i (28m) don’t want to date people who’ve sold content on onlyfans. it’s not about insecurity or control. it just makes me uncomfortable. i don’t want to be with someone who’s put themselves out there like that sexually, publicly, for money.
recently matched with a woman (26f), great vibe, smart, funny, good convo. during dinner she mentions she used to do onlyfans during covid to pay rent. said it was “just pictures, nothing wild,” and that she made bank. cool. i nodded, finished the date, and didn’t text back.
she followed up a few days later asking why i ghosted. i told her honestly, it’s a dealbreaker for me. she lost it. called me insecure, misogynistic, controlling, bitter, etc. mutual friends say i’m shallow and should “grow up,” because it’s not like she’s doing it now.
i get that we’re all trying to survive out here, but i also think i’m allowed to set boundaries. still, i’m wondering. aitah for not wanting to date someone with that past, even if it’s not who they are anymore?
Comments
No, you have a preference. “I don’t want to” is a perfectly valid reason.
You’re only an asshole if you judge or degrade her for her choices. Choosing for yourself is natural.
YTA – what if you’re mother had an onlyfans and your dad didn’t wanted to date her because of it. then you wouldn’t have been borned and your consciousness would not exist at all. downvote if you agree with me
NTA It’s not misogynistic to not want your future partner’s private parts be splurged all over the internet. To me it’s a boundary likely any other.
Sounds your date carries a lot of shame about it and looks for validation.
Ghosting people kind of sucks but NTA for not wanting to date someone who’d used OF – regardless of how others feel about using OF to get $ if it’s a dealbreaker for you now is the time to get out.
you’re allowed to have a preference. kinda seems like she’s gotten rejected for this before or was already expecting to be and she unloaded. maybe not, maybe she’s always like that which would be an even bigger reason not to date her. 😅
You have every right to have a boundary. Where you went wrong was saying anything to her so that she can give you the drama that she craves. What you do in those situations is ghost (and stay that way) because fuck their need for drama.
That is online prostitution….that is p0rn.
You’re basically saying you’re not interested in dating someone that has done p0rn which is fair…NTA
I think you are NTA for having a preference like that, but you should’ve told her that like a man so YTA for not being up front about it while on the date. Yeah, it might’ve made it awkward, but you should’ve let her know instead of ghosting like a child.
NTA. You’re not “misogynistic”, “controlling”, “bitter or “shallow” for sticking to your boundries. You didn’t insult them, you didn’t attack them, you just weren’t comfortable with a certain aspect of their life and that is perfectly understandable. You don’t owe anyone anything, stand up for yourself.
NAH. You’re allowed to have boundaries about what you’re comfortable with in a partner, just like she’s allowed to be upset or not want to talk to you again after hearing that. It only becomes a problem if you’re judging or shaming her for her choices, but it doesn’t sound like you did that. Not every lifestyle or past lines up with what people want in a relationship, and that’s okay. You were honest, and she deserved that, it just wasn’t a match.
Nope. You have preferences. God forbid you actually have a preference for the women you want to date.
NTA as a woman I respect this 100% you get to choose your own preference. If she’s offended by your opinion that’s a her issue not yours
You’re not an asshole for having boundaries. just be honest upfront to avoid hurting others or leading them on
NTA. You don’t want to date a sex worker.
NTA. It’s a boundary a lot of people have and you didn’t seem like you shamed her or anything, just passed on the relationship.
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You aren’t. I wouldn’t want to be with a guy that does stuff like that or that did hook ups and stuff. It’s a normal reaction. Those pictures don’t go away and if you want something serious down the line that doesn’t make a great marital spouse either.
You’re right–you’re allowed to set boundaries. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t.
> it’s not about insecurity or control. it just makes me uncomfortable
Insecurity then
YTA for ghosting NTA for setting boundaries
Absolutely not TA. I’ll get downgraded but that’s fine. OF is degenerate behavior, I don’t care if you were short on money or whatever the case is. There are other jobs out there, that’s just easy money. What happens if you stay with her, have kids and they find her content online? Friends of your kids find it? Are you going to be proud of that?
All actions have consequences in life- good and bad -whether that be people don’t want to date you or may find previous behavior distasteful later on. What you post is on the internet forever. You’re NTA for having standards and values you want to share with your significant other.
Some people are just incompatible and this is one of those scenarios. Have standards and keep them. Respect yourself.
NTA!
Nope. Not at all. I think most people are that way.
NTA we all have boundaries and NOT everyone is or will be comfortable with having a partner who has or is gaining 💴 that way. Digital is forever. Same as some dudes who won’t date a stripper. Again NTA- you have the right to say no to things you are NOT comfortable with.
NTA. You are allowed to have limitations for yourself!
You don’t have to date anyone you do not find appealing for any reason you don’t find them appealing.
Attraction in humans is a fickle and unique to each individual.
Lol the second a woman like that gets called out for he whoredom, you’re misogynistic.
No, u want someone with some self respect, that aint bad at all.
NTA, also no one make bank with only pictures
NTA for the reason, but you shouldn’t have ghosted her, especially if you have mutual friends. You didn’t even have to say why you didn’t think it was gonna work out, but you at least needed to say that it wouldn’t.
NTA.
It’s perfectly fine to have standards and stick to them.
Of course she called you names lmao, she knows you’re right & she knows that of makes her less desirable. She’s just lashing out due to shame.
No. I wouldn’t say you are. Just your preference. Seems rather silly IMO. But whatever.
Nta Sure sounds like insecurity and control issues to me. You’re just cutting your already slim dating pool. This thing in particular is probably not what makes you an asshole.
NTA
Only if you’ve never paid for someone’s Only Fans in the past, otherwise it makes you a hypocrite.
NTA. That’s a preference and you’re entitled to it. Furthermore, I can’t believe society has crumbled to the point that you’d even have to ask whether you’re an AH or not for disqualifying a girl that sold herself online. It’s truly a form of prostitution.
Is someone an asshole because they have a certain type, preference or standard? Nobody can tell you who to date or not. NTA
Short answer is No, you ara NTA
NTA. Everyone is entitled to their own boundaries/preferences when dating. Also, her reaction was too far. I can understand that it may be a sensitive topic for her and she wanted to be upfront about it early instead of hiding it, but going off on you like that is uncalled for.
How terminally online are they to say you are misogynistic and controlling for having boundaries, lol.
That reply doesn’t make any credible sense in real world reality.
People wonder why nobody takes these words seriously as of years ago.
NTA.
NTA,you’re who you are.
Women WILL lie about this when you ask them so seem very open hearted when you ask them.
You are not the controlling one. She is. This is a clear boundary for you. I actually applaud you for it
NTA. I wouldn’t date a person running an OF or otherwise are a sex worker. I also don’t date people who have been clients to sex workers. It’s a boundary that is totally valid to set. Ghosting isn’t great and if you knew immediately that this isn’t for you I think you should be fair and tell the person you’re talking to / are on a date with / dating.
NTA. Dating isn’t something that you can regulate by anti-discriminatory laws. Even if you were an asshole for your reasoning and pushing ridiculous boundaries and preferences, you’d still be justified. (I’m not saying that you are those things, just giving an example). Dating will always be biased and people are attracted to different things and turned off by other things and that’s OK. You have no obligation to pursue a relationship you’re not comfortable in.
You can choose not to date whoever you want, though it’d be hypocritical if you’d ever patronized OnlyFans.
Not at all.
NTA. You have your preference and it’s not up to others to dictate their personal ideas and standards on you. The only thing I would say is that it would have probably been better to let her know right away that you weren’t interested in pursuing anything further with her, unless you needed time to think about it first of course.
Definitely NTA. That is your choice. You are allowed to make your own decisions.
Nope, OF girls are for the streets. They will try to justify it as body positivity, owning their sexuality or that you’re insecure but the reality is they make money selling their body online, it’s one step below prostituting themselves and no one with self respect wants their partners genitals for sale online.
NTA for not wanting to date anyone that has/had an OF, but you’re an asshole for ghosting her instead of just letting her know that’s a deal breaker.
NTAH, so long as you said the truth in this post.
You can end any relationship at any time, but how you do it determines asshole vibes. If you did indeed shame her yeah you’re an asshole, but if you just said it doesn’t match your values, not an asshole at all and she’s lashing out because she keeps running into guys like you that just don’t like it.
NTA. Expecting people to understand one’s choices is one thing. Expecting them to be willing to accept those choices for themselves is another. Just like you may not want to date someone with tattoos, a mental illness, or purple hair, you can choose not to date someone that has done OF. You don’t actually even need a reason at all. She’s just upset because her choice is costing her dating choices. Not… Your… Problem. MTCW
You’re a G. Set your boundaries and never compromise. Never date a hoe. That’s why it’s called “the hunt.” Keep looking. See you at the top player!!!
Absolutely NTA
You have to establish qualities and boundaries that work for you. To let other people decide what you should be comfortable with is unfair to you and, quite frankly insane. If you wont feel comfortable with someone’s past, dating them will not only waste your time and emotional well-being, but their’s as well.
Dude you’re fine. She’s upset because she likes you but you have a standard and boundary and she will never be on the right side of it.
But I would add it to your dating profile. Cut the weeds out the garden so to speak.
I think you’re a major AH if you subscribe to any OF content, watch and jerk off to porn regularly, visit the strip club, etc etc.
If you don’t do any of those things— awesome. Then I think you’re allowed preferences but if you’re engaging in any of the above it’s a joke. Dudes like you are always pointing fingers with the left hand, jerking off with the right. It’s bananas.
YTA
Nta i wouldnt date a sex worker either
NTA
“I don’t want to” is a complete sentence. It doesn’t need any elaboration. You can choose to not date anyone you want, at any time, for any reason. Or no reason at all.
NTAH you dont want a sexworker as a partner. Perfectly understandable.
I think it falls under personal preference NTA, you want matching values with a partner, we all do, I’d say that you prefer modesty, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.
Me and my husband agree we don’t give a FK about if people want to do that or not, find someone who agrees with you 😊
NTA. It’s okay for men to have preferences and standards.
Not shaming her, but you set your boundaries of who you want a relationship with.
If this is real then don’t put them down and say that’s why, just say I’m not feeling the vibe or something. be nice about it
NTA. They objectify themselves.
It’s a valid dealbreaker
Look…a lot of young women mistakenly believed that doing sex work was not going to have lasting impacts on their lives
Men who were desperate to sleep with them reinforced this notion…as did other women
But now you’re starting to see more and more former Onlyfans workers find out that many men don’t want to date women who used to he sex workers
And they’re angry
Which is understandable. They made a choice and thought it wasn’t a big deal because nobody around them was being honest
Anyone who said it was a bad idea was written off as toxic, controlling, etc etc
My advice moving forward?
Don’t tell them why you’re not interested. Save yourself from the drama
Just use the old standard “I didn’t feel a connection” or “I didn’t feel like we had any chemistry”
And then move on
Most women who did sex work are going to react like this woman did. So don’t let yourself get drawn into that toxicity
Just politely move on
But don’t ghost people. That’s only acceptable if the person is crazy and communicating would invite the crazy back into your life
Tell them it was nice meeting them, you didn’t feel a spark, and wish them well
NTAH
NTA but where are you meeting these women, IRL or online? If online, you need to learn to read profiles better. The majority of women do not engage in onlyfans kind of work.. stop seeking bikini models and you’ll have better luck.. or maybe you like feeling holier than thou?
Lol nah a lot of dudes don’t wanna date someone with that kinda exposure to put it mildly , lol don’t let someone bully you into stuff like that. In the future just say some bs like you didn’t find a connection instead of just ghost. Those mutual friends are just being politically correct for lack of a better term
You ghosting her is weak and an AH move. You should’ve been direct about it. Say it wouldn’t work out and these are the reasons why.
You having a preference is fine. The ghosting part, I find uncouth and immature. She probably felt good vibes from you too. And had her hopes up.
NTA nobody is obliged to date anybody, and her reaction demonstrates she’s toxic anyway, whether that’s a long term trait or out of frustration that few decent guys want to date sex workers isn’t particularly relevant.
You should not have ghosted her…or anyone for that matter. Be a man.
BUT…you have a right to your preference…if that is a deal breaker for you, stick to it! But do better at communicating…with everyone in your life, not just people you will never see again.
You are the asshole for ghosting…but you made up for it by being honest AND expressing your feelings. Now her…she seems unhinged!!!
Best of luck!
Everyone has the right to say no, the why is none of their business.
NTA! Date whomever you please. Just don’t broadcast your personal reasons and don’t be biased against people in general. But when it comes to a close personal and sexual relationship you should date who you want.
This is a yes no for me.
Your refusal is really rooted more in insecurity though you’re trying to play it off as not. Same reasoning guys have for not wanting to date a stripper. Its the optics and knowing other people have seen them naked. Others try to make it about loose morals which is just deep seated insecurity and misogyny.
That said, preferences are fine, so you’re all good not to.
More importantly, if she checked all the boxes and it’s just her past job choice that’s an issue, look more into that. Cause you could potentially block yourself from having something good.
You’re not the asshole for not wanting to date someone who’s done OnlyFans you’re allowed to have personal boundaries and preferences, even if others disagree.
I think that if you work in the sex industry you need to be prepared to lose partners/have problems finding a partner
As a woman I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who had sold content in the past either. So I don’t think YTA
NTA, however I will say that what’s in past is in the past. Personally, I don’t like being judged for the things I’ve done in the past so I don’t judge others for their past. If it was 5 years ago, I’d probably have looked past it. But that’s my pov. I’m not in that part of the entertainment industry, but plenty of girls have felt insecure over what I do in music & haunting.
In short I get both side’s stances on it, idk if I could be with someone who has worked in that industry nor have I contributed to it. But I respect the hustle.
Honestly, yes, YTA. Grow up. This is such an outdated way of thinking on just so many levels.
If she herself thought it was an okay thing to do, then idk why she would get so upset about it and call you names. Let bygones be bygones and all that but you are allowed to have whatever preferences you want. Y’all literally had one date, so not much loss there on either side
Nta for having preferences and not being interested in her but yta for ghosting her be an adult and have the conversation
Your choice, of course – it will shrink your your pool of viable partners though, but that should be a no-brainer follow-up.
No of course not? Most people feel that way
Oh hey, it’s today’s dweeb who hasn’t gone on any dates trying to post some rage bait lol.
The only thing that makes you TA is that you ghosted her. Shame on you for that. Otherwise, you’re allowed to have a preference, a preference and boundaries does not make you an ahole.
It’s just weird there’s such an intense hatred for onlyfans creators. Seems sexist when you reverse the roles. I guarantee you’re a porn user. Yet if a woman posted this and said ‘I don’t want to date a man who watches or has watched porn’, she would be called a prude and unrealistic.
No you’re not an asshole. It’s called “preferences “
I am a girl that has never done OF and I want a partner that neither subbed to the services, nor is okay with me having done it before. Preferences exist, mate.
NTA. As a woman who’s had an OF before, I understand this preference and it’s why I mentioned it early on when dating because it is sex work and some people are uncomfortable with that. Just the same as dating a stripper or an escort, it’s okay to not be okay with that. You know your boundaries, stood your ground and honestly her reaction shows that you were completely in the right. I hope you find someone more well suited to you soon 🖤
Always do what’s right for you (as long as it is respectful and does not harm someone else) … and you did that.
You’re actually lucky in that she told you. Frankly … unfortunately … lots of people would have lied about it. Or just not addressed it, with the erroneous attitude that it’s ’not your business.’ Then … months or more later …. It would have come out, one way or another. Because secrets never stay ‘in the closet.’ Then you would have been really screwed. And pissed.
She’s pissed she was on the recieving end of being ghosted
Nope
NTA
Nothing wrong with not wanting to date OF workers. Their face and body is out there for all to see in pornographic context. That’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
Nta. No normal man would wanna deal with that.
You sell yourself to companies for physical labor. Its no different in my eyes. But Id say they dodged a bullet
Nope, everybody has their dealbreakers
A dealbreaker I have is watching porn, to put it simply, dated somebody with a porn addiction and y e a
I’ve run into people being like “but ___” and honestly, its not hard to find people who are okay with those things
If you want you could always respond with smth like “I wouldnt date a guy with an onlyfans either soooo”
Her calling you misogynistic for it is just stupid
If she acted differently, like “I understand, but I really changed” it would be different, maybe.
NTA
I am considering that every woman who calls a man controlling or insecure is a red flag.
It literally is weird and ignorant to withhold someones past onto them. If you ever worked at mcdonalds, and I would say “ugh mcdonalds people are way below my level” – then yes, you’re a dick and she deserves someone better.
NTA. You technically didn’t say that there was anything wrong with her or what she did or people that do that stuff, only you don’t want to date someone who’s done that. You’re allowed to have preferences. It’s not like you stopped her or anyone else from further pursuing her.
NTA. You’re allowed to define boundaries around what you want or don’t want in a partner.
I don’t think you’re TA for having preferences. I never dated anyone with a background that made me uncomfortable, they’re good people and a job doesn’t define you but we’re just not compatible. Why try to date someone you’re not compatible with?
YTA for thinking it can be about insecurity/control.
NTA – Ive only dated girls on OF. You’re missing out.
Her going off on you shows that she doesn’t respect you. People lie ALL the time. Who knows how bad her content actually was. Who knows when pictures and videos of her porn will reappear in the future. Or what she’ll do to maintain her lies.
Millions and millions of women have created pornography on onlyfans. It’s so common that, at this point, “no onlyfans” is like “no fat chicks” or “no cc debt.” It’s just a preference. Some guys are fine with it. Some aren’t.
It’s just another check box.
Her blowing up implies this isn’t the first time those choices have had consequences. Maybe she should grow up and accept it. Or lie about it like many other women do.
NTA even if I don’t agree with you. You are allowed to have this preference and if you didn’t say something degrading to her, then you’re okay to express that in the dating scene.
I’d like to encourage you, however, to consider what about OF is it that makes you uncomfortable? What part of it is it that that makes you not want to date a person that has done it in the past/is actively on it? Also, do you have other kinds of dealbreakers that would make you not want to date someone, even if it’s not who they are anymore?
I’m saying all this not to change your mind, but to encourage you to gain more insight about your boundaries and what’s important to YOU!
you are absolutely entitled to have your preferences so NTA on that; however the way you handled it by ghosting instead of being a grown adult and being honest makes YTA
Dodged a bullet❌
Dodged a missile✅
Not the asshole for having a preference or boundary. But you are the asshole for ghosting her, and not communicating that you wish to discontinue things, you owe confirmation but not necessarily an explanation.
NTAH I wouldn’t want to be with someone who posts nudes all over the internet, it’s actually why I’m not with my ex any more 🤣🤣
YTA
Not for have a preference – that’s totally fine – but for ghosting her instead of at least texting “Hey, had a great time, but you having done OnlyFans is a dealbreaker. I wish you the best!’ or something along those lines.
Just pointing out that OF isn’t just sex. Like patreon, there’s lots of non-sexual content people sell there, but if nudes and such are your boundary, it’s your right to maintain that boundary.
I’ve been married since I was 19 though, so I don’t have extensive adult dating insights. It’s been 10 years since I dated anyone new. Lol
Ghosting sucks… but is it really ghosting if you answered her back when she reached out?
Nothing wrong with having morals and looking for someone with the same . So no! Not the asshole!
NTA You wouldn’t date someone with an only fans. I personally wouldn’t date someone who had ever paid for an only fans. Someone with an OnlyFans was possibly desperate for money and selling the only thing they had left. A man who buys that crap is just a loser who is taking advantage of women. I would date someone WITH an OF a million times over before an OF customer. We all have boundaries and it is fine
NTA Not everyone wants to date a Sex Worker and that is fine