What kinds of “life lessons” did your parents teach you — for better or worse?
What kinds of “life lessons” did your parents teach you — for better or worse?
r/AskWomen
What kinds of “life lessons” did your parents teach you — for better or worse?
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My biological dad taught me my worth as a girl/woman. I would have been about six years old and we were taking a road trip across the US Midwest for some reason. I had farms on the brain so I told my parents that I wanted to be a farmer’s wife when I grew up so I could take care of animals.
My dad chimed in immediately: “Why be a farmer’s wife? Why not be a farmer?”
Then my bio parents died in a car accident when I was 13. My sister and I landed with a Mormon foster family who were super conservative and had very specific ideas about the role of girls and women. They were emotionally and financially abusive enough that they also reinforced (in a backhanded way) that my life would be better independently, without them.
Today I’m 25 and thriving.
My mother’s lack of preparing me for the real world taught me how painful, humbling, and terrifying it is to try and make up for that deficit in guidance later in life.
My father’s sincere but marred attempts to warn me about her and help me prepare for the real world taught me to try harder to see through the pain and dysfunction that genuine wisdom can be hidden beneath.
Love don’t pay the bills.
You are alone and you need to figure it out.
🤣
What a dysfunctional marriage looks like. What abuse feels like.
Mother taught me from a very young age that women must be independent no matter what, citing her own miserable life.
Dad taught me compassion. Because I was more like my Mum.. Rude, ruthless and cold, so he never wanted me to be any of that.
My mom taught me not to waste my life looking at screens – 1hr/day was allowed when I was growing up!
She also taught me to spend wisely/be frugal and save (shop for value, buy generic, don’t be tempted by overpriced convenience foods when you could just make it yourself). We almost always ate home cooked meals which is financially wise and healthier! Because she cooked often, I was able to learn from her and I cook most of my meals.
Inadvertently, my parents taught me to have high standards and not to settle in a relationship. They are great parents but not good spouses. They definitely stayed together because of finances and then kids. So I learned I need to work hard and keep myself financially secure so I never feel trapped. I will never be a SAHM.
It was always said to me growing up i’d end up with a farmer having such a love for all animals and thats how things have ended up funnily enough 🙈🤣 im now one too!
My parents and grandparents always said if you marry a farmer you need to be independent because they will be so busy working, i’m glad i listened.
I’m the woman and man of the house here 🤣
My mother taught me how important it is for a women to earn money and I hope every women understands how important it is to have financial independence
This might be a little fucked up but my dad taught me how to be a good stepmom.
I’ll explain:
My dad was my best friend growing up. I did everything in my power to make him proud. Started softball because he liked to watch it, got into rock because he loved rock music, we watched wrestling together every Monday & Friday night while he let me practice jumping off the back of the couch with an elbow drop. I loved my dad so much & he passed from cancer when I was 15.
To fast forward a bit, I found out he possibly wasn’t my biological dad at 18. Found out officially last year when I did a DNA test.
I had no clue. He knew. He knew my whole life I probably wasn’t his. He still loved me with everything he had. On his death bed he told everyone that ‘I was his favorite daughter & I was the only one who was actually going to do something with my life’ (super fucked up for my siblings but that’s another post lol) he never treated or made me feel any different. He truly loved me like his own.
Now that I’m an adult I decided I wasn’t going to have any children of my own. I met a man that has 3 daughters and decided he was worth it. I treat them like my own in every way I’m able to. Our relationships have thrived because of it. I mimic a lot of what my dad did with me and my daughters know they can count on me for anything.
I owe him a lot but that’s probably the biggest influence he’s had.
-Helping people is a waste of time, you should always be trying to make money
-You should monetize all your hobbies, too
-Relaxation and joy are a waste of time.
In case you didn’t guess, I rebelled big-time and live my life the opposite of how they tried to raise me, and I’m doing pretty good!
My dad taught me that if you don’t keep up a physical routine, it’s that much harder to find one later in life. He had a knee injury in his twenties that ruined his ability to play sports, and was speaking from experience. But I was a dumb 16 year old who wanted to quit playing league soccer because I wanted to spend time at the mall with my friends.
I didn’t stay friends with any of my mall rats, and now I’m in my mid-thirties struggling to stay physically fit. I’ve finally got myself going to a spin class once a week, but it’s not enough to really get in shape. Lesson learned.
You are responsible for your own decisions. In the good and the bad way.
My mum (but also other “adults” in my life) had this pattern of advising me what to do and when I followed that and it would go wrong, they’d be like “Yup, I knew that wouldn’t work” … And when I asked them why they adviced me to do it that way then, I was gaslighted that they never did say so. It always ended up being my fault anyway. Soo, might as well take on the responsibility and do what I actually think is right, taking others into account but never blindly following them.
Also, I know she did not meant to manipulate me. She was raised in a far worse environment than me and this is her defense mechanism: Deflect responsibilty. My communication patterns are way healthier than hers because she provided the environment for me and my siblings to do better than her. I am very thankful for that.
And in a good healthy way, she also taught me that I can do whatever I want with my life regarding career and bascially everything else. She never pushed me into a certain lifestyle and taught me to be independent and that I am good enough the way I am. I was the first in our family to go to university and finish it – and it was never a question if I could do it, just a if I want to do it.
My mom taught me that you have to be a friend to have friends. It’s not always all about you. Sometimes you have to go to the party even if you’re feeling tired, or you say yes to the day trip that isn’t really your thing. If you don’t show up for others, they’ll stop showing up for you (and you won’t get invited to the stuff you do want to attend anymore, either).
Good life lesson. It’s really helped me in my friendships.
My parents apparently planned to have only 1 child, and that is me. I think being an only child have definitely impacted the way I was raised.
My mom taught me to have confidence in myself (my thoughts, ideas, judgment, appearance, etc) while also having grace and humility. I was cherished and pampered as a child. I was allowed to try and do a lot of things, also fail in most of them. However, my failures were easily forgiven and gave my parents the chance to teach me humility and perseverance. I don’t know exactly if it’s confidence, but I just be doing or saying shit now. My mindset is: good if I’m right or I succeed, also good if I’m wrong or fail because I can learn and be better.
My dad have always put into my mind to be thoughtful about my actions, and how it affects the people around me. I think my dad was worried that I would grow up becoming someone that doesn’t think of others. He still reminds me to be thoughtful sometimes. Recently, I was told the be extra thoughtful and aware when interacting with my guy friends because apparently my actions might cause some misunderstandings (yes it did).
I’m only 23 years old, so I am still learning a lot from my parents. I’ve moved out and all (only 1 hr away), but I still call them regularly just to talk about life.
You’re going to be let down by the people who you consider close to you and it’s your job to create and implement boundaries with those people to protect yourself
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they drilled it into my head there will always be someone better than me. i had to learn on my own that that was okay.
My mom taught me to never rely on a man — and then stayed with one who kept letting her down. Lesson learned, just not the way she meant
My dad taught me that silence isn’t peace — it’s just avoidance.
My mom taught me that love can be loud, chaotic, and still mean everything.
Both lessons shaped me — some things I keep, some I break the cycle of.
My dad was MIA emotionally and only present at random times. But one thing I heard him say repeatedly was “it’s not what you know but who you know.” And by god he’s right!