Background context: I’m a very high achieving student in a good degree. My college is 100 miles away from our home; I pay my own rent for the dorm and took out my own loans for the school fees. Moving out is not an option because then I’d be paying double rent. Not eligible for scholarships as my school offers needs-based aid only. We live in a big city and my college is in smaller rural city so everyone goes back home on the weekends/breaks including me. I’m not interested in clubbing or partying and I don’t do drugs or binge drink.
My parents want me home before the sun is down. If I come later they start bombarding me with phone calls and texts and demand to know where I am. Even if I give them live updates by text they are passive aggressive or mean to me once I get home. They wanted to track my location but I refused because it made me uncomfortable so we compromised by letting my sister track my location, but it’s essentially the same thing because they can just use her phone to check. They say if I get assaulted at night it will be my own fault. I’ve been groped by an old man in broad daylight (not at night) before and when I told them about it they said it was my fault to for talking to him which made me cry.
I feel like I am an adult and all my friends say it’s unreasonable for me to be so restricted. The latest I’ve come home is 9pm after a friend’s birthday dinner. They let me do it but it was more of a one-off permission type thing I had to ask for in advance. I gave them live updates the whole time but it was just not enjoyable to stay out as I was anxious about my parents the whole time and anticipating that they’d be passive aggressive once I got home.
My parents’ reasoning is that they can’t sleep peacefully unless they know I’m home safely, and they have an early bedtime. Hence they get angry if I’m home after they wanted to go to bed. This is not the only thing I feel restricted and controlled about (personal appearance, clothes, boyfriends, etc.,), but it is one of the major ones. Is the only solution just to deal with it until I have the resources to move out?
Comments
Thank you u/New-Record3279 for posting on r/AskParents. All post titles must be in the form of a question.
Posts that do not conform to the subreddit rules are subject to removal at the discretion of a moderator.
Remember to read the rules and report rule breaking posts.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
if you live under there roof ultimately you do have to follow there rules if you want to continue having a place to stay, but to answer your question it’s ridiculous to me to have a curfew for your 21yo. my teens (15) don’t even have curfews on weekends and have a curfew of midnight on school nights. start on working on moving out, unless you think sitting down and talking with your parents calmly would change anything i would just listen to them and start saving up. best of luck!