Hi THT fam,
Long time listener, first time posting.
Pretty much as the title says, I’m TERRIFIED of my boyfriends hobby.
I 27F and my boyfriend 29M have been together 7 years now and have an incredible relationship. It was definitely love at first sight, and it wasn’t long before we realised we were soulmates. He is my everything and my best friend.
We’ve never had any issues with trust and communication and tell each other everything. A few years ago, my boyfriend and his dad decided to take their motorbike test. I was a little apprehensive when I first heard that they were doing this, but my boyfriend is a very, very good and sensible driver, so I trusted that this would also be the case on a bike.
I would also NEVER tell my boyfriend what he can and can’t do. If I have concerns about something, I tell him and we talk it through and I let him decide if it’s still something he really wants to do and that’s good enough for me especially if it makes him happy and vice versa.
He passed his test, bought a bike and everything was good and I was happy for him. It also meant he and his dad were able to spend some quality time together in a shared hobby, which I thought was lovely for them.
My boyfriend isn’t new to Motorbikes or Motorsport, and nor am I, in fact a shared interest in cars had a lot to do with not only the reason we met but the reason we are together. So again, I trusted he knew what he was doing.
Over the past few years, he and his dad would go on multiple rides on their bikes, and I never worried about them. However, this all changed when I got an excited call from him on Monday telling me about this opportunity to buy a new bike. He had recently spoken to me about changing his current bike and had showed me the bike he was interested in, but as we are trying to move out he had said he wouldnt bother getting one until after we moved. But as fate would have it this exact bike was unexpectedly offered to him completely out of the blue and we both agreed the opportunity was too good too miss, although I had my doubts I could hear his excitement and told him if he can sensibly make it work hes got my full support and doesn’t need my permission to buy it.
So he did, and I was so excited for him. I will not lie that this new bike is a lot more sporty than his current which worried me, but he reasured me that he wouldn’t be doing anything stupid while riding it and explained its actually mechanically safer then his now old bike which made me feel so much better about it. I also can’t argue that the bike itself is absolutely stunning.
I knew he was going to want to try out his new bike, so he and his dad went out yesterday and came home safely. He told me he was made up with his new bike, and I could tell he was buzzing. I asked him to promise me he didn’t do anything stupid but….. he couldn’t. He then confessed that he had done some stupid speeds. I will not say how fast, but just know that if he were to fall off or crash, it would be an instant and gory death.
I asked him if his dad had done the same, and he admitted he did. I was so upset.
I told him he could still have fun on a bike without doing stupid, deathly speeds. He said that since it was new, he really wanted to test it out. I begged with him that now he’s “tested it out” to promise me not to be so silly in the future, but he couldn’t promise that. I got upset and told him I can’t lose him or his dad, and that’s exactly what will happen if someone made one single mistake. I dropped it but told him we will be discussing it more.
So now I’m terrified… I’m absolutely terrified. Now, every time he goes out on his bike, I’m going to be worried sick. I can’t lose him or his dad. They both mean so much to me, but I dunno what to do or say to make him understand how stupid that is without sounding like a nagging or dramatic girlfriend I HATE telling him what to do or making him feel like he can’t do something he enjoys, and I want him so badly to enjoy it. I just don’t want him dead.
So reddit/ THT fam, I’d really appreciate some advice here. Any advice here.
Thank you
EDIT
Thank you to everyone who has commented and given advice, I really appreciate it 😊 I really wasn’t expecting so many comments, and I thought instead of replying individually, I’d just edit the post.
Just to answer a couple of questions
He does have all the safety gear, helmet, jacket, boats, trousers, gloves, etc, and he is “usually” very sensible. This is why im finding this so hard to wrap my head around the stupidity.
Motorbiking isn’t his sole or favourite hobby. He loves it, and it’s definitely up there, but the passion for it comes and goes. Atm, he’s got the bug for it again, especially with this new bike, and I do understand that, but it only takes one mistake, and im worried because of this new bike he will feel encouraged to be silly because hes excited by it.
We live in the UK, and where we live, there are a lot of country lanes. I don’t believe they ride on the motorway or a lot of main roads, mainly B/A roads.
He’s has agreed to have a proper conversation about it face to face at the weekend, so I will update next once we’ve spoken.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: Hi THT fam,
Long time listener, first time posting.
Pretty much as the title says, I’m TERRIFIED of my boyfriends hobby.
I 27F and my boyfriend 29M have been together 7 years now and have an incredible relationship. It was definitely love at first sight and it wasn’t long before we realised we were soulmates. He is my everything and my best friend.
We’ve never had any issues with trust and communication and tell eachother everything. A few years ago my boyfriend and his dad decided to take their motorbike test. I was a little apprehensive when I first heard that they were doing this but my boyfriend is a very, very good and sensible driver so I trusted that this would also be the case on a bike.
I would also NEVER tell my boyfriend what he can and can’t do. If I have concerns about something, I tell him and we talk it through and I let him decide if it’s still something he really wants to do and that’s good enough for me especially if it makes him happy and vice versa.
He passed his test, bought a bike and everything was good and I was happy for him. It also meant he and his dad were able to spend some quality time together in a shared hobby which I thought was lovely for them.
My boyfriend isn’t new to Motorbikes or Motorsport and nor am I, in fact a shared interest in cars had a lot to do with not only the reason we met but the reason we are together. So again, I trusted he knew what he was doing.
Over the past few years he and his dad would go on multiple rides on their bikes and I never worried about them. However this all changed when I got an excited call from him on Monday telling me about this opportunity to buy a new bike. He had recently spoken to me about changing his current bike and had showed me the bike he was interested in, but as we are trying to move out he had said he wouldnt bother getting one until after we moved. But as fate would have it this exact bike was unexpectedly offered to him completely out of the blue and we both agreed the opportunity was too good too miss, although I had my doubts I could hear his excitement and told him if he can sensibly make it work hes got my full support and doesn’t need my permission to buy it.
So he did and I was so excited for him. I will not lie that this new bike is a lot more sporty than his current which worried me, but he reasured me that he wouldn’t be doing anything stupid while riding it and explained its actually mechanically safer then his now old bike which made me feel so much better about it. I also can argue that the bike itself is absolutely stunning.
I knew he was going to want to try out his new bike, so he and his dad went out yesterday and came home safely. He told me he was made up with his new bike and I could tell he was buzzing. I asked him to promise me he didn’t do anything stupid but….. he couldn’t. He then confessed that he had done some stupid speeds. I will not say how fast but just know that if he were to fall off or crash it would be a instant and gory death.
I asked him if his dad had done the same and he admitted he did. I was so upset.
I told him he can still have fun on a bike without doing stupid, deathly speeds. He said since it was new he really wanted to test it out. I begged with him that now hes “tested it out” to promise me not be so silly in the future but he couldn’t promise that. I got upset and told him I can’t lose him or his dad and thats exactly what will happen if someone makes one single mistake. I dropped it but told him we will be discussing it more.
So now I’m terrified… I’m absolutely terrified. Now everytime he goes out on his bike I’m going to be worried sick. I cant lose him or his dad, they’ve both mean so much to me but I dunno what to do or say to make him understand how stupid that is without sounding like a nagging or dramatic girlfriend. I HATE telling him what to do or making him feel like he can’t do something he enjoys and I want him so badly to enjoy it. I just don’t want him dead.
So reddit/ THT fam, I’d really appreciate some advice here, any advice here.
Thank you
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Not advice, but I used to date a biker. I would have sickening anxiety everytime he went out for a ride, and got so nauseous worrying about whether he was gonna come home in one piece. He would also always ride late at night if we argued, which was the WORST. No contact, not idea if he was alive.
We ended up breaking up for other reasons, but now that I’m with my current (and hopefully forever) partner, I don’t miss that shit at all. Everyone has their own tolerances, and I personally cannot deal with constant fear and anxiety. That shit made me lose hair too 😭
Is there a track within a reasonable distance that would allow him to play with higher speeds in a safer environment?
On public roads, even if they make no mistakes, a fatal accident will be a matter of “when” not “if.”
I have lost friends who were expert riders, but who failed to appreciate how little control we all have on public roads. It takes one other driver doing something unexpected or an animal or a single unexpected change in pavement/road conditions to cause an accident at those speeds.
A track is a much better compromise imo because while it is still dangerous, it is a much more controlled environment that allows him to rely more on his skill and less on luck.
I hope he is able to see reason. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Motorcycle are really cool, and I’d love to ride one one day. But I have enough brain to recognize that it’s not smart. They have to be one of the worst inventions lol. My friends dad died from a crash while they were riding together. He sold the bike immediately after that. Sorry if that makes you feel worse. But you should be happy that you have a brain. Enjoying motorcycles is enjoying playing life and death. Really stupid. Dirt biking on a track is a good alternative. Probably a lot safer.
As someone who rides fast bikes, I understand where you’re coming from. But hopefully he’s doing those speeds in areas with little to no traffic or in short stints. As I’ve gotten older, I definitely recognize the street is not a racetrack, in more ways than one. Hopefully he will also come to that realization sooner rather than later. Remind him what he has waiting for him at home after a safe ride and maybe he’ll take a second to reconsider whenever the urge to be a squid rears its head.
My wife gets anxiety when I ride. I get it, as I wrecked out bad before and easily could have died. But I’m not going to stop riding.
I just switched to a full face helmet and bought a lot of life insurance to put her a little more at ease. Not much else you can do.
My friends are biker. They have a friend that lost her father (experienced biker) and her husband within a few months. Now she is alone with a baby. Even if you are a good and experienced biker, the risks are really high to get hit by some car.
You knew he was into it and you accepted it. But what you didn’t know is that he would risk his life and your future without hesitation. This is something you need to talk about.
You are allowed to be angry and sad. You are allowed to say your opinion without being afraid of being the nagging gf.
If he dies or gets hurt badly, then this will affect you too. This is not just about him anymore. Same for his dad. If he wants to risk his life. Great. But what about the people around them?
What happens if he becomes disabled? Will he be able to work? Who will pay for medical treatment?
Who will take care of him? You, I guess. Same with his dad.
This is something all three of you need to talk about. This is not just about them having a nice time, this is about your present and future.
And while you at it: Tell him to get a good life insurance.
Edit: Biker not bike
If I knew my partner was suffering from the degree of painful anxiety you describe because of a hobby I had, I would not proceed without finding some way to assuage that anxiety and pain or I wouldn’t do it. And my wife is a very anxious person, we’ve had to navigate a lot of these. Ultimately, I want to do what makes us both happy.
Either he is mature or he is not. You can’t regulate his behavior. But like many people I have my own motorcycle stories and they don’t end well. You’re going to have to see where your tolerance is for this kind of stress. As another poster said above, what happens if he gets injured?That could be just as bad or worse.
This is a discussion you need to have with yourself, not with him. He is old enough that he should be mature. Keep your eyes open, and see how he does.
My stepbrother was a huge bike fan – was fully into safety – good quality crash helmet, proper leathers, the right boots and gloves. He raced on track too and was pretty successful.
He was killed three years ago when a car ploughed into him. He left a wife and two young daughters.
I hate bikes. I do not care how “safe” they proclaim to be; when a bike is hit by a car the victim is always the biker.
I’d give him 3 choices at this point.
He gets rid of the bike
He promises to never go a dangerous speed again (meaning no speeding), and installs a dash cam that has a speedometer (they do make ones for bikes) that you can regularly check.
The relationship is over.
Tell him you will not be the woman who loses their significant other to a bike crash when the cause of the crash was caused by the biker speeding or driving recklessly in other ways. Tell him if he cannot promise that and will not take measures to show you he isn’t, that you no longer can be in a relationship with him because this proves he doesnt actually love you, and that you two have very different values.
It’s sounds like he’s broken your trust and shown poor judgement with his own safety.
I know plenty of people who ride regularly and take all the proper precautions. I don’t worry about them any more than other friends who drive cars or ride bicycles. This guy has shown you that he’s willing to take unnecessary risks. I’d be mad as hell.
As long as you never have kids or in any way depend on him not being dead, it will work out fine (for you).
You have no control over this hobby, nor you shouldn’t, and deep down you know it.
If you want to exert what limited control you have over this situation, do your best to insist that he wear a helmet and protective gear, and that he register as an organ donor and have advance medical directives in place.
Aside from that, you really are in a dilemma. Even if you succeeded in getting him to quit riding motorcycles, he would resent you and the relationship would be irreparably damaged.
It’s not just about the bike or his skill level–it’s about the drivers as well. He could have a bike that’s one step up from a Vespa and still be greatly at risk from the scary dumbasses he’s sharing the road with.
Since you can only really control what you do, it looks like you have some decisions to make.
1.) Stay with him and learn to live with the anxiety.
2.) Break up, knowing that you might not be at peace anyway unless you cut off all contact, because you would still suffer if something happened to him.
I know neither of these is a remotely acceptable alternative to you, but unfortunately you can’t separate the love of sport cycling from the man.
I know one thing for sure–as long as he is willingly and frequently exposing himself to this level of risk, you should not join your lives in marriage, and you definitely should not conceive a child.
Tbh, I set a boundary EARLY that I will not be in a relationship with someone who rides motorcycles. Dirt bikes are fine, keep them on tracks, but I personally know 3 people who have died (only one was their ‘fault’) riding and I won’t deal with that anxiety. Want to ride? I’m not your gal. I won’t do it. So I married someone who had no interest and understood my fears.
I understand.
My husband got a bike a few months ago and I got really nervous and scared and after 8 years together…
We finally decided it was time to share our location with each other just in case anything happens.
It really helps me have some sanity in the situation when he’s out and about.
I myself got in accident 5 years ago at no fault of my own. Just my luck there was a huge deer waiting for me and plucked me right off at 53mph goring me through the neck and degloving my face. After spending 31 days in a coma I finally woke up but I am now unable to use my right arm from injuring my spinal cord. Pretty much all parts of my body were impacted and I almost lost my leg. During this time my wife was pregnant and my youngest daughter three years old. looking back I always said I would never stop riding but I soo wish I did for the sake of my family even though I’m still here my whole world has been flipped upside down. So when you start a family tell him to hang up the keys for sure.
He has a new bike and wants to try it out. That’s understandable. But to do so and deliberately risk his well-being by not riding safely is not okay. To be frank, riding a motorcycle is always a risk, but there are ways to lessen those risks and he should practice them for his own safety. There is no scenario in which a bike wins when in a wreck with another vehicle. I’ve seen multiple bike wrecks doing my job in highway construction, and heard about many more from my FIL, who was a police officer for many years.
You are allowed to express concerns, and you should do so, as calmly as possible. Also give him facts about the dangers of riding at excessive speed. Remind him of what it will do to you both if he is badly injured. After that, all you can really do is make sure he wears proper gear and hope he will be safe. I think giving him an ultimatum about riding will result in your relationship ending. Good luck.
Welp. Tell him to at least get some life and disability insurance.
this reminds me of the guy who’s hobby was exploring caves, and he got stuck in a narrow passagem head down and couldn’t get out (alone or with help from the firefighters)
he died and left his wife and kids, when you have people depending on you, you just can’t take those risks anymore
When we were house hunting years ago, our realtor brought us to a house where the owner had recently died in a motorcycle crash and the place was being sold by his parents. It was spooky because all his stuff was still there, like he’d just stepped out. I remember looking at a humidor full of cigars on a table and a basket of laundry.
“I dropped it but told him we would be discussing it more.”
Suppose he refuses to discuss it anymore?
One of my friends from high school died Monday, leaving behind a wife and 2 young daughters. He was only 35. He was on his bike, got hit by a garbage truck. He’s now the third person I know to die from riding a motorcycle.
Get some huge life insurance on him, you might need it
I’m a woman who has taken the same trajectory as your husband and I say you’re not even slightly wrong for being concerned by this. My partner and I were on the same page when we started the relationship and agreed that we both wanted to ride and accepted that very large risk with the other possibly being harmed, altered or taken by it.
You sound like you’ve been beyond reasonable and accommodating to his hobby thus far, even though you didn’t sign up for it at the beginning nor consciously agree to him getting a sport bike (which really can be a whole other can of worms for the rider in its own right).
I’d communicate everything you stated here to your bf and let him know you just don’t feel safe or okay moving forward in constant fear that he’s going to be permanently injured or killed while with you. If he is willing to compromise, he will find ways to keep his hobby without completely risking life and limb or breaking promises to you.
If it’s a dealbreaker for him and he insists on it being his thing he just can’t give up, I’m afraid it’s time for you to consider ending things and finding a partner who agrees with you and respects your boundaries with this sort of thing. That’s your dealbreaker.
Please just know that you aren’t the jerk here at all; us bikers can sometimes (very often actually) have a very self-serving and destructive streak disguised as adrenaline chasing, and I wouldn’t allow a partner to get with me if they weren’t 100% onboard with all the risk and liability like I am. Best of luck.
The good Lord above will watch over them both. If they are just out riding and not doing anything super crazy I feel they will both be safe
Does he have all the right safety gear? Helmet, Jacket, Gloves, maybe motorcycle boots and pants too? The first gift I got from my wife when I got a motorcycle was a Brake Free wireless helmet brake light. You may have to nag that he wears all the proper gear but you’ll eventually get through to him. Also if you have an app like life360 you can track him on his rides.
That hobby? Domestic violence.
Personally, I could never date or be with someone who rode motorcycles.
Lost a coworker, a really good friend and a cousin. All were experienced, it’s just a shitty dice roll where someone else’s mistake, bad weather, oil slicks. unseen dips could mean your fragile body meets the asphalt and there’s nothing you can do about it. I wouldn’t be able to deal with constant anxiety every time they were out riding.
You have to decide if that’s something you can and will live with.
I was the same when my partner finally bought himself a bike. He loves to ride and grew up doing so. Both off road and on road. He was very experienced and I wanted to trust him but the other drivers can’t be trusted. I could never tell him he couldn’t do something he felt was in his blood you know?
My family motorcycle story is that a dear family friend road bikes. Very experienced, done it his whole life. Went out on the highway one day and was decapitated in an accident with a semi truck. Moral of the story is no matter how experienced or safe you are on a bike. There is always a chance something unexpected will take you out.
Unfortunately most motorcyclists understand this and are okay with that risk. You are allowed to voice your concerns and ask that certain precautions are taken so you don’t have to stress losing him so much. Safety gear, speedometer that can record(if he can’t be trusted to be truthful about his reckless speeds) finding tracks for going faster than the roads, location trackers so you at least know where he’s at if something happens.
Like my partner like to remind me. He could go out and get hit by a bus tomorrow and I would still be in the same predicament if he went out on a motorcycle and he went out doing something he loved. I didn’t want to be the reason he didn’t get to experience something he finds joy in. It is a crappy situation but you do have a choice in how you handle it. If it is too much for you, breaking up would be the best thing to do. As long as it’s not an ultimatum.
Lost an acquaintance this week to a motorcycle crash. I got my motorcycle from a friend who refused to ride after having kids. I got rid of it for same reason.
Both my parents used to ride. My mother laid her bike over and ended up with head trauma and physically can’t ride anymore.
I know plenty of people that ride and don’t have problems. All of them know/knew others that lost their lives to it.
So, he has already broken his promise to you to not drive dangerously.
Take out a real big insurance policy on him.
Dad with three kids across the street from me killed on his bike. Incredibly selfish activity.
There’s a reason they call bikers ” Organ Donors” in hospitals
Unfortunately theres never not a risk. My mother’s cousin was killed during a biker event where there was load of them all out together (sensible riders as all middle aged) and all it took for him to be killed was a driver turning out into the road who didn’t see him.
Even if your the most sensible you are so more at risk than when driving a car as you’re exposed.
I would talk to him about your worries, as they aren’t unfounded
I think you need to think long and hard about whether this is a deal breaker for you.
I personally couldn’t stick around and wait for him to injure or kill himself by his reckless behavior.
He’s entitled to play with his life, and you’re entitled to not stick around to deal with the consequences, if things go wrong.
Two types of riders: those who have been in an accident and those who will be.
Speeding, getting the adrenaline rush leads to mistakes. Those mistakes cost dearly depending on how many levels of idiocy you must transverse before learning.
I used to split lanes at 140 mph. In fact, I got a ticket for doing 130 in a 55. I would ride around with an old Kmart helmet, shorts and a t-shirt.
Once I went for a slide, my view changed. I now have great riding gear. No more dangerous shit and no more riding in groups who push limits.
As a fellow speed junkie it’s an itch you just can’t kick… However crash pads crash pack full leathers and THE RACE TRACK save lives and I would highly recommend to your boyfriend to go to track sanctioned events with full gear
I bought my first bike when I was 23. A month later a car pulled in front of me while I was doing 60 and I t-boned them, flying over their roof and slamming into the ground.
I was wearing every bit of protective gear I could.
Broke a few bones, dislocated my wrist/hand, still have nerve damage (no front deltoid on my left side) and my knee and wrist ache every so often.
A couple years later I had another bike, which was then replaced by another.
It wasn’t until my wife and I got together and started talking about kids that I decided what my priorities were. I sold the bikes.
I loved riding, but I love my wife and my kids more. I don’t want her to have to grieve and I don’t want someone else to have to raise my kids.
Your boyfriend may just be young and/or immature, but if you guys are serious about your future then he needs to get serious and decide what’s important.
I usually don’t comment on these things but I feel I may be able to offer something valuable.
I rode dirt bikes throughout my childhood, I got my first dirt bike when I was seven years old. I never did any racing, just a lot of riding in the woods and neighborhood shenanigans with my friends who also had dirt bikes and four wheelers and stuff.
The engine of my dirtbike blew up years later as a teenager and at the time my family couldn’t afford to just get it replaced or buy me a new one.
When I got older and moved out I swore to everyone I would eventually get a sport bike as two wheels was just in my dna.
As I made my way through my 20s I could never justify buying a street legal motorcycle. I realize that frankly I wouldn’t ride it to work because need things things with me for work and it just wasn’t feasible. Where I live there’s a lot of rain and I knew that I would never ride in the winter. I couldn’t justify make a payment on a street bike as well as the insurance just ride it once a month at most. That, and I had friends that rode street legal bikes and they ALL had stories of people getting hurt or dying on bikes. Hell, I knew no less than a few guys I worked with who were physically debilitated from motorcycle accidents that weren’t their fault.
It wasn’t until I was 30 that it dawned on me….
GET A DIRT BIKE!
So I did. I got my first dirt bike as an adult and started riding motocross.
The benefits of dirt bikes/motocross over street riding?
My advice is to try and get him to switch lanes and get into riding a dirtbike on tracks or trails as opposed to riding on the street.
I just buried my 24yo friend for having the same mentality.
Either he respects the boundary and your concern, or he doesn’t.
Leave if he doesn’t.
My dad and I took MTC together, but he was already quite experienced before that. His bike wasn’t sporty, he wasn’t a speed demon. He wore full gear down to gloves even when it was 100°+ outside. He was killed by a dumbass who wasn’t paying attention on his way to work. I don’t ride anymore, and I don’t blame you for being terrified. My sister was only 6 when she lost him, my then stay-at-home mom is now a widow, his mom lost her first born child and only son, his sisters don’t have a big brother anymore. It doesn’t matter how careful you are because at the end of the day, any accident on a bike is 28x more likely to end in a fatality. The rush is great but the cost is greater.
Told my girlfriend she’s not allowed to get/ride a motorcycle. Guess I’m a bad person.
Wow if he’s doing it on purpose public roadways he’s also a POS for endangering many others and possibly making some new driver or parent or kid deal with seeing him dead on the ground because he wanted to test his new toy
Life is a fatal condition, no one gets out alive, and there are 50 million ways to die. If your boyfriend loves motorcycles then he should ride them.
since it doesnt sound like he will stop riding, i think it will help thinking
“knowing the limit of his new bike may help him ride a little safer”
Girl, if you have expressed your honest fears and your man doesn’t take them into account, you need a new man.
You have to decide if you’d rather love him and lose him, or lose him and go love someone else.
You have to make that decision regardless of how fast he promises he will go or how stupid he promises he won’t be.
There are only two kinds of motorcycle riders — those that have gone down with them, and those that haven’t yet.
If your person rides, it is only a matter of time before he has an accident. He can be the safest driver ever, drive at all the proper speeds, and it still happens. There’s a reason doctors and nurses say they’ll never ride one. The injuries heavily skew towards severe and catastrophic compared to car accidents.
Yeah, he’s too much into it and he’s not going to stop anytime soon. I think you should try to talk to him again, but it’s possible that nothing is going to change. So maybe it’s time to re-evaluate things.
Did my partner write this?
Organ donors gonna organ donor.
Best of luck, because it’s 100% luck.
All motorbike riding is a risk, from cars pulling out, to crap on the road, the entire thing is risk assessment
eg , speeding on open road, 4 line empty highway – low risk. Speeding on built up area, traffic, in groups = stupidly high risk
All motorbike riding, and all driving has risk associated with it. Be that your own fault or somebody elses who pulls out into you
Dont stress about what you have no control over, maybe point him at upskilling and track racing which is a better outlet
My best friend’s little bro, 21, died on a bit of gravel in the neighborhood because he just wanted to take the bike out on a spin after having given it up for a while. The family pain never ends.
But as I revisit this thread today – he already broke his promise. It’s not like he lasted 10 rides, and then he broke his promise.
I used to date someone from an area like where you live. I know there’s a bit of a culture of recklessness on bikes. But that same guy had friends who died.
He could make a choice. But the bottom line is whether you can trust him. And honestly he’s a little too old to be this reckless.
Don’t lose your prime years of life to this. Maybe he is your best friend, but not your boyfriend.
I grew up around motorcycles, my dad was big into them. I had always envisioned myself getting my license and riding with him. Then I became a medic and after 1 too many motorcycle accident jobs, I swore them off for life
OP…I am the same way about bikes. I lost a friend when I was younger, saw someone die in front of me in high school, and had a friend miraculously survive a few years back with permanent severe brain damage and limited use of half of his body. I would hate to be in your position.
Hopefully, nothing will ever happen. Unless you most likely, unsuccessfully “forbid” him to ride again, all you can do is make arrangements financially should something happen. You can demand he get a life insurance policy and some type of short and long term disability policy. I don’t know how you two handle your finances, but even a basic accident could leave him out of work for months. In the case of my friend, he’ll be on disability forever. Not to mention the hospital bills, physical therapy, etc, even with insurance.
This is how you can protect both of you.
I grew up in a motorcycle family and I think they’re super cool. But being a great driver doesn’t matter when other people aren’t. I personally cannot get past this. I feel exactly like you do.
I think he needs to see things from your perspective to get it. How would he feel if you were the rider doing this? The thrill so far has outweighed the danger and that’s what’s gotta change.
I know a liver transplant doctor. He never plans anything for the week following a summer long weekend, because that’s when organs become available. Motorcyclists.
When my wife of 35 years heard him say that, she put the kibosh on me getting a bike.
My boyfriend wanted a bike. Lucky for him, I’ve got a morbid fascination and after sending him many videos from watchpeopledie on bikes, he let the bike dream die. I still send them to him in case he gets that crazy idea again.
When I was about 10 or so, I remember going to a park pavilion for a birthday party. Some dude was teaching his girlfriend how to ride his bike in the parking lot next to it. She mixed up the throttle and the brake, and crashed head first without a helmet into the stone pavilion. There were brains on the parking lot. That stuck with me.
I have two friends who have lost a leg each to a motorcycle crash.
My cousin went out drinking with her best friend. Bestie picked up a motorcycle dude who took her for a spin. They crashed on the highway. She died.
My mom hated my dad’s motorcycle. One of her conditions for getting started trying for kids was getting rid of his bike, because she wanted to reduce the risk of being a young widow with little kids. And honestly, this is the biggest takeaway I can give you: you can’t change what he is doing. You can’t take away his joy on the bike, or stop him from riding. But you can decide whether you want to tie your future to someone who rides, and you can put conditions on what you agree to. Is him riding a dealbreaker for you? You have to decide that for yourself.
Doctors call them donorcycles for a reason
Sometimes you have to have a real honest conversation with yourself, and about who you are
I don’t ride any ATV bigger than a 450, bike than a 250, or anything above a 4 cylinder car anymore. Why? Because I push everything, I drove things as fast as they are meant to go. I’d love a dual sport bike, but I love watching my kids play with paw patrol toys
You want him to stop, but if he does he’ll lose part of what attracted you to him in the first place. And, a man should never give up something he loves for a woman because that will sow the seeds of resentment.
Some bikes are great and I understand the excitement from it all, regardless of anything, there’s always gonna be dickhead drivers on the road. My friend was on his bike, it wasn’t even a big bit bike, it was a Gilera Runner, he was at the lights when a taxi did an illegal U turn and drove straight into him, he didn’t die but he did have multiple broken bones and is now made out of a lot of metal, he got a big payout too but he ain’t been the same since tbh.
Whilst you can be as safe as you want, the dickhead drivers will always get you.
Not that my boyfriend is interested in any of that, but that’s my ONE absolute no no and if he EVER even thought about it I’m out. I knew a kid who died his first ever time trying to ride a motorcycles, was trying out bikes with his dad and hit a curb in a parking lot and flew onto the highway. Absolutely not, bikes are tooo risky and I completely get your stance on not telling him what he can or can’t do, but when it comes to your health or your safety I feel like that’s acceptable.
EMS here. You don’t want to know the nicknames we have for motorcycle riders. Don’t let him ride. If you do please make sure he’s an organ donor (one of the nicer nicknames we have).