Mansplaining is when a man explains something he assumes a woman doesn’t know just because she’s a woman.
Example: One time, at a gas station, I had a man come up to me to tell me my car is a diesel and only takes diesel fuel. As I was actively fueling it with diesel. But he assumed I didn’t know the difference because I’m a girl and girls dont know cars.
Mansplaining is when someone assumes I don’t know anything about the topic/they give advice I did not seek out or ask for. Explaining is when someone answers a question I had/asks if I need any help and accepts no as an answer
I would consider it “mansplaining” (I have never seriously used that term) if a man chooses to give a 5-yr old level explanation to a woman on something solely because he assumed that as a woman she wouldn’t understand/know.
I generally ask if I’m talking and it seems like the person might be confused before explaining, but I have a few people that feel the need to explain things they know that I’m familiar with because of whatever their opinion of me is. It’s annoying, but who really cares? I just move on. There are a lot of things that I don’t know and I will ask questions, so if someone picks up on that and explains it before I ask then that’s fantastic!
It’s hard specifically to parse without context, but mansplaining comes with an assumption of a lack of knowledge rooted in a belief that said lack of knowledge is because they are a woman. Mansplaining is inherently misogynistic but not inherently intentional.
For example, if you are having a conversation with a woman that is about a topic that is not a stereotypically feminine interest, a man might mansplain something to a woman because of the assumption she didn’t know. Not because she asked. For example if a man was speaking to a woman about… fishing and after the woman says ‘Oh I love fly-fishing!’ A mansplainer might start explaining fly fishing and the intricacies of certain bait under the assumption that she doesn’t know; even when she did not ask and merely showed interest in a topic.
If she said ‘Oh I love fly-fishing! But I always have trouble with this certain bait’ it would not be considered mansplaining to talk about said bait even though she did not directly ask because the lack of knowledge was already conveyed.
As a woman online, the most common example I find is when a women shows interest in a topic or fandom not usually presented as feminine, such as Star Wars, Warhammer, or Lord of the Rings. Even if it’s not intentional misogyny, a man might get excited that another person shares an interest in said topic and begins to explain things that I already know. You don’t need to go on a long rant about Warhammer lore with me- I know the lore pretty well.
Mansplaining also usually isn’t a conversation, it’s just someone talking at you.
As an example. I went to my doctor trying to get allergy meds. He then started to tell me about the “yellow dust you see on your car”, as if I didn’t know about pollen and their effect on allergies, which is why I was there in the first place.
Mansplaining is unsolicited and is usually done like you are explaining to a two year old. It is about a degrading tone and lack of respect for the person you are talking to.
Typically it is a man explaining to a woman who has knowledge on the subject but he assumes she is a ditz.
I’ve been working with children for about 20 years. One day there was a guy who had been there for less than a week and had never worked with children before. I was helping a child who I had worked close to a year and was having a really hard time. He left the table I had assign him alone and the kids there alone to stand next to me to and proceeded to give an explanation of why the child was acting that way and then tell me how I should be handling it. He had based this entire thing on what he had read in a book. So I had explain to him that just because we read it in a book didn’t mean it was practical in the real world. And I had to have a talk to him about why he can’t leave the kids alone at the table he then proceeded to “explain” to me how class procedures should be changed his way because they where better while I was trying to do paperwork. So him mansplaining here was him trying to explain my job to me even though he had no previous experience. He didn’t ask why things were done a certain way. He didn’t ask why I was doing what I was doing. He just felt he knew better and I needed help and didn’t know what I was doing. He just stood there and acted like he knew better than me. I didn’t ask his opinion. Even after explaining why things were done a certain way and the rules and regulations he still felt like he knew better than everyone else and he could teach me to be better by doing it his way. I heard he tried it with the director as well. He wasn’t there long.
Explaining is only done with consent, and if also if it’s explained in a way that assumes the same base level of common knowledge for the average adult man.
If we’re talking and I say that I don’t know anything about a subject you mentioned, you might then explain it to me. If we’re talking and I mention that I’ve been playing the guitar since I was 13, and you try to explain to me the basics of guitar playing like I don’t know them, that’s mansplaining. The difference lies in apparently believing that a woman doesn’t actually know anything about anything, and so you, a man who knows things, need to educate her.
Case in point: I passed my driving test the first time, aged 26. My ex passed on his fifth or sixth attempt, aged 34/35. These six attempts were spread out across about 12 years, during which time his mummy drove him around. Every time I drove us back from somewhere (usually so he could drink) he tried to lecture me on how to drive. Because I was younger than him, and a woman, so clearly I wasn’t as good at it as he was, and there was certainly no danger that I might even be better.
I’ve only seen accusations of mansplaining leveled when men offer an unsolicited explanation under the clear assumption a woman is ignorant of a topic.
Example 1: I had a guy triple check with me my car’s manufacturer and year to make sure they fit the coolant I was buying. It said on the front which manufacturer and year applied. I had checked it. It matched. I had to point to the actual line with the words “Volkswagen after 2008” to get him to agree it would work with my car and complete the damn sale.
Example 2: I am a college graduate with a degree in accounting. I mentioned this to someone with a quip about taxes to which he replied “You know there’s more to accounting than just tax, right?”
In a nutshell: to avoid it, just be polite. If the first guy had left it at “Are you sure this works for your vehicle?”, he’d have been fine. If the second one had said something like “Oh, so do you work in tax?”, so would he. It’s the presumption of ignorance that bothers people.
I’ve been in the plumbing industry for 12 years. Had a know-it-all customer (he’s an engineer but not a plumber) explain to me (unprompted) how a hot water recirc system works, and what the pump does….. that’s mansplaining. lol
I was taking with someone about this the other day; to me the definition of ‘mansplaining’ is when a guy should know a woman is fluent in a topic, yet tries to explain said topic to her like she is a layman. By should I mean either she’s already told him that she is fluent in the topic or context clues (i.e. they work the same or similar jobs, or have the same/similar interests) would tell him so if he was paying attention.
For me it’s mansplaining when you’re explaining something that really doesn’t need an explanation in the current context and you’re doing it without any prompt to do so. So explaining something that any normal human adult knows or explaining something she clearly is knowledgeable on. The underlying assumption there being that “a woman wouldn’t know”.
The latter happens to me in games for example, I’ve played a game for years and it’s clearly visible from my account level, yet sometimes men try to impress me by explaining very basic stuff 😅 Or have you seen the office (US)? It’s like when Michael was leaving and he gave Oscar the terribly made monkey, to which Oscar accepted like it was something Michael really tried to do well. Afterwards Michael laughed and said “he has the lowest opinion of me”. The expectations men have about what I understand are so god damn low occasionally 😅
Let me give you a real world example. My older sister has a PhD in advanced mathematics from one of the top Universities in the world, is a tenured professor at a major University, & guest taught all around the country. Her daughter’s 3rd grade maths teacher attempted to try and explain to her how her daughter’s homework should be done, told her she didn’t get the concepts of the maths he was trying to teach. That’s mansplaining.
Did she ask you to explain it? If yes, it’s simply explaining. If not, it’s mansplaining.
Does she know as much or more about the subject matter than you do? If yes, it’s mansplaining. If no, it might just be explaining. If you don’t know, and you don’t ask, it’s mansplaining.
Are you “explaining” something because you think you’re being helpful, or are you just being condescending? If the former, it might just be explaining. If the latter, it’s mansplaining.
Lets say theres a woman on the side of the road with a flat tire. She has all the tools out needed for the job and knows what shes doing.
Man number 1 sees her on the side of the road, can visually see shes doing a fine job, and asks if she needs a hand, woman says no, man number 1 drives off and carries on with his life.
Man number 2 sees her on the side of the road, immediately thinks “no woman knows how to change a tire!”. He immediately jumps into mansplaining action. Lectures her about the tools shes working with. Lectures her on how shes got the car jacked up. Lectures her about some other bullshit and just goes on and on on and on. Meanwhile the woman was doing just fine before this jackass came along. It ends up takes significantly longer than if she would have been left alone, shes thoughouly uncomfortable, and just wants this man to fuck off. Then the woman goes into “polite mode” cause holy fuck what if this man wants to murder me. He just flat out isn’t taking the hint hes not wanted here. The man though, thinks hes offering great advise, and thinks where would this woman be without me! This woman surely had no idea what she was doing!
So that friends is the difference. Some men can just mind their business. But meanwhile there are other men out there that just automatically assume women have no idea what the fuck they’re doing just because shes a woman.
Its also the intention behind it. Is the intention to actually offer genuine advise on something and is it having a productive conversation? Or are you just going off on assumptions and stereotypes? People can tell.
My favorite example of mansplaining is when I used to work at a gym. Specifically, I was a rock climbing instructor. Built the routes and taught classes for several years. But I constantly had men telling me how to climb and explaining the differences in bouldering versus top rope just… for the fun of it? Assuming I didn’t know or didn’t do it myself because I was short and petite, and they were usually meatheads who knew nothing themselves.
Some would even ask for a race because they just couldn’t believe that I could even get up the wall without muscles like them… lol.
You might enjoy the book “Men Explain Things To Me” , in which the introductory chapter is an experience the author had at a conference with a man explaining to her how she was wrong on a topic using a book she had written as a citation, while her friend was telling the man she was the author of the book he was citing. Real good stuff, very On Brand For a Man
When a man assumes that a woman knows less than him based on nothing more than her gender and then proceeds to pontificate on whatever he thinks he’s superior about to explain it to her. It’s not about her wanting to know or her needing to know or her caring to know. It’s about him wanting to display his knowledge, assuming that she doesn’t know anything about it, and wanting an audience for his voice.
Sometimes it’s blatant, but other times it’s more subtle. Basically assuming she is ignorant about a topic and then trying to ‘educate’ her. You might think you’re being helpful, but if she didn’t ask for that info then it’s delving into that territory. Asking a few clarifying questions to gauge if she’s even interested in you saying more would be helpful. Looking at me you’d never guess I used to work at a tire & automotive shop, but even after knowing some guys still think I can’t be knowledgeable. I remember a few male customers who literally refused to talk to me because I’m female. So sadly there are some misogynists out there who think women are incapable of already knowing something. Not many are on that level, I think there are varying degrees of it.
Mansplaining is unsolicited, obvious, and condescending since it assumes a woman wouldn’t know. It’s also especially offensive when I know more and the man wants to argue with me.
To me, these are the defining features of a mansplanation:
The explanation was unsolicited.
The explainer has not verified whether or not the recipient of the explanation already knows the information being explained. (This is why, in many cases, the person receiving the explanation is actually more knowledgeable on the subject matter than the explainer.)
Of course there is a gendered element to it, because of systemic sexism. Men tend to assume that women as a whole are dumber than men as a whole. They often don’t even realize they think this, but they do.
To fix this, do the following:
Assume every woman you talk to is much smarter and more knowledgeable than you. (In many cases, you will be correct about this.)
Before launching into an explanation of something, ask questions to find out whether the person you’re talking to 1) doesn’t know that information and 2) wants you to explain it to them.
Mansplaining is something men do to women when they think that women know less than they do, without any goddamned good reason
Example: I was going on a trip and got stopped by my dad. He spent minutes explaining the process to check in to a hotel as I was literally on my way out the fuckin door to my HOTEL FRONT DESK JOB
Example: when a former SO told me that I use too much TP to wipe, despite not having a vulva. Told him to call me over next time he has to wipe his vulva.
Example: when an engineer explains the invoice voiding process to me, the accounting clerk. Congrats on being able to add, but your interpretation of the GAP has no basis in any reality except your own little head.
Is the woman a legitimate expert in something you barely know about? It’s mansplaining.
I had a coworker who had just learned that I’m a certified ASL interpreter, which is why I took on a client who represents a local organization for the Deaf.
Dude goes into a hilariously wrong monologue about how Sign Language should be taught to everybody, even Hearing people, because it’s universal so people could talk to each other across cultures and countries. He even accused me of lying when I told him I actually know two different sign languages, because in his uninformed mind there could be only one.
Hi, thank you for calling. Are you wondering if your next monologue will be considered mansplaining? are you unsure if what you want to say is helpful? then you are in the right place. ask yourself these questions:
did she ask for an explanation?
is she visibly confused?
are you sure she isn’t joking? (BEWARE: this one may be difficult for you to determine)
if a man said the same thing to you, would you also launch into your explanation?
are you a technical expert in the subject (via education, experience, etc)?
if you answered NO to any of the above, you are in danger of mansplaining. proceed with caution or better still, say nothing.
It’s the dude coming up to me, telling me how to change a tire while I’m currently in the process of loosening lugnuts in a star pattern. He’s lucky he didn’t end up with a lugnut wrench in his pie hole.
Usually mansplaining is a man insulting a woman’s intelligence by explaining something that is so obvious it’s embarrassing, something that is strongly subjective and has no objective or constructive purpose or approach, or unwanted in a lecturing kind of way when there was no need for it or he has no real authority or friend status to do so.
like he’s taken on the personal task to make sense to this woman without any real need. It’s usually very insulting and infantilizing.
A man explaining something to a woman is a man who was asked and given permission, or when the timing came natural for an explanation to happen. Like a woman at work having trouble doing a task being stressed and disoriented and clearly needs some helpful guidance.
When he explains he doesn’t make fun of her in any way and has her best interest in mind. Doesn’t do things for her out of frustration and allows her to learn at her own pace.
Personally I dislike the term. It’s misused a lot.
Here’s an example: I complimented my boss on his new suit (purple), and he explained that he just got a professional analysis done recently. Without asking if I was familiar with color palettes and seasons, he explained it to me. Even though this is a very basic & well-known fashion concept. He even told me my understanding of the concept was wrong.
It was mansplaining because he assumed that since HE just found out about something, then I must not know about it yet
When it’s unwanted, unasked for, unneeded, and happens because the guy assumes I don’t know something because of my internal gonads, extra points if it’s related to either my profession or hobby and he knows jack shit.
The difference is that there is no justifiable reason to explain that thing to that women at this time. For example, if she is more experienced and would logically already know what is being explained.
Example: man explains to women how periods/pregnancy/breastfeeding/menopause works.
Example: male novice in a hobby explains the basics of the hobby to a woman who is advanced in her hobby.
Example: a newly hired man at a job explains some aspect of the trade to a woman who is his senior at this job.
For my mansplaining incident, it regarded my vehicle I was trying to sell. Dudes would tell me this and this is wrong with it and here’s what to do. None of it was even accurate.
Ego and assumption of lack of knowledge. If she’s asked clearly, awesome and helpful. If you assume cos she’s got boobs or w/e that she doesn’t get a topic and you speak over her indications what you’re saying is redundant, you’re in prime mansplaining territory
The term was coined by a woman who had an experience at a party, she was talking to a man about a particular science field when the guy started explaining to her the concepts of the field (I don’t remember the science field at the moment) and the fellow suggested she read a certain book. She explained that not only did she have a PhD in that field but she was the author of that book. He looked at her, took a moment, and then continued to explain her own book to her like he didn’t even hear her. She realized that she’s had many moments like this in her life and when she shared with other women, they too had similar experiences.
Some women use the term when the man is simply patronizing to them or just immediately assumes the woman doesn’t know anything about the subject because she’s a woman.
Mansplaining is when a man explains something to a woman in a condescending or patronizing way, often assuming she doesn’t already know, especially when she clearly does. Simply explaining something is… just explaining, without the ego trip.
It’s about the assumption you have and women can sense it. Did you just assume they didn’t know that and started explaining to make yourself feel smarter than her?
Best thing is just to ask. “Do you want help?” Is simple and powerful.
The trouble with this is that, in my experience, even though an explanation from me, a guy, was needed, & has nothing to do with gender, the woman who accused me of this assumed my intentions.
It was here on reddit; she had made a comment saying something that was incorrect, & I humbly let her know (cuz misinformation is bad), graciously, only because I knew about the topic.
She didn’t ask me to go away, she doubled down on what she said earlier, saying I was wrong, so I decided to explain what I was saying, since she clearly wanted to keep going & insisted I was incorrect. After presenting clear proof that what I said was right, rather than admit that she actually didn’t know about what I’d shared, she instead accused me of misogyny when in fact, I just tried to share with her a little knowledge of a thing.
True, I didn’t have to reply to her comment, but she didn’t have to make a comment either. If you make a public comment in a public online space, you should expect interaction. That’s why it’s called social media. is it wrong to make a reply, especially when it’s for the benefit of others? Also, she didn’t say I bothered her; she said I was wrong. Doesn’t that require me to prove I’m telling the truth?
I just say that’s cool. Thanks for explaining that to me. Then I turn it around to what I know and how I have dealt with “subject”. But, I kinda wonder if the ones that are mansplaining are basically just wanting to talk. Like conversation piece. I don’t get offended but then again I’m kinda out spoken. So, I don’t get much mansplaining. Lol my dad raised 3 girls like we were boys. He taught us to learn the basics with cars etc. how to turn a wrench, and fix things. Drilled in our heads to never depend on a man learn to do it yourself. Of course within reason Iv taken his advice. Now, I can’t move furniture like I use too. Simple things.
Also.. I’m in cyber for my career. I cannot tell you how many people who have asked me a question (I am lead in a lot of cases) and I answer it, only to be interrupted by some dude who explains the same thing. Or, how many times I’ve explained something and shown someone how to do it and have literally the whole group understand except one dude who thinks he knows more rolling his eyes and explaining it. Not to mention half the time they do it it’s wrong. And not just a little wrong but REALLY wrong. Like the wrong cidr for a simply gateway 🙄
It’s mansplaining if she didn’t ask your opinion, yet you try to “educate her,”because you assume a woman wouldn’t know. I even had a guy argue with me about how female anatomy works. As if he would know more than an actual woman.
The best comparison I’ve ever heard is- you input directions on your phone to somewhere you’ve never been. You know how to get out of your neighborhood and to the nearest highway, but the app keeps pinging and telling you what turns to take. That’s mansplaining.
Here’s my example. I commented to my partner about the dunes having shifted since we were last at the beach (we are both women). This random guy overheard, stopped in his tracks and explained to us, loudly and unasked, that ThiS iS CaLleD eRosIoN and we had a lecture about wind, tides, blah blah. We were astounded.
If a man had said to his friend, “hey, the dunes have shifted since we were last here’ I would bet £1M he would not have (i) assumed they didn’t know about er, weather, (ii) assumed it was okay to interrupt a private conversation and explain something that nobody asked about.
I used to think it was when a guy would explain a specific topic but idk, some guys just talk in a way that is stating the obvious. Like, “okay we’ll find parking and then go inside.”
Its like, okay what other fucking option is there captain obvious? Why do you talk like that? Juat to have something to say?
M/37 so take this with a grain of salt. I think that mansplaining = patronizing. Since men dont typically patronize other men, patronizing women = mansplaining.
My husband told me I was using a shovel wrong. I asked was it picking stuff up? Yes it is, I’m not using it wrong. Apparently I was holding it differently than he does so it’s wrong. Needless to say, I don’t help him with anything anymore.
Was the explanation asked for? Usually there is some component of the woman already knows the thing being explained to them and has not asked for the explanation as they may in fact know more about the subject being explained. ie it’s about missing the social cues that say this is not the time and place for you to explain anything. Think the vibes of I’m not interested in what you have to say as I have written 3 books on the subject and you watched a youtube video so I don’t care to hear your thoughts why are you still talking. Is the difference. Now if a woman says hey can you explain/help me/teach me that is not mansplaining that is simply explaining.
Its mostly talking down to us based on the assumption that we don’t know or understand what they’re attempting to mansplain to us. Im a mechanic and a welder so Im definitely used to it but doesn’t make it any less aggravating. I went to get some parts for my truck last week and a customer was arguing with me that I was wrong cuz he has a Bronco too. Classic cars and trucks are kinda known to be customized to all hell by nature. I had to pull out pics and wiring diagrams to get him to shut up. Same thing happens when I go with my mom to buy tools or supplies for a home project. They constantly try to upsell us when I already know exactly what I want and need.
I’m at a small gathering. A discussion about depictions of wizards in different media breaks out. A friend turns to me and asks a question about Merlin and King Arthur. I answer the question. Someone asks a follow-up that I also answer. A man I’ve never met walks over and tells me why the depiction of Merlin changed over the course of the Medieval era.
You’ll never guess what my degrees are in. (English Literature and Medieval & Renaissance Studies, specializing in Arthurian Literature)
This is mansplaining.
I didn’t ask for his explanation. I knew more about the topic than he did. It’s unlikely he would have done the same thing to a man.
Assuming someone doesn’t know what they’re talking about, simply because they’re a woman.
IRL Example: I knit. I’m a yarn snob. I’m aware of heat regulation properties of different fibers because I’m trying to mix a love of knitting with living in a hot humid place. My dad and I are talking one night, and ended up discussing what fiber would keep you warmest, and that weight didn’t equal warmth. I spent probably 20 minutes with my Dad telling me that because he worked in construction, and knew insulation, he knew more than me about yarn.
It’s automatically launching into explaining what something is, often accompanied with telling the woman how something should be done when the woman hasn’t asked for input.
I don’t think all men that do this are aware that they only do this to women. They think they are being helpful. They’re not. They’re being rude.
On two separate occasions, I had male friends see me struggling with something and they asked if they could show me something. That’s not mansplaining. That’s respectfully asking if they can help. That, or asking if the person is familiar with something before launching into an explanation, is what should be done.
My sister passed her driving test with full marks and has been driving for several years now.
Her Fiancé has no licence and has never done driving lessons.
Every time they are in the car, from the first day and every time since, he will tell her how to drive. Which roads to use, what signs mean, when to use her lights and indicator etc.
He genuinely thinks she needs him to do this even though she is qualified and he isn’t.
I’m no expert but I know my way around a computer since my first one was an IBM and my first laptop had Tabworks (You’ll have to Google that one). Yet there’s this guy, 10 years younger than me, who insists on explaining to me the difference between physical and RAM memory. He does it every time and one day I’ll push him out of a window 🙄
I always perceived it to be mansplaining when the condescending tone comes out. I like to learn new things, so I generally hear a multitude of explanations from my male coworkers, family members, customers, but it’s only a problem when it’s presumptuous or in a very specific tone. Like “oh look how cute it is, silly women and their curiosity,” like I’m 5 years old.
Comments
Did the woman ask for the explanation? If so, it’s not mansplaining.
Mansplaining is when you over explain something assuming a woman doesn’t know or want to have an explanation.
Mansplaining is condescending. Don’t “explain it like I’m 5”.
Mansplaining is when a man explains something he assumes a woman doesn’t know just because she’s a woman.
Example: One time, at a gas station, I had a man come up to me to tell me my car is a diesel and only takes diesel fuel. As I was actively fueling it with diesel. But he assumed I didn’t know the difference because I’m a girl and girls dont know cars.
Mansplaining is when someone assumes I don’t know anything about the topic/they give advice I did not seek out or ask for. Explaining is when someone answers a question I had/asks if I need any help and accepts no as an answer
“If you are curious/interested, I could tell you more about it.”
I find mansplaining to be more talking at a woman then talking with a woman.
Not mine but there is a handy flowchart
I think on some level it’s the underlying condescension that gets to me.
I would consider it “mansplaining” (I have never seriously used that term) if a man chooses to give a 5-yr old level explanation to a woman on something solely because he assumed that as a woman she wouldn’t understand/know.
I generally ask if I’m talking and it seems like the person might be confused before explaining, but I have a few people that feel the need to explain things they know that I’m familiar with because of whatever their opinion of me is. It’s annoying, but who really cares? I just move on. There are a lot of things that I don’t know and I will ask questions, so if someone picks up on that and explains it before I ask then that’s fantastic!
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Assuming she doesn’t know something, and then explaining it to her, is mansplaining.
Be really honest with yourself and ask yourself whether you would feel the need to offer a man the same explanation in the same situation.
One time a man explained on and on about female anatomy to me as if I haven’t been using it all my life. That’s mansplaining
It’s hard specifically to parse without context, but mansplaining comes with an assumption of a lack of knowledge rooted in a belief that said lack of knowledge is because they are a woman. Mansplaining is inherently misogynistic but not inherently intentional.
For example, if you are having a conversation with a woman that is about a topic that is not a stereotypically feminine interest, a man might mansplain something to a woman because of the assumption she didn’t know. Not because she asked. For example if a man was speaking to a woman about… fishing and after the woman says ‘Oh I love fly-fishing!’ A mansplainer might start explaining fly fishing and the intricacies of certain bait under the assumption that she doesn’t know; even when she did not ask and merely showed interest in a topic.
If she said ‘Oh I love fly-fishing! But I always have trouble with this certain bait’ it would not be considered mansplaining to talk about said bait even though she did not directly ask because the lack of knowledge was already conveyed.
As a woman online, the most common example I find is when a women shows interest in a topic or fandom not usually presented as feminine, such as Star Wars, Warhammer, or Lord of the Rings. Even if it’s not intentional misogyny, a man might get excited that another person shares an interest in said topic and begins to explain things that I already know. You don’t need to go on a long rant about Warhammer lore with me- I know the lore pretty well.
Mansplaining also usually isn’t a conversation, it’s just someone talking at you.
It’s mansplaining if it’s unsolicited and/or the woman is the same or more qualified and/or knowledgeable on the topic than the man.
Man spleening usually has one or more of the following
condescension: talking down like you’re explaining it to a third grader
repetition. Repeating your point in the same way two or three times
smugness : as though OF COURSE they need you to explain it to them
offering your explanation when it was not asked for
Condescension
there is a tone of being condescending and infantilizing a women when explaining something, while trying to show superior intellect
As an example. I went to my doctor trying to get allergy meds. He then started to tell me about the “yellow dust you see on your car”, as if I didn’t know about pollen and their effect on allergies, which is why I was there in the first place.
Mansplaining is unsolicited and is usually done like you are explaining to a two year old. It is about a degrading tone and lack of respect for the person you are talking to.
Typically it is a man explaining to a woman who has knowledge on the subject but he assumes she is a ditz.
Tone. Do you think you know more than she does?
I’ve been working with children for about 20 years. One day there was a guy who had been there for less than a week and had never worked with children before. I was helping a child who I had worked close to a year and was having a really hard time. He left the table I had assign him alone and the kids there alone to stand next to me to and proceeded to give an explanation of why the child was acting that way and then tell me how I should be handling it. He had based this entire thing on what he had read in a book. So I had explain to him that just because we read it in a book didn’t mean it was practical in the real world. And I had to have a talk to him about why he can’t leave the kids alone at the table he then proceeded to “explain” to me how class procedures should be changed his way because they where better while I was trying to do paperwork. So him mansplaining here was him trying to explain my job to me even though he had no previous experience. He didn’t ask why things were done a certain way. He didn’t ask why I was doing what I was doing. He just felt he knew better and I needed help and didn’t know what I was doing. He just stood there and acted like he knew better than me. I didn’t ask his opinion. Even after explaining why things were done a certain way and the rules and regulations he still felt like he knew better than everyone else and he could teach me to be better by doing it his way. I heard he tried it with the director as well. He wasn’t there long.
Explaining is only done with consent, and if also if it’s explained in a way that assumes the same base level of common knowledge for the average adult man.
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If we’re talking and I say that I don’t know anything about a subject you mentioned, you might then explain it to me. If we’re talking and I mention that I’ve been playing the guitar since I was 13, and you try to explain to me the basics of guitar playing like I don’t know them, that’s mansplaining. The difference lies in apparently believing that a woman doesn’t actually know anything about anything, and so you, a man who knows things, need to educate her.
Case in point: I passed my driving test the first time, aged 26. My ex passed on his fifth or sixth attempt, aged 34/35. These six attempts were spread out across about 12 years, during which time his mummy drove him around. Every time I drove us back from somewhere (usually so he could drink) he tried to lecture me on how to drive. Because I was younger than him, and a woman, so clearly I wasn’t as good at it as he was, and there was certainly no danger that I might even be better.
I’ve only seen accusations of mansplaining leveled when men offer an unsolicited explanation under the clear assumption a woman is ignorant of a topic.
Example 1: I had a guy triple check with me my car’s manufacturer and year to make sure they fit the coolant I was buying. It said on the front which manufacturer and year applied. I had checked it. It matched. I had to point to the actual line with the words “Volkswagen after 2008” to get him to agree it would work with my car and complete the damn sale.
Example 2: I am a college graduate with a degree in accounting. I mentioned this to someone with a quip about taxes to which he replied “You know there’s more to accounting than just tax, right?”
In a nutshell: to avoid it, just be polite. If the first guy had left it at “Are you sure this works for your vehicle?”, he’d have been fine. If the second one had said something like “Oh, so do you work in tax?”, so would he. It’s the presumption of ignorance that bothers people.
I’ve been in the plumbing industry for 12 years. Had a know-it-all customer (he’s an engineer but not a plumber) explain to me (unprompted) how a hot water recirc system works, and what the pump does….. that’s mansplaining. lol
I was taking with someone about this the other day; to me the definition of ‘mansplaining’ is when a guy should know a woman is fluent in a topic, yet tries to explain said topic to her like she is a layman. By should I mean either she’s already told him that she is fluent in the topic or context clues (i.e. they work the same or similar jobs, or have the same/similar interests) would tell him so if he was paying attention.
For me it’s mansplaining when you’re explaining something that really doesn’t need an explanation in the current context and you’re doing it without any prompt to do so. So explaining something that any normal human adult knows or explaining something she clearly is knowledgeable on. The underlying assumption there being that “a woman wouldn’t know”.
The latter happens to me in games for example, I’ve played a game for years and it’s clearly visible from my account level, yet sometimes men try to impress me by explaining very basic stuff 😅 Or have you seen the office (US)? It’s like when Michael was leaving and he gave Oscar the terribly made monkey, to which Oscar accepted like it was something Michael really tried to do well. Afterwards Michael laughed and said “he has the lowest opinion of me”. The expectations men have about what I understand are so god damn low occasionally 😅
Let me give you a real world example. My older sister has a PhD in advanced mathematics from one of the top Universities in the world, is a tenured professor at a major University, & guest taught all around the country. Her daughter’s 3rd grade maths teacher attempted to try and explain to her how her daughter’s homework should be done, told her she didn’t get the concepts of the maths he was trying to teach. That’s mansplaining.
Did she ask you to explain it? If yes, it’s simply explaining. If not, it’s mansplaining.
Does she know as much or more about the subject matter than you do? If yes, it’s mansplaining. If no, it might just be explaining. If you don’t know, and you don’t ask, it’s mansplaining.
Are you “explaining” something because you think you’re being helpful, or are you just being condescending? If the former, it might just be explaining. If the latter, it’s mansplaining.
Heres a great example.
Lets say theres a woman on the side of the road with a flat tire. She has all the tools out needed for the job and knows what shes doing.
Man number 1 sees her on the side of the road, can visually see shes doing a fine job, and asks if she needs a hand, woman says no, man number 1 drives off and carries on with his life.
Man number 2 sees her on the side of the road, immediately thinks “no woman knows how to change a tire!”. He immediately jumps into mansplaining action. Lectures her about the tools shes working with. Lectures her on how shes got the car jacked up. Lectures her about some other bullshit and just goes on and on on and on. Meanwhile the woman was doing just fine before this jackass came along. It ends up takes significantly longer than if she would have been left alone, shes thoughouly uncomfortable, and just wants this man to fuck off. Then the woman goes into “polite mode” cause holy fuck what if this man wants to murder me. He just flat out isn’t taking the hint hes not wanted here. The man though, thinks hes offering great advise, and thinks where would this woman be without me! This woman surely had no idea what she was doing!
So that friends is the difference. Some men can just mind their business. But meanwhile there are other men out there that just automatically assume women have no idea what the fuck they’re doing just because shes a woman.
Its also the intention behind it. Is the intention to actually offer genuine advise on something and is it having a productive conversation? Or are you just going off on assumptions and stereotypes? People can tell.
it’s when they dumb things down and didn’t have to
My favorite example of mansplaining is when I used to work at a gym. Specifically, I was a rock climbing instructor. Built the routes and taught classes for several years. But I constantly had men telling me how to climb and explaining the differences in bouldering versus top rope just… for the fun of it? Assuming I didn’t know or didn’t do it myself because I was short and petite, and they were usually meatheads who knew nothing themselves.
Some would even ask for a race because they just couldn’t believe that I could even get up the wall without muscles like them… lol.
You might enjoy the book “Men Explain Things To Me” , in which the introductory chapter is an experience the author had at a conference with a man explaining to her how she was wrong on a topic using a book she had written as a citation, while her friend was telling the man she was the author of the book he was citing. Real good stuff, very On Brand For a Man
I once had a man explaining the brain to me. I have a PhD in neuroscience and he knew that. That date ended early.
The woman already knows what she’s talking about so if he understands that then he shouldn’t be explaining anything.
When a man assumes that a woman knows less than him based on nothing more than her gender and then proceeds to pontificate on whatever he thinks he’s superior about to explain it to her. It’s not about her wanting to know or her needing to know or her caring to know. It’s about him wanting to display his knowledge, assuming that she doesn’t know anything about it, and wanting an audience for his voice.
Sometimes it’s blatant, but other times it’s more subtle. Basically assuming she is ignorant about a topic and then trying to ‘educate’ her. You might think you’re being helpful, but if she didn’t ask for that info then it’s delving into that territory. Asking a few clarifying questions to gauge if she’s even interested in you saying more would be helpful. Looking at me you’d never guess I used to work at a tire & automotive shop, but even after knowing some guys still think I can’t be knowledgeable. I remember a few male customers who literally refused to talk to me because I’m female. So sadly there are some misogynists out there who think women are incapable of already knowing something. Not many are on that level, I think there are varying degrees of it.
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Mansplaining is unsolicited, obvious, and condescending since it assumes a woman wouldn’t know. It’s also especially offensive when I know more and the man wants to argue with me.
To me, these are the defining features of a mansplanation:
To fix this, do the following:
Mansplaining is something men do to women when they think that women know less than they do, without any goddamned good reason
Example: I was going on a trip and got stopped by my dad. He spent minutes explaining the process to check in to a hotel as I was literally on my way out the fuckin door to my HOTEL FRONT DESK JOB
Example: when a former SO told me that I use too much TP to wipe, despite not having a vulva. Told him to call me over next time he has to wipe his vulva.
Example: when an engineer explains the invoice voiding process to me, the accounting clerk. Congrats on being able to add, but your interpretation of the GAP has no basis in any reality except your own little head.
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Is the woman a legitimate expert in something you barely know about? It’s mansplaining.
I had a coworker who had just learned that I’m a certified ASL interpreter, which is why I took on a client who represents a local organization for the Deaf.
Dude goes into a hilariously wrong monologue about how Sign Language should be taught to everybody, even Hearing people, because it’s universal so people could talk to each other across cultures and countries. He even accused me of lying when I told him I actually know two different sign languages, because in his uninformed mind there could be only one.
I eventually gave up.
Hi, thank you for calling. Are you wondering if your next monologue will be considered mansplaining? are you unsure if what you want to say is helpful? then you are in the right place. ask yourself these questions:
if you answered NO to any of the above, you are in danger of mansplaining. proceed with caution or better still, say nothing.
We know. You don’t have to explain it to us.
It’s the dude coming up to me, telling me how to change a tire while I’m currently in the process of loosening lugnuts in a star pattern. He’s lucky he didn’t end up with a lugnut wrench in his pie hole.
Usually mansplaining is a man insulting a woman’s intelligence by explaining something that is so obvious it’s embarrassing, something that is strongly subjective and has no objective or constructive purpose or approach, or unwanted in a lecturing kind of way when there was no need for it or he has no real authority or friend status to do so.
like he’s taken on the personal task to make sense to this woman without any real need. It’s usually very insulting and infantilizing.
A man explaining something to a woman is a man who was asked and given permission, or when the timing came natural for an explanation to happen. Like a woman at work having trouble doing a task being stressed and disoriented and clearly needs some helpful guidance.
When he explains he doesn’t make fun of her in any way and has her best interest in mind. Doesn’t do things for her out of frustration and allows her to learn at her own pace.
Personally I dislike the term. It’s misused a lot.
Here’s an example: I complimented my boss on his new suit (purple), and he explained that he just got a professional analysis done recently. Without asking if I was familiar with color palettes and seasons, he explained it to me. Even though this is a very basic & well-known fashion concept. He even told me my understanding of the concept was wrong.
It was mansplaining because he assumed that since HE just found out about something, then I must not know about it yet
When it’s unwanted, unasked for, unneeded, and happens because the guy assumes I don’t know something because of my internal gonads, extra points if it’s related to either my profession or hobby and he knows jack shit.
The difference is that there is no justifiable reason to explain that thing to that women at this time. For example, if she is more experienced and would logically already know what is being explained.
Example: man explains to women how periods/pregnancy/breastfeeding/menopause works.
Example: male novice in a hobby explains the basics of the hobby to a woman who is advanced in her hobby.
Example: a newly hired man at a job explains some aspect of the trade to a woman who is his senior at this job.
Mansplaining is uninvited and condescending
If someone didn’t ask for an explanation, don’t condescend to give them one.
For my mansplaining incident, it regarded my vehicle I was trying to sell. Dudes would tell me this and this is wrong with it and here’s what to do. None of it was even accurate.
Mansplaining – Let me explain to you, honey, what you’ve been doing better than me for 10 years😏
Everyone has a slightly different threshold but for me:
Would you explain this to a man if you knew a man in the exact same circumstance? If no, you are mansplaining.
Ego and assumption of lack of knowledge. If she’s asked clearly, awesome and helpful. If you assume cos she’s got boobs or w/e that she doesn’t get a topic and you speak over her indications what you’re saying is redundant, you’re in prime mansplaining territory
Attitude, probably
The term was coined by a woman who had an experience at a party, she was talking to a man about a particular science field when the guy started explaining to her the concepts of the field (I don’t remember the science field at the moment) and the fellow suggested she read a certain book. She explained that not only did she have a PhD in that field but she was the author of that book. He looked at her, took a moment, and then continued to explain her own book to her like he didn’t even hear her. She realized that she’s had many moments like this in her life and when she shared with other women, they too had similar experiences.
Some women use the term when the man is simply patronizing to them or just immediately assumes the woman doesn’t know anything about the subject because she’s a woman.
The woman
Mansplaining is when a man explains something to a woman in a condescending or patronizing way, often assuming she doesn’t already know, especially when she clearly does. Simply explaining something is… just explaining, without the ego trip.
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Did she ask for the explanation? No? Mansplaining.
Does she know more about it or an equal amount about it as you? Yes? Mansplaining.
It’s about the assumption you have and women can sense it. Did you just assume they didn’t know that and started explaining to make yourself feel smarter than her?
Best thing is just to ask. “Do you want help?” Is simple and powerful.
The trouble with this is that, in my experience, even though an explanation from me, a guy, was needed, & has nothing to do with gender, the woman who accused me of this assumed my intentions.
It was here on reddit; she had made a comment saying something that was incorrect, & I humbly let her know (cuz misinformation is bad), graciously, only because I knew about the topic.
She didn’t ask me to go away, she doubled down on what she said earlier, saying I was wrong, so I decided to explain what I was saying, since she clearly wanted to keep going & insisted I was incorrect. After presenting clear proof that what I said was right, rather than admit that she actually didn’t know about what I’d shared, she instead accused me of misogyny when in fact, I just tried to share with her a little knowledge of a thing.
True, I didn’t have to reply to her comment, but she didn’t have to make a comment either. If you make a public comment in a public online space, you should expect interaction. That’s why it’s called social media. is it wrong to make a reply, especially when it’s for the benefit of others? Also, she didn’t say I bothered her; she said I was wrong. Doesn’t that require me to prove I’m telling the truth?
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where does a mansplainer get water? from a “well, actually”
I just say that’s cool. Thanks for explaining that to me. Then I turn it around to what I know and how I have dealt with “subject”. But, I kinda wonder if the ones that are mansplaining are basically just wanting to talk. Like conversation piece. I don’t get offended but then again I’m kinda out spoken. So, I don’t get much mansplaining. Lol my dad raised 3 girls like we were boys. He taught us to learn the basics with cars etc. how to turn a wrench, and fix things. Drilled in our heads to never depend on a man learn to do it yourself. Of course within reason Iv taken his advice. Now, I can’t move furniture like I use too. Simple things.
Condescension
i’ve had girls i’ve dated or many women online say they want a man that can “teach them something”
but everytime i want to i’m afraid i’m “mansplaining”
can any girl here weigh in on my dilemma?
so unless she specifically asks to be taught i should just keep my mouth shut?
Did she ask for an explanation or did you assume she didn’t know because she is a woman?
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Also.. I’m in cyber for my career. I cannot tell you how many people who have asked me a question (I am lead in a lot of cases) and I answer it, only to be interrupted by some dude who explains the same thing. Or, how many times I’ve explained something and shown someone how to do it and have literally the whole group understand except one dude who thinks he knows more rolling his eyes and explaining it. Not to mention half the time they do it it’s wrong. And not just a little wrong but REALLY wrong. Like the wrong cidr for a simply gateway 🙄
It’s mansplaining if she didn’t ask your opinion, yet you try to “educate her,”because you assume a woman wouldn’t know. I even had a guy argue with me about how female anatomy works. As if he would know more than an actual woman.
Explaining something to a woman who knows more about that subject than you do.
Menstrual products, for example.
The best comparison I’ve ever heard is- you input directions on your phone to somewhere you’ve never been. You know how to get out of your neighborhood and to the nearest highway, but the app keeps pinging and telling you what turns to take. That’s mansplaining.
If you assume she doesn’t know something and explain it, it’s mansplaining especially if you aren’t asked to explain something.
Here’s my example. I commented to my partner about the dunes having shifted since we were last at the beach (we are both women). This random guy overheard, stopped in his tracks and explained to us, loudly and unasked, that ThiS iS CaLleD eRosIoN and we had a lecture about wind, tides, blah blah. We were astounded.
If a man had said to his friend, “hey, the dunes have shifted since we were last here’ I would bet £1M he would not have (i) assumed they didn’t know about er, weather, (ii) assumed it was okay to interrupt a private conversation and explain something that nobody asked about.
It’s pretty simple bro, if she didn’t ask you for an explanation, she doesn’t need one.
I used to think it was when a guy would explain a specific topic but idk, some guys just talk in a way that is stating the obvious. Like, “okay we’ll find parking and then go inside.”
Its like, okay what other fucking option is there captain obvious? Why do you talk like that? Juat to have something to say?
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Mansplaining is usually accompanied by a strong whiff of condescension.
I also explain mansplaining as a man simplifying what I’ve said so he understands it better.
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Did she ask you? No? Mansplaining.
Is she a professional/expert in that field? Yes? Mans planing.
M/37 so take this with a grain of salt. I think that mansplaining = patronizing. Since men dont typically patronize other men, patronizing women = mansplaining.
My husband told me I was using a shovel wrong. I asked was it picking stuff up? Yes it is, I’m not using it wrong. Apparently I was holding it differently than he does so it’s wrong. Needless to say, I don’t help him with anything anymore.
In whether you were asked to explain something to a woman
Was the explanation asked for? Usually there is some component of the woman already knows the thing being explained to them and has not asked for the explanation as they may in fact know more about the subject being explained. ie it’s about missing the social cues that say this is not the time and place for you to explain anything. Think the vibes of I’m not interested in what you have to say as I have written 3 books on the subject and you watched a youtube video so I don’t care to hear your thoughts why are you still talking. Is the difference. Now if a woman says hey can you explain/help me/teach me that is not mansplaining that is simply explaining.
The woman’s mood and state of mind.
Its mostly talking down to us based on the assumption that we don’t know or understand what they’re attempting to mansplain to us. Im a mechanic and a welder so Im definitely used to it but doesn’t make it any less aggravating. I went to get some parts for my truck last week and a customer was arguing with me that I was wrong cuz he has a Bronco too. Classic cars and trucks are kinda known to be customized to all hell by nature. I had to pull out pics and wiring diagrams to get him to shut up. Same thing happens when I go with my mom to buy tools or supplies for a home project. They constantly try to upsell us when I already know exactly what I want and need.
I’m at a small gathering. A discussion about depictions of wizards in different media breaks out. A friend turns to me and asks a question about Merlin and King Arthur. I answer the question. Someone asks a follow-up that I also answer. A man I’ve never met walks over and tells me why the depiction of Merlin changed over the course of the Medieval era.
You’ll never guess what my degrees are in. (English Literature and Medieval & Renaissance Studies, specializing in Arthurian Literature)
This is mansplaining.
I didn’t ask for his explanation. I knew more about the topic than he did. It’s unlikely he would have done the same thing to a man.
Assuming someone doesn’t know what they’re talking about, simply because they’re a woman.
IRL Example: I knit. I’m a yarn snob. I’m aware of heat regulation properties of different fibers because I’m trying to mix a love of knitting with living in a hot humid place. My dad and I are talking one night, and ended up discussing what fiber would keep you warmest, and that weight didn’t equal warmth. I spent probably 20 minutes with my Dad telling me that because he worked in construction, and knew insulation, he knew more than me about yarn.
That was mansplaining (and also wrong).
It’s automatically launching into explaining what something is, often accompanied with telling the woman how something should be done when the woman hasn’t asked for input.
I don’t think all men that do this are aware that they only do this to women. They think they are being helpful. They’re not. They’re being rude.
On two separate occasions, I had male friends see me struggling with something and they asked if they could show me something. That’s not mansplaining. That’s respectfully asking if they can help. That, or asking if the person is familiar with something before launching into an explanation, is what should be done.
Example:
My sister passed her driving test with full marks and has been driving for several years now.
Her Fiancé has no licence and has never done driving lessons.
Every time they are in the car, from the first day and every time since, he will tell her how to drive. Which roads to use, what signs mean, when to use her lights and indicator etc.
He genuinely thinks she needs him to do this even though she is qualified and he isn’t.
I’m no expert but I know my way around a computer since my first one was an IBM and my first laptop had Tabworks (You’ll have to Google that one). Yet there’s this guy, 10 years younger than me, who insists on explaining to me the difference between physical and RAM memory. He does it every time and one day I’ll push him out of a window 🙄
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Let’s put it like this, think of your favorite topic, you know inside and out, backwards and forwards, you can explain in your sleep.
If someone who barely knows it, casually explains the very topic to you, assuming you don’t know jack sh-t, then that’s ‘splaining.
Basically indirectly treating a person as dumb without even asking if they are educated on the topic themselves first.
Always ask before assuming someone doesn’t know. It saves you time, embarrassment, and looking like an arrogant fool in front of someone or others.
I always perceived it to be mansplaining when the condescending tone comes out. I like to learn new things, so I generally hear a multitude of explanations from my male coworkers, family members, customers, but it’s only a problem when it’s presumptuous or in a very specific tone. Like “oh look how cute it is, silly women and their curiosity,” like I’m 5 years old.