I’d like to know if some of you look back on your 20s and with the experience or life that you built now, realize that your life would’ve turned completely different had you not dodged that thing or person?
Women in their 30-40s, what/who is your biggest dogged bullet?
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To me has been not having children with any of my past boyfriends no matter how long the relationship was. My life would have been so so different if I would have said yes to some of them!
I started dating my college professor when I was 19. The guy was 40, told me I was special, an old soul. You know, the usual lines. When the honeymoon phase passed, he became very controlling, especially about my weight, and extremely condescending about the way I thought and my tastes (books, music, political opinions…). After two years, I had become his possession, molded to his liking—including his sexual preferences. I had also become anorexic and depressed. The few friends I had left staged an intervention and opened my eyes to the situation. I later found out that, of course, I wasn’t the first of his students he had slept with—and I wasn’t even the only one while we were together.
Looking back now, I could’ve lost years of my life to that groomer. I know he just married a girl who’s barely 20, and I feel sad for her—but I really dodged that bullet.
My ex bf. He was the biggest walking red flag I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting. He was the biggest mamma’s boy in the worst way possible. He also financially abused me. I should have known when he immediately jumped from relationship to relationship with less than a week between each. He also love bombed me and learned what love bombing was from him. He actually told me he loved me and proposed to me within the first 2 months of us meeting. His grandma also told I deserved better
My mom. I managed to get out of my parents’ house right after high school and never had to move back. Moving across the country from them likely saved my sanity.
I thank my lucky stars everyday that I had enough awareness to never have kids. Whenever anyone asks when I’ll be having them, my go to answer is always “Why would I do that to myself?”
Probably a former relationship I had where the person couldn’t handle arguments in a healthy way. They ended the relationship, and had we stayed together I’m sure I would’ve had an extremely unhappy life.
Another one that comes to mind is a retail job I had for a long time. Things that piled up ended up pushing me to leave. One of the locations I worked at for awhile closed, and they continued closing stores over the years. Quality went downhill as well. I’m sure I would’ve eventually been out of a job.
I was in a relationship for a little over two years. I decided I needed to leave my hometown and move across the country to where my mom lives. Obviously I thought he would come with me.
He was on probation but it was light? I don’t know the term for it. He really just had to call in once a week and do a drug screen occasionally. His PO told him it was no problem, he just had to put in the request/file the paperwork and she would approve it.
He didn’t do it.
At my going away party, he proposed publicly in front of the whole bar and I said yes because I panicked.
I left, we tried for a couple weeks to maintain a relationship but I felt so free without him. I ended things. He was a recovering addict who couldn’t hold a job and we just saw our futures differently.
I applied to, and interviewed for, a warehouse job and was not hired after the interview. Only a few weeks later the place was burnt down by an arsonist. There was an extremely high chance if I got hired I would have been in the building at the time and in the best case scenario out of my job and worst case, dead.
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Not getting married. Made breaking up with my past two partners wayyyyy less messy.
I dated a schizophrenic man that I absolutely adoooooored. He killed our dog then cheated on me and ran off to marry a minor (she was like a month away from 18 so not really a minor but close enough and still gross to me).
I went through hell getting over that relationship and now I’m in the happiest and healthiest relationship with such a good man; this love is truly something so good that I could have never imagined would happen to me.
My ex did reach out about a decade after the breakup but I had no interest in any conversations given I had 10 years to find my own answers.
This is a bit dramatic but I’m eternally thankful that I dodged this bullet: getting grabbed by a strange man at a train station in Switzerland in 2006.
I was 14 and traveling with my aunt to my grandparents house in Sicily. We had to catch a connecting train in Geneva late in the evening to cross over into Italy. I had to go to the toilet so left my aunt with our bags on the platform. I went down to the toilet and no one else was around the general area where the toilets were. I get out of the toilet and a man is standing right in front of the women’s bathroom. He said something to me that I didn’t understand. I sensed something was not right about this interaction, so I started walking back to the platform. He started walking in step with me. I ignored him. He went to grab my left arm, I dodged and sprinted for the stairs. I was a track runner so I made it to the top of the steps pretty quickly. He decided not to continue to run after me once he saw how many people were on the platform.
I’ve never been so grateful for dodging that man.
My ex-husband. Thought I’d never survive without him. Turns out I’m doing just fine – and I no longer have to ask permission to buy pillows, so that’s a win ✌️
U-A-U
Learning to say no and to stand up for myself. Still struggle to do so, but if you don’t you’ll be used left and right as a woman.
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I have yet to dodge a bullet. Someone once tried to argue w me that there is no free will only fate. That if all the factors were exactly the same, we would do the exact same thing again. Basically our actions are mechanical but due to there being infinite possibilities in the universe, we have the illusion of free will. It made me think about how the best and most amazing things in my life rn are things I never would have chosen for myself. And everytime I think about whether I screwed something up or worry about making a right decision, I think about that and stress less.
And then I remember the time I narrowly missed the side view mirror of a bus screaming beside my head while I stood on the curb. Maybe that’s what you meant. lol.
As others have said, having kids from my past relationships. I am also glad I got out of bad relationships. Better late than never.
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For me it was a pregnancy. I was working two min/wage jobs and living in the basement suite beneath my father’s home in a small hick town with no prospects for my future.
I saw two paths ahead of me, one was insured poverty, continued acceptance of misogyny and abuse, never achieving my dreams, and being stuck in that town working dead end jobs.
I chose the second path. I got an abortion, moved to the city, and went to college. Motherhood and continued relations with the man who got me pregnant and my father were a huge bullet dodged.
Not marrying my bf of 10 years. He was disrespectful, manipulative, and low effort. Met someone a year later that would do anything for me.
Not getting married to my ex fiance because that would have been a bigger shithole.
Dumping the man that I was dragging through accomplishments. For four years I was doing his homework, filling out medical forms, everything. At 18. Best thing i did was drop and run the day before we were supposed to sign a lease and never look back. I am married to a wonderful and driven man who goes above and beyond to care for us and our family. I am often horrified at what life would have looked like if I had signed that lease. I had a deep gut feeling I had been ignoring the whole time and since I have started to listen to those feelings my life has gotten exponentially more peaceful and content.
I think about my ex from high school into university. I moved away for my first year university but I was emotionally still with him in my home town. I couldn’t enjoy myself or really be present in the new city and I regret this. We continued to date for a couple years (toxic, unhealthy relationship) and I SO badly wish I had ended it when I graduated high school.
I was a very troubled kid and, as a teenager, constantly ran away. if I wasn’t in juvie or some treatment center for wayward teens, I was sleeping in some 20+ year old guy’s van for a week, or hitching a ride from Colorado to Texas with a middle aged man I met on Craigslist. the sheer number of times I put myself in horribly dangerous situations is rivaled only by the amount of stupidly risky sex I had; it’s a fucking miracle I never got pregnant. like an actual hand-of-god-I-don’t-believe-in miracle.
today I live an extremely normal, quiet life in the suburbs with my stable, loving, long-term partner. I have a beautiful house and a well-paying job despite my GED. I’m healthy and happy and can’t believe didn’t end up pregnant, locked in some pedophile’s basement, or addicted to drugs (which I’ve still never tried to this day!).
Having the guy before I met my fiancé, again, ghost me. I was about to talk to him about how his communication wasn’t good and I wasn’t going to pursue anything with him, but he ghosted me before I could do that.
Turns out, he has a shit ton of gambling debt (his entire income amount + some), destroyed his friendship with our mutual friend over ghosting me, and smokes a ton of weed. He also texted me when I soft launched my relationship with my now fiancé about how happy he is for me and stuff.
Good riddance
I didn’t get married when I was engaged, I trusted my gut. Trust your gut. 🙂
Had major crush on my roommate and him me. But something was off- we were both in relationships but he hit on me a lot but there was no discussion of where it was going. I didn’t want to cheat so pulled back – I think he was genuinely floored and sad that I rejected him. It took so much self control for me but he just seemed too cool with cheating and had had a girl on the go constantly for years. Never on his own. Loads of friends who were girls. He proceeded to cheat in his long distance with an ex, another roomie, and multiple other girls .AND HE STILL MARRIED HIS LONG DISTANCE GIRLFRIEND. Didn’t work out no surprise! Also cheated on his new wife before marriage. Believed it was ok to cheat before marriage.
My first abusive boyfriend who i almost married. My last boyfriend who was kinda a bum lol. This girl i was talking to one time who didn’t eat pussy
Never got married. Men are just..❌❌
Canceled everything (future house) within 2 days after realizing my 9 year ex fiancé cheated on me🤣
I was groomed in High School by my Chemistry teacher. When I finally stopped talking to him in college he ended up marrying the girl he started talking to after I graduated.
In my 20s, I dated a guy who was nothing but trouble. He sold and did drugs. All the typical bad boy stuff. I dont remember why we broke up, but we did.
Cue 15 years later, my husband (a magistrate judge) arraigned him for several felony charges, including fleeing from the police. It made me realize how truly different my life could have been. What if I let myself get sucked into a life of drugs and crime. It is wild to think about.
I was hired by this branch of a a big corporation years ago. On my first day at work I found the team running the shop were not doing so in a transparent way, and that I believe was not in the best interest of the customer. I pointed that out to my supervisor and they replied that it is how things are done over here. I quit before it was even lunch time. 6 months later I read in the paper that the particular team have been busted by the regulatory agencies and most of them were looking at a jail time of between 3 to 15 years. Super glad that I trusted my instinct that day and walked out before I could be in deep trouble.
Choosing not to have kids despite the pressure and attitude that it’s something “everyone does” or that everyone needs to experience parenthood. I knew I didn’t want to so I didn’t.
For me, not getting married has been the biggest bullet I have dodged. Because I was not really ready in my 20s ever.
Idk if I necessarily dodged the bullet. But I survived the impact. I married a horribly abusive man in my 20’s who became addicted to meth. He was a marine (6 tours) before becoming a cop. I tried to leave multiple times, but always came back. The last time I left, he almost killed me and thankfully I stayed away after that. I thank god every day I never had kids with that man.
I’m now in a healthy relationship with a wonderful man who treats me better than I ever knew was possible. We are currently trying to conceive and I have no doubt in my mind that he will make an amazing father.
Living in the deep south! Not necessarily the case for everyone, and no judgement to anyone who is thriving there, but leaving was the best thing I ever did, and I think staying would have held me back personally, professionally, and been bad for my mental health. It was really hard to find jobs that weren’t pure admin, and I was treated with immense disrespect by my male coworkers at all of them. My self esteem was suffering, my wages were dismal, and it was hard to make friends when I didn’t want to have kids or go to church.
Moving felt like it would be really hard, but it wasn’t, and it was so, so worth it. Overcoming that particular inertia feels like it really changed the course of my life for the better!
Having kids. I was 28 when I stopped taking birth control, and the sudden rush of hormones caused a huuuuge baby fever. At 30, I was diagnosed with a rare genetic illness which can be passed on, plus it made my health decline to a point that I would absolutely not be able to take care of a child. I’m so thankful that I waited it out.
The first guy I dated after I separated from my now ex husband. He didn’t handle the breakup well and it took months for him to leave me alone. The last time I creeped on his fb page he seemed to have gone down the uber toxic conservative white male influencer rabbit hole.
When I was 16 I dated an abusive guy that tried to convince me to be “18, barefoot and pregnant” and stay home all day taking care of kids. He wanted me to skip college, stay in our hometown forever, and have a bunch of kids with him. This boy didn’t even understand the meaning of being a provider, either. He constantly asked me for money (like dude I’m 16! I work 15 hours a week at minimum wage!)
Long story, but we broke up and he got another girl with the exact same name and age as me pregnant. Turns out he couldn’t handle the responsibility of being an actual father and got addicted to drugs and bailed on them.
So… Yeah.
Now I’m childfree and married to my amazing husband who understands what being an adult is actually about.
Not giving in to the pressures of staying in a job I didn’t like because my family liked it. I’m way happier and make twice as much.
It is a corporate gig now and they just don’t understand what I do.
Having a kid with my husband. We are actually in the process of seperation now, because I can’t have a kid with him.
Other than that. I studied teaching and quit after 4 years. I think I would have been constantly stressed and miserable as a teacher.
Mine might have been literal. I had an abusive boyfriend when I was 19. He told me his greatest fantasy was to see the light leave someone’s eyes. One day the physical abuse escalated and he choked me. I read that women are far more likely to die after their partner strangles them. That next week a woman in my town died by domestic violence. That same week he grabbed my 8 week old puppy by the neck and threw her 8 ft into a concrete wall. I gathered up all my strength and left him and was terrified of the repercussions…only to find out he married someone else 2 weeks later. I can’t imagine her life. Sometimes I get chills just thinking about it. It was a very dark time in my life. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have made it out, and to have found a happy marriage after that.
My family tried to convince me to quit my job when I had a baby. Every single thing about my life is better because I didn’t do it.
Having that abortion when I was 25, really dodged a bullet of being permanently tied to the baby daddy. We’re still okay friends, but he still hasn’t achieved anything with his life almost 15 years later and never really matured past high school. I can’t imagine him being responsible for a kid. And if I had kept the pregnancy, I never would have had the wonderful marriage and two children I currently have.
Not marrying my college boyfriend. At the time, I thought he was absolutely perfect for me and I was devastated when he broke up with me, but looking back I swear I wish I could thank him for it. In hindsight, we were absolutely terrible together and we brought out the worst in each other. It turns out what is good for you at 17/18 may not be what’s good for you at 22, and that’s okay. I ended up meeting my husband two months after we broke up and he is absolutely perfect for me in every way. If I had ended up marrying my college boyfriend (although I don’t think we would ever had gotten that far) we would surely have gotten divorced. We wanted different things in life, had different motivations. It caused a lot of friction.
Being career-oriented in my 20s saved me from years of abusive relationships. My family is abusive, so I always think about how I would have been the perfect victim in my 20s if I was interested in dating. I suffered from low self-esteem, low confidence, and just wanting to be loved and validated, etc. But I thank my lucky stars every day that I was career-oriented in my 20s. I would never have been able to have the lifestyle that I have now if I wasn’t.
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My parents and relatives in my country of birth tried to find a suitable bride for me as per arranged marriage system. I’m a straight trans woman. I fled that country in my mid twenties and I never went back. Met my boyfriend couple of years ago and have been living my best life in Canada.
No marriage no kids and no intention to do any of that
Not having kids!!! I had to have a hysterectomy when I was younger and I am so glad because having kids would have negatively impacted me in so many ways. I’m just not a mom type.
Love it for those of you that are, but that’s not me.
I feel like I’ve stared down each barrel and taken them all right between the eyes.
I guess missing a bus that made my group miss a second bus that made us miss a train and made us miss the second train. So we lost hours over being just a minute too late, and by then there was no point going to the festival we planned. Annoyed and tired we just went to our hotel room, and switched on the tv.
Well, turns out that people at the festival got squished and died because of overcrowding. So yeah luckily we missed out on that one..
Not sure if I dodged a bullet… but this happened when I was 21(first time traveling by myself and still look like a kid 5’1 125lbs)
I was going back to my home country alone for my mom’s funeral and I had to travel for 18hrs by plane. I sat down next to this woman and what I would assume her daughter(6/7). The woman asked if her daughter could have the window seat, but I said no because I was also traveling for the first time and would like the seat.
The whole 15hrs plane was great, no problem from them, in fact we kinda bonded and I even woke up when her daughter’s comfortably sleeping on me. They asked where I was going and how long/where and what time was my next flight. I told them that I had a long layover and they asked if I wanted to go with them to a ‘Disneyland’ outside the airport because they also had a lot of time to waste before their next flight. I initially said yes, however, as we were about to leave, I decided to turned back around and told them that I was no longer interested. I didn’t turn back to see their reaction and run to my next gate and waited there for my next flight.
It’s been almost 10 years, I still wonder if it was my mom’s spirit that guided me and stopped me from make stupid choice that day or was I just too paranoid.
I was living with a guy who hit me because I said no to sex. I moved out while he was at work.
Staying in my native country. Made that decision twice: at 17 and 23 when I contemplated returning.
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Avoiding having kids. Never had any family talks about birth control, sex, family planning none of that. But I just saw how awful life was for every single mother I met and saw and said “no, not for me” and I stayed the course through 30 years of pressure and being looked as ‘less than” or called ‘unsuccessful’ but yet those 30 years have gone by and I am the ONLY family member to have:
No debt
No PTSD from abusive
Friends and social support, as well as time to make new friends and support them
The vast majority of these lovely women died along and broke having had to sacrifice for men or children who did not appreciate, respect or care for the women. They were frankly one step up from slaves.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I am not thankful I left that area, that social system, and that awful limited life for women.
My life has had joys, adventure and help things the other women had very little of.
Waited until I had someone who’s actually my partner (vs bf/husband) to have a baby. Almost had a baby with an ex in my 20s who would have quickly abandoned me and baby.
I guess mine would be not having kids with my ex-husband. If I’d gotten pregnant, we probably would have stayed together or I would have felt sooooo guilty about leaving with a little kid.
The fact that I didn’t get pregnant from an ex when I lapsed on my birth control for one reason or another. My life would have been drastically different and it’s a miracle considering my husband and I were able to conceive so easily with both of our kids.
Children.