I was on the ledge of a peer and fell in trying to stop my rod from falling in the water, (mind you this was in the very early morning in a pretty secluded lake, closest people were likely sleeping a good couple miles away), and my wrist got stuck under a boulder as I was in the water (I was maybe just 3 or 4 feet under, so pretty shallow). I knew for a fact there was nobody around for a long while, so it was now or never, and I was able to barely see my rod, and I was able to use a small boulder as a fulcrum to pry the boulder up with the rod just enough, and I got out okay, gasping for air, but I’m just lucky I didn’t pass out, and lucky that none of the piranhas were near
Living within the silence of my home, after my ex-wife of 35 years moved out. That was Feb 22,2022.- We divorced a year later. It was a rough year alone for the first time, the kids are adults and have their own lives, no harm or foul there, but I had to swim deep into the isolation of the self, to understand a number of things about the “why”, and about the places where I would let my mind roam. I had to arrest this thinking and look for any and all silver linings and or small victories I could.
Perspectives changed, as they always do with growth.
First night after my son was born. Wife still recovering, he wouldn’t stop crying. Totally depending on us to keep him alive. It passed when I realized that every first time parent, ever, has felt that way on some level
Went through a horrific breakup and relationship. People in my life were supportive but after we broke up I saw a lot of support disappear or not be there in the way I expected. In a much better place with amazing people but it taught me that really you have to show up for yourself at the end of the day.
Right about the time I turned 18, my parents announced they were getting divorced. I ended up joining the Navy because the economy was so bad at the time, and I couldn’t get a job.
If I ever needed to go back to my parents, I would have to be couch-surfing. At one point, I bought an old van so I would always have a place to sleep.
First time I went cave diving after finishing the certification. Being back there with just your team and what you brought is a reality check. Like, I’m somewhere people aren’t supposed to be, fully dependent on my knowledge and gear, and if anything goes wrong, we only have that to get us out of here. Can’t call for help and it wouldn’t get there in time anyways. It was one of the most sobering and empowering things I’ve ever felt.
I started my law enforcement career at a small sheriff’s department. Didn’t have any backup. We watched TV shows where SWAT teams come in and there’s all these crazy resources available.
I learned really quickly that nobody was coming to help me. If it was 3:00 in the morning and a guy was beating his wife, when I showed up to the call, it was just me and him. If we started fighting, nobody was coming to help me.
The crazy part was, this made me an absolute beast at dealing with people. For a long time in my career, I did not fear any human on this earth. I would stand tow to toe with the biggest dude and not even worry about it.
This is obviously not the best mentality to have because there’s some people out there that are very dangerous but I was put in that situation so many times in my career that I just lost my ability to fear most people.
This also gave me the ability to learn how to talk to people really well because there’s some people I came across and although I wasn’t necessarily scared of them, I knew that it was going to be bad if we started fighting. I learned how to talk myself out of a lot of confrontation.
Late one night, I got a call about a guy that was drunk in a parking lot sitting in his vehicle. When I showed up, it was just me and him. He knew I didn’t have any backup and nobody else was coming. I told him to get out of his vehicle that he was going to jail. He was very aggressive. When he got out of his vehicle he wanted to fight. I knew back up wasn’t coming. As soon as he tried to get physical, I grabbed a hold of him and slammed him against his vehicle and told him it was just me and him out here. He could either do what I said or it was going to be a very bad night for him.
So there you go. Being the person that had to respond to people needing help is what made me realize that there wasn’t much help available lol.
If you live in a small City where you don’t have a whole lot of police officers, always advocate for them to get the best training and equipment they can have. The Navy seals are not coming to save you. If you only have two officers on duty, that’s what you’re going to get in the event of an emergency.
Every city has that fat cop that probably can’t chase down a donut on a string. A lot of people make fun of him but that should be a very real concern. That’s who’s responding to you in the event of an emergency.
Early 80s. Only child/latchkey kid. Six years old. Empty fridge. Hungry. Single mom who worked incessantly. I realized then this was my whole life unless I found a way out. I found a way out.
All the time. You slowly realize nobody cares about you, the amount of nights you spend crying alone, nobody to tell you “You’re strong, I’m proud of you, you’re safe” nobody to give up a hug. Nothing. It’s all you. You’re the only one that can save yourself/hug yourself.
Edit: HOLY TIT GUYS, 1000 LIKES!?! Im sorry ya’ll feel the same as me tho, but in a weird way it makes me feel wayyy less alone and realize we all really in this world together, suffering, being human.
When I hit rock bottom lost my job, girl left me for another man, was depressed and suicidal, not even a cent to my name. The comeback was and is currently pretty fking surreal.
On the way to my second deployment to Iraq. We were in Kuwait when we got word that our “chill” assignment at a large base was moved to a very “not chill” assignment to a much smaller base in a much more dangerous area. I was specifically moved to this assignment because this was not my first deployment so my experience was deemed useful. Despite that fact, I was still very young and still very much felt overwhelmed. As soon as I had a chance, I called my dad to tell him my AF/APO mailing address was going to change and to tell him how scared I was. Before I could even get to the second part he asked me why I sounded scared – and he sounded terrified on his end as he asked it. I suddenly realized I was all grown the fuck up now. And giving my father more stress probably would not make anything less bad. So I made up some shit and calmed him down. That’s when I realized there was no pause button. No one upstairs. No one else was coming. It was life and it was fucking happening.
It was just me and the bear in the dead of night. She made a chuffing noise and took a step forward. I roared out in what was definitely super manly tones and not at all a scream and she turned and trotted the other way.
Well they might’ve, but once when I was about 10 I playing at the beach with my older siblings and a wave dumped a bunch of seaweed on me. That stuff was surprisingly heavy plus the waves were big, and it took me a moment to get through enough that I could lift my head out of the water. I could tell my siblings hadn’t noticed meanwhile and it freaked me out, but I was comfortable enough with being in the ocean to not completely lose my head at least
At 6 or 7, when my (at the time) undiagnosed autism had made me a social pariah and target for bullies, and no one from parents to teachers to peers thought that was worth stepping in over.
Ive carried that lesson with me for decades. Be self-sufficient, because no one will help you.
When my husband died, and I was left alone to finish raising two teenagers and a one and a half year old. People told me at his wake and funeral to call them if I needed anything. When I did…no one came. I didn’t have time to properly grieve. I just pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept things running as smoothly as possible. Now, I own my own business.
Definitely when I went back to my cocaine addict ex-husband.
My family never liked him, I had lost my boyfriend to try again with him for the sake of my child, and I realized I was in real trouble because I had to decide to get away from him and nobody was going to make that decision but me.
I feel that constantly, but I felt it most when I cried in my room and no one noticed, also when I tried to commit suicide and all I got was a scolding.
3 o 4 years ago
When I was 21, I was raped by a coworker. I told someone I thought I could trust the very next morning. He told me it was my fault and I needed to learn from the experience. I never told anyone else what happened to me until four years after.
Mid covid. Single, no socializing for a couple of years. Went into psychosis and asked my family for help. No one came. Multiple times, no one came. No one should rely on anyone ever, including family.
Middle school bullies. The first time I ditched class was not to miss class, but to avoid the bullies. I hid in a bathroom stall but had to be careful of hall monitor checks. That’s when I realized I couldn’t rely on anyone.
When I finally got sober from alcohol and drugs that I began to look at my financial situation and realized that I wasted nearly all I had on something I was addicted too. No help and no support.
Just me realizing my past mistakes and dealing with it.
When my ex was choking me against a wall demanding I “admit” I cheated on him (I never did, he was mentally unstable and trying to justify the cheating he was doing). I had to acquiesce and say that I had. Then he demanded details and I had to make up a story, so I made one up that fit his most often voiced suspicions. Once he was satisfied, he s.a.’d me and held “my infidelity” over my head to make himself feel good about himself. I finally escaped him, but I still think about that moment sometimes.
Now. I need to finish a PhD but am totally exhausted and nobody is coming to help me. I need to push myself without thinking about it. Am really anxious about it.
I got really, really sick at 16. We now know it was a dying organ (gallbladder) and multiple undiagnosed underlying conditions. I was genuinely bedridden, drugged to the teeth, and barely knew my own name. We expected me to die.
My room was upstairs. I was left alone in bed. If I needed the bathroom, I’d spend 20 or 30 minutes calling for help downstairs- yelling, calling people’s phones, rolling things down the stairs when i managed to drag myself to my bedroom door. No one would answer.
I remember curling up on the floor, half-dressed, not knowing the last time I bathed or ate or drank water, listening to them talk amongst themselves just a floor down, and realizing I was dying alone while surrounded by people that cared for each other. Just not me.
I repeatedly fell down the stairs, by the way. Also just lost control and messed myself sometimes. Couldn’t even undress myself afterwards. It was a very dark time.
Becoming homeless. Friends could only offer some money, and maybe some rides, but not shelter beyond a night at a hotel. (Unless I could leave the state- but I could not for legal reasons) All homeless shelters in the area are either full or don’t accept dogs/only take families. Funding is dried up for any Rapid Rehousing programs, which I may not even qualify for without a job anyways.
My only hope at this point is to get a job that offers housing.
I rolled my car in a remote part of Australia’s outback in the absolute height of summer.
I rolled the car 4.5 times.
It took a day and a few hours to dig my way out of the car. My dog was ejected during the roll and disappeared. My satellite phone and radio were broken during the crash, and most of my water and supplies were lost.
It was 2 days before a mining vehicle passed and helped save me.
When my husband died suddenly. I needed help, I asked for help but nobody did. Family, friends, they all just left. But it was the moment the doorbell rang and I opened the door to the mail carrier holding a package with a black sticker that said “human cremains”, my husband, that it hit me hard; I was alone. I sat in the living room holding that box on my lap for hours, just staring. Then I got up and carried on because we had a daughter who needed me.
When I was s12 and a friend of the family was trying to molest me. When I spoke out to an adult they asked if I liked it! Had to fight back on my own to get him to leave me alone.
I had major surgery when I was in my early 20’s. No one came to visit, I just remember how much pain I was in and how lonely I felt. I realized at that moment that we can’t really depend on anyone. It is what it is.
When my chronic pain got worse and tore my life apart. That’s when I realized that all of the cliché advice about ‘finding your chosen family’ does not apply if you become permanently sick or disabled. People get really weird about illness, and there are some things that friends just can’t help with. Once they realize you’re not going to get better, you’re really on your own.
So, I’d been trapped in a migraine for… God. A long time.
I’d been to multiple neurologists. Diagnosed with intracranial hypertension – too much cerebral spinal fluid crushing my brain.
So, the first doctor was like ‘sinus infection.’
The second told me lose weight.
The third gave me medication to lower the csf production.
The fourth gave me a different med to lower cfs production.
At this point I looked at my brain scans, and did research, and figured out what the technical terms meant – and then went back to my doctor and said ‘hey, I have a collapsed csf vein in my brain. Shouldn’t we do something about that?’ and he said – ‘no, ignore that.’
Absolutely not. I’m in agony. The meds haven’t made a dent to the pain. You’re not helping me. Your ignoring an obvious issue. What the absolute fuck. I wouldn’t have known this was there if I didn’t look into it. I want a stent. I want the vein fixed.
‘no.’
The fifth neuro said your eyes are fine so your brain is fine. You’re experiencing migraine.
The sixth neuro said veins weren’t his specialty, and id actually need a stroke specialist.
The stroke specialist said MRVs suck at telling you how bad a vein collapse actually is, and a neuro surgeon needs to go in there and take a look.
The neuro surgeon went in and took a look. It was bad. I got a stent. It gave me my life back.
It took so long Ive got long term nerve damage – the nerves around my brain got crushed – but the overall pain is down down like 95%. I can stay conscious for more than an hour. I can speak coherantly. I can read.
Doctors were failing me. I had to do the research, figure out what I needed, and keep, and keep changing doctors till I found one that would help me.
I moved into my first apartment with the clothes on my back, a government issued phone, an air mattress, and my laptop. I had just gone no contact with my biological family due to child abuse/domestic abuse and I was never going to go back. I moved in with my friend and had my own room, but my share of the rent and utilities left me with less than $100 a month.
I worked in a deli at state minimum wage and maybe got 25 hours a week, but I got a free meal every shift. Those were the only times I ate. It was about an hour walk from our apartment but it was the only work I could find. I washed my clothes in the bathtub sometimes bc I couldn’t always afford the Laundromat.
Sometimes I didn’t have enough money to get batteries for the air mattress pump so I’d sleep on a deflated mattress on the floor with a beat up pillow and old blanket.
I’d cry myself to sleep most times. It really was me against the world. If a friend hadn’t cut me a deal with the spare room in their apartment I really would have been on the streets or back with my biological family enduring that old life.
I was free of the hell I grew up in, but I had to build a new life on my own from scratch. I always paid my debts but it didn’t leave me with anything to really work with. It was that or homelessness, so I just had to make do.
It’s been more than 10 years since I lived that life. I’m married now and we live comfortably with our pets. Sometimes I think it’s a miracle I survived back then, but if I hadn’t gone through that I wouldn’t be where I am now.
No matter what, things will get better if you endure it long enough.
I was a teenager and grew up in an abusive household. I tried so hard to let the adults in my life (teachers, aunts, uncles, counselors, doctors, etc.,) know that I needed help, but nothing ever changed. Each failed attempt broke me.
I realized that I’m the only person who I can rely on to get me out of that house. I left the first chance that I could and it was the best decision I ever made.
I still experience derealization 10 years later, and it breaks my heart that I still struggle with this, after all of these years, treatments, therapy, meds, support. It makes me disappointed and upset when I get into those dissociation modes, but to answer the question, only I can really get myself out of it.
Had shitty parents growing up, so that moment happened to me a lot growing up. My extended family is equally as terrible and looked past the abuse. Now they wonder why I never talk to them now that I’m an adult.
My family was now dead. My bf had become abusive. I was diagnosed with cancer. I confessed about the abuse to friends because I needed help. They “didn’t believe me” because it was more lucrative to be close with my abuser.
I knew that was it. It was either me figuring out a plan alone or me giving up completely.
Was on a little skiff off the Dalmatian coast in Croatia and my wife and I were island hopping and swimming. We anchored and when we decided it was time to go the waves had picked up a bit and the anchor was stuck. Couldn’t get it undone from in the boat and I was debating cutting the anchor off because no matter how I maneuvered I could not get the anchor unstuck. After a while of trying I finally swam down and had to undo the anchor by hand tomorrow get everything loose. It wasn’t that dramatic in the end but it took a decent amount of work and I was exhausted.
My entire childhood. Working hard on undoing that though, but this is precisely how I’ve explained it in therapy: knowing that “nobody’s coming to save me” and therefore I can’t rely on or become connected to anyone
When I got seriously injured at my ex’s house and he left me alone in the parking lot at the hospital because he was too worried about getting potentially blamed for the accident. I almost died. He didn’t show back up until right before surgery, bringing a couple friends of his I wasn’t even that close to for “backup”. Last thing I remember before surgery is him telling the other people he brought that he just happened to randomly get a call from my dad so he lied to him saying I was fine like it was a normal day. Then freaking out to his buddies about what he was gonna tell my dad if I died.
I thought I loved this guy. Biggest betrayal of my life. Years later, I’m happier now and he’s dead from kidney failure so I guess karma is a bitch.
I’m 38 and both my parents have died in the past year. It’s an odd feeling not having that ‘safety net’. They weren’t particularly wealthy or reliable people, but when they go, you think “Oh fuck, it’s just me here now.”
When I had a front row seat watching my parents’ marriage and our home life fall apart when I was 11. That was a brutal way to realize that I had to learn how to take care of myself because nobody else was going to do it for me. (I’m an only child, BTW; no siblings to share the burden.)
Surviving my first suicide attempt at 14, waking up the next day having to clean myself up and act like nothing happened. No one even knew I’d attempted to end my life. No one noticed anything wrong. No one checked on me. I always wonder how long it would’ve taken for my body to be discovered had it been successful, considering the first person to interact with me after the attempt was my niece who was waking me up to make her breakfast because my sister was refusing to wake up (because she was on drugs and had been out all night, not because of an attempt I promise) and I’ll never forget waking up to her crying and realizing what I’d done the night before. Realizing that she would’ve been the one to find my body, that she would’ve been alone in the house with her addict mother and her dead aunt crying because she wanted breakfast but no one would wake up. I had to stop to clean myself up and cry in the bathroom before making her waffles. I turned on cartoons and just sat with her after, unpacking the situation. I’d never felt more invisible.
In about 1993 I was in a late night Sydney train, the only person in the carriage. Half a dozen no good looking older teens hopped on the train, one sat next to me with the others sitting in front and behind.
I was fit and strong, I played rugby at the time and didn’t look like a pushover. Six guys though? They’d have eaten me for breakfast.
One of them asked me for a smoke, never a good sign. I said “no worries, how about I give you each two and you don’t bash me”.
All of a sudden the mood shifted, they saw what I said as funny and cool and were super friendly. I got home alive and initially I wasn’t sure i would.
I passed out at home alone last Christmas Eve.
I think it was due to a drop in blood pressure.
I lay unconscious all day, and all night.
Woke up, still alone on Christmas morning with a huge goose egg on my head. I could tell I had a bad concussion.
Finally went to the hospital a few days later. I was too out of it to even think of what to do until then.
I was dating someone that I had known for twenty years, and it became unhealthy really quickly. We had the worst fights of my life. My home life became a constant balance of being on edge and all out war.
At the time, I had just got into my dream program and my grades went from A’s to failing. Instead of studying for huge exams, I was fighting. Somehow things got worse and it’s like I was so numbed out I didn’t even notice: they stopped working, blamed me for them not working, wouldn’t pay any bills, they were constantly moving in and out so they also didn’t pay rent most of the time, they wouldn’t clean, they let their pets shit all over the house, their pets ate all of my school/work shoes and I couldn’t even replace them because I was a broke student shouldering an entire household – everything was hitting the fan and my stress was insurmountable, but I thought I was in love and kept trying to make it work.
Then they moved out for the last time and I realized, I had $50 to my name. This was the brokest I’d ever been in my adult life. The utilities were going to be shut off. I couldn’t afford groceries. My teenage son used his birthday money to buy us groceries as his gift for Mother’s Day. When I asked my ex to help with any portion of the bills they had left on me, they said no and stopped responding then sent me a TikTok hours later like nothing, like they weren’t ignoring my life on fire. They somehow still thought we should work out our relationship though.
You have those moments in life where you realize you have to save yourself. I escaped that toxic cycle with that person right then and there, as painful as it was. That was the moment I realized this person was tearing down everything I built for myself and I could never expect the bare minimum from them. I took out a loan, I found my real support system again, I came back to life slowly. But that was my moment – alone, broke, a little broken, anxious to the point of physically being sick, but I stopped waiting for anyone else to save me.
When I got thrown down a flight of stairs at an ex’s place. I called the cops, turns out one of the responding officers went to high school with my ex and his friends. I locked myself in his bedroom and refused to come out until they got a female officer on scene.
No one was coming for me unless I made it happen and demanded what I needed. I was on my computer recording the threats being made and fully ready to throw it into a backpack and into a neighbor’s yard if they tried to break down the door.
In 2005, after Hurricane Katrina. I was lucky to evacuate the city but due to the amount of people leaving, we still were in a place that was hit. I remember just waiting for someone to sort out the aftermath; insurance claims with no power and phones for over a month. We were displaced across the country and I remember people asking me why are you still not home? It hit me that no could save us because it was impossible to save everyone. It took YEARS to recover.
My husband and I were always a tight team. Easily functioned as team. He took care of me and I took care of him for almost twenty years.
Last year, he was hurt in a way that ended up being incompatible with life. I realized my greatest show of love to him would be letting him go. I realized my children were about to lose their father, their mentor, their friend. I was about to lose my person. All of our lives were about to change irreparably and forever. I couldn’t do anything about it, except to walk with as much grace as humanly possible.
No one could make the decision to let him go, except me. No one could show our children how to carry this grief, except me. No one would ever know how badly I didn’t want to do it, except me. How I was willing to take care of him for the rest of my life… we had spent almost twenty years making every decision together. In the end, there was no one but me.
When my dad chose his wife over his kids.
Then when my abusive ex wouldn’t stop being a shit for two seconds and I realised I was alone in a foreign country and only one person was able to remove me from that situation.
When I got scammed. I invested all my money on it and trusted a friend. I got betrayed and now I have trust issues. I have lost my friend because of “money”.
This is sort of dark but when I was twelve I had to perform cpr on my dads dead body, because I was the only one who knew how and my sister and mother were both shattering beside me. Probably scarred me for life, but I sort of realised then that I had to be the one to save everyone else — there was no one now who was going to protect me.
Comments
When I almost flunked out of school lmao
When I don’t restock on toilet paper in my bathroom but I’ve already dropped the kids off at the pool.
When I was mugged
The Swearing in
When I was crying in the shower at 3AM after pretending to be okay all day, and I realized the only arms that were ever going to hold me were my own
I was on the ledge of a peer and fell in trying to stop my rod from falling in the water, (mind you this was in the very early morning in a pretty secluded lake, closest people were likely sleeping a good couple miles away), and my wrist got stuck under a boulder as I was in the water (I was maybe just 3 or 4 feet under, so pretty shallow). I knew for a fact there was nobody around for a long while, so it was now or never, and I was able to barely see my rod, and I was able to use a small boulder as a fulcrum to pry the boulder up with the rod just enough, and I got out okay, gasping for air, but I’m just lucky I didn’t pass out, and lucky that none of the piranhas were near
Living within the silence of my home, after my ex-wife of 35 years moved out. That was Feb 22,2022.- We divorced a year later. It was a rough year alone for the first time, the kids are adults and have their own lives, no harm or foul there, but I had to swim deep into the isolation of the self, to understand a number of things about the “why”, and about the places where I would let my mind roam. I had to arrest this thinking and look for any and all silver linings and or small victories I could.
Perspectives changed, as they always do with growth.
When my ex bf was beating me. Almost died that night.
After my cancer diagnosis as a single mom.
First night after my son was born. Wife still recovering, he wouldn’t stop crying. Totally depending on us to keep him alive. It passed when I realized that every first time parent, ever, has felt that way on some level
When I was at the train tracks about to end my life and dozens of people walked by me and didn’t seem to care.
Every time I watch the news
Went through a horrific breakup and relationship. People in my life were supportive but after we broke up I saw a lot of support disappear or not be there in the way I expected. In a much better place with amazing people but it taught me that really you have to show up for yourself at the end of the day.
Right about the time I turned 18, my parents announced they were getting divorced. I ended up joining the Navy because the economy was so bad at the time, and I couldn’t get a job.
If I ever needed to go back to my parents, I would have to be couch-surfing. At one point, I bought an old van so I would always have a place to sleep.
When I was living by myself in college
First time I went cave diving after finishing the certification. Being back there with just your team and what you brought is a reality check. Like, I’m somewhere people aren’t supposed to be, fully dependent on my knowledge and gear, and if anything goes wrong, we only have that to get us out of here. Can’t call for help and it wouldn’t get there in time anyways. It was one of the most sobering and empowering things I’ve ever felt.
When I was sitting against a wall bleeding from two stab wounds to the head.
I started my law enforcement career at a small sheriff’s department. Didn’t have any backup. We watched TV shows where SWAT teams come in and there’s all these crazy resources available.
I learned really quickly that nobody was coming to help me. If it was 3:00 in the morning and a guy was beating his wife, when I showed up to the call, it was just me and him. If we started fighting, nobody was coming to help me.
The crazy part was, this made me an absolute beast at dealing with people. For a long time in my career, I did not fear any human on this earth. I would stand tow to toe with the biggest dude and not even worry about it.
This is obviously not the best mentality to have because there’s some people out there that are very dangerous but I was put in that situation so many times in my career that I just lost my ability to fear most people.
This also gave me the ability to learn how to talk to people really well because there’s some people I came across and although I wasn’t necessarily scared of them, I knew that it was going to be bad if we started fighting. I learned how to talk myself out of a lot of confrontation.
Late one night, I got a call about a guy that was drunk in a parking lot sitting in his vehicle. When I showed up, it was just me and him. He knew I didn’t have any backup and nobody else was coming. I told him to get out of his vehicle that he was going to jail. He was very aggressive. When he got out of his vehicle he wanted to fight. I knew back up wasn’t coming. As soon as he tried to get physical, I grabbed a hold of him and slammed him against his vehicle and told him it was just me and him out here. He could either do what I said or it was going to be a very bad night for him.
So there you go. Being the person that had to respond to people needing help is what made me realize that there wasn’t much help available lol.
If you live in a small City where you don’t have a whole lot of police officers, always advocate for them to get the best training and equipment they can have. The Navy seals are not coming to save you. If you only have two officers on duty, that’s what you’re going to get in the event of an emergency.
Every city has that fat cop that probably can’t chase down a donut on a string. A lot of people make fun of him but that should be a very real concern. That’s who’s responding to you in the event of an emergency.
Early 80s. Only child/latchkey kid. Six years old. Empty fridge. Hungry. Single mom who worked incessantly. I realized then this was my whole life unless I found a way out. I found a way out.
After my grandma died
After my abuser left, and convinced all my family, friend, ect. That I was the abusive one.
All the time. You slowly realize nobody cares about you, the amount of nights you spend crying alone, nobody to tell you “You’re strong, I’m proud of you, you’re safe” nobody to give up a hug. Nothing. It’s all you. You’re the only one that can save yourself/hug yourself.
Edit: HOLY TIT GUYS, 1000 LIKES!?! Im sorry ya’ll feel the same as me tho, but in a weird way it makes me feel wayyy less alone and realize we all really in this world together, suffering, being human.
When I hit rock bottom lost my job, girl left me for another man, was depressed and suicidal, not even a cent to my name. The comeback was and is currently pretty fking surreal.
When I was a teenager and realized I was the adult of my family.
Getting my ass beat by my dad. Multiple times, when I was in single digits. Still have a scar 50 years later.
50 years later, single and financially secure. Why? Now I can say FU to anybody, nor do I need anything from anyone.
On the way to my second deployment to Iraq. We were in Kuwait when we got word that our “chill” assignment at a large base was moved to a very “not chill” assignment to a much smaller base in a much more dangerous area. I was specifically moved to this assignment because this was not my first deployment so my experience was deemed useful. Despite that fact, I was still very young and still very much felt overwhelmed. As soon as I had a chance, I called my dad to tell him my AF/APO mailing address was going to change and to tell him how scared I was. Before I could even get to the second part he asked me why I sounded scared – and he sounded terrified on his end as he asked it. I suddenly realized I was all grown the fuck up now. And giving my father more stress probably would not make anything less bad. So I made up some shit and calmed him down. That’s when I realized there was no pause button. No one upstairs. No one else was coming. It was life and it was fucking happening.
It was just me and the bear in the dead of night. She made a chuffing noise and took a step forward. I roared out in what was definitely super manly tones and not at all a scream and she turned and trotted the other way.
Well they might’ve, but once when I was about 10 I playing at the beach with my older siblings and a wave dumped a bunch of seaweed on me. That stuff was surprisingly heavy plus the waves were big, and it took me a moment to get through enough that I could lift my head out of the water. I could tell my siblings hadn’t noticed meanwhile and it freaked me out, but I was comfortable enough with being in the ocean to not completely lose my head at least
When i had to take care of my sick children while I was sick too 😭🙏🏻
To many times. I’ve matured through pain, not age.
At 6 or 7, when my (at the time) undiagnosed autism had made me a social pariah and target for bullies, and no one from parents to teachers to peers thought that was worth stepping in over.
Ive carried that lesson with me for decades. Be self-sufficient, because no one will help you.
When my husband died, and I was left alone to finish raising two teenagers and a one and a half year old. People told me at his wake and funeral to call them if I needed anything. When I did…no one came. I didn’t have time to properly grieve. I just pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept things running as smoothly as possible. Now, I own my own business.
Definitely when I went back to my cocaine addict ex-husband.
My family never liked him, I had lost my boyfriend to try again with him for the sake of my child, and I realized I was in real trouble because I had to decide to get away from him and nobody was going to make that decision but me.
I had one lifeboat, and it was that boyfriend.
slowly realizing it now
I feel that constantly, but I felt it most when I cried in my room and no one noticed, also when I tried to commit suicide and all I got was a scolding.
3 o 4 years ago
Standing at the altar on my wedding day
Mines not super heavy but 6 months into living on my own I realized no one was coming to clean up my apartment for me.
My wife losing half her frontal lobe
When I realized I didn’t have a place to live anymore. That was a fun 4 months.
When I was 21, I was raped by a coworker. I told someone I thought I could trust the very next morning. He told me it was my fault and I needed to learn from the experience. I never told anyone else what happened to me until four years after.
Mid covid. Single, no socializing for a couple of years. Went into psychosis and asked my family for help. No one came. Multiple times, no one came. No one should rely on anyone ever, including family.
Middle school bullies. The first time I ditched class was not to miss class, but to avoid the bullies. I hid in a bathroom stall but had to be careful of hall monitor checks. That’s when I realized I couldn’t rely on anyone.
When I finally got sober from alcohol and drugs that I began to look at my financial situation and realized that I wasted nearly all I had on something I was addicted too. No help and no support.
Just me realizing my past mistakes and dealing with it.
When my ex was choking me against a wall demanding I “admit” I cheated on him (I never did, he was mentally unstable and trying to justify the cheating he was doing). I had to acquiesce and say that I had. Then he demanded details and I had to make up a story, so I made one up that fit his most often voiced suspicions. Once he was satisfied, he s.a.’d me and held “my infidelity” over my head to make himself feel good about himself. I finally escaped him, but I still think about that moment sometimes.
Now. I need to finish a PhD but am totally exhausted and nobody is coming to help me. I need to push myself without thinking about it. Am really anxious about it.
“When I stopped texting first and my phone went silent for days.”
I got really, really sick at 16. We now know it was a dying organ (gallbladder) and multiple undiagnosed underlying conditions. I was genuinely bedridden, drugged to the teeth, and barely knew my own name. We expected me to die.
My room was upstairs. I was left alone in bed. If I needed the bathroom, I’d spend 20 or 30 minutes calling for help downstairs- yelling, calling people’s phones, rolling things down the stairs when i managed to drag myself to my bedroom door. No one would answer.
I remember curling up on the floor, half-dressed, not knowing the last time I bathed or ate or drank water, listening to them talk amongst themselves just a floor down, and realizing I was dying alone while surrounded by people that cared for each other. Just not me.
I repeatedly fell down the stairs, by the way. Also just lost control and messed myself sometimes. Couldn’t even undress myself afterwards. It was a very dark time.
Going through this right now….
Becoming homeless. Friends could only offer some money, and maybe some rides, but not shelter beyond a night at a hotel. (Unless I could leave the state- but I could not for legal reasons) All homeless shelters in the area are either full or don’t accept dogs/only take families. Funding is dried up for any Rapid Rehousing programs, which I may not even qualify for without a job anyways.
My only hope at this point is to get a job that offers housing.
Foster care.
I rolled my car in a remote part of Australia’s outback in the absolute height of summer.
I rolled the car 4.5 times.
It took a day and a few hours to dig my way out of the car. My dog was ejected during the roll and disappeared. My satellite phone and radio were broken during the crash, and most of my water and supplies were lost.
It was 2 days before a mining vehicle passed and helped save me.
The day my dad died. Both my parents were gone and I have no other family.
After my brother died. Always thought I’d have a white night come to save me. Not looking good thus far. Guess I’m on my own.
When my husband died suddenly. I needed help, I asked for help but nobody did. Family, friends, they all just left. But it was the moment the doorbell rang and I opened the door to the mail carrier holding a package with a black sticker that said “human cremains”, my husband, that it hit me hard; I was alone. I sat in the living room holding that box on my lap for hours, just staring. Then I got up and carried on because we had a daughter who needed me.
I have a Playlist I made for it that used to be called “bleeding to death in a hotel bathtub” that is now called “it’s OK. I got up.”
When I was about to drop out of my masters with no work experience, less than $1000 to my name and no backup plan
When I was s12 and a friend of the family was trying to molest me. When I spoke out to an adult they asked if I liked it! Had to fight back on my own to get him to leave me alone.
When I’d get home from a long day of being bullied in school to my parents bullying me at home
When my mom died I had to live in the car.
I had major surgery when I was in my early 20’s. No one came to visit, I just remember how much pain I was in and how lonely I felt. I realized at that moment that we can’t really depend on anyone. It is what it is.
That moment is right now for me
When my chronic pain got worse and tore my life apart. That’s when I realized that all of the cliché advice about ‘finding your chosen family’ does not apply if you become permanently sick or disabled. People get really weird about illness, and there are some things that friends just can’t help with. Once they realize you’re not going to get better, you’re really on your own.
When my son was killed.
So, I’d been trapped in a migraine for… God. A long time.
I’d been to multiple neurologists. Diagnosed with intracranial hypertension – too much cerebral spinal fluid crushing my brain.
So, the first doctor was like ‘sinus infection.’
The second told me lose weight.
The third gave me medication to lower the csf production.
The fourth gave me a different med to lower cfs production.
At this point I looked at my brain scans, and did research, and figured out what the technical terms meant – and then went back to my doctor and said ‘hey, I have a collapsed csf vein in my brain. Shouldn’t we do something about that?’ and he said – ‘no, ignore that.’
Absolutely not. I’m in agony. The meds haven’t made a dent to the pain. You’re not helping me. Your ignoring an obvious issue. What the absolute fuck. I wouldn’t have known this was there if I didn’t look into it. I want a stent. I want the vein fixed.
‘no.’
The fifth neuro said your eyes are fine so your brain is fine. You’re experiencing migraine.
The sixth neuro said veins weren’t his specialty, and id actually need a stroke specialist.
The stroke specialist said MRVs suck at telling you how bad a vein collapse actually is, and a neuro surgeon needs to go in there and take a look.
The neuro surgeon went in and took a look. It was bad. I got a stent. It gave me my life back.
It took so long Ive got long term nerve damage – the nerves around my brain got crushed – but the overall pain is down down like 95%. I can stay conscious for more than an hour. I can speak coherantly. I can read.
Doctors were failing me. I had to do the research, figure out what I needed, and keep, and keep changing doctors till I found one that would help me.
Fuck dem bitches.
I moved into my first apartment with the clothes on my back, a government issued phone, an air mattress, and my laptop. I had just gone no contact with my biological family due to child abuse/domestic abuse and I was never going to go back. I moved in with my friend and had my own room, but my share of the rent and utilities left me with less than $100 a month.
I worked in a deli at state minimum wage and maybe got 25 hours a week, but I got a free meal every shift. Those were the only times I ate. It was about an hour walk from our apartment but it was the only work I could find. I washed my clothes in the bathtub sometimes bc I couldn’t always afford the Laundromat.
Sometimes I didn’t have enough money to get batteries for the air mattress pump so I’d sleep on a deflated mattress on the floor with a beat up pillow and old blanket.
I’d cry myself to sleep most times. It really was me against the world. If a friend hadn’t cut me a deal with the spare room in their apartment I really would have been on the streets or back with my biological family enduring that old life.
I was free of the hell I grew up in, but I had to build a new life on my own from scratch. I always paid my debts but it didn’t leave me with anything to really work with. It was that or homelessness, so I just had to make do.
It’s been more than 10 years since I lived that life. I’m married now and we live comfortably with our pets. Sometimes I think it’s a miracle I survived back then, but if I hadn’t gone through that I wouldn’t be where I am now.
No matter what, things will get better if you endure it long enough.
I was a teenager and grew up in an abusive household. I tried so hard to let the adults in my life (teachers, aunts, uncles, counselors, doctors, etc.,) know that I needed help, but nothing ever changed. Each failed attempt broke me.
I realized that I’m the only person who I can rely on to get me out of that house. I left the first chance that I could and it was the best decision I ever made.
Right now. I’m single, have been for four years, no job, no money. Things are not looking good.
I still experience derealization 10 years later, and it breaks my heart that I still struggle with this, after all of these years, treatments, therapy, meds, support. It makes me disappointed and upset when I get into those dissociation modes, but to answer the question, only I can really get myself out of it.
Had shitty parents growing up, so that moment happened to me a lot growing up. My extended family is equally as terrible and looked past the abuse. Now they wonder why I never talk to them now that I’m an adult.
My family was now dead. My bf had become abusive. I was diagnosed with cancer. I confessed about the abuse to friends because I needed help. They “didn’t believe me” because it was more lucrative to be close with my abuser.
I knew that was it. It was either me figuring out a plan alone or me giving up completely.
Was on a little skiff off the Dalmatian coast in Croatia and my wife and I were island hopping and swimming. We anchored and when we decided it was time to go the waves had picked up a bit and the anchor was stuck. Couldn’t get it undone from in the boat and I was debating cutting the anchor off because no matter how I maneuvered I could not get the anchor unstuck. After a while of trying I finally swam down and had to undo the anchor by hand tomorrow get everything loose. It wasn’t that dramatic in the end but it took a decent amount of work and I was exhausted.
My entire childhood. Working hard on undoing that though, but this is precisely how I’ve explained it in therapy: knowing that “nobody’s coming to save me” and therefore I can’t rely on or become connected to anyone
Homeless when COVID came
When I got seriously injured at my ex’s house and he left me alone in the parking lot at the hospital because he was too worried about getting potentially blamed for the accident. I almost died. He didn’t show back up until right before surgery, bringing a couple friends of his I wasn’t even that close to for “backup”. Last thing I remember before surgery is him telling the other people he brought that he just happened to randomly get a call from my dad so he lied to him saying I was fine like it was a normal day. Then freaking out to his buddies about what he was gonna tell my dad if I died.
I thought I loved this guy. Biggest betrayal of my life. Years later, I’m happier now and he’s dead from kidney failure so I guess karma is a bitch.
I’m 38 and both my parents have died in the past year. It’s an odd feeling not having that ‘safety net’. They weren’t particularly wealthy or reliable people, but when they go, you think “Oh fuck, it’s just me here now.”
When I had a front row seat watching my parents’ marriage and our home life fall apart when I was 11. That was a brutal way to realize that I had to learn how to take care of myself because nobody else was going to do it for me. (I’m an only child, BTW; no siblings to share the burden.)
Surviving my first suicide attempt at 14, waking up the next day having to clean myself up and act like nothing happened. No one even knew I’d attempted to end my life. No one noticed anything wrong. No one checked on me. I always wonder how long it would’ve taken for my body to be discovered had it been successful, considering the first person to interact with me after the attempt was my niece who was waking me up to make her breakfast because my sister was refusing to wake up (because she was on drugs and had been out all night, not because of an attempt I promise) and I’ll never forget waking up to her crying and realizing what I’d done the night before. Realizing that she would’ve been the one to find my body, that she would’ve been alone in the house with her addict mother and her dead aunt crying because she wanted breakfast but no one would wake up. I had to stop to clean myself up and cry in the bathroom before making her waffles. I turned on cartoons and just sat with her after, unpacking the situation. I’d never felt more invisible.
Crying alone in my room loudly hoping someone would come check on me. No one did.
In about 1993 I was in a late night Sydney train, the only person in the carriage. Half a dozen no good looking older teens hopped on the train, one sat next to me with the others sitting in front and behind.
I was fit and strong, I played rugby at the time and didn’t look like a pushover. Six guys though? They’d have eaten me for breakfast.
One of them asked me for a smoke, never a good sign. I said “no worries, how about I give you each two and you don’t bash me”.
All of a sudden the mood shifted, they saw what I said as funny and cool and were super friendly. I got home alive and initially I wasn’t sure i would.
I’m older, single, no kids.
I passed out at home alone last Christmas Eve.
I think it was due to a drop in blood pressure.
I lay unconscious all day, and all night.
Woke up, still alone on Christmas morning with a huge goose egg on my head. I could tell I had a bad concussion.
Finally went to the hospital a few days later. I was too out of it to even think of what to do until then.
Took Uber to the ER.
When I finally understood: adulthood isn’t about being fearless. It’s about being terrified and doing shit anyway
My father was an abusive asshole – explosive and volatile.
One time my mother dropped us off at his house for his parenting time, and said “good luck”.
I remember being like 13 and thinking “… what the fuck?”
She might as well have said “I’m knowingly sending you somewhere unsafe.”
I was dating someone that I had known for twenty years, and it became unhealthy really quickly. We had the worst fights of my life. My home life became a constant balance of being on edge and all out war.
At the time, I had just got into my dream program and my grades went from A’s to failing. Instead of studying for huge exams, I was fighting. Somehow things got worse and it’s like I was so numbed out I didn’t even notice: they stopped working, blamed me for them not working, wouldn’t pay any bills, they were constantly moving in and out so they also didn’t pay rent most of the time, they wouldn’t clean, they let their pets shit all over the house, their pets ate all of my school/work shoes and I couldn’t even replace them because I was a broke student shouldering an entire household – everything was hitting the fan and my stress was insurmountable, but I thought I was in love and kept trying to make it work.
Then they moved out for the last time and I realized, I had $50 to my name. This was the brokest I’d ever been in my adult life. The utilities were going to be shut off. I couldn’t afford groceries. My teenage son used his birthday money to buy us groceries as his gift for Mother’s Day. When I asked my ex to help with any portion of the bills they had left on me, they said no and stopped responding then sent me a TikTok hours later like nothing, like they weren’t ignoring my life on fire. They somehow still thought we should work out our relationship though.
You have those moments in life where you realize you have to save yourself. I escaped that toxic cycle with that person right then and there, as painful as it was. That was the moment I realized this person was tearing down everything I built for myself and I could never expect the bare minimum from them. I took out a loan, I found my real support system again, I came back to life slowly. But that was my moment – alone, broke, a little broken, anxious to the point of physically being sick, but I stopped waiting for anyone else to save me.
When I got thrown down a flight of stairs at an ex’s place. I called the cops, turns out one of the responding officers went to high school with my ex and his friends. I locked myself in his bedroom and refused to come out until they got a female officer on scene.
No one was coming for me unless I made it happen and demanded what I needed. I was on my computer recording the threats being made and fully ready to throw it into a backpack and into a neighbor’s yard if they tried to break down the door.
In 2005, after Hurricane Katrina. I was lucky to evacuate the city but due to the amount of people leaving, we still were in a place that was hit. I remember just waiting for someone to sort out the aftermath; insurance claims with no power and phones for over a month. We were displaced across the country and I remember people asking me why are you still not home? It hit me that no could save us because it was impossible to save everyone. It took YEARS to recover.
My husband and I were always a tight team. Easily functioned as team. He took care of me and I took care of him for almost twenty years.
Last year, he was hurt in a way that ended up being incompatible with life. I realized my greatest show of love to him would be letting him go. I realized my children were about to lose their father, their mentor, their friend. I was about to lose my person. All of our lives were about to change irreparably and forever. I couldn’t do anything about it, except to walk with as much grace as humanly possible.
No one could make the decision to let him go, except me. No one could show our children how to carry this grief, except me. No one would ever know how badly I didn’t want to do it, except me. How I was willing to take care of him for the rest of my life… we had spent almost twenty years making every decision together. In the end, there was no one but me.
When my dad chose his wife over his kids.
Then when my abusive ex wouldn’t stop being a shit for two seconds and I realised I was alone in a foreign country and only one person was able to remove me from that situation.
When I got scammed. I invested all my money on it and trusted a friend. I got betrayed and now I have trust issues. I have lost my friend because of “money”.
When I was a kid and my family was a bunch of AH. No one is ever going to save you. It’s up to you to save yourself.
Natural child birth. At a certain point you come to terms with that you have to do this and no one can help you.
This is sort of dark but when I was twelve I had to perform cpr on my dads dead body, because I was the only one who knew how and my sister and mother were both shattering beside me. Probably scarred me for life, but I sort of realised then that I had to be the one to save everyone else — there was no one now who was going to protect me.