So I applied for a job at the place where I did my internship, and my performance review during this intership was “excellent”. I have to admit that socially the mood felt off sometimes. The male staff (including my mentor and supervisor) never took breaks together with the female staff, as in: they went to sit at the other side of the table. My country is not conservative so this is certainly not the norm.
Fast-forward to today: I get a phone call from HR to tell me that my interview went perfect, and that she can’t give me any advice on how to improve, but that they decided not to hire me. I asked what made the difference. She answered that they wanted the intern that has been there the longest because he had more experience. I guess she didn’t do her research, because that was me. After mentioning this she was went: “oh uhm yeah, well, the other intern’s personality is very different than yours, so we had to make a choice who fits our work culture best”.
I did notice my mentor being very friendly with the male intern. He is an extroverted guy, but his work is quite bad (he is chaotic). That’s why I assumed I might have had a chance. But despite my hard work I got rejected because of my personality. I hate to admit it but it hurts.
Thank you for reading my rant. I’m going to stuff myself with chocolate now.
Comments
That sucks, but maybe you dodged a bullet . It sounds like they have a “boy’s club” sort of work culture, and they think you didn’t have the “right qualification”.(like a penis)
Honestly you dodged a bullet.
Do you really want to work at a job where your co-workers and your boss see your gender as a negative they wish to avoid?
Or worse, a potential co-worker with benefits?
it seems to me that’s the kind of environment that you would have entered into.
Sometimes missing out is a blessing in disguise.
I hate to admit it, but it’s kind of sickening how often people assume someone else is a better fit just because they’re male… like, what if that guy isn’t even qualified?
It wasn’t your personality, it was theirs. Reframe this because you are internalizing something you shouldn’t here.
They wanted a dude, period. They don’t care who does better work as long as the equipment is a penis.
You dodged a major bullet. I know it doesn’t feel like that now but you did.
This is horrible OP, but at least they didn’t pay lip service to non-discrimination and then hire you into a workplace that would have been hostile to you. It’s their loss and they’re going to suffer for hiring the less-qualified person.
Keep your chin up and be relentless in your continued pursuit of a position with a company that deserves you, given your high quality of work. If you feel that you are truly in need of insights and practice with how to talk to people and be more engaging, then there are numerous professional-leaning self-help books on the topic and I encourage you to dive in anyway to increase your confidence, because the truth is that (sexism aside, which likely played a role here) we do live in a world where being charming and engaging counts in many professions.
Be proud of your work and improve what you think could help you land future positions, and always be professional. Thank them for their time and even ask them for recommendations to other positions if you feel comfortable doing so. It’s not you endorsing their behavior, it’s business – use them for what they can help you with, as they used you for cheap labor as an intern.
Good luck!
On one hand it sounds like the HR rep wasn’t really doing their job if they are telling you incorrect information then backpedaling once confronted about it. It’s not to say the company isn’t sexist in their decision but I would have appreciated it myself in the situation if I were told at the very least something like “you and X were both such good options but with only one slot open we were faced with the tough decision to only pick one of you and…” kind of deal rather than just being told oh you’re great but not for us.
On the other hand it sounds like you put a lot of yourself in and didn’t get the same out, if you keep your hard working attitude you will find a place that is worth your efforts and you will find that, but you can’t force it with a place that would never give it
Take your talents elsewhere! that place sounds like they’re going to (deservedly) fail anyways
If you think you were discriminated against, report to the state DOL.
This wasn’t a place where you wanted to work long term, anyway, but I would certainly post something anonymously on Glassdoor about the corporate culture not accepting female employees.
Companies actually DO watch Glassdoor and worry about their rep there.
I think about this as bro culture— I’m sure there are a lot of other names for it as well (patriarchal bullshit being one of my other favorites). I know it hurts you got passed up but it’s not you.
I work for a restaurant group that is rife with this problem and most days I’m certain I’ll never actually be accepted into it. Our Director of Ops was the GM when I was hired— most of the staff are men and are his friends. And now he’s been promoted, so apparently no one sees any problem with any of this. Most of his friends, my coworkers, are lazy and sloppy workers with negative attitudes, but they’re his friends so here we are. They hang out together at work and if you try to join in they “pretend” like they’re done with what they were talking about or switch into Spanish which I’m not fluent in. They cover for eachother . They go out drinking together after work, They greet eachother with things like “hey brother!” For which there is no female equivalent. But I’m the one with the bad attitude if I point out they’re constantly late/sloppy/not doing their jobs. Like maybe if they weren’t hung over every shift they’d be on time and in a good mood, who knows?! I’ve been there as long as I have because the money is excellent and I really like my regulars, but as soon as the money stops being so consistent I’m out. The culture is toxic. And that’s what you dodged by not being hired into that boys club you interned for.
I got rejected from a promotion after working as a temp in that position for over 5 months. My director told me he found another candidate that he felt would be a better fit. He said it was nothing personal but didn’t get into the specifics, i had to fill in the blanks myself.
That translates to they are going to systematically abuse most employees and they want someone they can convince is just over reacting to the problem.
Uggh and that is gonna be more prevalent now with King Chaos in office. Guys just wanna be jerks and laugh among themselves at work. Hyuk hyuk. Years ago I worked at a law firm and the attys would only take the male paralegal with them on out of state trials. Because it was “easier”. So said dude got some downtime in Hawaii!! Yeah he worked hard but we all did. We made his life a living hell for a bit after he returned.
This is why I’m always telling people that meritocracy is a myth. I’ll bet you anything that your mentor and supervisor sincerely believe that they hire based on merit. But “culture fit” is one of the biggest factors in “merit” to ignorant employers, and that ends up meaning “who do I get along with the best”, which ends up meaning “who is most similar to me”. This is literally why DEI exists.
Ya know, I am not sure how accurate the HR reply is. They were completely incorrect on their first reply to you so it kinda feels like they were just giving a canned response, something to get you ‘off their backs’. Though really what type of HR doesn’t expect a ‘what made the difference question’? So I am not sure I would even take the second answer as correct. I would likely assume the HR person doesn’t actually know the reason and is effectively just guessing.
Though your comment on chaotic work has me muttering(though my brain may be jumping to the wrong chaotic meaning). Sometimes it seems like people prefer the chaotic work over organized work. Two folks who both work in chaotic(lazy) messes will work together better than mix and matching styles it seems. And if the dominate powers that be in an organization are of the chaotic type they’ll favor their chaotic brethren. It is kinda like pantser vs planners when discussing writers. Some workers are pantsers that constantly fly by the seat of their pants. And somehow they make it work. Got a couple folks I am always annoyed to be taking over from because they never have anything planned out or set up for, they just wing it. On the other hand I can get annoyed also because some folks are so in the weeds of minutiae that I am thinking to myself ‘you don’t need to plan each and every breath!’. So I don’t think of the chaotic pantsers as bad workers, but trying to force people who have vast differences in their degree of pantsing can cause a lot of friction.
TLDR; you don’t say if the whole of the workplace is ‘chaotic’ like the male intern but if the reason really was that he fit the work place culture best and that there was no sexism involved, then you may have found that place frustrating due to being a planner in the midst of a bunch of pantsers. Though reframing it as ‘I dodged a bullet’ doesn’t really help as much as one would like since it doesn’t fix the ‘I need a job’ issue. Job Hunting sucks, so I wish luck there.
I’m no career coach but maybe next time just decline the interview and send a polite email thanking them for considering you, this way you avoid walking into a toxic environment. And honestly, do you really want to work someplace where your worth is based on how well you fit in with the guys?
I was once told flat out at job that I did excellent work and went above and beyond. But my contract was ending and the only thing that could help me getting hired after it was if I became an indian….
This was at a very big tech company. I won’t name names.
Hey, dunno about your country but here, getting rejected because of gender is illegal.
Even though you may not actually want to work there you may consider legal action. Could be some money in it for you and these assholes may be forced to somewhat change.