TLDR: I had a flirty, confusing relationship with my former supervisor. A year ago, I cut them off because I needed to figure out my career and this was causing problems. I’m now in a better place and trying to reconnect. Is this totally fucked?
I (30F) just finished a grad program. Two years ago, I did an internship for the program where Cat (37NB) was my supervisor. I loved the internship and planned to apply for a job there after finishing school. However, my relationship with Cat started to feel really flirty, on both sides.
I felt really confused and stressed out. I really liked Cat and I was very much attracted to them. But it was affecting my internship and I didn’t like that. At the same time, I couldn’t figure out if anything was even happening because it was just a vibe.
After my internship ended, we kept in touch. The same thing continued. It seemed like we both went back and forth on whether this was mentorship, friendship, or dating. Again, nothing happened.
The worst was this: I did another internship in the same topic area, wanting a re-do without the weirdness with Cat. But…Cat started volunteering there. They didn’t talk to me about it ahead of time. They just…showed up. This wasn’t totally unexpected, it made sense for Cat in a lot of ways.
But during Cat’s volunteer shifts, they were super focused on me. They’d always come and find me to chat, which wasn’t part of their volunteering. They weren’t even really supposed to be in that part of the building. They were being kinda intense about it. I started to get comments from other people. Once, my boss called Cat out on it, and they said “You’re lucky to have her!” (tone: pissy).
This was really stressing me out. It felt like Cat really wanted to fuck me. And, not gonna lie, I really wanted that too. But I didn’t like how Cat was going about it and I didn’t want that crossing over with starting my career. But then part of me still thought that everything was fine and normal and I shouldn’t even worry about it.
Eventually, I told Cat that I didn’t want to see them anymore because I thought we had problems with boundaries, and I needed to focus on finding a job and finishing school. Cat said they support me taking whatever space I need, and they’re here for me if I want to reach out in the future. I asked if they want to talk more, and they said they’re okay.
So that was last summer. I didn’t apply at Cat’s workplace. I did get an email inviting me to apply with a strong tinge of desperation, which I’m pretty sure was from Cat. I got a job at another organization that does similar work, which I’m happy about. I finished school. I made some new friends and tried dating, which went well but hasn’t turned into anything.
About two months ago, I started thinking about Cat again. I was thinking about how much I liked them, and I wished we could catch up. I wondered if our relationship could be in a healthier place now, either as friends or romantically. I’d said my concerns, I figured out my job stuff, we’re definitely not working together, and a lot of time has passed. I wasn’t sure if Cat was down but I figured I could find out.
I reached out and asked Cat if they’d want to catch up. They said yes, and we got coffee. It was awkward. But I thought it was nice. I couldn’t tell if Cat felt good about it or not. They were reserved…which makes sense. At the end, they asked if it’s OK if they reach out after my graduation, and I said yes. They started talking about a possible and place to meet up next time. My graduation came and went and they haven’t reached out (yet?).
I’m wondering: Is this totally fucked? Is it a bad idea for me to be talking to Cat at all? If Cat hits me up, how should I navigate it? I’m very open to hearing about my mistakes too.