AITA for not tattooing my wife’s name?
My (42M) wife (41F) and I are currently in a major blowout. Divorce is on the table at the moment. We have been married 11 years and have 3 daughters together. She also has a son from a previous relationship that is my stepson (20M). He lives out of state in college right now.
Here is the root of the issue; She is livid and hurt that I have my sister, mom, and our 3 daughters tattooed on my body but not her. I got my mom and sister done before we were together and I have had my 3 daughters done for years now. This has been a reoccurring sore spot in our marriage over the years but this morning it reared it’s ugly head again.
My Dad is in the final years of early onset alzheimers and I have been thinking lately of what I could possibly tattoo in honor of him and what he means to me. I was thinking out loud this morning about maybe doing it on my leg and this sent my wife into a spiral. I should mention that every time she brings it up, I state that I would love to get a tatoo honoring her but I would want the same level of devotion from her. She has her son’s name tattooed to her but angrily refuses to ever get one for me. So therefore I politely decline to get one of her.
After a morning and afternoon of stonewalling each other, she texted me telling me how hurtful it is that I have every other women in my life tattooed except her. I responded with “you can’t divorce blood, I would have gotten a tattoo for you a long time ago if you would just be equally devoted to me”. This has sent her on a downward spiral from hell. She is now texting me rude things about how “I should move in with my blood and have them cook for me!”.
I don’t know where to go from here. Part of me has really wanted to move on from her for years but I do love her very much and don’t want to hurt the kids. I fantasize simetimes about what life would be like as a single dad but other times I want to burst into tears thinking of a life without her.
Well, what’s the consensus…AITA?
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AITA for not tattooing my wife’s name?
My (42M) wife (41F) and I are currently in a major blowout. Divorce is on the table at the moment. We have been married 11 years and have 3 daughters together. She also has a son from a previous relationship that is my stepson (20M). He lives out of state in college right now.
Here is the root of the issue; She is livid and hurt that I have my sister, mom, and our 3 daughters tattooed on my body but not her. I got my mom and sister done before we were together and I have had my 3 daughters done for years now. This has been a reoccurring sore spot in our marriage over the years but this morning it reared it’s ugly head again.
My Dad is in the final years of early onset alzheimers and I have been thinking lately of what I could possibly tattoo in honor of him and what he means to me. I was thinking out loud this morning about maybe doing it on my leg and this sent my wife into a spiral. I should mention that every time she brings it up, I state that I would love to get a tatoo honoring her but I would want the same level of devotion from her. She has her son’s name tattooed to her but angrily refuses to ever get one for me. So therefore I politely decline to get one of her.
After a morning and afternoon of stonewalling each other, she texted me telling me how hurtful it is that I have every other women in my life tattooed except her. I responded with “you can’t divorce blood, I would have gotten a tattoo for you a long time ago if you would just be equally devoted to me”. This has sent her on a downward spiral from hell. She is now texting me rude things about how “I should move in with my blood and have them cook for me!”.
I don’t know where to go from here. Part of me has really wanted to move on from her for years but I do love her very much and don’t want to hurt the kids. I fantasize simetimes about what life would be like as a single dad but other times I want to burst into tears thinking of a life without her.
Well, what’s the consensus…AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m refusing to tattoo my wife’s name on my body because she refuses to tattoo mine in return. I have all the other females in my life tattooed except her.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I think it’s reasonable for her to have to show the same level of devotion, how can you expect something from someone else that you wouldn’t do yourself!?
NTA, considering her belligerent attitude it probably wouldn’t be a good idea.
Now, that doesn’t mean don’t continue trying to fix things, divorce should be the last option when you have daughters.
NTA What’s good for the goose, should be good for the gander. If she won’t put your name, you shouldn’t put hers. Could you compromise on matching or complementary tattoos? Like sun/moon or something less cliche, use your imagination.
NTA for getting whatever tattoos you like or not like.
YTA for expecting her to also get one. Do your daughters and mom have tattoos of your name? Get it for the right reason, out of love for her not for ‘tit or tat’.
NTA.
It seems everyone I know who gets a spouse name tattoo, ends up divorced.
NTA, at the end of the day, it is your body. But I think this relationship is over. You both have to move on.
NTA, but instead of tattoos, why not use that money for therapy? You clearly love your wife, but she definitely has some issues regarding your name on her body, but wants her name on your body. Not only is that un realistic and irrational, it’s disrespectful to you.
NTA. I feel like if you’re going to get someone’s name tattooed it shouldn’t be something that is forced. She shouldn’t bring up how she wants you to tattoo her name on you, but you also shouldn’t make a deal with her to make yourself feel “equal”. It seems like there are other underlying issues though, with how much this has affected your marriage.
YTA but not for the simplicity of not getting her name tattooed, but for everything that exists around it. She has every right to be extremely hurt by this exclusion.
“Part of me has really wanted to move on from her for years”
You are also confirming here fears here. Everyone else is more meaningful to you than she is. I feel bad for her.
“other times I want to burst into tears thinking of a life without her”
You probably will. Im not telling you to get the tattoo, I’m telling you that she is 100% correct to be hurt. Set her free or love her truly.
She’s a walking red flag. Don’t be pressured to get a tattoo of her, chances are things won’t work out anyway and you’ll be stuck with her name on you somewhere. NTA
It doesn’t really matter if you’re an asshole. If divorce is on the table, why would you even be debating getting a tattoo of her name?
And if divorce is on the table merely because you won’t do the tattoo, then your relationship has serious problems anyway and you would be foolish to even consider it.
Why should you do it for her if she won’t reciprocate? I’m a wife, and I would never expect my husband to tat my name on him without doing the same for him.
Does your mom, 3 kids, and sister have your names on them? If so, N T A, but somehow I’m betting they don’t. So YTA because logic’s not working. You’ve told your wife, that you won’t get a tattoo if her because you could divorce. Despite having been married for years. And that’s made her realize that despite being married for over a decade with 3 kids, that divorce is still somehow a thought. Like a bonafide actually considered thought.
Nta has she said why she won’t get a tattoo for you? That seems weird
NTA it’s bad juju to tattoo your so’s name on your body, but rather why not tattoo something significant to her instead. A flower, an animal, something special like her rune or birthstone. Those can be lucky.
Nta your body your choice. She is being a hypocrite but lowkey so are you because do any of the people you have tattoos of have one of you as well. I would just stop lying to her and just tell her you don’t want her name on you 😂
NTA why should you tattoo her name if she won’t tattoo yours?
NTA but you DEFINITELY shouldn’t be getting her name tattooed if your refusal to do so is the cause of your divorce. That’s such a stupid thing to be this angry about especially since it’s not like the names you have are exs. It’s also stupid to be this angry about you refusing to do something that she’s also refusing to do.
Your body your choice
I would be a little upset too if you had everyone else names but equally i wouldn’t expect my partner to get my name if i wouldn’t get theirs. Me and my husband have matching tattoos we have the German word for together, got it after out honeymoon.
I would ask her more about why she wouldn’t get your name but feels like its no big deal for you to get hers. Maybe a matching tattoo is the way to go
Why the fuck would she want a tattoo the name of an asshole who clearly doesn’t like her?
YTA. She’s going to divorce you and I hope she does it soon.
Assuming this is not some made up story for points
Here is my take…
NAH, but this isn’t really about tattoos—it’s about emotional security and unspoken resentment.
You’re not an asshole for not tattooing her name. You’ve been consistent in saying you’d be open to it if she was equally devoted in return. That’s not unreasonable, especially considering you’ve already gotten tattoos for your daughters and other family members. Wanting mutuality in symbolic gestures isn’t wrong.
But the way you responded—specifically, “you can’t divorce blood”—was harsh. Even if you meant it literally, that kind of line cuts deep. To her, it probably confirmed her worst fear: that no matter what you’ve built together, she’ll never be in your “inner circle” like the rest of your family. That kind of emotional rejection, whether intentional or not, is painful.
From her side, she sees you with tattoos for every other important woman in your life—your mom, your sister, your daughters—but not her. Even if she refuses to get your name tattooed, it still feels like rejection to her. It’s not about ink. It’s about what the ink represents: being seen, loved, and included.
At the core, you’re both stuck in a kind of emotional standoff. She wants you to show devotion first. You want her to match yours before you do. And in the middle of that, both of you are probably feeling underappreciated and hurt.
You’re not wrong. She’s not necessarily wrong. But you’re both hurting each other because you’re stuck trying to win instead of trying to understand. If you still love her, and it sounds like you do, maybe it’s time to stop keeping score and have a real conversation about what this actually means to both of you.
This fight isn’t about tattoos. It’s about feeling seen, valued, and secure.
I’ll go a step further, and spell this out for you in case, you may not be seeing the forest from the trees.
If you did not require your mom, sister, or daughters to get inked prior to inking their names into your flesh – to your wife, you have, even if you will not admit this to your self or anyone else, emotional boundaries and you have placed her on the other-side of those boundary. The woman you married, the woman you had children with, the woman you presumably swore before god and all witnesses to love in sickness and in health, for better or worse… yadda yadda… the person you exchange bodily fluids with – the person that presumably you will grow old with, die, and be buried next to etc…. That person…. Does not have a sacred place on your skin – but there are other people on your skin that had no conditions needed to be there.
You have effectively told your wife, without using words – that she is a warm place to hide your cock, birth your kids and when the going gets rough… she dies, or for w/e other reason she may no longer be apart of your life – you are ok with that because your genetic ties are stronger than the emotional bonds and marital vows the two of you created. You value genetics above all else, and have placed her in the “Them” category of “Us vs Them” …
The two of you really need to sit down and talk about your unresolved issues – because while I do believe you love your wife – you clearly dont lover her as much as you think you do…
NTA.
A guy my cousin went to church with got a tattoo of his daughter’s names. The wife was angry that he wouldn’t get her name as well. He said, “They’ll always be my children, but you may not always be my wife.” They later got divorced because it turns out she’d been fucking another guy in the congregation.
ESH. Devotion goes both way and trying to get each other to prove it in tattoos is petty for two people married with kids. Knock it off. And maybe go to couples therapy or something to determine for both of you what the real next stage of your life is going to look like.
Nta. Husband and I don’t have any tattoos. Been married 20 years and together 25 with 3 kids. We always said if we were to get any that it would be of our kids and never each other’s names. For the same reason you stated.
And given your marriage is on the rocks, it’s giving your argument credence.
NTA, you’re divorcing her, why does she expect you to get a tattoo of a partner that you are no longer in love with?
Ok this is one of those situations where there really is no good answer as to who is right and wrong. The issue, at its core, is one of trust. You don’t trust her and she doesn’t trust you and the lack of tattoos is just the expression.
You said this is something that has been between you for some time, so I encourage you to get to the root of the problem. The minor children depending on the two of you deserve the stability of two people committed to working together in their support. While it may seem superficial (literally the surface of your skin) there is a far harder truth that must ultimately be faced, but only you know what that is.
Likely you have both come to take each other for granted. 100% certain both your feelings are hurt. If you want to be alone, be alone. I tried it once and I didn’t like it, but you are you. If you want to be a family, figure out how to heal the rift between you.
NTA. No explanation needed
NTA, the fact that this topic is bringing up conversation about divorce is UNHINGED. It’s your body, you can put what you want on it. It’s interesting that she refuses to commit the same to you, but expects you to do it for her, and doesn’t see the problem. The issue is definitely deeper for both of you, and if counseling isn’t an option, then follow your gut and move on.
For me, ESH.
You don’t mention why your wife won’t get a tatto of your name, but I’ve got to say that your reasons really suck. Sure you can’t divorce blood but you have tattoos with the name of every woman in your life except from the one you CHOSE to marry. I understand why she’s hurt by this. She probably feels like a second class citizen when she’s the one who has been living with you, cooking your meals, doing your laundry and who has given birth to your three children.
To be totally honest here, I feel like this marriage has been over for a while now. You came here to talk about tattoos and you end your post saying that you’ve been day dreaming about being a single father. You’ve already on your way to a divorce and this tattoo story is either an excuse or just the tree that hides a forest of your shitty marriage.
NTA. Does your wife have mental health issues? I mean to me this sounds like grade school playground drama. I 100% understand why you wouldnt tat a wife/gf name on you. If you decide to stay together perhaps do a small tat with her initials hidden in it
>She has her son’s name tattooed to her but angrily refuses to ever get one for me.
NTA. Problem solved.
If divorce is a possibility already on the table why on earth would you get her name tattooed on your body? Even in good times many many tattoo artists will warn you it’s the kiss of death for a relationship. Obviously not always but I’ve witnessed it a few times myself. NTA.
You can love someone and realize they aren’t what you need at the present moment. The fact that you have thought about leaving her for years says it all. NEVER stay for the kids. Kids can sense resentment, but they can also sense when you are truly happy. If leaving her will allow you all to thrive better than staying together will, do it. As long as it won’t break you financially, do it.
Oh yes YTA, you have showed her and the rest of the world that she had never been your priority, your demand that she should tattoo too is just an excuse.
Has your daughters and mother and soon your father tattooed your name on their body?
She has been married to you for 11 years, born you 3 daughters, and you have regularly thought about divorce?
I bet she has been doing the heavy lifting with the children, the house hold and chores, thats why you havent divorced her, because tho there are a lot of info missing in this post, you clearly doesn’t value her at all.
NTA. It’s not unreasonable to say if you want me to get a tattoo of your name you need to get one of mine. She doesn’t get to make demands of you and what you do with your body and then get mad when you do the exact same thing.
It’s a power play, plain and simple. She wants u to prove ur devotion, but won’t do the same. That’s not equal, that’s controlling.
NTA. Most tattoo places do say that tattoo’ing a wife/sweetheart’s name is usually the kiss of death for the relationship.
My thought that this could be less about having her name tattooed on you and more about having everyone else’s name tattooed on you EXCEPT her. I don’t think it’s about her really wanting to have you tattoo her name, but about how you’re doing it for everyone else in your life but not her. It’s the exclusion she’s feeling.
Which is why the equivalent (in her eyes) is not about having your name tattooed on her. She has her son but does she have her parents, her siblings, etc as well? She isn’t using tattoos as a way to honour all the important people in her life. You are, and from the way she sees it, she’s not one of them. She doesn’t have every other important person in her life on her body excluding you. She has her son but you don’t just have your kids, you have your mum and sister and now you’re getting yet another person’s name tattooed on you and she’s still excluded.
I’m still kind of on your side because I don’t believe it’s your intention to exclude her and that’s just how it worked out with the timeline, but the thing with your mum and sister, okay she doesn’t like it but you decided to get those before you met her. Not much she can do about that. Kids? Okay, fair enough, your kids are your kids. They’re their own category. But now you’re also getting your father tattooed AFTER being married to her for years and knowing she’s insecure about this, and I suspect that you’re not asking your dad to reciprocate like you are her. (Nor should you, it’s different I know and it’s about grief and loss rather than mutual commitment to each other. But that’s probably where her mind is at.)
It’s not about her name. It’s about how it’s everyone else’s except hers.
Also, is the tattoo with her son’s name her only tattoo? If it is, and she never got one for the other kids, it could be that that first tattoo was so painful for her that she can’t bring herself to get another one, not because she isn’t prepared to commit to the permanency of it. Don’t know if this is the case, but just a thought.
I think the problem is that your wife feels that after bearing 3 children for you, you still put your sister and mother first. It’s not about the tattoo, it’s because you make her feel less than.
You keep daydreaming about leaving your wife and she probably knows that. Honestly, I hope your wife finds someone who’s not a walking ad about his love for his mother and sister but not his wife.
Does your wife has any tattoo? Because if you have at least 5 already and she doesn’t has any, what you are asking is not exactly the same. Plus, your mother and sister don’t have a tattoo with your name, so, again, you are telling your wife that she is the least important person in your life. Why did you marry someone if you didn’t love her as much as you love the family you were born into?
Your wife should be your family. Your mother and sister should be your extended family, not the other way around.
NTA for refusing to get a tattoo of your wife’s name, but the deeper issue here isn’t really about tattoos—it’s about the state of your marriage.
Your wife sees this as a symbolic rejection, especially since you have tattoos of your mom, sister, and daughters. It likely makes her feel like she’s not as important to you. However, you’ve clearly explained that you’re open to getting a tattoo of her if she’s willing to reciprocate, which seems fair. Her refusal to do so but still demanding one from you is a double standard.
The real issue seems to be resentment building up over the years, not just about tattoos, but possibly other unmet emotional needs or unresolved conflicts. Your comments about “fantasizing about single life” suggest that this marriage has deeper fractures beyond just ink.
If divorce is already on the table, then this argument might just be a symptom of a larger problem. Instead of focusing on the tattoo itself, it might be worth addressing the root of the disconnect between you two. Couples therapy could help, but if you’re already thinking about life without her, you might need to ask yourself if this relationship is still making either of you happy.
So no, you’re not the asshole for refusing a tattoo. But the bigger question is whether this marriage is something you both still want to fight for.
How about you put that money towards therapy for this “reoccurring issue”? If it’s such a problem that you won’t talk to each other for an entire day AFTER 11 YEARS OF MARRIAGE then you obviously have other problems. If it’s so bad you’re willing to divorce over it, then divorce. Or get therapy. Or both.
NTA but still kind of an asshole for your reasoning “I would if you were as devoted to me as my mom/kids”… You can’t qualify stuff like this… But then again she won’t get u tattooed on her
Sounds like this marriage has a lot more issues than tats
YTA because of what you said. Basically threatening divorce. It sounds like you guys need some help. I agree about not getting tattooed. The way you treat her seems terrible. Not that she is any better. But you both sound immature. Good luck.
YTA
Everything you said, plus seeing women’s names all over your body is such a sexual turn off and there’s no way I’d enjoy fucking a man like this.
NTA, but this is incredibly stupid. Are you both really talking divorce over TATTOOS, ffs? Either do it together, or don’t do it at all. I’m thinking some marriage counseling is more needed here than a tattoo.
You both need to grow up
Do the dam tattoo or learn to be alone.
Answered your own question in the first sentence, lol. Why would you tattoo the name of someone you may just divorce soon🙃🙃🙃
It’s up to you, but you must understand how hurtful this is to her. It seems like you don’t care. Why would you bring this subject up again and mention getting a tattoo done to honour your dad. The unspoken message r is that you have a tattoo done for people that are emotionally meaningful to you, and are continuing this practice for other people, but not her. You are basically telling her that she is not important enough to you, and from what you have said in this post, she is right.
If you value your wife and her feelings you should not have any more tattoos done to honour other people while not getting one done for her. OK, she has her son’s name on her leg, but this is clearly very important to her, you have ALL the women in your life on your body except her. I’m not saying you should have it done, but you should be a lot more caring about her feelings. You could suggest you both get something loving done, it doesn’t even need to be your names, one half of a love heart or something.
I feel really sorry for your wife. You have mixed feelings about being with her and it shows. For you it’s a standoff, a battle to win. For her it’s gut wrenchingly painful. Poor woman.
NTA. My ex wife and I got matching tattoos and I have to live with that shit everyday. And so does my new lady. Your mom and kids will never change. They’ll be a part of you forever. She may not be. I will warn as a divorced dad, it ain’t her you’ll miss most. You’ll learn to forget she existed. But taking my kids home after visitation fucking guts me every time. And it’s been almost 6 years. Not being there when your kids are sick, having to work around holidays to make time for your family and hers. Man it’s fucking rough. But outside that, I’m a happier man. Better father for sure, even the kids say so. Good luck with your future decision
NTA. Your position is reasonable: you’re willing to tattoo her name on you if she’ll do the same with yours. Is there a valid reason as to why she refuses that solution?
I have several tattoos. One with a name is for a loved one who had passed and I just got one a couple weeks ago for my daughter.
I have been with my husband for 17 years.. I told him I’m not getting his name on my body. He was upset and annoyed but I said it’s my body, my choice. I love you, but marriage is hard work, we aren’t in a stellar place in our marriage right now and marriages aren’t forever anymore.
He understood. He was annoyed still, but he understood.
Most tattoo artists also call getting a partners name tattoo is a “kiss of death” for that relationship.
NTA.
If this is the hill, you wanna die on your marriage, has more serious problems than this
NTA. Tattoos are permanent, but this marriage sounds like it’s hanging by a thread. If she’s this pressed about ink when y’all are on the verge of divorce, the issue isn’t the tattoo it’s the deeper resentment that’s been building up.
Her logic is wild too. She refuses to get one for you but is mad you won’t get one for her? That’s not devotion, that’s a one-way street. If she’s acting like this over body art, I can’t imagine what other hills she’s willing to die on. You might wanna figure out if you’re staying in this marriage because you love her or just because it’s been 11 years.
I will always say NTA for stuff like this. Never tattoo someone’s name especially not a significant other! (Wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband doesn’t matter never do it)
Wow, this really put it into perspective for me. Thank you for such an incredible response.
You are the only person who has total and full control over what happens to your body. In all things.
NTA.
Why she has only her son tatooed? She regret having tatoo? If Yes your ask is unreasonable, you are nta for not wanting taroo but yta for a way to communicate this.
NTA. I think your line is fair. If she wants you have a tattoo of her name she should have one with your name…
Are all your interactions so transactional?
NTA
But your kids won’t thank you for staying if this is your attitude towards each other. Your wife has expectations of you that she doesn’t have for herself and that no acceptable. Time to move on.
Yeah YTA. You have a bunch (at least 5) tattoos and won’t get one for your wife? I would be pissed too. Doesn’t matter that she won’t get one for you bc she didn’t set the precedent of getting one for literally everyone in your family EXCEPT her.
This would be like a mechanic who does work for free for everyone in his family, except for his wife, who he demand change his oil first. Tattoos are your thing, and you are specifically excluding her.
NTA plus, it’s pretty much seen as bad luck to tattoo a partners name on your body. Maybe you all can get a matching tattoo of something special to you both. Neither of you should get each other’s names.
NTA. If she wants you to get her tattooed on you, she should be more than willing to do the same. The fact that she is putting up such a fight and making this an even bigger issue is the red flag. You clearly told her you would if she also does it. So she is the only one making this an issue.
The tone of this post rubs me the wrong way. I get this niggling feeling that we don’t have the whole story. But that’s just me.
Never put a persons name on your body. It will end in splitsville! Dont do it
My husband has both our kids names on his body too. He says he won’t get mine because he doesn’t want to get divorced. My grandfather died with the names of three different wives on his body. They just crossed it out and tattooed on the next one LOL
NTA
She wants your devotion but isn’t willing to give you hers because, you know, things might happen. She knows this. She knows that this reality makes her the badguy here. It’s why it’s such a huge deal for her.
As a man, I say stand your ground. Keep giving her the same answer each time. If we go together, you get my name and I get your name, I’ll do it.
As a husband, I suggest couples therapy. She has a big issue with this and isn’t willing to do what you ask in order for her to get her way. You two are building resentment and resentment will kill your marriage. Get the two of you into couples therapy.
I’m torn between NTA and ESH. It doesn’t sound like either one of you is really All In in this marriage. If you say that you have wanted to move on from her for years yet you love her so much, those two statements don’t really go together. I’m sure she can feel that distance between you two. Forgot about the tattoos, y’all need to take a look at marriage counseling first. I want to go straight to divorce when y’all haven’t even tried to work anything out. That’s on both of you from the sound of it. Best of luck OP!
ESH
Neither of your are behaving like adults, never mind spouses.
She shouldn’t have reacted with anger. However your general attitude appears incredibly manipulative. Further more threatening divorce in the manner you have is, in my opinion, disgusting.
Obviously we only get the slightest peek into this relationship, but based on that peek…I don’t understand why you two are married when you treat each other like this.
NTA. Why would you tattoo a SO’s name on your body if they wouldn’t do the same for you? As you said, you can’t divorce blood.
ESH she can’t force you to do anything and needs to stop trying.
Equally she has been devoted being a wife and mother to you and your shared children but she is the only one who has to pay a price (getting a tattoo in return) for you have a tattoo to honor her?? Seriously imagine doing everything you can for someone you love, year after year and they constantly honor every other person in there life except YOU. It’s no wonder she’s hurt.
Look, I could get into a whole long answer but at the end of the day, in my opinion, it all boils down to this:
>Part of me has really wanted to move on from her for years
^ Don’t do it, man. Your marriage has an expiration date on it and you know it. Even if she were to agree to getting your name on her, at this point, it would be a case of “Don’t tattoo your future ex-wife’s name on your body” (especially if you don’t want to have that fight with your next wife).
“Staying together for love” rarely works in the long run, and the odds of “staying together for the kids” is even less.
NTA (also, initial reasoning is solid. If you both have name tattoos and she won’t get yours, she has no right to throw a fit because you won’t get hers. Maybe try tell her what tampons she should buy. See how well that goes down. When she blows up, explain that if you don’t dictate what she does with her body, she sure as hell don’t get to dictate what happens with yours). But seriously man, if you knew for sure she would never change, would you still want to be with her? If the answer is “No”, then what makes you seriously believe she is going to change now, after 11 years together? Do with that info what you will.