my FIL is one of those “real men eat meat” types. loud, smug, lives off processed junk but acts like he’s gordon ramsay. i’ve been vegan for years right, not preachy about it, just my choice you know I just eat it . but every time we eat together, he takes shots. calls it “rabbit food,” tells me i’m malnourished, asks if i “miss real flavor.” and other stuff along these lines.
i’ve let it slide right. my partner tells me to ignore him, but it just keeps on building. last weekend, we hosted a dinner. i cooked. didn’t label it or anything, didn’t say a word as in its gonna be vegan or anything. made pulled mushroom sliders, roasted cauliflower wings, loaded vegan mac, the works. people ate.
at the end, he goes, “now this is real food, see, you could make this if you stopped with that vegan crap.”
i literally just said, “glad you liked it. it was all vegan.”
he froze and everyone else was in awkward silence. he got pissed said i tricked him. called me a manipulator and left early.
my partner says he was out of line, but i could’ve handled it better. her mom’s texting me “apology encouraged.” honestly? i don’t feel bad. he ate, he liked it but not what he thought??
so like aita?
Comments
You didn’t trick him..you fed him good food and he liked it. Why is it only a problem now that he knows it was vegan?
Nope, NTA, you just gave a toddler a reality check. He made himself the idiot. If he’s never apologized for the comment he made to you in your house, you don’t owe him one.
ETA- I do not support tricking people into eating things that they do not eat, like meat or things they are allergic to, in this case it was all stuff he ate just minus the meat.
Absolutely NTA he’s only acting that way because he’s embarrassed that he just complimented the food after negatively talking about it for all that time. He doesn’t deserve an apology, he shouldn’t get one and lastly anyone who goes to a vegans home and expects that they don’t eat meat but are okay with cooking and serving it is pretty damn shortsighted.
nta. he sounds like he got what was coming to him.
“Froze” “Awkward silence.” “Could have handled it better.” So boilerplate.
YTA. Your partner said you did wrong, your FIL said you did wrong, your MIL said you did wrong. I don’t even understand from your post why you did it. Why did you do it? What were you seeking? What was in it for you? If you can’t even say in your post what was supposed to be in it for you then there’s no rebuttal.
Tbh you kept it classy and let the food do the talking haha. If he’s embarrassed, that’s on him. Isn’t taste what really matters anyway?
You are absolutely NTA. He is just upset he likes Vegan food. 😂
Unless you specifically said it was something other than what you served, which it doesn’t sound like you did.
I had a similar situation years ago
I always had a Superbowl party and make a huge pot of chili every year.
One of my friends wives complimented me on how good it always turns out and asked about it. Stating it always tastes so much better that chili she usually tries, way less greasy
I told her it was because I used a better quality of meat. She asked oh , is it Kobe beef and I said no I use fresh venison (which is way healthier than any beef)
She got upset and angry that I made her “eat bambi”
She got over it after I pointed out a second ago it was the best chili , and the fact she has been eating my chili for years
Yes, Its a shitty thing to do.
Not everyone has to conform to your way of thinking, and people have opinions.
NTA you fed home vegetables in a manner that was so delicious he thought it wasn’t. I think your response was reasonable (also funny) and every one over reacted because you stood your ground in a sense 🤧
NTA. Your home… serve what you want.
YTA for making up a story. I’ve eaten a vegan diet before and let me just say now, you can absolutely tell the difference. The difference in taste, texture, and smell are all very noticeable. Nobody would be as dumbfounded as you claim your FIL was eating an entire vegan meal. This is just some made up story about a controversial topic.
NTA. You have nothing to apologise for. He’s only outraged because he feels foolish for praising your vegan dishes. You didn’t poison him, you also didn’t force him to eat your food.
If he’s so stubborn and adamant he won’t eat vegan food, he could’ve asked you what was in the meal, and refused it. I get the feeling he’s greedy tho and wanted to chow down 🤣. Your menu sounds delicious.
What would you be apologising for, exactly?
He didn’t ask if it’s vegan and he saw you eating it, so even if you didn’t say anything about it being vegan he should have known it himself.
So technically you didn’t even trick him.
Yes YTA, cutesy trick, but you gave him something that he was unaware of without his consent or permission.
NTA, How did you “trick him”? You simply cooked and shared a meal. Did you label it as meat? Somehow , I don’t think you did. It was prepared, served, and eaten. There is no apology needed here, indeed, he should be thanking you for a delicious meal that is healthy.
Haha. No apology necessary. Your FIL is clearly a buffoon. If he had a brain he’d be rethinking his aversion to vegan dishes.
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This guy is an asshole. I wouldn’t even let him into my house.
Most vegan food is ok with meat in it.
I call BS. I have NOTHING against vegan food or vegetarian food. I have had cauliflower wings before. You can 110% tell it’s not meat lol. But good story on something that didn’t happen.
“You’re absolutely right, I will never cook for you or host you in my home again, thank you for helping me see the light”.
NTA. If he knew that you cooked the food, then he really should have assumed it was vegan.
He ate dinner in a vegan household and assumed it’d be non-vegan for…. what reason? NTA you can’t save people from their own stupidity
Personaly yes you ata. Dont stoop to their level. Tricking people about what they are eating isnt cool.
I dont think its cool when a food manufacturer or resturant does that so i have no reason to approve of regular joe doing it
ESH. He was rude, but intentionally tampering with someone’s diet isn’t cool
NTA. He liked your food. He disliked he made himself to look like a moron he obviously is. It’s on him.
I’m not a vegan nor a vegetarian. But I can eat and enjoy vegan dishes!
NTA. What did he expect to be serve in your home?
You served great food. His masculinity crumbled faster than the cauliflower wings. NTA.
NTA
Can you share recipes please??? Sounds delicious!!
Not sure how you trick him? You’re vegan and cooked vegan food. What’s the surprise there? NTA – the proof wasn’t needed but once again, your BIL acted like an idiot. End of story.
made pulled mushroom sliders, roasted cauliflower wings, loaded vegan mac
Every syllable made me cry.
He sounds like a shit head. You’re NTA but he 100% is.
YTA for making up this story.
This is a fake story. While some vegan food can be very good, there’s no way someone mistook cauliflower wings for real chicken or mushroom sliders for real beef.
You’re either karma farming or living out a fantasy playing in your vegan brain.
Edit: checked post history, just a karma farming account.
Yes YTA if it was the other way and he cooked for you what he claimed was vegan and it wasn’t you would pissed
You’re not the asshole, but you are a liar.
This story very obviously isn’t true. There is no chance he wasn’t aware that what you served him was entirely vegetarian.
There is zero chance he ate your cauliflower wings and thought it was chicken and no chance, at all, he ate your mushroom sliders and thought he was eating beef.
Zero chance.
He’ll survive a vegan meal. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
NTA. He’s a dick.
I am an omnivore but why people get offended about what other people eat is beyond me. If someone went to the trouble of making me a delicious vegan meal I would thank them 🤷♂️
NTA. I know you probably know your family well enough to know whether they have allergies. I’m allergic to nuts, and have had people “surprise it’s vegan” me with meals that have caused me to react, because they used a nut butter or cashew cheese in something…
Yes, you are. Forcing your “ideals” on someone else is ass-holian. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Show some respect, he’s your FIL.
Story sounds made up
NTA
But he would also not be the AH if he made food and used bacon grease to cook some vegan burgers and didn’t label them. And after you ate them telling you that you just ate pork.
I mean it’s just a preference right? Surely, you don’t believe your preference to not eat meat is more important than his preference to not eat vegan food?
Grow up.
This is like christians forcing religion on you, but was he in the church while calling blasphemi. Yes. NTA, but Its a double edged sword. You should’ve been the bigger person and just let him yap. He never forced you to eat what he eats, so don’t to him. Its not hard to set some boundaries. What you did was shady regardless of who is right or wrong. You can’t say you don’t force it, then force it on someone. That’s setting your bar low asf.
Your husband should have put a stop to his father’s behaviour towards you a long time ago. This wasn’t your failing, it was your husband’s. You have finally put pops in his place, and there’s no reason to appologize to him (or to mama) until pops appologizes to you for the years of nasty attitude.
I suggest you invite mama and pops over, serve a mixed meal, with properly identifiable meat for the carnivores.. but in the invitation, make it clear that this is an intervention; a mediation; a council; the signing of a treaty.
And have that chat, where you point out the years you endured his commentaries, and if he offers to tone it down from here on out, you can offer an appology for making the retribution public.
If he isn’t willing to see how his behaviousr over the years has affected you, then accept that he’s a problem and refuse to appologize… or to have them over for meals.
Recipe tax?
Yes, you are. You did trick him. You are a manipulator. Your partner is wrong. You gave someone something they didn’t approve of. You gave it to him for your own satisfaction. Your moot point of “it tastes the same” literally betrays the fact that he didn’t want to eat vegan food. You’re a petty human. I have nothing against vegan food, but I have everything against someone giving someone food they didn’t want. Yeah of course you don’t feel bad, your point was proven, doesn’t make you any less shit of a person.
Let’s say you don’t like meat, and that eating animals is cruel. Let’s say someone served you chicken under the ruse that it’s vegan chicken. And you go, “this is amazing”. And that someone goes, “Glad you liked it, it’s real meat.” How would you feel?
If I were you, I’d never spend time with your partner’s family ever again until *he* apologizes.
NTA, apology encouraged ? . . . . demand it be from FIL to you for his bad manners. He ate the food and then complained when he learned it was vegan. The apology is owed to you and until you get one you should refuse any association with FIL, period.
NTA. He needs to grow up
I don’t see anything to apologize for. IMO, he’s the one with the attitude issue, not you. I’m no vegetarian, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate a good vegan dish.
I would be telling people he needs to stop. If a guest can not stay polite in my house they are free not to be a guest in my house.
YTA for writing this fake ass shit. Vegan food is entirely distinguishable from non vegan food. Cauliflower shares nothing in texture with chicken wings.
Nta. He knows your vegan yet assumed you made and ate a non vegan spread. You didn’t trick him though op, he embarrassed himself. And the “real man” types like him are so deeply insecure they don’t know to process feeling embarrassed, and wrong. So they usually blame someone else as quickly as possible to save Imaginary face. Ignore him, let him cry.
Silly based on the first paragraph, you are not the a hole he is he is every single thing. People hate about vegans.
Well personally I’d laugh as loud as I can, bacause the joke is so well planned and executed)))
If he thinks vegan food can’t be tasty and is worse than meat, than why would he be so pissed if he liked it? Just no sense, no brain and a lot of selfishness 😄
I was vegetarian and I eat raw meat now, but I also say Thank you, if my friend makes his favorite dish for me, I appreciate it and I love new tastes
NTA. You’ve been vegan for years, serve vegan food every time he’s come over previously, why the hell would he expect you to make anything other than vegan food this time?
How is this real? He knows your vegan. You cooked. You ate it too. Huh?
NTA,
But can I ask in all seriousness, why do you call it cauliflower wings? Why not just cauliflower dipped in whatever sauce? Why do vegans still call things meat related when they are against meat? Chopped mushroom slider instead of pulled? Pulled indicates it was pilled off a bone
I’m baffled by the responses, what if he was allergic to something in what you served him? You never serve people food while telling them it’s something else, no excuses allowed, this is just two grown adults being petty like children, ESH and just because nothing happened it’s not an excuse to tamper with someone else’s food.
YTA
You lied by omitting facts to be relevant. The problem isn’t vegan food being served, it’s not being upfront about it with something like a slider that is usually meat being a vegan one instead.
Could be the best dish ever, you weren’t being honest. Just as if someone cooked potatoes in bacon grease without telling you. Best shit ever, not vegan.
What was the master plan though? He eats a vegan dish, renounces meat and then everyone claps? The ends don’t justify the means of it’s dubious.
NTA. I was a butcher for fifteen years. I broke down whole animals, made bacon, sausage, and cold cuts from scratch. I appreciate meat as an ingredient. However, if you served me the plate your FIL got I’d demolish it and ask for seconds. Good food is good food. And a real man admits when he is wrong.
By the way, I could get that pulled mushroom slider recipe? I love mushrooms and that sounds damn good.
Man needs more fiber in his diet, he’s full of shit.
There’s no way someone who’s used to eating meat is going to think a cauliflower bite is a chicken wing. It might be tasty yes, but it’s noticeably different.
NTA. Only person who should be apologizing is him. Stand your ground.