It depends. If you are a decent person with a good attitude, it’s a bit easier. It can vary though. Especially since beauty standards aren’t universal and can change with the times
I don’t even know what conventionally unattractive means anymore. I just don’t worry about anything because worrying is the soulkiller. I don’t care about how I look because I’m not really trying to attract anyone. I just kind of want to live my life in peace and quiet and enjoy my creature comforts
It’s pretty average by most metrics – I have a husband who loves me, I have a pretty good job, a couple of close friends.
On the flip side,
I get stared at a lot, which is upsetting. I wish I was braver and was able to stare back or ask people if they need something 🤨 but I get embarrassed and just shut down.
I assume most people don’t like me, I’m afraid to take up space, I apologize a lot for things that I probably don’t need to apologize for.
I mostly try and forget how unattractive I am until I get reminded and get really sad about it, and then I start the cycle of trying to forget it all over again.
But I have a lovely husband, a decent job, a couple of close friends. I try and remember that it could be a lot worse.
In my teens and 20’s it was rough; so much of my value seemed to be measured by how attractive I was as a woman, even in non-romantic settings. But things have improved in my 30’s as I’ve grown more comfortable and confident in myself, and frankly just grew out of giving f*cks. The nice thing about never having beauty is you don’t fear losing it as you get older. There are even some advantages; I’ve been able to have genuine male friendships without ever risking anything romantic, I’ve never run into any competitive or catty women that so many others complain about, people have never assumed I’ve gotten anywhere in my job based on my looks, and it’s given me a unique perspective on life and dating.
And if you’re curious, I’ve been married for 6 years this September and have two kids, so with the right luck and circumstance, even us ugly folk have a chance at genuine love!
Very difficult and humiliating. I’m treated as a joke. I get treated with hostility and like I’m diseased. People constantly need to put me in my place. I’m androgynous looking and with how bad my eyes can look these days from having had multiple eyelids surgeries including a botched one in which too much fat was removed from my upper eyelid, I look like I have a facial deformity at times. Within these past few years people react to me like I’m the monster from The Substance. You wouldn’t believe how dramatically people react to me. It’s lonely and demoralizing being me and what’s worse is that people don’t believe my experiences with lookism and these are the people who treat me differently/poorly.
I get treated as less than by most people, including friends. I’m passed over for promotions even though I may be better qualified than the chosen person. I’m ignored in bars, in lines, or on the sidewalk. I’ve been reprimanded for things that other people weren’t. People will sometimes treat me like a buddy if they’re doing something sneaky, bc who is the ugly girl going to tell? People assume that I must crave attention. People assume I’m always free bc I’m too ugly to have kids or be in a relationship. Always the last picked. The list goes on.
However, there are a very few positives about being ugly. I’m not harassed by dudes all the time, or ever. People tend to leave me alone (double edged sword though). I can be more honest bc people don’t care about the ugly girl’s opinion. I don’t worry as much when walking around at night. People expect less of me.
I’ll just address some points as a reminder to whosoever might need it:
Take up space even if you think the others don’t want you to (people don’t need a reason to hate/dislike someone these days so why bother).
Focus on your health first and foremost. A healthy body plays a huge role in a healthy mind (vice versa is also true). So if you’re having difficulty seeing the beauty in self, just focus on getting/staying healthy. Healthy BMI, heathy habits. Don’t have to ditch junk food, but need to balance it out.
Positive self talk that borders delusion (but will turn true). The power of self-talk is crazy.
Consume media that empowers you. Be it podcast, ig page, subreddits, articles. You don’t need biased, rage bait, judgmental media. Surround yourself with a growth mindset (in any form).
Lastly: I’ve seen people walk away from wrongdoings and not caring/turning blind eye when injustice is happening right in front of their eyes. It happens very often and people call it: “minding their own business”
If people can choose to ignore that, their opinion of right/wrong/good/bad shouldn’t matter anyway. They should be minding their own business when it comes to me/you too.
I have friends who are very beautiful and they get harrassed by men almost every time I am in public with them. So I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that. I have family and friends that I love and they love me. My toddler calls me “beautiful mommy” every time he wants my attention because my husband calls me “beautiful wife” in the style of camping with steve lol. I have a good job. I’m not wanting for anything. And the approval of a random stranger on how attractive I am ranks pretty low on the list things that make a difference to my life.
I guess it takes longer for me to be served at a bar but I don’t really go out anymore lol. And when I do I tend to go to dive bars where everyone looks like they’ve had their ass kicked within the past week so it’s never a beauty pageant 🤣🤣
I have absolutely no memory of ever thinking I was beautiful. Even as a child I can remember knowing I was plain or ugly. It never really mattered to me until everyone else around me started getting crushes and boyfriends and I just… didn’t. As an adult I have wonderful friends, two degrees, hobbies that I enjoy. By all measures I’m successful. But there’s this gaping hole in my life where romantic love should be. Dating and relationships are not part of my life. In my teens and early 20s trying and failing to get male attention consumed a lot of my life. It sucked as I got older too knowing I missed out on experiencing young love. Now it’s kind of like background noise— I can be going about my daily life and then something happens to remind me and I get sad again. The worst part is that I always dreamed of having my own little family because mine wasn’t the best and knowing I won’t get to have that experience is just really hard.Â
Comments
I fear to take up space
Least i know people like me, for me 🙂
My big wish is to be actually invisible. I wouldn’t even abuse the power, I would just live my life, unobserved.
It depends. If you are a decent person with a good attitude, it’s a bit easier. It can vary though. Especially since beauty standards aren’t universal and can change with the times
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I don’t even know what conventionally unattractive means anymore. I just don’t worry about anything because worrying is the soulkiller. I don’t care about how I look because I’m not really trying to attract anyone. I just kind of want to live my life in peace and quiet and enjoy my creature comforts
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It’s pretty average by most metrics – I have a husband who loves me, I have a pretty good job, a couple of close friends.
On the flip side,
I get stared at a lot, which is upsetting. I wish I was braver and was able to stare back or ask people if they need something 🤨 but I get embarrassed and just shut down.
I assume most people don’t like me, I’m afraid to take up space, I apologize a lot for things that I probably don’t need to apologize for.
I mostly try and forget how unattractive I am until I get reminded and get really sad about it, and then I start the cycle of trying to forget it all over again.
But I have a lovely husband, a decent job, a couple of close friends. I try and remember that it could be a lot worse.
In my teens and 20’s it was rough; so much of my value seemed to be measured by how attractive I was as a woman, even in non-romantic settings. But things have improved in my 30’s as I’ve grown more comfortable and confident in myself, and frankly just grew out of giving f*cks. The nice thing about never having beauty is you don’t fear losing it as you get older. There are even some advantages; I’ve been able to have genuine male friendships without ever risking anything romantic, I’ve never run into any competitive or catty women that so many others complain about, people have never assumed I’ve gotten anywhere in my job based on my looks, and it’s given me a unique perspective on life and dating.
And if you’re curious, I’ve been married for 6 years this September and have two kids, so with the right luck and circumstance, even us ugly folk have a chance at genuine love!
It became so much easier when I stopped caring.
Very difficult and humiliating. I’m treated as a joke. I get treated with hostility and like I’m diseased. People constantly need to put me in my place. I’m androgynous looking and with how bad my eyes can look these days from having had multiple eyelids surgeries including a botched one in which too much fat was removed from my upper eyelid, I look like I have a facial deformity at times. Within these past few years people react to me like I’m the monster from The Substance. You wouldn’t believe how dramatically people react to me. It’s lonely and demoralizing being me and what’s worse is that people don’t believe my experiences with lookism and these are the people who treat me differently/poorly.
How do you know if you’re conventionally unattractive? I really have no clue.
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I get treated as less than by most people, including friends. I’m passed over for promotions even though I may be better qualified than the chosen person. I’m ignored in bars, in lines, or on the sidewalk. I’ve been reprimanded for things that other people weren’t. People will sometimes treat me like a buddy if they’re doing something sneaky, bc who is the ugly girl going to tell? People assume that I must crave attention. People assume I’m always free bc I’m too ugly to have kids or be in a relationship. Always the last picked. The list goes on.
However, there are a very few positives about being ugly. I’m not harassed by dudes all the time, or ever. People tend to leave me alone (double edged sword though). I can be more honest bc people don’t care about the ugly girl’s opinion. I don’t worry as much when walking around at night. People expect less of me.
I’ll just address some points as a reminder to whosoever might need it:
Take up space even if you think the others don’t want you to (people don’t need a reason to hate/dislike someone these days so why bother).
Focus on your health first and foremost. A healthy body plays a huge role in a healthy mind (vice versa is also true). So if you’re having difficulty seeing the beauty in self, just focus on getting/staying healthy. Healthy BMI, heathy habits. Don’t have to ditch junk food, but need to balance it out.
Positive self talk that borders delusion (but will turn true). The power of self-talk is crazy.
Consume media that empowers you. Be it podcast, ig page, subreddits, articles. You don’t need biased, rage bait, judgmental media. Surround yourself with a growth mindset (in any form).
Lastly: I’ve seen people walk away from wrongdoings and not caring/turning blind eye when injustice is happening right in front of their eyes. It happens very often and people call it: “minding their own business”
If people can choose to ignore that, their opinion of right/wrong/good/bad shouldn’t matter anyway. They should be minding their own business when it comes to me/you too.
I have friends who are very beautiful and they get harrassed by men almost every time I am in public with them. So I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that. I have family and friends that I love and they love me. My toddler calls me “beautiful mommy” every time he wants my attention because my husband calls me “beautiful wife” in the style of camping with steve lol. I have a good job. I’m not wanting for anything. And the approval of a random stranger on how attractive I am ranks pretty low on the list things that make a difference to my life.
I guess it takes longer for me to be served at a bar but I don’t really go out anymore lol. And when I do I tend to go to dive bars where everyone looks like they’ve had their ass kicked within the past week so it’s never a beauty pageant 🤣🤣
I have absolutely no memory of ever thinking I was beautiful. Even as a child I can remember knowing I was plain or ugly. It never really mattered to me until everyone else around me started getting crushes and boyfriends and I just… didn’t. As an adult I have wonderful friends, two degrees, hobbies that I enjoy. By all measures I’m successful. But there’s this gaping hole in my life where romantic love should be. Dating and relationships are not part of my life. In my teens and early 20s trying and failing to get male attention consumed a lot of my life. It sucked as I got older too knowing I missed out on experiencing young love. Now it’s kind of like background noise— I can be going about my daily life and then something happens to remind me and I get sad again. The worst part is that I always dreamed of having my own little family because mine wasn’t the best and knowing I won’t get to have that experience is just really hard.Â
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