I’ve taken in people for free more than once (as in roommate situations). It’s never ended well. The last one was supposed to be a trade for work situation, but she ended up not wanting to hold up her end of the bargain. She then agreed to pay rent instead, and asked for the money she paid back when she wanted to move. When I said no, she tried beating me up and stole stuff from me.
I had a baby with a long-term boyfriend he said I could be SAHM.
So I did just that. He had other children too.
He knew I didn’t work but yet expected me to have money to pay for my cell phone and gas in my car. I don’t know how he thought I was supposed to have that money.
He took me off his phone plan.
He was forever making demands for money. Even saying things like I was taking advantage of him. Not yelling but stating.
But literally didn’t want me to work or think about the baby in daycare.
Well it was miserable. So I left with the baby who did go to daycare. Again asked why as if I could live off nothing.
When everyone asked me to pick up or switch shifts and i always said yes because i always felt bad saying no Until i realized it was never being reciprocated. I’m not somebody who calls off work unless i absolutely have to. I schedule my appointments around my hours and i don’t typically get sick. If i do get sick and depending on how bad it is, i usually just power through and they knew all this. When i finally started saying no, they’d all look at me with raised eyebrows and go “uhhh okay?”. Lmao! Not today susan
Had a friend who had kids before I did. Spent my extra money on her and then because that’s what friends do. When I became pregnant, hardly heard from her and she found every reason not to be there for me, even when I offered to foot the expenses and just wanted her time.
when someone only reaches out if they need something (money, to vent, a place to stay, or help with something else) without ever reaching out to see how I am
also this post reminds me of an ex who would cheat on me but get insanely upset if he thought I was ever talking to anyone else lol (fun fact, I never cheated on him, even when I wanted to – I did save up and find a new place without him tho)
As a teenager, after my biological parents died, my sister and I were placed with a foster family who belonged to the Mormon church. We arrived with a healthy trust fund that my bio parents left for us (thanks dad for your lucrative tech career!) The fund was administered by a non-Mormon lawyer who was a friend of the bio parents. The rule was that while we were still underage, the money could only be used for educational or health expenses, and then we would take over the fund on our next birthday after we graduated high school.
All during our time with that family, the foster dad was gaslighting us into the idea that once we gained direct ownership of the money, we would (first) tithe to the church, (second) fund our missions that all Mormon young adults are supposed to take, and then (third) hand the rest over to them in “gratitude” for the work they’d done in raising us.
Sister ended up having a meltdown at 17 (I was 15) and she ended up getting transferred to a group home that could serve her needs better. That left me as the only fundholder in the household, so they doubled down on me.
I went “heads down” for the rest of my time there, played the “responsible sister” and graduated high school with honors a few years later. The week after graduation, I went solo into the lawyer to confirm that the foster-handover was not a requirement, that the fund was mine to do with as I wanted. So I made a plan.
My 19th birthday (“signing day”) came in July. We went together to an appointment at the lawyer’s office. The lawyer was awesome – he had already arranged an off-duty police officer to come in to provide security when I told the parents I was not signing over anything to them. They were escorted out of the office, I did the paperwork, and then the officer escorted me back to the fosters’ house where I packed up my stuff and left to a safe house I’d arranged.
I used the money to fund my Bachelor’s and Master’s Degrees. I’ve landed my dream job and a phenomenal fiancé, and we’re getting married next month! I’m living my best life and I couldn’t be happier!
Had a friend using me to smoke. Didn’t realize they would ask to come over and smoke and would bring nothing at all until it was happening for like a month. One day, they asked to come over and I agreed, and as soon as they pulled up they asked if we could smoke, I said I didn’t plan on smoking but they were free to smoke whatever they had and I would sit outside with them, and they freaked out. I confronted them about it the next week and things were fine after that but it unfortunately affected my view of their character permanently.
I’ve talked about this before on a different post. My friends. i grew up always excluded but also a part of their group? we’ve all been friends since we were 8 years old. i never understood why i was excluded from parties, dance performances, sleepovers and hangouts but everytime we had an assignment due, group project, or if anyone was going through something i was included. i also had some mental health problems so i assumed maybe i was difficult to be around. fast forward to university, we all got into our local uni. i decided to branch out and make new friends and immediately blended in. i ended up being more social, i got a job and a bunch of internships. they stopped inviting me to things but some of them ran into financial problems and asked for my help. as time went on, i realized that the only time they texted me or talked to me or brought me around was when they needed help with an assignment, needed a job, needed me to proof read their CV or needed help with money. i finally got the courage to cut them off a few weeks ago after being used my whole life. they’re still ‘confused’ as to why i did that.
A new coworker joined the company in my department. She was supposed to handle social media, with me copy editing. It started innocuously enough. She was new, so I helped her brainstorm posts, login to the necessary platforms, and get to know the company.
But over time, it morphed into the adult version of “If You Give a Mouse A Cookie”. Help with brainstorming posts turned into “I left this till the last minute, so quick come up with something.” She even started showing up at work at 2 p.m. and sending me questions well after 7 p.m. I finally had to call a meeting with my boss, since she was essentially giving me her job ontop of my own.
Comments
I’ve taken in people for free more than once (as in roommate situations). It’s never ended well. The last one was supposed to be a trade for work situation, but she ended up not wanting to hold up her end of the bargain. She then agreed to pay rent instead, and asked for the money she paid back when she wanted to move. When I said no, she tried beating me up and stole stuff from me.
I had a baby with a long-term boyfriend he said I could be SAHM.
So I did just that. He had other children too.
He knew I didn’t work but yet expected me to have money to pay for my cell phone and gas in my car. I don’t know how he thought I was supposed to have that money.
He took me off his phone plan.
He was forever making demands for money. Even saying things like I was taking advantage of him. Not yelling but stating.
But literally didn’t want me to work or think about the baby in daycare.
Well it was miserable. So I left with the baby who did go to daycare. Again asked why as if I could live off nothing.
I’ve gone on to be great.
When a friend just started landing over to the house unannounced more than 5 times in one day. Bizarre behaviour. Edited spelling mistake.
When everyone asked me to pick up or switch shifts and i always said yes because i always felt bad saying no Until i realized it was never being reciprocated. I’m not somebody who calls off work unless i absolutely have to. I schedule my appointments around my hours and i don’t typically get sick. If i do get sick and depending on how bad it is, i usually just power through and they knew all this. When i finally started saying no, they’d all look at me with raised eyebrows and go “uhhh okay?”. Lmao! Not today susan
When you are constantly giving, trying, supporting – and in response only silence, indifference or “you’re with the
Ex bf was always taking and not reciprocating
Had a friend who had kids before I did. Spent my extra money on her and then because that’s what friends do. When I became pregnant, hardly heard from her and she found every reason not to be there for me, even when I offered to foot the expenses and just wanted her time.
when someone only reaches out if they need something (money, to vent, a place to stay, or help with something else) without ever reaching out to see how I am
also this post reminds me of an ex who would cheat on me but get insanely upset if he thought I was ever talking to anyone else lol (fun fact, I never cheated on him, even when I wanted to – I did save up and find a new place without him tho)
As a teenager, after my biological parents died, my sister and I were placed with a foster family who belonged to the Mormon church. We arrived with a healthy trust fund that my bio parents left for us (thanks dad for your lucrative tech career!) The fund was administered by a non-Mormon lawyer who was a friend of the bio parents. The rule was that while we were still underage, the money could only be used for educational or health expenses, and then we would take over the fund on our next birthday after we graduated high school.
All during our time with that family, the foster dad was gaslighting us into the idea that once we gained direct ownership of the money, we would (first) tithe to the church, (second) fund our missions that all Mormon young adults are supposed to take, and then (third) hand the rest over to them in “gratitude” for the work they’d done in raising us.
Sister ended up having a meltdown at 17 (I was 15) and she ended up getting transferred to a group home that could serve her needs better. That left me as the only fundholder in the household, so they doubled down on me.
I went “heads down” for the rest of my time there, played the “responsible sister” and graduated high school with honors a few years later. The week after graduation, I went solo into the lawyer to confirm that the foster-handover was not a requirement, that the fund was mine to do with as I wanted. So I made a plan.
My 19th birthday (“signing day”) came in July. We went together to an appointment at the lawyer’s office. The lawyer was awesome – he had already arranged an off-duty police officer to come in to provide security when I told the parents I was not signing over anything to them. They were escorted out of the office, I did the paperwork, and then the officer escorted me back to the fosters’ house where I packed up my stuff and left to a safe house I’d arranged.
I used the money to fund my Bachelor’s and Master’s Degrees. I’ve landed my dream job and a phenomenal fiancé, and we’re getting married next month! I’m living my best life and I couldn’t be happier!
Had a friend using me to smoke. Didn’t realize they would ask to come over and smoke and would bring nothing at all until it was happening for like a month. One day, they asked to come over and I agreed, and as soon as they pulled up they asked if we could smoke, I said I didn’t plan on smoking but they were free to smoke whatever they had and I would sit outside with them, and they freaked out. I confronted them about it the next week and things were fine after that but it unfortunately affected my view of their character permanently.
[removed]
Almost every job I’ve ever had when I was too eager to be a team player and they learned I had no kids.
I have much, much better boundaries now.
When I realized I was doing everything for them while they did less than nothing for me.
[removed]
I’ve talked about this before on a different post. My friends. i grew up always excluded but also a part of their group? we’ve all been friends since we were 8 years old. i never understood why i was excluded from parties, dance performances, sleepovers and hangouts but everytime we had an assignment due, group project, or if anyone was going through something i was included. i also had some mental health problems so i assumed maybe i was difficult to be around. fast forward to university, we all got into our local uni. i decided to branch out and make new friends and immediately blended in. i ended up being more social, i got a job and a bunch of internships. they stopped inviting me to things but some of them ran into financial problems and asked for my help. as time went on, i realized that the only time they texted me or talked to me or brought me around was when they needed help with an assignment, needed a job, needed me to proof read their CV or needed help with money. i finally got the courage to cut them off a few weeks ago after being used my whole life. they’re still ‘confused’ as to why i did that.
A new coworker joined the company in my department. She was supposed to handle social media, with me copy editing. It started innocuously enough. She was new, so I helped her brainstorm posts, login to the necessary platforms, and get to know the company.
But over time, it morphed into the adult version of “If You Give a Mouse A Cookie”. Help with brainstorming posts turned into “I left this till the last minute, so quick come up with something.” She even started showing up at work at 2 p.m. and sending me questions well after 7 p.m. I finally had to call a meeting with my boss, since she was essentially giving me her job ontop of my own.
When he couldn’t give us a ‘label’ but don’t want to see me with someone else.