Things or acts your partner does which makes you feel safe. By which you stop all the micro scanning, and let your guard down and relax
What are the different ways in which your partner makes you feel safe?
r/AskWomen
Things or acts your partner does which makes you feel safe. By which you stop all the micro scanning, and let your guard down and relax
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Sleeps closer to the door because he believes this will protect me if someone gets into the apartment.
Holds my hand underneath the table if strangers approach to come talk to us at a bar.
When we’re walking together downtown (lots of bars around), he always lets me put my arm in his so people know we’re together.
Being consistent
Maintaining the fun/spark
A healthy work life balance
Striving to be a team
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It’s strange but we are long distance, therefore we FaceTime a lot. When I’m ready to go to bed and tell him goodnight over the phone, he’ll linger by asking me another question to keep me longer.
It just makes it feel like he misses and cares for me. Enjoys my company and wants to hear from me longer. Usually when I say it a second time he lets me go hehe.
When I’m sick, he takes care of me.
He picks me up and drops me off places because I can’t drive with my arthritis, so I don’t have to take the bus or an Uber.
He make sure I take my meds. He carries the umbrella so I don’t get wet. He tells me he loves me multiple times a day.
I had to quit drinking, so he also quit to support me.
He stands up for me.
Doesn’t make it obvious if / when he fancies another woman.
she’s always been my guardian angel and anchor – since middle school.
she’s the most reliable and loyal person i konw. when she says “let’s meet at 5pm”, she’ll be there at 4:59. when she says “i’ll take care of this”, i know that i have nothing to worry about. i trust her with my life, no questions asked.
finally, she’s a bit taller than me, so she’s my “big spoon” when cuddling.
He walks on the street side of the sidewalk
He answers the door for deliveries or any unexpected solicitors
He orders my drink at the bar
Listening to me using actuve listening techniques. Giving good genuine apologies when I tell him he’s hurt me (emotionally). Only touching me in ways that feel good to me following my explicit instruction instead of using my body and touching me in ways that only make him happy.
I literally don’t have to think. He knows what drinks I like what food I like. He does it all. And that’s how I like it. My business makes me overwhelmed 99% of the time so when I’m with him I do nothing. In bed though all my decisions and it works well for us.
Respects my boundaries
When I was with my husband, I didn’t even notice how often I lived in tension – everything on my own, everything under control. Now that he is gone, I realize especially acutely how important it is to feel safe around a person. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that what I want most of all is not even love, but just that calm “I’m with you, everything is fine”, which I never got from him
It’s the little things, his hand on my back when we walk into a crowded room, like he’s silently saying, “I’m here.”
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He notices when my behaviour is off he’s my best friend and he’s seen me go through mental health episodes and asks if I’m good
[he] sits on the part of the restaurant/public transpo/whatever it is that always has visibility to see the door or exit locations in case of emergency or strange situation. also, he is a first responder so I think that helps a lot.
Understanding what I will and will not enjoy, e.g. going certain places/talking with people.
Enjoying physical contact without a motive.
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He walks on the street side of the sidewalk. He walks closely behind me when we are in crowded spaces so he can watch out for me. He puts himself between me and shady looking people. At restaurants, he asks me what I would like, then orders it for me. He wraps me up in his arms when we go to sleep and cradles me against his broad chest… and many times when we embrace, he puts his hand on my head and holds it against his chest/shoulder. It’s the BEST feeling, like he’s shielding me from the world.
And… just simply being in his presence. He’s a really tall and broad-shouldered and just imposing by existing.
I could be standing stark naked in front of him and he’ll still ask for consent.
Being extremely calm and level headed when I’m freaking out and being extra.
Very good listener.
Waking up to him taking my glasses off when I fall asleep with them on, covering me with blankets, kissing my forehead. Basically waking up to him doing sweet things even when I’m sleeping.
When he is vulnerable with me it makes me feel safe knowing that he feels safe. For a guy to be able to feel like that with me, makes me feel very secure.
He doesn’t lie to me about anything, ever. Not even tiny things. I may get mad at him, but I never distrust him.
He is honest and mostly predictable in his actions
Consistency with his words and actions.
Communication in a comfortable space. Asking for what I want and need. And directly letting me know that I can come to him for anything when I need support or need to talk through things.
One small thing was lending me things that help me around the house or that are just fun.
Early in our relationship, while camping, we heard a load rustle in the woods as an unknown creature approached us. He immediately got between me and the sound to defend me from what turned out to be a very angry (but harmless) pheasant; we laugh about it now, but I definitely felt safer around him after that!
— Always being willing to hear my concerns about anything, and then taking concrete steps to talk and listen. So it’s not just, “I’m a safe person to talk to; lemme know if you ever want to chat” but “You want to talk? Okay. How’s tonight? Oh, I’m sorry tonight won’t work for you.” > the next day > “So, does tonight work to talk? I’d like to.”
— When we talk, he listens nondefensively and issues sincere apologies using the words “I’m sorry” and stating his understanding of how I’m feeling, like, “I can see how what I did made you feel that way. I’m sorry. When I did X, it makes sense that that triggered your hurt about Y.”
— He’s immediately responsive to my boundaries during sexy playtime, even if they shift during play. Maybe I wanted X thing, but when I suddenly indicate that I’m at my limit, he listens and stops.
— I see him consistently do these things for others.
— He witnesses my big emotions and isn’t overwhelmed by them, but accepts me for who I am.
— Lots of little things, like accepting and accommodating my food preferences without criticism or even batting an eye, really.
— He respects my boundaries around COVID since I prefer to mask when cases are high.
I’m totally in love with my partner for these things, among others. I’ve never felt so safe with a romantic partner before.
He carries a gun, is impossibly tall, and has a deep voice, so even if he wasn’t as strong as he is… he still looks scary. He is also a very hard worker, it goes unsaid that unless he’s worried, everything is fine.