. 5 years.
Growing up in a dysfunctional family, all I ever dreamed of was a partner that won’t leave when it’s hard & a home that wont be taken away from me. Heartbreaking
It’s not universal, but I can tell usually based on how they treat my relationship to my dog. For context, she’s the only reason I’ve bothered to hold it together, yadda yadda, so the dog is my literal shadow.
When something first starts out, a partner is amazed that my dog requires no leash, visits bars and convenience stores, and that I am so incredibly soft with her when I’m normally a pretty gruff person.
Eventually, they start nitpicking my dog and I. They begin to get jealous and suggest not being so involved, that sort of thing.
To me, its the start of beginning to hate something you loved at one point. And beyond that, I’m almost forty, the things in my life are the way they are for a reason, and I don’t care to justify or defend it to anyone; I love my dog, my dog loves me, and people who really love us would rather add to it than suggest I change it.
She’s 10 now, and at best I think about five or six more years are left for her and I to be together and I’ll not sacrifice a moment where it can be helped.
By asking this on Reddit
When I felt completely alone sitting next to him.
Unexplained actions, avoiding any arguments, ghosting and coming back
started listening to the poison dripped into his ear from his mom, and ghosted our marriage. Like, it got to the point where I gave up trying to contact him and sent him divorce papers–but even then, he didn’t sign the papers until the very last day possible. I have since been told that was another power play for control over me, which our whole relationship was.
After 12 years he still couldn’t remember my favorite pizza toppings. I ordered the same thing everytime. He got me a pair of earrings for my birthday I dont wear earrings. He couldn’t tell you what color my eyes are. I lived with him for almost all of those 12 years. At the end I felt like I was just a roommate
Ex boyfriend.(we were long distance) – Would avoid planning trips or invite other friends along. Refused to come to my graduation, referred to meeting common friends as going on a “date” and shake it off as a joke, constantly bring up his exes and show off his achievements..
Sigh, damn dude I was so blind. 🤦🏻♀️ thankfully recovered, worked on my issues and have a loving supportive husband.
When I discovered he was never who he claimed to be.
All of it, his education, career, favorite music, even his cancer diagnosis and the death of his father was from someone else’s life.
The man I fell in love with didn’t exist. Realizing that shattered something deep within me. It was life altering, like waking up in a world where nothing was ever real.
These comments feels personal ((