My in laws came to visit our 5 month old baby for the first time since LO was born. I have been nervous because they always try to get me alone to say something horrendous or to investigate how I view certain things. For the visit they claimed they just wanted to visit and not to interrupt his schedule. I can’t believe I believed that for a second. Some info to make some of the issues understandable: Our baby has some gird issues, as well as a possible ulcer. He throws up brown vomit and sometimes it’s more bloody. We are going to a specialist. He has also had an inguinal hernia and needed surgery at 3 months old. The grandma is the only one who called while I was pregnant. The 3 times she called it was to get the due date, which we didn’t have one since I was to be induced due to my history of blood clots. Or to tell me what I was going through wasn’t traumatic so I shouldn’t ever be worried. We found out my induction date a week before. She asked the due date, because the Aunt wanted to be there for the birth in the delivery room. She never told me just asked everyone but me. I have always given each person the benefit of the doubt through 10 years. I am now starting to trust my gut instinct with them. I thought we all had a good relationship but they never talk to me. My husband loves my family. We are just so different. They absolutely adore him. We don’t fight like they do. We really care for one another. But his… It’s so competitive and we’re just used as gossip. They think I’m stupid and brainwashed since I went to college and none of them have. It’s… a lot. I just have to vent into a void of how awful it was:
– Everyone was pissed at us the days leading up to the visit because we said no one can stay at the house since it is smaller and we have no extra bed. I also need to pump, and my husband was trying to get me to be able to have a break when people left.
– The grandma told my baby would be socially awkward and scared of everyone since he couldn’t meet anyone the first two months. He lost too much weight that the doc told us that he couldn’t have visitors. She also said that doctors don’t know everything and we should do some research on our own. It was already done with by this point so I said if he was then he was just a shy baby.
– First thing the grandma says to me is why I am not breastfeeding. When I have told her many many times of his latching issue and how severe his tongue and lip tie were that we couldn’t even see his top lip, it curled in so much.
– Said that we swaddled the LO too much cus of a video I posted had him in one in each different video. It was just the only time I really could get a chance was in the evening.
– Told me the Aunt was so incredibly hurt about not being there for the birth. That she feels she won’t be apart of the baby’s life and just wants to hold him one time.
– Grandma told me that my milk was bad. This is the first time she said it in person, it’s usually only been by phone. And that it looked and smelled sour when he projectile vomited. Even though it was semi-digested milk.
– Grandma made fun of me going to the doctor for his stomach issues. That the doctor is just getting another payment. Even though my doctor only made us come in once, immediately made a referral for a specialist and lets me email them for any updates without any payment since it’s a long wait till the gastro appt.
– Grandma stuck my baby’s hands in her mouth and slobbered all over his fingers. Yes I washed his hands and made sure they didn’t even touch any part of him till I did.
– Aunt barely said hi when I answered the door, and then finally was happy when I surprised her with the baby.
– The Aunt held my baby the entire time and kept making him fall asleep by rocking him back to sleep. Even acknowledged how I’m going to be up all night but still does it anyway. I just kept thinking this was me showing her that I wanted this to be a good time for her and everyone so I let her.
– Aunt said she thought I wouldn’t let anyone hold the baby when I already told the grandma and my husband told his aunt they would be allowed months ago. I feel like they want to only think the worst of me.
– Aunt would keep rocking my baby asleep even though I told her again and again that he is hungry. This is where I got stern.
– Anytime he pooped the aunt would say he just farted. No he pooped. You just want to keep holding him even if that means him sitting in his own filth.
– Uncle makes a joke about being a baby. And I joke back, time to burp, and he says oh I threw up cus you overfed me.
– Grandma asks if the doctor told me to feed my baby the amount I give him. When I said yes, she looks at the Aunt and Uncle. Like she was right. And then tells me I shouldn’t trust doctors.
– The Uncle asks why the baby was crying when I had him while I pumped. That he’s never heard him cry, but he was just inconsolable the night before when they stayed over way past his bedtime and was fussy. I felt like he was insinuating that I hurt my own kid? Or maybe! He’s starving cus your wife kept rocking him back to sleep as soon as he’d cry out.
– Grandma told me that the baby will find out about sex whether I like it or not. Which I replied yes, but hopefully during an appropriate age. This is JUST after she told me a SA story about my husband’s mom. And I told her that was illegal. So it makes me feel like she then thought I was a prude?? This is a 5 month old baby, why are you talking about him knowing sex??
– Aunt stuck the baby’s hands in her mouth.
– Uncle and Aunt made a huge deal of how cold the baby’s feet were everyday. It was 72 in the house.
– Aunt said she’d make dinner to help. Ended up making me make the food. Her and the grandma made fun of me like I have never cooked, even though my husband just told them what a good cook I am. They just would tell me what to do and I made the whole thing.
– Grandma says because my husband saw a movie without me that he had to have been cheating on me. (He watched it on Amazon at home without me.)
– Grandma says out of nowhere at the table that I will leave him and take the baby and cats. No one says anything, except my husband telling her that wasn’t funny.
– Aunt and Grandma make the guys leave so they can talk to me alone. Saying how horrible it is for my husband’s mom to not meet the baby. When she was a horrible mom. They have told me disgusting stories of her in the past, but say she’s also a good person??
– They also tell me that they never thought I was a good pick for my husband. But with time they now think I am. They tell me this same thing every time we see one another, so it makes me feel like they don’t really see it, they just want to tell me that to hurt me and act like they see it now.
– Aunt thanks me for carrying the baby when they’re saying their goodbyes. My own son. Am I an incubator/surrogate for you???
– Everyone takes turns each day to sit in my mom chair. The grandma, embarrassingly smelled awful one day that it stunk my chair till I cleaned it when they were gone. She said she thought she pooped her pants when she needed to go back to the hotel, but didn’t. Even though she was no longer wearing the same clothes that she left in. The next day, the uncle. But yet, no one would sit in my husband’s chair. The grandma said it was easier to get out of. It isn’t, it moves when you try to get up. Honestly I have trouble when I’m holding the baby.
– Because my last name is German, they ask if I believe Hitler was misunderstood and just trying to save his people?!?!?!?!???!??!?!???!?? Cus the Aunt saw a documentary and it was claiming these horrible ideas. I’m honestly not sure if this was to see if I was a nazi sympathizer or if this was her actual thoughts?? My family actually left during this time for America because of that piece of shit.
– Downplaying everything my kid has been and going through. When he wasn’t eating enough and negative percentile. On the verge of being FTT. His surgery. His current issue of projectile vomiting and brown vomit.
– Aunt asking how long it takes me to pump how much he needs to eat since I EP, I do the full 30 or power pump when needed. I nurse at night. She has no other follow up questions. Like it’s something to discuss amongst themselves later.
– The grandma said that my dad made a post how the baby looks like his side of the family. My dad never posts anything. I looked it up right in front of her and showed her, he didn’t. She never said anything about why she thought that. It then made sense why they brought so many pictures of my husband to show how much they look alike. Which is what my family and I have said from the beginning!
Also my husband was so supportive and protective of me during this. I don’t include every time he took up for me and shut them down. But a lot of times they would do it while he stepped out of the room. They knew exactly what they were doing… So I’d end up filling him in at the end of the day and beg him to not bring it up so we could just get through the visit. They always make a huge fight every time they visit and we did not want that to happen around our baby. Maybe that was wrong of me, but I just couldn’t take anymore.
Phew! That is all I can currently remember. I just needed to vent, thank you for listening to me!